Things were still awkward with my dad. I knew he was making a real effort to be supportive and get to know me. I just hated it took so long for him to decide he wanted a relationship with his daughter. It’s not like we were living in the dark ages. When I moved across country with my mom, he could have called or even written a letter. Maybe a text?

I was an only child, I could have easily flown out to see him during the summer. Or, he could have come to see me. But when my parents got divorced, it was almost as if he was divorcing me too. I would call and either get his voicemail or an awkward five-minute conversation before he had to go.

He would send me money as if that was a replacement for actually being a parent. I received two checks a year like clockwork. One for Christmas and one for my birthday. Don’t get me wrong, I never had any trouble spending the money. What teen girl would? But I had been really hurt at the time, and I guess I still was.

Unfortunately, he was my dad and I think there would always be some part of me that wanted his approval.

Not to mention I was still missing my mom like crazy. Sure, I had the things that secured my future, a padded bank account and a house to call my own. But I would give them back in a heartbeat if it meant I could have her instead. So while I had all the things people even twice my age were still dreaming about, it didn’t change the fact I was still really hurting. Even though I wasn’t stuck in my room unable to do anything beyond grieve, I still cried almost every night.

My job at the diner was going pretty well, a spot of sunshine in the midst of my sadness. As much as it pained me to say it, I think my dad was right. This was a great step toward getting my life back on track. I was already starting to get my confidence back and the task of keeping orders straight had really helped me to focus on things beyond the loss of my mom.

Gwen and I spent a bunch of time together. We would grab coffee and have Netflix marathons. Sometimes we’d go running together. I don’t think a day went by that we weren’t at least texting one another.

I was feeling mostly normal.

If only it weren’t for the awkward night I had the previous evening. Tyler had come in with a few of the other guys who were still in town. I recognized two of them from when I lived here before, but we weren’t really friends at the time so it was like meeting everyone for the first time. It wasn’t the first time he had come in since I got caught ogling him on the river trip. He’d been in a couple of times on his own always asking to sit in my section. However, looking back, it was the first time Julian and I had been working together when Tyler came in.

I had been excited to see him. He was cute, funny and seemed like he might be into me. And while I still had my childhood crush on Julian, he was undoubtedly the most handsome boy I had ever laid eyes on, he just didn’t seem to be into me.

I didn’t think he even liked me. Most of the time when he saw me, he had a scowl on his face and he never tried to talk to me beyond letting me know an order was up or asking for clarification on a ticket. I was afraid to try to attempt conversation beyond that.

So when Tyler had shown some interest in me, I had thought, why not? Gwen always gave me a weird look when Tyler came in. I was pretty sure she was into Mitch, which meant it wasn’t jealousy. But there was definitely a hint of disapproval anytime I walked away from his table smiling.

He had come in with his friends just like he had before, but that night had been so different. He started his order like usual, but then added on all these weird modifications.

“Can you make sure all the condiments are on the side, on separate dishes. Make sure to write that part down. I’m not sure the cook will be able to figure it out if it’s not written out exactly. Oh, and this part is important, I don’t want his dirty Mexican hands touching my food.”

I didn’t mean to, but I had looked back at the kitchen. I knew Julian wouldn’t be able to hear what was being said, but I felt a desire to shield him from the ugly words coming out of Tyler’s mouth. To my horror, he was looking at me with an expression on his face that said he knew exactly what was going on.

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. I turned my head back to the table. “What are you even talking about? Besides being one of the most racist things I’ve ever heard, how can you say that about Julian?”

“Julian is a thug,” he replied matter-of-factly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he was part of a gang. And the bruises? Don’t act like you haven’t seen them. It’s like he just can’t stop himself from getting into fights.”

I had seen them, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious. But like I said, we hadn’t gone beyond restaurant talk. How would someone even bring that up? Hey, Julian, remember when we were best friends like five years ago. Well, I’m back and I can’t help but notice you look rough all the time. Want to tell me what happened?

Shockingly, I hadn’t brought it up.

“Of course, I’ve seen them. But how dare you? Julian is the hardest working guy back there and–”

“Don’t defend the guy.” Tyler interrupted before I could go on.

“Of course, I’m going to defend him. It’s not right to talk like that about anyone.”

Tyler looked back and forth between me and the kitchen. I assumed Julian was still in full view, but refused to turn my head again. “What is going on with you and Julian?” He finally asked through narrowed eyes. “I thought we might be moving toward something and now you’re defending that guy like he’s your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my–”

“Dude!” Another guy at the table named Jonathan interrupted this time. He was one of the two guys I remembered from before I moved away. “I just remembered. The two of them were like, best friends or some shit before she moved away. Maybe she’s still in love with him.” He said this like it was some great revelation. “Maybe she has been all this time and that’s why she’s back now she’s graduated. Is that why you’re working at this dumpy–”

“Shut up!” Tyler cut him off and shot a scathing look in his direction before looking back up at me. “Katie, Julian is a waste. Maybe you guys were friends when you were kids or whatever, but he’s not a good guy. You don’t want anything to do with him. Trust me on this.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Regardless, we were just having a bit of fun. Don’t take it so seriously.”

“Are you kidding me? Of course I take it seriously. Tyler, guys like you.” I took a deep breath to steady my voice. Whenever I got really angry, I would start crying. I hated that about myself and I just wanted to get these last words out before walking away. I didn’t want him to see me cry. “I feel sorry for you. It’s sad the only way you can feel good about yourself is to tear other people down.”

A few tears had fallen down my cheeks before I stormed off, but I didn’t regret it. I was so glad Tyler had shown his true colors before I made the mistake of actually dating him. It wasn’t fair people’s appearances didn’t always match their personalities. Tyler had lured me into a false sense of security with his boyish good looks, but he was the devil beneath.

I had gone straight to Mike’s office after leaving Tyler to think about what I said. Frustratingly, he wasn’t nearly as outraged as I thought he should be. He went off on some rant about how there were always going to be guests who were difficult, it was important to keep our cool in midst of tense situations. I had told him I would finish my shift, but I needed to take a week or two off.

He didn’t argue. I chalked it up to his friendship with my dad.

I had practically no responsibilities beyond my part time job at the diner. After a week off I should have felt amazing, but the week had been emotionally draining. I was looking forward to a morning coffee date with Gwen. I arrived to the coffee shop first. It was one of two in town, if you counted the diner. And I didn’t.

The place Gwen and I liked to meet was a cute little bakery and coffee house in one called Beans & Things. The shop sold a variety of pastries from doughnuts to cupcakes. They were displayed on cake platters of varying heights and colors with their descriptions written on little chalkboard signs. It was exactly what I pictured a tea party would look like when I was a little girl. The seating consisted of several bistro style tables scattered around the main area and hanging flower pots in every window. It was magical.

Thankfully, Gwen didn’t take long to show up. I wasn’t ready to be alone with my thoughts and was glad she agreed to come on such a short notice.

“Katie, you’ve got to stop doing this.” She looked down at the extra mocha on the table. “I am happy to buy my own drink.”

I gave her an unapologetic shrug in response. “Maybe if you got here first. But as it stands, I did, and I’m happy to treat you.”

She thanked me and sat down, taking a sip before going on. “They have the best coffee in town.”

“They have the only coffee in town.”

Gwen rolled her eyes at me. “Oh, stop it. We may not be as fancy as your old home. But even you can’t deny this coffee is magic.”

She was right. The coffee here was great. In Florida, I had gotten used to a plethora of coffee shops. I don’t think I had ever been more than five minutes away. We had the big chain, of course. But we also had a huge selection of small, independent coffee shops. The choices available back home were overwhelming, from hip to cozy.

Gwen was right, the coffee here was good. Not too sweet and not bitter, the flavor was the perfect combination. And Janelle, the lady who owned the place, made her own whipped cream to top her lattes. The aerosol stuff always melted too quickly and I loved how the real stuff sat on top of the drink and cooled those first few sips to the perfect temperature. It was the small things in life.

“So, what’s going on, Katie?” Gwen had settled into her seat and was watching me with a serious expression on her face. “Long week?”

“You could say that.” I sighed and looked down at my drink. “What do you know about Julian?”

Gwen looked at me suspiciously, her body language shifting drastically. The way she sat up was almost defensive. “Why are you asking about Julian?”

“I don’t know. Something weird happened last night and I’m not sure what to think.”

“Did it have to do with Tyler?” she asked and her face transformed again. She was angry. “Listen, I know he’s been in a few times flirting with you, but he is bad news.”

“I’m realizing that. But is Julian is bad as they say?”

“Katie, we’re friends. But there are some things I don’t want to talk about. One of them being Julian and the crap his ex brought on him. He’s got a lot going on, but he is not the bad guy. I told you that from day one.”

“I know you did. It’s just I’ve known Julian for, like, forever. We live on the same street. We were best friends when we were kids. He was my first crush.”

“Really? Why didn’t you guys say anything?”

“I don’t know.”

“So if you’ve known him forever, how can you even ask what you did?”

“Again, I don’t know. He seems so different than I remember. And before you say people grow up, I know that. But he was such a joyful person the last time I saw him. Now, well…now he does look like a troubled teen.”

“I know what it looks like. And I swear, Katie, I want to tell you more. I just don’t know that much, and what I do know isn’t my place to share.”

I started to argue because Julian was my friend. Or at least he used to be and I deserved to know what was going on. But Gwen must have seen I wanted to continue on with our conversation because she changed the subject faster than I could get the next words out.

“Hey, so I’ve been meaning to ask you, why did you move out here if you’re not going to school?”

Now it was my time to feel uncomfortable. I debated on whether or not I was going to brush it off, but part of me actually wanted to talk about it. I hadn’t talked to anyone since moving here and I was still struggling.

“I was planning on going to UF, University of Florida,” I clarified. “But my mom died right after graduation and I didn’t think it would be such a good idea anymore. Then my grandma suggested I come out here and take some time off to try and establish a relationship with my dad. And I’m actually not sure what my plan is anymore.” I took a deep breath, realizing my words were coming out faster and faster.

“Oh, Katie.” Gwen’s face softened and her expression was one I had seen too many times.

“Gwen, I’m sad and it’s awful, but I can’t do that look.”

“What look?” she asked, confused.

“Pity. I’ve seen enough of it to last a lifetime and then some.”

“Sorry. No more look, I promise. I just wish I would have known. You shouldn’t have to bear that loss alone.”

“It’s not like it’s the perfect introduction. Hi, my name is Katie. My mom just died and I’m still working through a lot of issues. Wanna be besties?”

She laughed in response. “I guess not. But let’s be besties anyway. Just promise you’ll come to me when you’re ready to talk.”

“Deal.”

“Now let’s pretend the world is made of rainbows and butterflies and enjoy our drinks. Maybe even a movie marathon, if we’re feeling brave.”

“That would be perfect.”

I loved that about Gwen. She didn’t push, but didn’t let me wallow in it ether. I still wondered about Julian, but decided I could take a break and enjoy this time with my self-proclaimed best friend.