"I don't think I have ever been more tired," I complained as I flopped onto Beau's bed. 

All around us, stacks of boxes loomed in corners. Wadded paper towels littered the floor and the clashing smells of different cleansers hung in the air. Beau hadn't figured out all of the light switches, so his north facing bedroom was succumbing to the gloom. I closed my eyes and listened to the unfamiliar creaks and clangs of the house settling. I hadn't noticed them my first night here. My attention had been... elsewhere. But tonight I knew there was no chance in hell of us succumbing to the same kinds of distraction. For one thing, I was exhausted. For another, I was sweaty and in need of a shower. The shower would have been a priority a week ago, but I was becoming very comfortable with Beau, and that meant I was more concerned with closing my eyes than with how I smelled.   

The house was quiet. Finn was down by the pond with a beer, watching the sunset. Yesterday was the solstice and red still clung to the clouds even though it was close to ten pm. "It's still light out and you're ready for bed?" Beau teased as he flopped down next to me. 

My head was buzzing with the day and being in the middle of Beau's wild family. I hadn't laughed like that in years, and Mrs. King had thanked me profusely for helping and made me feel like I was part of the family. 

It had all been so nice that I was able to push the hurt of Beau's question way back down inside. It was innocent, after all. Just one of those random things. I was pretty sure he wasn't serious. Chosen men got married almost as young as Chosen women, but out here in the secular world, I rarely saw men his age actually want children. Especially not men his age who were talking to their old label about restarting their rock and roll career. 

No, it had been a fluke, so I ignored the raw ache inside of me that his question had re-opened and lifted my chin at him. "Today wore me out," I told him. 

He raised an eyebrow. "I'd like to wear you out too."

 His eyes darkened for a moment, and then he was overcome with a cheek-splitting yawn that made me burst out laughing. "Ha! You're tired too."

"This is pathetic," he grumbled, rolling onto his back and yawning again. "I'm getting old."

I leaned up on my elbow. "Yes, you are." I poked him in the chest with my finger. He snatched it up and brought it to his lips. I gasped when he kissed and then bit at it. "Hey!" I protested. "How would you like it if I bit you like that?" I bent over and nipped him in the neck. 

He groaned. "I'd like it very much," he confessed, turning to catch my lips with his. At the touch of his lips, I felt sparks in my bloodstream and my thudding heart sped faster as he rolled over, crushing me beneath his weight.

We moved slowly, and languidly, stripping each other out of our clothes and kissing the salt-kissed skin underneath. He used his fingers and lips to bring me to a lazy orgasm, and then unrolled the condom along his length. 

And then swore. "Shit."

"What's wrong?" I blinked up at him, feeling like my head was stuffed with clouds. My body was still singing with what he'd done to me, but my grin faded when I saw his expression as he looked down. 

"This is my last one too," he grumbled and pointed. 

There was a tiny tear at the tip. I held my breath, not entirely sure what this meant, but Beau cleared it up for me immediately. "Shit, we need a back-up, angel. I know you're not on the pill or anything right?"

My blood turned to ice. "No."

Beau shook his head, glowering at the torn condom as he ripped it free. He hurled it to the trashcan and then took a deep, steadying breath. "Would you mind going on it? I'd totally pay for it, I know it's expensive." He turned with a pleading look on his face. "I hate asking you to take it all on yourself, but we don't want you getting pregnant before we're ready, you know?"

My heart thudded sickeningly in my chest. One beat. Two beats. The tears were stinging my eyes, but if I just concentrated on my heartbeat, I could keep them from falling.

"Rach?" Beau sat down next to me and put his arm around me, pulling me close. "Angel, I know. It sucks. I know that's not how you were brought up, I just don't know any other way."

He was being kind. If he had been callous or dismissive, I might have had a prayer of keeping myself together. But the gentle hum of his concern sent me over the edge. The first tear splashed down onto his bare leg. He looked at it and then back up at me, then let out a shocked gasp. "Baby, why are you crying?"

I clenched my fists and pressed my lips together, but I couldn't hold it back anymore. I looked at Beau and knew I needed to tell him the truth. 

"I don't need to go on the pill."

He narrowed his eyes, still not understanding. "I'll definitely keep wearing condoms, of course. But I don't want another scare like that—"

"It won't be a problem," I said dully. 

He stared at me. 

"Beau. I had a complete hysterectomy three years ago. It saved my life." I swallowed past the lump in my throat. Looking at him was too hard, so I looked down. "But I'll never be able to have kids."