“Thanks for coming to get me,” I said to my dad, as he walked up to me. He met me just on the other side of the security checkpoint.

I was back at the Boise airport ready to try again. My dad had welcomed me back with proverbial open arms when I asked if it would be okay to come home. No hesitation, just questions of what he could do to make me come sooner.

I had spent the last few weeks getting my act together back in Florida and was ready to face my friends again. Assuming they were still my friends.

It hadn’t taken me that long to sell my car in Florida and tie up the loose ends with different bank accounts and trusts. But Thanksgiving had been so close and I was heading to Idaho for the long-haul this time. I had wanted to spend the day with my grandparents.

It had been a really great day. My aunt, uncle and cousins came for dinner. We spent the time reminiscing about our time with my mom. By the time we actually started the meal, we were a soggy mess of tears. But it had also felt good to share memories with one another. I realized I didn’t have to pretend it wasn’t hard or act like she never existed. I also didn’t have to spend my days lying in bed only dwelling on how hard it was.

There was a middle ground that allowed me to grieve but also to be strong enough to keep going. The time back in Florida reminded me of that.

But it also solidified the fact that I was ready for a change in scenery, and I wanted that change to be in Idaho. I wanted to repair my relationship with my dad. He had made some poor choices, but I was also beginning to realize I hadn’t given him the opportunity to make up for them. I wanted to forgive him.

I also went back knowing I had been the one to break important relationships and I would need to do some major groveling. I could only hope Julian and Gwen would listen better than I had.

My grandma had been amazing in encouraging me in that regard. I was terrified to face the friends I had disappointed. I told her all about Julian and my feelings for him. I realized I had messed up and my grandma was determined to help me. There were several nights we sat together in her craft room, while she worked on this or that, and brainstormed ways to make it up to him. I hoped I wasn’t too late.

“I missed you, kiddo,” my dad said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. He simultaneously pulled me into a sideways hug and out of my thoughts. I didn’t fight it. Instead, I turned and gave him a full-blown hug. I didn’t care we were in the middle of the airport. I didn’t care there were still a lot of things that needed to be said between us. I just let him hold me and took the comfort my dad was willing to give.

“I missed you too,” I said, finally stepping back.

“Let’s go get your bag and go home.” Hearing him refer to his house as my home still felt weird, but it was much truer this time than the last time we played out this scene.

After driving back to the house and getting settled back in my room, I found my dad at his usual spot at the dining room table, typing away on his laptop.

“Dad?”

He closed the screen of the computer and pushed it aside on the table, giving me his full attention. If nothing else, I appreciated the fact he didn’t try to talk to me with his eyes on a screen, only half paying attention to what I had to say. It was a good start. “What’s up, Katie?” he asked, looking at me as I sat down beside him.

“I know I just got back and things are weird, but I need to know. Why didn’t you try to stay in touch with me when I moved to Florida?”

“Straight to the point. I suppose I deserve it.” He ran one hand over his face before answering. “Would you believe it was because it was too painful?”

“No. That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I guess it wouldn’t.” He smiled sadly. “I was very much in love with your mother, Katie. She was the love of my life.”

“What?” My mom had never spoken of the reasons for my parents’ divorce. Whenever I would ask, she would change the subject and ask me to not bring it up again. I had always assumed it was because my parents fell out of love. This was news to me.

“I begged her to stay, but she wouldn’t have it.”

“What?” I said again, apparently forgetting every other word in my vocabulary.

“Oh, don’t misunderstand,” he said quickly, the confusion must have been clear on my face. “It wasn’t her fault. I was a terrible husband. I couldn’t give her what she needed.” He stopped and looked away, obviously taking a moment to formulate his next words. “Katie, you look so much like her. Your eyes, your smile. Even now, I look at you and I see the ways I failed her. It hurts so damn much.”

“So…you didn’t contact me because you realized how much you failed my mother?” I said slowly. Surely, he could see the faulty logic.

“I messed up, Katie. I really messed up. But then your grandma called and told me your mom died and it gutted me. I realized I had been an idiot. That my daughter, my flesh and blood was alone and barely out of high school. I wanted to make things up to you.”

“I don’t know what to say. I want to forgive you. I want to try again. But this just doesn’t make sense.”

“What would have made sense, then? What reason could I have possibly given you to justify this?”

I shrugged. “There isn’t one. I guess the little girl inside me still clung to the hope that there was some selfless reason. Like, maybe you were a secret agent and needed to keep me safe.” I snorted while shaking my head, too embarrassed to look at him.

“Katie, I’m a software engineer who’s basically allergic to the outdoors. Espionage isn’t happening anytime soon.”

“I know. I love you, dad. I want to trust you. Just give me some more time?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. The words stung, knowing I had said the exact same words to Julian before I left. “Take the time you need. Just know I love you, even if hasn’t always been perfectly.”

His words were genuine and I could tell he took his role as father seriously. But I was being honest with him when I said I needed more time. I hated that. Especially knowing I would soon be on the other end. How could I seek the same forgiveness I was struggling so hard to give?

“Thanks,” I said, standing up giving him a hug. “Now, I need to see about repairing some of the relationships I broke.”

“Just remember how you’re feeling right now, being the one who was betrayed. Don’t get upset if they need time, Katie.”

“I know,” I said before running to my room to text Gwen.

Me: Beans and Things?

I typed the words and hit send, holding my breath. Text bubbles appeared almost immediately.

Gwen: Are you kidding me?

Me: Give me a chance to explain.

Me: Please.

Gwen: I want a mocha. Your treat.

Me: As many as it takes. Half an hour?

Gwen: See you there.

I raced out the door as soon as she sent the last text. I wanted to beat her there and not keep her waiting. Not when I had so much explaining to do. Not when I was afraid she might show up and decide it wasn’t worth her time to stay.

Armed with a large mocha and a chocolate ganache cupcake, because Gwen had a serious love affair with chocolate, I sat waiting for the bell to ring on the door of Beans and Things.

When it finally did, I let out a sigh of relief.

“Hey,” I said, as Gwen sat down at the bistro style table and put both of her hands around the drink in front of her. It was cold outside. The fifties were essentially below the freezing point as far as I was concerned. I half expected her to start drinking her latte as soon as she got her hands on it in an effort to warm herself up. But instead she just sat there looking at it.

“Gwen, I’m sorry I didn’t call or text.”

“Why did you leave like that?” she asked, sounding more hurt than accusatory.

“I don’t know. I was scared. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t cope well.”

“That’s the understatement of the year. You flew across the freaking country to Florida because Julian got in a fight with his brother?”

“When you say it like that,” I said, letting out a puff of air. “But there was more to it than just the fight.”

“Well, it’s hard to figure out what’s going on when you won’t respond to me at all. Not even to say you were okay.”

“I know. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown, I think. I really don’t know what to say, Gwen, except I am so sorry and I really want to make it up to you.”

“Well, this is a start,” she said, nodding her head toward the mocha and finally taking a sip. “But Katie, you can’t do that again.”

“I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do,” she argued. “I don’t open up to a lot of people. I’m the girl who is nice and weird, but I’m mostly a loner these days. It’s you, Mitch and Julian.” My heart gave an involuntary jump at the last name in her list. “When you left? It was like losing two friends at once.”

“What do you mean, two friends?” I asked, knowing what she was about to say and hating myself for being the reason it was true.

“You abandoned him. Julian was not in a great place. He had a lot of crap going on too. After that fight, he was fired, arrested, and the girl he loved left him. Left the state, left him. That wasn’t fair. He’s doing okay, but he’s not the same.”

I wanted to argue, but my mind couldn’t move past the part where she said he loved me. “What do you mean he loved me?”

“Fine, loves you. I doubt he stopped, even though you broke his heart.”

“Julian doesn’t love me, Gwen.”

At this, she rolled her eyes. “Oh, my goodness. You guys are seriously the densest people I have ever met, right after Mitch.”

“You just said we’re the only people you hang out with,” I reminded her of what she had just confessed.

“Yeah, well apparently I have a thing for charity.”

“It looks that way. I’m a mess.”

“Yes, you are. But you’re my mess.” She took another sip of her mocha and leaned back in her chair, looking at me. “Katie, I forgive you for acting the way you did. I’ll allow a plea of temporary insanity.”

My body relaxed at her words. I didn’t realize how stiff I had been during our conversation. She continued. “But I mean it when I say you cannot do that again. It’s not fair to your friends who want to be there for you. It’s not fair to not give people a chance to explain themselves when they disappoint you. That’s not how relationships work.”

I was learning a lot about relationships lately.

“Thank you, Gwen.”

“For what?”

“For being you. For being a hell of a lot more forgiving than I am.”

“Well, I assume you haven't talked to Julian yet.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, confused.

“That’s going to be a much harder conversation than this one. The romantic ones always are. Maybe I’m giving you a free pass so you’ll make it through that one.” She said it in a tone that made it hard to tell if she was being serious or joking.

“Great,” I said under my breath.

“Did you at least find what you were looking for when you left?”

“I think so.”

“Are you here to stay?”

That question was much easier to answer. “I’m here to stay.”