Chapter 5: Kat

I found a small rural town to settle in the next state over from where I was raised, at least a nine-hour drive from home. I felt safe there, practically in the middle of nowhere. I was paying week-by-week for a small motel room that smelled like cigarette smoke and dust. It was comfortable, though I had been used to a certain opulence all my life. I found that I enjoyed living on my own without maids or my father’s lectures. Independence felt good to me, and I relished each moment I had to myself. At the same time, I was lonely, but I hoped that in good time I could make friends. I began to think that I could settle down permanently in the little town I’d found at the end of the bus stop. It wasn’t much, but it was mine.

I still dreamt of Gray, only now it wasn’t the skinny boy I’d fallen in love with, but the man who had kissed me so sweetly before I ran away from him. In the dreams, I kissed the scar on his cheek, kissed his lips and memorized every tattoo, every line of his body. Part of me, a small part, regretted running away from him. I knew it was silly, but seeing him, looking into his eyes, had awoken a passion in me that I thought had been killed years ago. Still, I knew he was dangerous, knew that I had done what was best for me in the long run. I was safe now, and that was what was most important.

I’d gotten a job waitressing at a small diner within walking distance of the motel. It wasn’t much, but it paid enough to keep me fed and I still had my savings besides. Mostly, I’d taken it as an excuse to leave the room in which I was staying. The customers were mostly friendly and generous and my boss was a kind old woman who had hired me despite the fact that I had no real work experience.

One evening I was working and the door opened. I look to see who it was in the doorway, started to greet them before I saw that it was Gray. He eyed me and took a seat at a booth near the door. He was dressed cleanly in nice pants and a crisp white button-down shirt, rolled up to his elbows so that only the tattoos on his forearms were visible. My heart leapt at the sight of him at the same time as my stomach roiled in panic. I’d had a feeling that they would find me but I had no idea that it would be so soon. I plastered a smile on my face as I approached his table, not wanting the other customers to see my distress. I prayed that he wouldn’t cause a scene but I had no idea what to expect.

“Good evening,” I said in a slightly choked voice. He looked up at me and studied my face with a certain heat in his eyes that affected my body in the most distracting of ways, then a polite smile crossed his face.

“Evening, ma’am,” he said, closing his menu and laying it down on the table in front of him. I relaxed then, getting the message that at least he was going to pretend that he didn’t know me. He wasn’t going to cause a scene. Relieved, I played along.

“What can I get for you?”

He ordered, holding my eye. I bit my lip while he watched me, surprised at my body’s reaction to seeing him. I could convince myself that it was the lingering menu of the intimate dreams I’d been having about him but the truth was that the chemistry between us was as palpable and powerful as it had always been.

I brought him his food a few minutes later and he ate in silence while reading the local newspaper of the day. When he was finished, he left cash on the table along with a very generous tip and shot me one last look over his shoulder before leaving. My mind was in turmoil when he left. All at once I was relieved that he hadn’t caused a scene, I was also slightly bereft to see him go. It seemed that he was just checking up on me, maybe just to let my father know that I was alive and well.

I thought about him for the rest of my shift, my mind a jumble of desire and satisfaction, sadness, and relief. I took off my apron and left it in the cabinet before cashing out my tips and leaving for the night. As I began to walk home, somebody took me gently by the arm and pulled me into a dimly lit back alley about a block from the motel. Before I could scream and call out for help, I looked at my abductor to see that it was Gray. He gently pushed my back against the wall and stared at me with those beautiful eyes. I was incapable of speaking; he was so close and he smelled like aftershave and I couldn’t stop looking at his mouth, at those sensual lips. He took my hands and laced our fingers, then pinned them against the wall as he leaned in to kiss me. My lips parted immediately for his tongue and he tasted mine in soft strokes. My mouth responded to his and I was tasting him back with more passion that I thought I had left in me. My body was aching with desire, hungry for him, and when he pressed his hips against mine I felt the hard ridge of his erection pressed against my belly. He broke the kiss just as I began to melt against him, putting his lips to my ear.

“Why did you leave?” he asked. “Why did you leave me?”

I pulled away from him, my breathing still heavy, heart still racing.

“I can’t be with a man like you,” I told him, almost regretfully. “I know what you’ve done, the people you’ve hurt. I know how you treat your women.”

He looked down at his hands, sorrow passing over his face.

“I have never hurt a woman,” he said, and his voice was soft and so earnest that I had to believe it was true. “You know me, Kat. Know me better than anyone. It breaks my heart to hear you say that.”

“I don’t know you. Not anymore.”

“So give me a chance,” he said. “One week. I love you. I have always loved you.”

But I wasn’t convinced. He had left me. He was a violent, dangerous man. He wasn’t the man I had so desperately loved before. Gone was the sweet young man who’d brought me freshly-picked flowers every time he saw me, who’d stolen my heart and then destroyed it irreparably. My father may have thought this marriage was a good idea, but I knew better. I refused to let him hurt me again. So I shook my head, turning my face away and blinking back tears.

He put his hand to my cheek and turned my face to his, kissed me softly on the mouth.

“I’m begging you,” he said in a low, sad voice. “Please. One week. I’ll prove to you that I’m worth it. I want you so bad, Kat—just give me time to prove it.”

I was surprised to hear such a large, tough man beg for anything. I wanted more than anything to have him back, to see him again as I saw him before, but I was afraid of being hurt. I stared into his eyes and emotion overcame logic. I nodded and a look of pure relief spread across his face.

“But if it doesn’t work, you have to promise to leave me alone. Okay?”

He nodded, kissing my forehead. Then he smiled and I felt my heart fill with hope.