I was not in the mood today to deal with any extra crap. I had gotten some weird texts from Marco in the middle of the night. He was angry about something. The texts were filled with so many typos I could barely decipher them.

It made me assume he was either drunk or high, maybe some combination of the two. I wasn’t sure what he was doing these days. I assumed he was living at a friend’s place. I waited for him to reach out to talk to me. He never did. Marco only talked to me when he wanted something or wanted to let off some steam.

It was killing me.

So when I woke up that morning, I was already on edge. My mom was lying on the couch watching her daytime shows. The fact she wasn’t yelling was a plus, for sure. But I couldn’t decide which was better. The angry, but still full of energy mom or the quiet, I’ve given up on life version. Neither one was my mom, just the worst parts of her in the most extreme form.

I went to brew some coffee, only to find the can empty. I opened the fridge, it was sparse, as well. When I went to start up the car, it was on E.

Damn it all to hell.

I didn’t think I should use my last five dollars to put gas in the tank, considering it was a Wednesday and I wouldn’t get my big payout until Friday. So I got out and made my way down the street.

It was a three mile walk from my house, and I could get to work in less than an hour. And while there were very few trees on the way, it was September, and the weather had been getting cooler. It meant if I took my time, I would show up to work relatively sweat and odor free. That would change once I hit the kitchen. But there was something about walking in the door feeling decent.

As I passed by Katie’s house, I couldn’t help but look over. I wasn’t sure what Tyler and his friends said to her the other night, but I knew it was along the lines of the normal crap they pulled. I also knew Katie had walked over to the table happy to see Tyler, but after whatever happened, she had gone straight to talk to Mike. I hadn’t seen her since.

I wanted to talk to her. I couldn’t explain it, but the more time had passed from that night, the more I actually wanted to let her in.

My phone buzzed from my pocket and I pulled it out.

“What do you want, Marco?”

“Oh, little brother, is that anyway to greet me?” I kept the phone near my ear, but didn’t speak. I waited for him to say what he called to say. He was impatient and I knew he would break the silence first. It took a matter of seconds. “Fine, what are you doing right now?” he asked.

“I’m walking to work.”

“Don’t you have a car?”

“Yeah, but here’s the thing, I’m the only one in the family bringing in any money. Working as a cook doesn’t exactly have me rolling in cash.”

“What if I had a way to make some easy money, Julian?”

This was beyond the realm of our usual interaction. He used me to vent his frustration. He didn’t try to help me out.

I didn’t answer right away. I knew whatever he was about to suggest would be bad news. Marco was a quick fix type of guy and had been getting deeper and deeper into trouble, if the frequency of our fights was any indication.

There was a catch.

But I was walking to work, fighting for the bare minimum. At this rate, I’d never get my head above water. I didn’t want to be the guy everyone thought I was. I didn’t want to get caught up in his crap. Against my better judgement, I took the bait. “How?”

“Meet me tonight at Blake’s. I’ll text you the address.”

“I don’t have a car, dumbass. If you need me, come pick me up. I get off around nine.”

A sigh from the other end and then he answered, “Fine. I’ll see you after work. But I hope you’re going to go through with it.” Whatever it was. “I’m sticking my neck out here.” Somehow I doubted he would stick his neck out for anyone.

“Yeah. I’ll see you then,” I replied anyway and hung up.

Work was exceptionally slow. No sign of Katie or Gwen in the dining area. Instead, it was a lady named Tabitha waiting tables. Like Frank, Tabitha was a permanent fixture around The Farmhouse. She was the stereotypical diner waitress. Gwen and I had shared a few laughs over how over the top she was with curly red hair piled high atop her head and her deep voice that was obviously the result of years of heavy smoking. She was older, probably in her fifties and had the tendency to call everyone honey or darlin’.

What’ll be, honey? Can I get you another coffee, darlin’?

On good nights, Gwen might bring me my cash out and call me honey with a deep southern accent. I didn’t think Tabitha was even from the South. I’m pretty sure she was a River Valley lifer, like my family. Like me.

Not that I wanted to be. River Valley was a great small town. I just wanted more. Before everything went to hell, I had planned to go to school to be a doctor, maybe a surgeon. Anything to get me far away from here. I wanted to travel and see what was beyond these mountains.

I had wanted something better.

These days, I was watching my dreams slip further and further away from me. Maybe that’s why I had agreed to go with Marco, even though I knew it was a bad idea. I just wanted to see what it was like on the other side after being here for so long.

Turns out, I didn’t want it bad enough. I may have had the reputation for being the bad boy. But deep down I knew if I went down that road there’d be no recovering.

So when the guys had told me their plan to start making meth or some shit, and that they wanted me to get in on it, I told them no. Marco was pissed. He had cussed me out and told me I was a disappointment, that he didn’t have a brother anymore.

The words stung about as much as the strikes to my face.

Marco hadn’t been the one to attack me. No, he had let Blake do the dirty work. He hadn’t stopped it and he didn’t have a problem with me walking home, which now instead of the three miles I was used to, was a nice five miles. I debated whether or not to call Gwen to drive me home. I knew she would, but I didn’t want to have to explain what had happened. She took it personally every time I showed up to work with a fresh bruise. I just walked as quickly as I could and hoped my mom was asleep when I got home.

After the long walk in the dark, I wasn’t prepared to see a figure in the shadows that surrounded my house. The sight stopped me in my tracks.

I was a little jumpy after what had happened earlier, but after taking a steadying breath, I looked closer. It was Katie sneaking into my back yard. Her back was turned toward me which allowed me to remain unseen. A glance down at my phone told me was after eleven. What the hell was she doing? I followed her, taking care not to make any sound.

I watched as she walked quietly toward the trampoline in the backyard. The thing was old and the fabric part of it was faded and separated from a few of the springs. Marco and I were too old to be jumping on it anymore, but for some reason it had remained in our backyard all these years. Katie looked around the yard, not seeing me leaning up against the corner of the house behind the bushes. After making sure the coast was clear, she did the weirdest thing. Katie hopped up onto the trampoline and sat down, wrapping her arms around her legs.

The weather had been getting cooler at night and I couldn’t help but notice she was wearing a tank top and shorts that looked an awful lot like pajamas. I was wearing a light hoodie, but even I could feel the sting of the cool air. What must a girl from Florida be feeling, wearing practically nothing?

I didn't want to care. I hated the way my thoughts went to protecting Katie. Ignoring her would be so much easier.

I ran upstairs to my room as quickly as possible without waking my mom or turning any lights on and came back down with the comforter off my bed. As I approached her on the trampoline, I could see Katie was shivering. She was cold but she stayed looking up at the stars. I debated on what to say when she let out the most pathetic laugh I’d ever heard.

“What’s so funny?” I asked before I could stop myself.

She jumped up and let of a shout of alarm before her eyes finally found me in the darkness. I watched as they narrowed in my direction. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

Now it was my turn to let out a strangled laugh. “What am I doing here? Last time I checked, it was my backyard. I have every right to be here. You, on the other hand.” I instantly regretted saying those words, knowing I was provoking her for no good reason.

“Right,” she replied in a small voice and started to move toward the edge of the trampoline to get off.

“Katie, stop,” I said and her body stilled. “Don’t leave. Just put this over you, okay? It’s cold out here and you’re barely wearing anything.” She looked down at herself as if she hadn’t even realized she was practically naked.

“I guess not.” She replied, her voice still soft.

“Here.” I handed her the blanket and watched as she wrapped herself up like a caterpillar in a cocoon. She laid back and stared up at the sky. I hopped up and laid down next to her. Putting my hands beneath my head, I stared up into sky with her. “What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night.”

“I needed to think,” she said, as if that explained everything.

“Okay. But why are you doing it out here in the dark?”

“I know this is going to sound crazy, but I feel safe here. It’s like being home.”

“A home you haven’t been to in years?”

“Yeah.” She didn’t explain any further.

We sat in companionable silence for a while. I tried to decipher what she meant. How could this place feel like home to her? I lived here. I had lived here my entire life, and yet it was feeling less and less like home every day. I was suffocating when I was in the house, and I didn’t feel welcome in town for the most part. I was itching to get out of here, and yet Katie thought my house felt like home. I wanted to know what she was thinking.

“Julian?” She spoke before I had the chance to ask her.

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember jumping out here all the time?”

“Yeah.”

“We were best friends.”

“We were.”

She rolled over to her side with her hand propped up, and rested her head on it. I kept my head against the trampoline, but turned my head to see her better. It was dark, but not enough to mask the unmistakable shine in her eyes. She was about to cry. “Do you ever…” she stopped speaking and took a shaky breath before trying again. “Do you ever wish you could go back? Do you ever wish things were still as simple as they were when we were younger?”

It was like she could read my mind. “All the freaking time.” I rolled to see her better and propped my own head in my hand, mirroring her pose before remembering the fresh cut on my cheek. I cussed under my breath, but the silence of the night broadcast it clearly.

“Julian, are you okay? What happened?” She sat up and leaned closer to me. Her eyes widened as she saw my face better. “Holy crap, Julian. Your face!”

“It’s fine.”

“What happened?” she asked again.

“It’s fine,” I said with more force than I intended and rolled onto my back again, making an effort to turn my face from her.

I listened as she took a few quick breaths. The kind you take before you say something. But each time she just slowly let her breath out and never said what was on her mind. We went back to our silence, but it felt uncomfortable now. Typically, I could sit in silence with no problem. Even awkward ones like this, but something had me on edge. “I didn’t see you at work tonight.”

“I’m taking some time off.” I glanced over to see she was pressing her lips together and her brows were drawn.

“Okay.” I wanted to know why, if everything was ok with her. But how could I ask when I had been so quick to close myself off?

“Julian?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did Tyler say those awful things about you? And why did the other guys let him?”

“I don’t know, Katie.”

“Gwen says she knows something happened and that you’re not this guy they were saying you were but, I just don’t understand.” She was talking to Gwen about me? I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “And Julian, this is going to sound so crazy. Like, I can’t even believe I’m saying it. But I miss you. I think I need you to be my friend right now. And...”

She broke off in a violent sob. Not the delicate kind you expect when a girl cries. Not anything like the shaky breath from earlier. No, these cries rocked her entire body and she was making these awful heaving noises when she would go to take a breath.

Even though I had my own crap going on and I barely knew the girl curled up in my blanket crying in my back yard, I wanted to comfort her. So I did. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, ignoring the pain in my face when she bumped my cheek. I ran my hand through her hair as she curled closer to me and her cries slowly became softer and her breathing steadier. Her body slowly relaxed into mine. And while I wasn’t sure where they came from, maybe some deep part of me that refused to be broken by my current circumstances, I whispered tender words into her ear telling her I was here. I reassured her I would always be here and I hadn’t gone anywhere.

We sat there for who knows how long before her body stiffened again and she sat back up. “I gotta go,” she blurted while refusing to make eye contact with me. She fumbled with the blanket for a few seconds before finding her way out. I heard her mutter something under her breath before jumping down and walking away.

She didn’t look back as she left.

I immediately missed her, though I couldn’t explain why. Was it that I was just acknowledging I had missed my friend all these years? Or maybe I just longed for the human connection I had been starved for these past few months. Whatever it was, I wanted her back, but knew I wouldn’t go chasing after her.

I grabbed my blanket and went back inside.