I got in the car and drove for hours, not knowing what to do with the information I found out. I can’t believe he knew all these years and didn’t try to save us. I remember Theo being there from time to time when we were little. I always thought he was the biggest badass of them all. As we all got older and our father died, he started helping with us more, showing us the ropes, but I never thought he and my mom were together. Not once did I think I was his. I should have paid more attention to the way he treated us, sometimes like we were his. Even his snot-nosed son would come around. I hit my steering wheel; that means Teddy is my brother, fuck.

I finally pull over on the side of the road by the river to calm my nerves. What do I do now? I need to get to Forrest, but I don’t know where he is. Then I think of Murphy, and my thoughts of her calm me. Without question, I put my car in drive and know exactly where I need to be, and with whom.

I pull into the hotel. As soon as the concierge sees me, he tries to stop me. “Mr. Stern, please stop. I have been given instructions to not allow you upstairs.”

I stop, turn towards him, and say, “Really, Gary? You’re going to stop me? With what army? Do you really want to even try?”

He starts shaking in his pants, so I walk right past him. I don’t care if she has an army waiting for me, not one motherfucker will keep me from her tonight.

The elevator opens to her floor, and I storm out, having to find the strength to hold myself back from barging right into her room. I stop at her door, trying to calm myself before I see her. Knocking on the door, I try to wait till she answers. On my second, more forceful knock, I hear her yell to hold on. Finally, she opens the door. She stands there covered in a black silk slip and nothing else.  

That’s the moment that I realize she is exactly what I need.

“Can I come in?”

“No, how did you get up here?’

“I told you, Red, if I want to get to you, no one could stop me. Now let me in.”

“Zander, please, I can’t do this tonight.”

Like an idiot, I just notice that she looks like she’s been crying. I push her back into the room and grab her face in my hands.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen? I’ll kill whoever it is!”

She pulls away from me. “Zander, please, it’s nothing, just leave. I’m tired, and I’m not in the mood for this shit.”

“I can’t, don’t ask me to leave, I need you.”

She looks up at me, then softly brushes her fingers over my brow. “What happened?”

I reach up to where she’s touching and feel the sting of a cut. It must’ve happened when my brothers were getting me off Theo. I take hold of her hand and say, “It’s nothing. I had a little altercation earlier.”

“Altercation, huh?”

“Yeah, now tell me what happened to you.”

“No.”

She begins walking away from me, going to her bathroom to put on her robe. I follow her but stop in her room. She closes the door for privacy as I ask, “Where’s Kyle?”

She shouts through the door, “He went out tonight with some friends. Just give me a minute.”

I start looking around the room and notice papers scattered all over on top of a box. On closer examination, I see report cards, letters, and pictures. It begins to lift my spirits, and for the first time tonight I smile. It’s all pictures of Murphy at every age. The best is of her with pigtails and freckles. I hear the door open, and I hold the picture up. “Freckles.”

Rushing to me, she practically rips the picture back. “That’s not for your amusement.”

I look back at the papers and say, “What is all this?”

“It’s nothing, Zander. Look, I don’t know why you’re here, but I need you to leave.”

“I found out who’s been threatening you.”

That makes her change her tune. “Who?”

“Judith. She hired an associate of my mother’s. He’s a lower end boss, Forrest Melancon. He’s being held till I can get more out of him.”

“What else do you need to know?”

“I need to know why he went against my mother. Your threats were not allowed, everyone knew that you owed us. He had no business going against that.”

I walk closer to her and take my hand to raise her chin. “Plus I need to teach him a lesson. He can’t go against my mom, and he can’t hurt what’s mine.”

I bend to kiss her, but she again pulls away.

“Zander, I’m not yours. Please, I don’t want to keep rehashing it.”

I reach out and pull her tight against me. “Yes, you are. You just don’t want to admit it yet.”

With her in my arms, I lean down and kiss her passionately. Whether or not she wants to admit it, she tells me without words by responding to my kiss. Her mouth opens, and we fight for control. Having her melt in my arms is the best feeling I have ever experienced. Once our kiss ends, I kiss the tip of her nose.

I grab her hand and start pulling her to the bathroom. “What are you doing?”

“I want to see.”

“See what?

“Freckles.”

“Oh, no, Zander, no, no, I am not showing you anything but the door.”

“Baby, you’ve already shown me way more than the door. Now, what do you remove all that makeup with?”

“I told you I’m not doing it.”

“I love your stubbornness, but shut up and point or I’m using soap.”

“I can’t use soap!”

“Then point.”

She shuts her mouth and points to a bottle of cleanser sitting on the counter. I pick the bottle up, and before I can read it, she grabs it from me. “Move, I’ll do it.”

I grab it back and tell her. “No, I want to.” I grab a towel off the rack and turn the water on. I take the bottle and pour a little onto the towel and get it lathering. Then with one arm, I pick her up and sit her ass on the counter. “Close your eyes. I’ve never done this before, and I don’t want to get it in your eyes.”

She’s fuming, but she closes her eyes. I take one more look at her before I start to rub the lather on her skin. This gives me an opportunity to closely examine her; it’s not sexual, but somehow it feels intimate. It might be the most intimate thing I have ever done with a woman. Slowly, the makeup she’s wearing disappears and leaves her breathtaking. I never really saw a woman without her makeup on. Her skin is glowing, and the freckles that lay across her nose are the most adorable thing I have ever seen on a woman. They almost make her look innocent and young. I continue my strokes to wash all the soap off, and then I just stand there between her legs, staring like a man possessed. She slowly opens her eyes and sees me staring back, her bright blue eyes hypnotizing me.

When I still say nothing, she asks, “What’s wrong, you hate my freckles?”

Instead of saying anything, I grab her face and start kissing across her nose, trying to show her how much I love her freckles. I finally drag my kisses down to her mouth, and she opens for me with need. The kiss is slow and soft and has so much beauty in it. I open my eyes when I feel a tear fall from her face onto mine.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

She shakes her head, looks me straight in the eyes, and says, “Please, I need you tonight.”

I look back at her and see the honesty in her request. I know right then no matter what happens, she’s all I will ever need or want. I kiss her again and tell her through it, “You have me, Red.”

As I continue to kiss her, I reach down and grab around her waist, lifting her into my arms. She wraps her legs around me, and I carry her to her bed, where I intend on finally making her mine, for good this time. I lay her down and stand back up to remove my clothes. She watches my every move; her eyes show desire, but I can see there is pain there, too. I’ll help her through it any way I can. She moves to a kneeling position and removes her slip. My God, how this woman takes my breath away. I crawl in after her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I need you to take it all away, just for a little while.”

Little does she know, I’m willing to take it all away, forever. I start off slow again, I want to keep this pace. I never felt the need to go slow or soft with a woman before. But for some reason, I want to treasure every second I have with her. I kiss her soft lips and feel her hands as they reach around to my back. I never really paid attention to where a woman’s hands were before unless they were on my cock, but this, feeling her caress up and down as I kiss her, is something I never expected to enjoy, but I do. It’s giving me comfort I didn’t know I needed. I gently lay her down with me on top of her and stare down at her. Her hands reach for my face, and she asks, “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“No, everything is perfect.” And it is. I kiss her again and start moving down to her neck. I whisper, “You’re perfect.” Hearing a moan from her, makes everything else I have been feeling about what I learned earlier vanish. She does that for me. I glide down her body and start to caress every inch of her. Her breasts are perfection, they’re large, and they spill out from my hands, they’re the kind of breasts men can suffocate in, and they’re mine. Her nipples are so pink and hard, as I lick and suck on them, she writhes underneath me. It does nothing but encourage me to go further. I begin trailing my kisses lower down her body, not missing an inch of her. I can tell when I get to her belly button, she tenses and gets nervous. I feel her hands reach down and cover her stomach. Fuck that; she might not have the flattest stomach, but it’s beautiful, and it’s now mine. I claim it, and it’s my right to see and feel all of it. I reach for her hands and pull them out of my way.

“Don’t ever cover anything from me.”

I continue to kiss around every soft inch of her stomach and move further down. To my heaven, she’s a natural redhead, I can tell you that.

She jumps as I tug on her pubic hair. “I’ve been too busy to wax; shit, I forgot.”   

I tug again and look up at her. “There is nothing about you I don’t like, so shut up and let me enjoy this.” She smiles and moves her hands and arms above her head and says, “Well, then enjoy.”

I push her legs further apart and spread her wide open for my mouth. This beautiful pussy is now mine, and I’ll be damned if I ever let it go. She moans out loud, damn, it’s the sweetest sound. I started off faster than I wanted, like a man starving, but now I slow my tongue and can feel her getting frustrated. She starts moving, trying to get me more where she needs me, but that’s not going to happen. I wrap my arm around her stomach, holding her down to suck on her clit as hard as I can, then I release, blowing air over the overstimulated nub. I slick my fingers through her now drenched pussy and thrust them in. Her back arches off the bed, and I hold her back down. I still my fingers, I don’t want her to peak until I say she can. A little torture never hurt anyone. Lord knows she’s been torturing me. Nice and slow, that’s how I want her. I pull my fingers out and suck on them while she pants.

That’s right, I want her to know that I am the only man from now on to give her pleasure. I lower my head and push her legs higher to get her folded in half. I lick her from her tight forbidden hole to her beautiful swollen clit, then make my way back down. Like I said, every inch of this woman, I’m claiming, including this puckered hole. I can’t take much more of the slow burn I wanted to give her, it’s now torturing me. So, I thrust two fingers back inside her and curl my fingers right where I know she needs me. Going back to manipulating her clit and thrusting right where I’m needed. I feel her walls tightening, squeezing my fingers. She trembles and convulses so hard, I feel like she’s trying to buck me off. But that’s not happening. Just to show her I am going to control every inch of her, I go back to sucking her clit.

She begs for me to stop. “Zander, stop, I can’t, please.” That’s right; that’s what I wanted to hear.

“Yes, you can.”

I’m going to prove it to her, she’ll cum again back to back. I release my hold on her stomach and use my other hand to keep her spread open for me as I continue my torture; she has no idea what I can do to her. My fingers slide so easy now in and out of her, so I take her juices and slide fingers down to her tight, puckered hole, getting it nice and lubricated. Now I decide to show her what else her body will enjoy. With my mouth on her clit and two fingers in her pussy, I add another one to her ass. She bucks, but that doesn’t hinder me; I slowly push the tip of my finger inside, but not enough for her to feel the need to fight me; just enough to give her the perfect sensation of being filled. I massage all areas, and it doesn’t take but a few seconds for her yell out my name, climaxing harder than I’m sure she ever has.

I sit back up, wiping my face and still sliding my fingers over her drenched pussy. She’s so relaxed now, but I’m not finished with her yet. I lay back over her, holding my weight. “Look at me, baby.” She opens her eyes and smiles up at me. “Did you like that?” She nods her head because she’s still panting. I take pleasure in that. “Has anyone ever done that before?” She doesn’t answer, but I’m not giving up. “Red, has anyone ever done that before?”

“Zander, I don’t want to talk about anyone else.”

“Answer me.”

She looks back at me and sees I’m not giving up. “No, no one has ever been able to do that or the things that you’ve done to me.”

That’s what I wanted to hear. It does something to me, causing me to charge forward and thrust straight into her hard. She yells out, but I can guarantee you it’s not from pain. Fuck!! This woman is incredible. The way her body wraps around my cock, it’s like it was made just for me. I give two more hard, fast thrusts, then still. I lower myself down on top of her, caging her in, and kiss her gently and slow.

“I need you to keep looking at me, don’t look away.”

I need her to see me and see that I’m giving her all of me. I start to move again, but this time I want to savor her. The last time we were together, it was like two animals tearing at each other, but this time I want a connection. Shit, I want a connection. When have I ever even thought about that? But I can’t help it. For some reason, it’s different; I would do anything for her. With our eyes locked, I make love to someone for the first time. It’s soft, slow and compassionate. I actually understand now how people say they feel like they’re one when they make love. I push further up on my next thrust to make sure I’m hitting the right spot. I might never have made love to a woman before, but I sure know how to pleasure them. Fuck that, I feel like all the other women were my training, and this is my final test. Final and forever. She and I are both moaning and enraptured in the pleasure that we both orgasm at the same time. Ending our torture for each other in pleasure. Pleasure that from now on will be forever.

We look deep into each other’s eyes as she brings her hands up holding my face. We continue to kiss, and then I feel the tears begin to fall again. I roll off her and pull her next to me as I hold her tight.

“Murphy, tell me, I want to know why you’re crying.”

“No, I can’t.”

* * *

I can’t believe I just slept with Zander again. Earlier when he got here, I was filled with so much grief and sorrow for all the time I lost with my father. Being mad and feeling anger towards my dad for not being there to watch me grow up was so much easier than knowing that he really did care for me all this time. I can’t help wondering, then, why wasn’t he there?

Then Zander showed up and pushed his way into my arms again. I mean, not like he took advantage of me, but more like he is the only man I have ever needed or wanted comfort from. He always seems to be around when I need him the most. And for some reason, I can’t help being drawn to him. He seems to know how to put me at ease, and every time I’m near him, I feel so safe and secure. Almost like I can let all my guards down in front of him and he wouldn’t hate the more vulnerable side of me. I try to remain in control, but when he’s around, he always gets me to hand some of that control over. Yes, he might be bossy, arrogant and a smartass, but he also has a tender and gentle side to him that I am sure he doesn’t show many people.

A couple of days ago, I couldn’t help myself; I asked around about him, just curious what people would say. I found out that the women all loved him and couldn’t stop talking about how big and sexy he is. But the men, they all showed fear when I mentioned Zander’s name. They didn’t even want to discuss him, almost like they thought just mentioning his name was going to get them in trouble or something. How can this giant, sexy man be such a charmer and that feared, all at the same time?

Now I lay here crying, not only for my grief, but also for the fact that he just made love to me. It’s the first time I have ever allowed myself to be made love to. He’s asking me what’s wrong and why I’m crying, but how can I explain to him that I’m sad and scared, both feelings I don’t normally have? I learned a long time ago that self-pity gets you nowhere in life. So, I grew to learn how to shield my emotions and keep the people that could hurt me at bay. Kyle was right, I’ve always done that. But for some reason, with Zander it’s different; of course, it’s his nature to come barreling into my life, but I should be able to remain in control, though I’m learning with him I can’t. He makes me want to be softer and more vulnerable. All I know is, no matter what, I can’t, I can’t allow myself to be hurt by this man.

I turn and scoot over, facing away from him, needing that space to gain some control back. But he doesn’t let me. I feel the bed move, and then I feel his arms come around my waist. He pulls me back against his chest and whispers in my ear, “Please tell me.”

“I can’t.”

I know he’s going to push, so I say, “And I don’t want to, please leave it alone.”

There’s silence for a few minutes, and then I hear him say, “I came here because I needed you tonight. I don’t know why, but you were the only person I wanted to be around.”

I remain quiet, waiting to see if he will say more. After another minute or two, he starts to speak again. “I found out that my whole life was a lie. My father is not my father.” He starts to laugh. I turn around in his arms and put my hand on his cheek, wanting him to be calm and feel safe telling me. He looks back at me and starts again.

“I went home to talk with my mom about your situation. Theo Trahan came storming in the house. He insisted on telling me that he and my mom have been having a love affair for what I imagine would be almost thirty years.”

He chuckles then says, “I can’t believe she kept that a secret for that long. Anyways, he said that William isn’t my father, that he is.” He pauses and then continues. “I should be happy to hear that that son of a bitch isn’t my father, but I’m pissed. I don’t understand how a man can watch his child so close and not want to be my dad or how he could let me and my brothers or hell, even the woman he says he loves, be around that bastard for so long. I always liked Theo, he was a second father to me, and now he is my father. Why would he do that?”

I slide down into the crook of Zander’s arm and decide if he can open up to me and say he needed me, then I can confide in him.

I take a deep breath and begin my story. “When I was little, I wanted nothing more than to be a daddy’s girl. I was when I saw him, but when he was gone, I would cry myself to sleep every night, wishing he would love me enough to stay with me. But he never did. He would come in and out of my life different amounts of time a year. When he would come for one of his visits, he would spoil me rotten. Then he would leave and I wouldn’t hear from him for months. That went on for years until I turned twelve, then I never saw him again. He never gave me an explanation; he just never came back. I went as far as blaming my mother for him not being in my life, but I realized it wasn’t her fault. So, if it wasn’t her fault, it had to be mine. I tried so hard to be a good girl, thinking that maybe one day he would come back. That didn’t work, so then I started hating him for not being there, for not being my father. I just wanted him to love me enough to be there.”

Zander kisses the top of my head and tells me, “It’s his loss, baby. He missed out on knowing you and watching you grow into the beautiful, spirited woman you are now.”

I chuckle at that. “Spirited, huh?”

“Well, it’s better than saying stubborn or bossy.”

“Hmm, I guess it is, I’ll take it. I forgot about him and the hurt he caused me over the years. Then he reached out to me before he passed, he begged me to forgive him and told me that he always loved me. He said he did what he had to. Then he told me he was giving me the casino. I didn’t want it, I really didn’t. But then I decided he owed it to me, it was mine. That damn casino stole my father from me, and now it’s mine. I hated him so much for so long. But I cried like a baby when I saw him. It was like I was that little girl again, wanting him to make all my hurt go away.”

I jerk my head to the dresser. “That box, the one with my pictures, he had given me a key before he passed and told me to take it before someone else found it. I asked him what it was, and he said the strangest thing, he said, ‘My love.’”

“I found and took the box but couldn’t bring myself to open it until tonight. I was scared to find out what was inside. Finally tonight, I had to know. I thought maybe it held some secret to why the casino is in debt.”

Zander speaks up and says, “Instead it had pictures and information of all your life, didn’t it?” I nod my head, and Zander finishes, “It held you, it held his love.”

I start crying uncontrollably, I can’t believe he understands. That stupid box proves that no matter where he was or where I was, he always loved me and never forgot about me. He might not have been there every day, but he was involved and always watching.

Zander lets me cry until I can’t anymore. Then I reach up and run my fingers through his hair, knowing now it’s his turn. He needed me for his pain, and I have done nothing but shed mine to him.

“Zander, tell me about Theo. You said that you thought of him as a second father. Why?”

“My father William was a cruel man, he used to beat my mother. He was powerful but weak all at the same time. When he was in a good mood, he would dote on my older brother Gabriel, but never me. I always wondered why, I guess I know why now. My brother Liam, he’s the youngest, he was too young to remember a lot, but my father never interacted with him either. I wonder?”

“What? What do you wonder?”

“I was just wondering if it was possible for maybe Liam to be Theo’s, too, but I don’t think so. My father wasn’t himself then, he grew weaker over the years. I guess he just wasn’t interested in getting to know Liam. I might ask, though, just to make sure.”

“What do you remember about Theo?”

“Theo was the man. He was the biggest badass of them all. I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. He wasn’t there every day, or even every week, but when we did see him, he would give me and my brothers, including Vin, all his attention. He would even take us fishing and hunting. He has another son, Teddy, who I guess now is my brother, too. I’ll have to deal with him later. He’s okay, but he was a snot-nosed bitch when we were little, but I guess I would be, too, if my dad separated his time with me and four other boys. Funny, thinking about it now, I would have been pissed if I were him.”

“Hey, who’s Vin?”

“Vin’s my brother, too. Well, not our real brother, but he was raised with us. I don’t know how or why, but one day Mom brought him home and told us he would be living with us from now on. He’s been our brother ever since.”

“That’s weird.”

“Yeah, I guess it is, but we don’t ever give it much thought. He’s just always been there.”

“Theo sounds like a great guy. Why are you so mad to learn he’s your father?”

“Because he had to have known. If he and my mom had been seeing each other all these years, he has to know what she went through with William. Why wouldn’t he have made her leave him, or why wouldn’t he have killed William? It doesn’t make any sense to me. I hate him for knowing and not putting a stop to our suffering.”

I raise up and rest on my elbow, watching his face. I see there’s something he’s not saying. So, I push further.

“Zander, tell me what happened. I want you to know. I won’t ever tell anyone.”

He looks into my eyes and kisses me lightly. “I know, baby, I just don’t know how to explain it. William used to beat my mother, but no one knew except me and Vin. One day I caught William hitting Vin hard. I ran into the room and jumped on William’s back to get him off Vin. He threw me off and started hitting me, too. When he was finished with the both of us, Vin made me promise not to tell Mom. He said it would just make it worse. He was right, so I never told her that he hit me, too. It wasn’t an all the time thing, but over the years he would hit me for no reason, but I could handle that. It was the avoidance that I couldn’t handle. Him ignoring me my whole childhood was what hurt the most. He would watch me sometimes, with detest in his eyes. And when I would ask him something, he would just walk away from me. It hurt to watch when he would be playful with Gabriel but he wanted nothing to do with me. I almost welcomed when he would hit me because at least I knew he noticed me.”

I kiss Zander, stopping him, my heart breaks for him. He’s just like me, we both wanted a father, desperately. Mine was absent, and his was an everyday reminder that he was not wanted.

“I’m so sorry, Zander, I hate that he did that to you.”

It finally hits me that this man came here tonight needing me and my comfort, so I continue to kiss him, trying to take his pain away. I rise up and lie on top of him and make love to him all over again. But this time I want him to feel how much I want to be there for him.

When we’re done, we fall asleep in each other’s arms.