“Take your time.” A voice shouted from just below me on the bleachers. I assumed she was the mom of one of the guys down on the mat. Parents of competitive wrestlers could be intense, to say the least. She was sitting on the edge of her seat as the two guys struggled to get a takedown. When one of the boys down below got the other guy in a hold, she cheered loudly.

I didn’t cheer with the crowd, but I appreciated his technique.

I loved wrestling. I had been the captain of my high school team and was mostly undefeated in my weight class. I had planned to wrestle at BSU as part of my athletic scholarship. That was before everything happened.

So while my wrestling days were over, I’d go watch matches whenever possible. In a town that worshipped its wrestlers, I could almost always find something to watch. The high school season hadn’t started yet, but the year round competitive teams were at the rec center that day. I sat in the very back, not wanting to be seen. I’d slip in late and leave early. It was just enough to keep me grounded.

I watched a few more matches before going out the way I came in. I wouldn’t stay for the awards part. I had work later and needed to run back by my house before going in. I pulled the hood on my sweatshirt over my head. It wasn’t cool enough to justify it, but I hoped to stay unnoticed.

I walked to my car, thankful to have gas in it. I was thinking how it was turning out to be a good day when I spotted him. “What the hell are you doing here, Marco?” I asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance in my voice. I had so little I enjoyed these days. I didn’t want him taking anything away.

“Oh, little brother.” He never called me Julian anymore, as if addressing me this way made him feel superior. “You didn’t think your hoodie actually was a good disguise, did you? Everybody knows you go around watching wrestling matches. It’s pathetic, really.”

“Marco, please just leave. I don’t want to do this today,” I pleaded with him.

“I know you’ve got some money. Just give your big brother what he wants and I’ll leave.”

“I don’t have anything, Marco”

“Don’t lie, I’m sure you have something. I’d hate to have to fight you for it.” He laughed as he said it like it wasn’t a big deal we’d been coming to blows consistently these past few weeks.

“I don’t have anything to give you.” I repeated. “Or, have you forgotten practically every penny I earn goes toward mom these days?”

“I haven’t forgotten,” his expression became somber with the words, leaving no trace of the smile that had just been on his face. “I, for one, am not going to be helpless.”

“No, you’re just going to bully and take and make things harder on me and your own mother.”

“It’s hard for all of us. Don’t play high and mighty.” He spat at me. I watched as his hands formed fists at his sides. He was ready to punch something.

Or someone.

I hated this part. I hated fighting my brother, and whenever he got like this, I played more of a defensive role instead of fighting back. Unfortunately, that meant I was the one who ended up covered in marks. I was the one who looked like he walked away from a brawl, while my brother stayed pristine.

“Marco,” I said as firmly as I could in a last attempt to avoid the inevitable. “Find another way to get some money, man. I can’t give you anything else.”

“That’s too bad,” he said before his fist connected with my nose.

Pain exploded in my face and my vision went blurry from the impact. Tears filled my eyes from the sudden pain. I managed to block him after that first hit. My arms would be sore, but it wouldn’t be nearly as bad as if he hit my face again. I could feel the blood dripping from my nose and desperately wanted to wipe my face, but kept protecting myself as he let loose.

A few people in the parking lot started shouting at what was happening. I heard my name, but didn’t turn to look. When someone threatened to call the cops, Marco finally stopped. He put his hands up in surrender, but looked directly at me and mouthed this isn’t over before getting in his car and peeling out of the parking lot.

No, it never was.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve to clear my face of the blood and spit a few times on the pavement to get rid of the copper taste that filled my mouth.

“I’m leaving, no need to call the cops,” I said to whoever was listening before getting in my own car and driving home.

It was the same thing every time I saw my brother. He would punch, I would block. He would take money most of the time and run off. I didn’t think it was entirely about the cash though, not when he was fighting for fives and tens. Not when he was taking things from the house with so little value.

He was battling his own demons. Whether it was my dad leaving or something else, he was lost. And I was the one who he took it out on.

I loved my brother, but I didn’t know how to help him. So we went through the motions every few days and I ended up with more evidence of my misdeeds. I didn’t know how much more I could take. I raced home to clean up before work.

I arrived just in time for my shift and was happy to see Gwen was working the front of the house. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing Katie in my restaurant. Her dad had given me fair warning she’d be starting soon, and I knew he wanted me to look after her. That didn’t mean I was happy about it.

Gwen had been giving her a tour of the diner when I first saw her. I had watched as they walked around the place between tasks. Busy putting together an order, I hadn’t seen them when they came to the back. Nothing had prepared me for the moment when we came face to face for the first time in years. She was beautiful and looked so familiar to me.

My first instinct had been to smile at her and pull her into a hug. Seeing my childhood best friend had excited me and scared the crap out of me. So I had given her the welcome I gave most people.

Quiet and cold.

Her face had been like an open book. I watched as she recognized me and gave me a shy smile. That meant I also saw the moment she realized I recognized her but didn’t plan on saying anything. I’d hurt her feelings and I felt like a real bastard for doing it.

But that hadn’t changed my attitude. Since our first meeting, I’d continued to be standoffish from her.

It wasn’t different from how I acted with everyone. Well, everyone but Gwen. Our friendship was the one thing keeping me sane. I was angry and I was hurt, but my pride allowed me to have that one relationship to get through the difficultly of everything else.

I wasn’t ready to let Katie in.

“Julian, what happened?” Gwen cried out when she walked into the kitchen shaking me from my thoughts.

“I tripped again,” I deadpanned, looking at her.

“Marco.” She said his name like a curse. “Why do you let him keep doing that?”

“I don’t know.” I raised my shoulders. “This isn’t him. I guess I just think if I let him keep messing with me, he won’t do something stupid.”

“Fighting your brother is pretty stupid, if you ask me,” she said, putting a hand on her hip. She could be feisty. “I wish I could just say the word and make it stop. It’s getting out of control.”

“Unfortunately, you can’t, Gwen.”

“But–“

“Just drop it, okay?”

“Fine.” She agreed, but her voice carried an edge to it.

She refused to look at me for the rest of our shift. She would hang her tickets and grab her food, efficient as ever. But there was no teasing, no eye rolling at the stupid requests people made. I hated the tension between us.

There was no way to explain what was going on with Marco and me. She wouldn’t understand what it was like to be placed in a situation such as mine, with no good positive outcome.

Right now, I needed to keep my head low and not make things worse.

When Gwen brought my tip share at the end of the night without another word, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made things worse after all, in the only part of my life that wasn’t screwed.

Nice job, Julian.