14.
Eddie
Her arse grinds into me and I love the way her soft butt cheeks cushion my hard cock. I rub myself between her cheeks, delighting in the friction, but it’s not enough. She’s panting and little moans escape her beautiful full mouth as I push into the wet hot folds of her pussy. She grips me tightly, hugging me, squeezing me for everything I’m worth. And I want to give it to her. I want to give her everything.
I lick her back, her shoulder, her neck. She’s salty and sweet and so fucking delicious. She shimmies and squirms beneath my mouth giggling. I thrust into her, hard and she gasps. Her dark hair brushes against my face as she throws her head back. I pound into her. In and out, thrusting harder and harder as she breathlessly eggs me on. “Eddie, oh! Oh! Eddie! Yes! Fuck yes!”
My hand grips her hip as I keep driving into her. With one arm she reaches back and hooks herself around my neck, her lips desperately searching for mine. I clutch at her stomach then her breasts, holding her against me, my sweat combining with hers, our scents and bodies intertwining so perfectly. She is glorious, so fucking glorious.
Her breasts are so soft and heavy and firm and bloody wonderful in my hand, bouncing as I plunge into her, propelling her higher and higher. When her orgasm hits she cries out, tightening around me. I love that I am giving this to her. And I love that she wants it from me. I love that she wants me.
“Lucy!” Her name escapes me as a groan of complete elation. Pure pleasure floods through me and I close my eyes, trying to hold on to this moment, this sensation, this perfection, for as long as is humanly possible.
Eventually, I open my eyes, sightlessly staring at the plain white tile in front of me. My hand leaves the wall it’s resting against to turn on the shower. The spray starts cold, which suits my mood as I wipe cum first off my hand and then from the side of the shower.
Emptiness hits me. I feel despondent and alone in a way I hadn’t until this week. Before this week, having a quick wank was part of life, nothing to dwell over. Jerking off in the shower is as natural as blowing your nose. Now it leaves me feeling cold, missing something that wasn’t mine to start with.
It’s ridiculous. I feel consumed by a need for someone who I haven’t spoken to in five days. A desire for someone who walked away from me. No. Crept away from me. Snuck away from me in the dead of night.
When did I become such a drama queen?
The pain in my chest returns but I try to ignore it, cleaning myself off quickly. I just need to get on with it. I need to get through tonight. Everything will be fine if I can just do that.
Today is the third Thursday of the month, so it’s games night. Stephen, Travis, Lucy and I have a standing arrangement to get together once a month to play board games. Sometimes Katy comes along as well, but I prefer it when she doesn’t. She’s not as competitive as the rest of us, and that can make it a bit awkward. But playing with the other three is a really good laugh. We take it in turns to host and this time it’s Lucy’s turn.
One of the joys of working at Gilbert’s is the hours. I started at 7.30am this morning, setting everything up for a new display of Young Adult literature that came in yesterday, so I finished early. It’s given me time to get home and have a shower before heading over to Lucy’s. I needed that. I needed time to get my head in to gear for this evening. Yes, to have a wank, release some of that pent up tension that’s been thrumming through my body, but also prepare myself for tonight.
Usually I love games night. It’s always fun, I like winning and there’s always good food and good banter. But I’m not looking forward to tonight. I haven’t spoken to Lucy since Saturday night and I am a bit nervous about seeing her again. No, that’s not true. I am simultaneously ‘jumping for joy’ excited and ‘shit your pants’ scared about seeing her again.
What if she is clingy and needy and wants a relationship with me? I can’t have a relationship with her. I wasn’t built for relationships. It isn’t in me to put myself so much in the hands of someone else. I’m too much of a coward for that. Nor can I look after someone else. A true sign that my cowardice runs to my core, because nothing scares me more than the idea of someone else relying on me. I’m causal, a mate, a friend you go to for a laugh. I’m not someone anyone has ever relied on. So it leaves me no option. But if I can’t breakup with a woman I barely know face to face, what am I supposed to say to Lucy?
What if she wants to be friends with benefits? I could understand her wanting to have sex again; it was unbelievable. I want to have sex with her again. My cock aches for the touch of her fingers, the soft hold of her lips. But I couldn’t sleep with her. It would be terrible for our friendship. However tidy ‘friends with benefits’ sounds, it always ends up messy. Someone would get hurt.
Oh god! What if she cries and tells me she wants me? What am I supposed to do then?
Or would it actually be worse if she doesn’t?
Because despite everything and the never ending stream of shit running round and round inside my head like a toilet that won’t fucking flush, what scares me most is the idea that our night together doesn’t mean as much to her as it has come to mean to me. For the past five days it has been the center of my universe.
I’ve spent every night dreaming about her and every thought of her distracts my waking hours. She has well and truly wormed her way under my skin. So no matter how logically I know that sleeping with her would be a terrible idea, my body seems determined to torment me with it.
I want her so much. I want to bury myself deep inside her and make her come over and over and over and over again until the only word she knows is my name. And then I want to make her laugh. She made sex fun in a way I haven’t experienced it before. The enjoyment came from more than chasing orgasms and that has thrown me.
I want to see that sparkle in her eyes as she grabs me and pulls me close and kisses me. I want to feel her lips wrapped around my cock as she hums and moans in her excitement. I want to taste and smell her arousal, and hear the little moans she makes, touch the silky wet entrance and watch her come again. I want everything she has to give and even then I’m not sure it would be enough. And that scares me stupid. She’s made a niche for herself that only she can fill. No one else will do.
It takes me longer than usual to dress and leave the house. I don’t normally put this much thought in to my wardrobe, but somehow it all has an added importance tonight. It’s not a long walk from mine to Lucy’s and I go via the Co-op to pick up drinks and nibbles. By the time I arrive, Travis and Stephen are already there. Travis answers the door and I follow him in to find Stephen and Lucy laying out Settlers of Catan on the sitting room table.
“Alright guys?” I greet them, dumping the bag of goodies down next to the table.
“Hey, Eddie.” Lucy doesn’t look up, sorting through the commodity cards in her hands. And all I want her to do is look up at me with those big brown eyes and smile at me and let me know that everything is going to be alright, because I need that. I need to know that everything is going to be OK.
She looks beautiful, her long jean clad legs tucked up beneath that gorgeous arse of hers. Her messy bun more askew than usual and her slender pale fingers brush over the top of her head, pushing the stray strands away from her face. God I want to touch her.
“Edster!” Stephen is grinning at me. “Ready to have your butt thoroughly kicked?”
I laugh, “In your dreams! When was the last time you won Catan?” Sitting down next to him so that I am facing Lucy, I will her to look at me.
Travis sits down on the other side of me as Stephen says, “I never said I’d beat you.” He looks over at Lucy and winks at her. I don’t like the way she looks up at him from under her lashes, or the smile she throws his way.
For a brief moment I hate Stephen and that feeling really knocks me for six. It’s almost like… like jealousy. But it can’t be. I’m not a jealous person. I’m not possessive; I’m just not.
When Annie got together with Scott, it didn’t bother me at all. I was happy for her. And we’d been hooking up on a semi-regular basis. Yes, it was casual and we both knew that, but I didn’t feel any animosity towards Scott at all. I was happy for them both, it was a good match.
But with Lucy it’s different. Something about watching her smile at another guy makes me want to roar and throw things. I am not that person.
The night goes downhill from there. I lose Catan by the largest margin since I started playing. It’s normally one of my strongest games; I have tactics I stick to that work. It’s all about knights and commodities. But tonight none of it works and I crash and burn.
It feels as though Stephen is playing silly buggers, the dice seem to hate me and no one is willing to trade with me at a reasonable rate. Or they could all be excuses for a truly shit performance on my part. How much is down to my inability to concentrate and how much is because Stephen appears to be teaming up with Lucy is debatable. Obviously the latter only enhances the former and leaves me grinding my teeth by the end of it.
Lucy appears oblivious to my torment. She’s laughing and joking the way that she always does on games nights, teasing everyone else when she builds the longest road and creating sculptures out of her pieces while she waits for her turn. I don’t know whether I’m being paranoid, but it feels as though she barely looks at me. Maybe it’s just that I want all of her attention, and don’t like feeling as though it’s divided between the three of us. Especially as this evening she seems to be favouring someone other than me.
“You feeling OK, Ed?” Travis asks quietly as we pack up the board. Stephen is in the kitchen helping Luce dish up the curry she’s made. Fucking Stephen.
I force a grin onto my face. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “You seem off.” I don’t respond, but keep putting settlements and cities back into their bags. When the table is almost clear he asks, “Is it something at work?”
“What?”
“That’s thrown you off your game. Is everything alright at Gilbert’s?”
I open my mouth to answer when Stephen walks through the door carrying a tray of bowls piled high with rice and prawn curry.
I love Lucy’s cooking. Always have. It’s one of my favourite things about games night at her house. When Travis or Stephen or I host, we tend to get take out, or something that can be thrown in the oven. But Lucy goes all out, cooking large saucepans full of sweet smelling curries or salty risottos. Everything she cooks feels like comfort food, because it is full of her enjoyment of cooking. Whether the dish is fancy or plain, once Lucy’s finished with it, it comes out hearty and satisfying.
“What’s wrong with Gilbert’s?” Stephen asks, mishearing the conversation.
Lucy follows him into the sitting room with cutlery and drinks. When she hears Gilbert’s her eyes jump to mine, an anxious concern filling them. “Is Ieuan alright?”
“Everything’s fine,” I say calmly to the room at large, even if my eyes don’t leave Lucy’s. “Ieuan’s fine. Working too hard as usual, but fine. Gilbert’s is doing really well. The literature festival has started and tickets are selling well for all of our events. We actually have one tomorrow night that’s sold out. It’s all good.”
Her relief is palpable, and we exchange a smile that has my heart skipping until she sits down a little too close to Stephen. I don’t stay much longer. I’m not really hungry and can’t bear to watch them flirting, joking.
I don’t know what’s come over me and I’m not sure I like it but there doesn’t seem to be a thing I can do about it. I don’t know how to stop myself feeling like this, so it’s better that I leave before I start behaving like an arse.