I was actually scared for the first time in my life. Knowing my wife and family were inside with whoever this guy was. My body moved fast from adrenaline pumping through my veins. I took out whomever I had to in order to get in the house as fast as I could.

But it was not the same fear I had when Murphy held that gun high and shot Dicky over and over. I feared for her, knowing this will change her. You can’t kill someone and be the same. I watch her close, seeing she’s in shock. I watch as she looks all around the room at everyone and everything going on, praying she will snap out of this to be whole again. Then her water breaks and her attention is snapped back to reality. And I’m thankful; the less time she has to drown in guilt, the better.

I try as hard as I can to be there for her, but they won’t let me because of the gunshot wound in my shoulder. Don’t they understand I don’t care what happens to me? All I care about is Murphy and my babies. Finally, we start moving to get Murphy to the hospital. I make Vin carry Murphy because there is no way in hell I’m allowing Gabriel to play her knight in shining armor.

When we get to the hospital, we don’t have to wait long before Murphy is ready to push. She’s in so much pain and I feel like an ass for not being able to take it from her. But this is something she has to do, so I do the only thing I can. I help to push her on.

I keep telling her that our sons need her to be strong and push them out. The doc asks the stupidest question about how I can be so sure they’re boys, I roll my eyes and ignore him. The man should know.

But it’s when Dr. Martin tells me that I have two beautiful daughters that I feel the worst fear in my life. No fear, not even everything that happened today comes close to the fear I feel right now. I start to feel light-headed and dizzy and then nothing.

I wake up in a hospital bed. The nurse tells me to calm down as I struggle to get out of the damn bed. She informs me that Murphy gave them permission to operate on me. She says they got all the fragments out of my shoulder and closed me up the right way. I guess the doc did as good of a job as he could under the circumstances. Mom comes in the room when I imagine she hears me yelling. She tries to get me to calm down too and tells me not to worry, she gave them a simple explanation for my injury and the doctor backed her up.

“Where’s Murphy?”

“She’s in her room, she’s sleeping right now, son. She’s fine.”

“Where are my babies?”

“Your daughters are in the nursery. They have just a touch of low blood sugar and jaundice so they will be staying for a couple of days.”

I go to sit up, but Mom stops me. “Zander, they’re fine. They are perfectly healthy, this is normal for most babies. Just rest, and when you and Murphy are ready, you can see them. They’re beautiful, Zander.”

“Where are my brothers and Theo?”

“The boys are all upstairs, watching over Murphy. Theo is outside the door right there, waiting.”

“I want up!”

“No, son, you can’t, just wait…”

Fuck this. I start yelling, “Theo! Theo!”

Theo barges into the room, freaking out like I’m dying. He runs over to me. “What is it?”

“I need you to help me get up, I want to see my girls.”

“Son, wait, no. I’ll go to them right now. Don’t worry, I won’t leave them alone, I promise.”

“No, I want to be there, I need to be there. Are you going to help me or not?”

Theo looks at my mom and then looks back at me.

“Dad, I need to be there for them, help me.”

That’s all it took, after hearing me call him dad, he doesn’t care what Mom says, he starts helping me. He yells at the nurses to fix my IVs because he was moving me with or without their help. He even helps me put my pants on. Mom has been carrying all my clothing in a bag they gave her. Once I’m ready to leave, he wheels me out of the room and upstairs to the nursery.

We get to the window of the nursery, and he points to where they are.

“They’re beautiful, son, the most beautiful girls I have ever seen.”

“I know that’s what scares me.”

He laughs and knocks on the window. The nurse comes around and opens the door after checking my bracelet. She puts me in a room and brings in my girls. She tells me I can hold them.  So, I sit in a rocking chair. She tells me to remove my gown, she claims they like feeling skin, it keeps them warm and content. She claims it also helps them to bond with me. She then helps me with all the ties on my gown and hangs it over my arm that has the IV in it. She then proceeds to bring one baby at a time showing me how to hold them. She even helps to adjust one so that they’re not lying on my shoulder.

Once she knows I have them, she leaves. I look down at my baby girls, they’re so tiny, but they are the most precious and beautiful beings I have ever seen. I can’t help but shed a tear or two at how much joy I feel.

I keep watching and staring at every little movement they make. Amazed that Murphy and I made them. They look so much like her, they both have patches of red hair.

About a half an hour later, the nurse comes back, wanting to take them from me, but I refuse. Nobody will take them from me ever. I will let them go when Murphy’s ready for them and not a minute sooner.

An hour later the nurse comes back in and tells me it’s time to go see their mother. I agree, but I insist on holding them so she helps me back into my chair, then gives me my girls back. She wheels us out to a waiting Theo. He beams down at me, and without a word we start rolling towards Murphy’s room. When I see everyone inside, I can’t help but show how proud of a father I am.

My brothers start to tease me. Gabriel says, “Girls, huh Zander? Couldn’t happen to a better man.”

Liam and Vin start to tell me they hope and pray that they look just like Murphy when they grow up. Liam says, “I even want them to have every curve their mother has so it can keep you up at night thinking of all the boys dreaming of your girls.”

They continue to cut up, laughing until I decide I can shut at least one of them up. “Hey Gabriel, you think it’s so funny that I have girls, you know who I feel sorry for?”

Hey chuckles out, “No, who?”

“Gavin. Can you imagine all the fights he’s going to get into protecting them?”

Well, that shut him up, he knows I’m right. Gavin will be the one watching over them at school and home.

Mom shouts, “That’s enough, boys.” She walks over to me and passes her finger all over my daughters’ little faces.  “Gavin will kill to protect them.” I look at her because it wasn’t the right thing to say, but then I look back at my girls and know she’s right. He will do what is expected to keep them safe.

She then straightens and tells them all that they have to leave so that Murphy can feed the babies. They all start coming to me to say their goodbyes to the girls and then leave. The nurse stays to show Murphy how to get the girls attached. She takes one of my daughters out of my arms reluctantly. Then she takes the next.

Once Murphy has them latched on, cradling them, the nurse leaves. I stand to look over at them filling their bellies. I look at my wife and say in a low voice, not wanting to disturb my girls, “Hey baby, you did good.”

I bend to kiss her and she starts crying. “Don’t cry, Red. What’s wrong tell me?”

She whispers, “I’m scared, Zander, it’s so wrong to be so happy after I killed a man.”

“You listen to me, Red, I know you’re feeling guilty, but don’t. Look, you see our girls? He was going to kill me and everyone in that room, even our daughters. He would have done that if you didn’t stop him. You protected us, you protected them. You did what you had to do.”

I pause and look back at my girls as they suckle on their mother’s breasts. “You understand, Murphy? You did what you had to do. Never feel guilty about protecting us. I love you more now than ever because you did that for us.”

“What if I go to prison, Zander? I can’t leave them.”

“Baby, you are not going to prison; no one will ever know what you did. No one will tell not even the good doctor, I promise. Now, I want you to forget and relax, the girls need you to stay calm.”

I kiss her again and try to change the subject. “We need to name them. Have any ideas?”

She giggles. “I have been trying for months to get you to pick out girl names with me, but you refused, and to think you call me stubborn. Now all we have are boy names.”

“I know, I know, let’s think.”

We finally decide on using the boy names, I mean, why not? Murphy has a boy name. So we decide to call them Logan and Ryan Stern.

Two days later we bring our babies home. Everyone takes their turns holding them, later on, we tell everyone goodnight and retire to our room. Mom, Cherry, Fallon and Avery have their nursery set up. It’s pink, girly and perfect, but I’m not ready to separate from them yet so I carry them to our room. Murphy tries to tell me that I should put them in their room, but I don’t care, they are staying with us for a little longer. I don’t want them across the hall yet.

“Zander, you’re going to spoil them.”

“You’re damn right I am. I want them so spoiled, just like their mother.”

She rolls her eyes and lies down from exhaustion. I lay the girls down beside her and start taking pictures.

“Zander, what are you doing?”

“I need more pictures on my phone.”

She laughs and snuggles them to her side. I sit in a chair and just watch as the most precious people in my life sleep.