My life was an exercise of extremes. Whenever I had a breakthrough with Katie, I had a new setback with my family. Whenever I felt so high I forgot why I was unhappy in the first place, I found myself hurled to earth faced with the harsh realities of my life.

Last night had been amazing. I brought Katie to the caves to share with her the truth of my situation. I had been afraid, and I hid in the darkness of the caves. But Katie surprised me. She understood me in a way that crushed me.

I didn’t want her to see how unbearable life had been before she showed up. But instead of letting me hide, instead of running herself, Katie had understood the freedom that being blind had given us. I still couldn’t believe the secrets she shared with me, her shattered dreams that so much mirrored my own.

That time together was a gift.

Which meant it was only natural I would wake once again to my reoccurring nightmare.

Katie had expressed a desire to reconcile with her dad. The loss of her mother was so different from the abandonment I had experienced with my own parents. My mom was still there, at least physically. I needed to reach out to her.

And while my dad couldn’t decide what he wanted in life, he was still living. If Katie could be brave and attempt to build trust with her dad again, maybe I could do the same with my own dad.

I mentally psyched myself up before leaving the confines of my bedroom.

Today, I would forgive my father.

Unfortunately, he didn’t give me the opportunity. When I walked out to the living room, my mom was there. Alone. She was sitting so still, with no emotions displayed across her face. It scared me more than the mood swings I had become so accustomed to.

“Mom, what did he do?” My voice promised murder. I knew there was only one explanation for this turn of events.

“Oh, honey,” she said, looking toward me, realizing I had joined her. “I know you don’t understand. I won’t ask you to understand. But love isn’t easy. It’s messy. It hurts.” Her voice cracked with the last word and the emotion behind it was enough to make me feel the pain she was experiencing.

“Coming and going as you please isn’t love. It shouldn’t be like that,” I argued.

“No, Julian. You’re probably right. It shouldn’t be like this. But sometimes it is anyway.”

“No.” I refused to believe it.

“You can’t control the heart. You can’t make it fall in love when it doesn’t want to any more than you can’t stop it from loving the wrong person.”

“Is dad that person to you? The wrong one you can’t stop loving?”

“Julian.” Her voice was quiet. “If I never met your father, I wouldn’t have you. That alone makes our love worth it.”

I was thoroughly confused. My mom’s emotions were all over the place. It was a cause of constant tension in my life. My dad had hurt her. How could she say there was love there? In all this time I busted my ass for her, she never hinted she appreciated what I did. And, yet, here she was telling me how proud she was of me. It didn’t make sense.

It was almost as if my dad leaving again broke her.

But the insecure boy in me craved this approval. After everything, I needed to know I was loved, that my mom saw the sacrifices I was making daily for her. So I hugged her. And I squeezed her tight. I told her how much I loved her. How happy I was she was my mother.

But even as I held her, I knew she was wrong. What she and my dad had wasn’t love because love wasn’t hard like that. It was supposed to be easy. It made you better, braver, bolder.

With those thoughts, sitting on the worn out couch in my living room, holding my mom, I made a discovery that rocked my world.

I was in love with Katie.

The surge of emotion was so much more than the feelings I ever felt for Michelle. I was wrong when I gave her those words so many months ago. In the same way my mom was wrong to give those special words to my dad. I knew now that wasn’t love.

This was.

We’d been best friends; we were reacquainting ourselves with one another. It was too fast to fall this hard. That’s what my mind told me. But I couldn’t deny it. I only prayed she felt the same.

I was scared as I climbed this new high, knowing nothing this good lasted.

Not for me.

It just meant I would have to hold on tighter than I ever had before. I refused to let go.

I stayed several hours with my mom that morning. We talked more in that short time than we had in the last several months. Hell, it was probably the most we had spoken to each other in years. I had been consumed with my life at school, my future, my friends.

Without those distractions, I was just a guy talking to his mom. It felt good to open up, to tell her just how hard giving up college had been on me. It was the second time I had laid myself out there in less than twenty-four hours. While it was different from my night with Katie, it was just as important.

I could literally feel the weight coming off of me with every hour spent together.

I told my mom about Katie, how she was my saving grace. I admitted I was in love with her, leaving out the fact I knew it was purer than her love with my dad. No need to make the pain of dad leaving harder.

“Oh, Julian,” she said with a genuine smile on her face. “I’m so happy for you. I always felt there was something special between you two. But you were so young and I never wanted to rush it.”

“There’s no way you could have seen that, mom. I didn’t see it.”

She laughed. “No teenaged boy spends that much time with a girl he doesn’t love. Even if he doesn’t understand those feelings at the time.”

“Mom!”

“I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to ruin the surprise.”

“Well, consider us on the same page.”

“Does Katie know?”

“Not yet. I didn’t even know until this morning.”

“Well, you’d better go tell her.” She said practically pushing me out of the house. It was for the best, my shift started soon.

When I drove up to work that afternoon, I was pleasantly surprised to see Katie’s fancy SUV out front. Now I knew what that vehicle meant to her, how she had thought she could spend money and the sadness would leave her. I wanted to protect that car, even if the thought was slightly irrational.

Unfortunately, as I scanned the parking lot, I also saw Marco. I knew it meant the other shoe was about to drop. My life was a rollercoaster. It wasn’t thrilling; it was terrifying. It was exhausting. I hated it.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, walking over to him, looking through the windows of the diner hoping Katie wasn’t able to see what was about to happen.

Marco followed my gaze to The Farmhouse, just as Katie stepped into view. Awesome. He turned back toward me with a cruel smile on his face. “Is that who I think it is?” he asked.

“Who would that be?” I responded, purposely not answering.

“Oh, little brother. That was all I needed to hear.” He walked over closer. “I see the way you were looking at her. So let me tell you how this is going to work. Whenever I come to you, you’re going to give me exactly what I want.” The smirk on his face confirmed what we both knew. That he had finally won. He had found the one thing in my life I wasn’t willing to lose.

Which is why I can’t explain what happened next.

Maybe it was because he threatened Katie, the girl I had just realized I’d been in love with for years without knowing it. Or maybe I was still riding the high that came with that knowledge.

Maybe I was just tired of taking the blame for everything, for letting people push me around.

Whatever the reason, I was tired of being the victim.

I went rushing toward my brother while he continued to give me his evil grin. He wasn’t expecting the punch I threw. I caught him so off guard that he was still smiling a split second after my fist connected to his face.

It didn’t stay that way for long. Soon that grin transformed into a scowl and he was fighting back. Lucky for me, he was lazy and I had months of pent up anger that had been dying to come out.

I landed another punch feeling the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking. I didn’t stop there. Another swing, another hit. This time I connected with his cheekbone, causing him to stagger back and lift both of his hands to his face. When he brought them back down and saw the blood covering his hands, his face contorted into a mask of rage.

“You!” he yelled, as he pointed his finger at me, “are a dead man.”

He came barreling toward me with such force we both landed on the pavement of the parking lot. I hit my shoulder hard, but managed to turn enough that my head didn’t slam into the cement.

We were a tangle of limbs each trying to get the upper hand.

I was barely aware of the crowd gathering around us. It wouldn’t be the first time a fight between us garnered so much attention. I didn’t give them a spare thought. My attention was completely on Marco.

He swung blindly at me, while I worked to clear my head and use the skills I had once been so proud of. I managed to get behind him and wrap my legs around his waist while hooking my arm around his neck, effectively putting him in a scissor hold. He fought the restraints that were my limbs, but I didn’t budge.

“You are never laying a finger on Katie. Do you understand?” I yelled at my brother, my voice straining.

Marco didn’t answer, but instead spit a mouthful of blood onto the ground. I tightened my grip around his neck. “Do you understand?” I asked again. The urge to strangle him was overpowering. I had never been a violent person, always choosing to take out any aggression on the mat or some other form of exercise.

I had finally snapped. The frustration of being bullied by everyone in town, worst of all my brother, had caught up to me.

“Yes.” He choked. “Yes, I understand.”

I loosened my grip and pushed him away from me. We were both panting. I watched as Marco sat up. I got up immediately after him. Expecting to see a look of shame on his face, I was unsettled when he looked as though he was the victor in all this.

“I won’t touch her. But I don’t think I’ll be the only one keeping my fingers to myself,” he said vindictively before looking past my shoulder toward the diner.

I turned to see a sight that would forever be burned in my memory. Gwen was watching me with her hand over her mouth, her eyes sad. Next to her stood Katie.

She looked like she never wanted to see me again.