For the rest of the day, Murphy had all her meals brought to our bedroom. When it came time to go to bed everyone left and I sat there trying to decide on do I go back to my house or do I stay and try again? Do I try to work things out with a woman who wants nothing to do with me? I don’t know. I thought we had a chance to make this work, especially when she let me make love to her again, but then she totally shut me out right after. I can only take so much.

Theo comes back in the room. “I thought you might still be here. Have you decided where you’re sleeping tonight?”

“Not yet. I might go home. It might be for the best.”

“Why? What’s best is you going up those stairs.”

“She doesn’t want me to go upstairs.”

“That girl doesn’t know what she wants. You need to be strong and show her that you will be here every night no matter what she wants.”

“That is easier said than done.”

“You think I don’t know hard, son? I have loved one woman my whole life waiting for her to acknowledge me so that I could acknowledge my son. I can tell you this, if I were as close as you are to your babies, I would never let her separate me from being involved every day. Out of everything that happened between me and your mother the worst was not being there every step of the way with her pregnancy, to the birth and raising you. She might be able to shut you out of her heart but don’t let her shut you out of that experience. It only comes once.” Theo looks down. “I missed so much of your life, I missed your birth, your first birthday, I missed feeding you a bottle. I even missed spanking your ass when you needed it. I will never forgive myself for any of it. Don’t do that to yourself.”

Theo stands to leave, then says, “I love your mother, but this has always been an obstacle in our lives. That’s why I was willing to go to war against her, for you. So, I could finally be there for you.” He turns and walks away.

I down my drink, deciding he’s right, I need to be involved whether she likes it or not. She might be able to keep me out of her heart, but she’s not kicking me out of my babies’ lives. I head up to our bedroom with my mind set. I’m not going anywhere and she better get used to it.

I open the door to find her sleeping peacefully. I strip my clothes off and get into bed. I stare at her for a few minutes. She’s so beautiful, I love her like this. Stripped of all her makeup and bare to me. When awake she is one ball buster, but sleeping you can see the woman underneath the armor, that’s the woman I want in my arms at night. I am willing to let her be who she is, the strong, confident, independent woman, but when we’re alone, this is how I want her, open to me. She stirs turning slightly to lay on her back. She might not want me, but she still sleeps in her bra and panties, she doesn’t try to hide herself. I lift moving the sheet, I watch as her chest rises and falls then I look down towards her stomach. My babies are in there growing. It gives me such a sense of pride. Lifting my hand, I slowly and lightly lay it on top of her belly holding my babies the only way I can. I start to rub and I feel her stir. Her hand grabs mine, but I don’t move.

She says, “I was wondering if you were staying or not.”

“Do you care?”

“Stop asking me that, Zander. You know I didn’t want to get married and I never planned on having children right now. I don’t have any choice in any of this. So, quit asking me if I care. It doesn’t matter either way.”

She tries to push my hand off, but I refuse to move. “Zander, stop, move your hand.”

“No, you want to keep me out of your heart, fine, baby, have it your way. But these babies are part mine. You will not keep me out of their lives.”

She looks at me, shocked. “I’m not trying to. I wouldn’t do that.”

“Really, because you tried to leave and not tell me you were even pregnant. I know this is your body, but while my babies are inside of it, I will be here holding, rubbing and talking to my sons. When we’re in our bed you will allow me to remain close to them.”

She starts laughing. “Sons, Zander, what makes you so sure that they are going to be boys?”

“Hello, have you seen me? They’re boys, I was made to have sons. Plus, God wouldn’t give me girls. He knows I wouldn’t survive. I mean, could you imagine me with daughters?” I start laughing with her. This is how I wish it would be all the time.

Our laughter ends and I look back at her stomach. “I want you to tell me when you feel something. I don’t care how small, I want to know about it. Okay?”

“All right, I’ll tell you. Zander, I know this has to be hard for you too, but we can maybe try to be civil. At least for our babies. This can work if we try to be friends. I want you to feel free to do what you want. I mean…”

“Is that really what you want?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want, remember?”

She just finished me. I’m done. I roll over because I can’t stand to look at her any longer. She just destroyed us before we even got started.