I showed up to work just in time. As I walk into my office, I notice Mom already there with a handsome man I would say is somewhere in his thirties.

I kiss my mother on the cheek, then shake the man’s hand.

“Hello, I’m Murphy Larussa. And you are?”

“Hello, I’m your father’s attorney. I must say, I never expected you were going to be so…so.” He shakes his head and cracks a smile. “Sorry, that’s unprofessional. My name is Mark Hebert.”

I giggle as my mother cuts in by saying, “You can tell her she’s beautiful. She already knows, but women do like to be praised.”

“Yes, well Mom, there’s no reason to embarrass Mr. Hebert.”

“I’m not embarrassed, Ms. Larussa, just thrown off. Your mother’s right, I never thought Murphy would have such a beautiful daughter.”

“Well, then thank you. Please sit down. Would you like a coffee? Mom, how about you?”

They both shake their heads, and then Mark speaks first.

“No, thank you. I was just telling your mother that I’m here at your father’s request. I have a letter for your mother.”

He hands her the letter, which she puts in her purse. Then he looks back towards me.

“Mr. Larussa is a very sick man. He has been told he doesn’t have much time left. He asked me to come here and beg you to come back to Louisiana with me to visit him before he passes.”

I lean back in my chair and notice my mother has tears slipping down her face. Why the hell should she shed a tear for a man she hasn’t seen or heard from in years?

“Mom, don’t cry. He doesn’t deserve your tears.”

“Murphy, that’s enough. You don’t know him like I do.”

“That’s right, Mom, I don’t know him at all.”

Mr. Hebert clears his throat and says, “That’s why you should come back with me before it’s too late.”

“Mr. Hebert, I promise you it is already too late. Please tell Mr. Larussa I am sorry he’s dying, but that has nothing to do with me. I will not be going to Louisiana to visit a man I don’t know.”

“Ms. Larussa, his death does have a lot to do with you. You are his only child. He never had any other children. So, besides his wife, you are the only other person in his will.”

Mom looks at me, and I at her, but then it hits me: it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about anything that would come from him.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hebert, that doesn’t change my mind. I don’t want anything from him, and I am not about to let him shed his guilt for not raising me before his death.” I stand, telling him, “Thank you, Mr. Hebert, for informing us of his situation. Please have a safe journey back home.”

I shake his hand to let him know this conversation is over. As I start to walk him out of my office, he stops and says, “Ms. Larussa, please take my card. I’m staying until tomorrow. If you change your mind, call me. I will help arrange your meeting with your father. If, however, he passes without seeing you, we still need to discuss his will. Good evening, ladies.”

With that, he leaves. I stand there for a minute on shaking legs, looking at the card in my hand. Doubts are going through my mind. Am I making a mistake? Shit, I don’t know. Right now, I just need to sit and think.

As I sit, my mother starts, “Murphy, you need to do this. You have to go see him before he dies.”

“No, I don’t. Why should I?”

“For you, Chéri. Do it for closure.”

“Mom, I think twelve years is enough time for me to have closure.”

“You’re crazy if you think you won’t regret it if you don’t see him before he dies. You will always wonder why he wanted to see you. You need this, Murphy.”

“And why not you, Mom? Why don’t you need closure?”

“Baby, I had my closure a long time ago. I love your father, always have because he gave me you, but we were never meant to be.”

“Was it that easy to say goodbye to him?”

As she wipes her tears, she says, “No, Murphy, it wasn’t. He was the love of my life. That’s why I named you after him. But he was married, and I knew that going in. I never asked him to divorce his wife or accept you. However, he did accept you, and he has always loved you. His wife, on the other hand, never could accept that he had a child with me. So I left and never looked back, nor regretted having a relationship with him, because he gave me you.”

She kisses my head and walks out the door, leaving me wondering if I am making a mistake for not wanting to see him. How bad could it be? I mean, I could just go there and see him and know that I did what I needed to do for me. But then, why should I? Do I really need to see him one more time? Fuck, why couldn’t he just have stayed gone?

This is all too much. I need to start working to get my mind off him.