Chapter Thirteen
Tess stroked Bubbles’s soft fur as they curled together on the couch. With her other hand, she held her e-reader as she read. The fire crackled in the hearth . . . and her stomach growled. She glanced at the clock, then out the window. It was dark outside; she’d missed dinner altogether. Getting lost in a good book had helped make a few hours fly by. And even though she was hungry, she felt serene too. For the first time in three days.
It was nice to have had those few sweet hours without thinking of the ovulation cycle she was wasting, or the profiles of the potential donors she’d combed through again, or most of all, Logan Carter.
While their talk had gone pretty much how she’d suspected it would, she hadn’t been prepared for his total abandonment. Three days now, and not so much as a word. She’d gone through the gamut of emotions: upset, sad, angry, disappointed, offended, heartsick. She was starting to wonder if he’d ever speak to her again, or if he was just going to completely avoid her from now on.
Didn’t he have any idea how hard it’d been for her to even ask that of him in the first place? She hadn’t been that nervous in a long time. She grunted as she thought of the look on his face as he’d bolted from the restaurant. Sheer panic. And nothing since. Well, if that was his stance, he may as well stay away, for a hundred reasons.
Today, she’d called the clinic and made an appointment for the following afternoon. Time to forge ahead. Narrowing it down to three possible donor choices based on their bios, she intended to have a choice made and the process started by the time she left Dr. Fuller’s office. Being proactive in the face of resistance or a setback always made her feel better. There was no more time to waste. She wanted her baby, dammit, more and more with each passing day.
She put the e-reader down and sat up. As soon as she did, Bubbles jumped off the couch and barked as her tail wagged faster.
“You need to go out?” Tess asked.
Bubbles ran for the side door and barked again.
“I’ll take that as a hell yes, Mama, I need to go.” Tess smiled and rose from the couch. She pulled on her coat, shoved her feet into her Uggs, and grabbed the leash from its hook on the wall. It was freezing out, so Tess didn’t linger—and thankfully, Bubbles didn’t want to either. She did her thing and they were back inside within three minutes. As soon as Tess was out of her coat and boots, she went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She filled the silver kettle with water and put it on to boil. Her cell phone dinged with a text. She glanced at the screen to see Pierce had written: Hey, big sis. How’s it going? Miss you.
“Awww,” she cooed aloud before typing back, Hi! Miss you too. I’m fine. Enjoying the mountain air, and the peace and quiet.
Good, glad to hear it. Do any skiing?
Yup. Went several times. It was great.
Atta girl.
How’s Abby feeling? Tess couldn’t help but smile, thinking of Abby being pregnant . . . and that Pierce would be a father. That still amazed her.
Sick as a dog, he answered. Every damn morning. It’s awful. She throws her guts up here, then again when she gets to school. I feel so bad for her.
Ugh! Tess wrote, wincing for her sweet sister-in-law. Me too. I’m sure it’ll pass in a few more weeks. Give her a big hug for me.
I will. I’ll call soon, we’ll talk and catch up more. Just wanted to check in.
He always had. Even when Pierce had lived in England, he’d always checked in with her regularly. Tess was so glad that even though he was married now, his life full in different ways, they were still close. Glad you did, she wrote. Yes, let’s talk soon. Love you, Soccer Boy.
Love you too, Tessie. Be good.
Tess smiled as she put down the phone. The kettle whistled and she moved it to a different burner, then crossed to the far cupboard and rummaged through the many tins and boxes of tea. There had to be close to twenty different kinds. She couldn’t help it—she loved hot tea on a cold winter’s day or night, so every time she saw a kind of tea that she thought she might like, she got it. Another one of her indulgences, she supposed, recalling that chat with Logan . . .
Logan. Ugh. She pushed him out of her mind. She didn’t want to be upset with him. She knew what she’d asked of him was huge, and didn’t blame him for declining. It was the total silence afterwards that had her so damn disappointed in him.
Deciding to go with the hot cinnamon spice, she dunked the tea bag into her mug once, twice—and the doorbell rang, making her startle. Bubbles barked like mad from the other room and came racing by, a blur of white fur and sound, flying right for the door.
Tess wasn’t expecting anyone. Her heart skipped a beat; could it actually be Logan? Nah, he was staying away from her like she had the plague. Her long legs had her across the house in a few seconds. “Who’s there?” she asked loudly over Bubbles’s barking, through the door.
“It’s me, Tess.”
Wow, it was Logan. Interesting. A wave of something whooshed through her, a mixture of trepidation, annoyance, and a little thrill. But the annoyance took over. She straightened to her full height, her chin held high as she opened the door . . . and didn’t say a word. She just looked at him. Frigid mountain air rushed in.
Bubbles barked and yipped and leapt up to Logan for attention.
“Hey there, little miss.” He bent briefly to pet the dog and give her some love. After a few seconds, appeased, Bubbles took off, headed back to the warmth of her doggie bed by the fireplace. He straightened up again and offered Tess an awkward grin that was more like a grimace. “Hey.” His voice was soft, tentative.
He stood there in his usual outfit: blue ski jacket over a navy fleece hoodie, jeans, work boots, navy wool hat pulled down over his mop of blond hair . . . and hints of frost in his beard that glinted as the light hit. Did he have to be so damned handsome?
“Hello.” She kept her tone and gaze cool, affable but not welcoming.
He shifted his stance as his eyes traveled over her in brief appraisal. She didn’t know what he was assessing; she wore a red and black striped sweater over black leggings. Nothing glamorous. She grew more irritated by the second. Her limbs felt taut from holding back the tension. She swept her long hair back and lifted her chin another notch.
Then he said, “Your body language is screaming fuck you, Logan, go away. I don’t blame you. I’ve been an asshole. I handled all this horribly.”
Astonishment sucker-punched her. But all she said was, “Yup.”
He nodded, and she could see the remorse in his eyes. It was genuine. At least that was one thing she knew for sure about Logan Carter. He was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a liar. He was as true as they came. He cleared his throat and said, “I’m here because I’d like to talk. To apologize, and . . . some other things. If you’ll hear me out. Can I come in?”
Her heart melted a little, but she’d be damned if she’d let him see that. “Sure.” She moved aside to let him pass. He entered the foyer and looked to her for cues; she turned and walked farther into the house. “I was just making some tea. Would you like some?”
“No, thank you,” he said as she went back to the kitchen, and he followed. “So . . . how are you?”
“Fine, thanks.” She removed the tea bag from her mug and placed it on a nearby saucer. She lifted the steaming cup to her face and inhaled the delicious scent of the tea, her eyes closing for a second from the pleasure. Then she turned away, saying over her shoulder, “Let’s talk in the dining room.” It was more formal there. The thought of curling up beside him on the couch was more than she wanted right then. “And take off your coat if you’re staying.”
“I’d like to stay.” His deep voice was so earnest, it made her stop and turn back to look at him. He was behind her, his eyes tight with ambivalence, making the corners crinkle appealingly. “We have a lot to discuss.”
That made her stomach do a little flip. But she was Tess Harrison, and dammit, she knew how to cover her emotions when necessary. That was Life As a Harrison 101. “Really,” she said. “Then let’s do that.” She went to the dining area, gesturing with a sweep of her hand for him to sit where he wanted. She sat at the head of the polished wooden table as he shrugged out of his coat and hoodie.
“You took the power position,” he noted as he placed his things on a chair. “You’re pretty pissed at me.” He yanked off his hat and dropped it onto the same chair, quickly raked his fingers through his golden hair to brush it out of his eyes, and took the seat closest to her, at her right, watching her with intent.
She sipped her tea as he settled his big frame into the ornate, high-backed cherrywood chair. In his blue and gray flannel, her rugged, sexy guest looked slightly out of place at the long, elegant table. She kind of liked that. Finally she said, “Yes, I’m pissed at you. But probably not for why you think.”
“Do I get to guess?”
“You don’t have to. I’ll tell you outright, if you really want to know.”
His pale green eyes met hers. “C’mon, Tess, I know why. And you should be mad. I would be too, if someone I’d come to think of as a friend disappeared on me without a word for days. Much less after I asked something enormous and made myself vulnerable.”
Impressed with his insight, she only nodded and sipped again.
“I’m very sorry for how I’ve behaved,” he said. “It’s inexcusable.”
“Well . . . it’s not totally inexcusable,” she said. “Not the first few hours of it, anyway. I took you off guard, I shocked you with something major.”
“Damn right you did. But the two days since? No excuse.”
Respect sparked in her core. But hurt and disappointment still reigned. “There I have to agree as well. And before you proceed any further, you should know I’m not interested in excuses.”
His eyes rounded for a second. “You get formal when you’re furious. Like . . . haughty. Even your word choices . . . Interesting. I have to remember that. The more regal and frosty you get, the more trouble the other person’s in.”
He kept impressing her with how clearly he understood her, but she wasn’t ready to take her icy wall down just yet. “You’re not in trouble, Logan. Things are just . . . different now.”
“I deserve that. But . . .” He leaned in a drop and asked softly, “Any chance you’d be willing to let me back in? I’d like to try.”
Her heart skipped a beat and she swallowed hard. Damn. Damn him and his magnetism and natural charisma and sharp perceptiveness and his beautiful eyes staring into hers. “Don’t know yet. But I do appreciate your coming here and trying to make amends. Better late than not at all, I suppose.” Her hands circled her mug, hot beneath her skin. “What did you want to discuss?”
“I hate the formal Tess.” He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Makes me want to shake you and get the real Tess to come out. The sweet one, the warm one.”
She just stared at him, even as her breath caught.
“And I hate that guarded look in your eyes,” he said. “I know I’m the one who put it there. Yes, I let you down. I’m so sorry. I just needed time to think. To process your . . . request.”
Her heart squeezed. She sipped some more tea, welcoming its warmth as it helped stretch out the silence. If he wanted to get back into her good graces, she still needed more.
He sighed again, heavily. “Mostly, I wanted to apologize for bailing on you like I did. I’m really sorry I acted like such a dick. You deserved better. I’m very sorry.”
“Thank you.” She set the cup down. “I appreciate that.”
“And”—his eyes met and held hers—“I’ve missed you. That surprised me.”
She didn’t move, transfixed. The waves of intensity and longing that came off him were so strong and raw, they were palpable.
“Somehow, my little texts with you became a bright spot in my day. I . . .” His voice softened, but his gaze didn’t waver as he admitted, “I missed that. And you. I’ve enjoyed the growing friendship. I only hope I haven’t wrecked it permanently.”
Her stomach filled with butterflies. She drew a long, deep breath, then said, “Your coming here to talk like this . . . goes a long way. It’s not wrecked permanently. I’ve . . . I enjoy you too. We can try to move on from this.”
His stare intensified. “Do you still trust me?”
She blinked at that. His direct question deserved an honest answer. “Not like I did before, but yes, mostly I still trust you. What you did doesn’t change who you are.”
His nod came slowly, processing. “Fair enough. All I can do is try to earn your full trust back.”
She just stared. That was something he wanted? Did she mean something to him, then? The way he’d started meaning something to her? Her heart did a little fluttery thing that made her draw another deep breath.
“Well. Okay, so . . . there’s the other thing I want to talk about.” He scratched his beard, his eyes flickering away and back again before it seemed like he was ready to forge ahead. “If you still want me to be your donor, even after what a jackass I’ve been . . . I’m willing. Actually, I’d be honored. I want to help you. I’ll do it.”
Her jaw dropped and her heart rate skyrocketed as she stared at him. He . . . he was saying yes? He wanted to help her? He’ll do it?
“Wow. Your whole face just . . .” His sensual lips twisted in a grin. “Who’s the shocked one now?”
She huffed out a breath, stammering, “I . . . I, yes, I’m in shock. That was the last thing in the world I expected you to say.”
“I’m sure.” He grinned, but it faded as he asked, “Is it too late? Did you scratch me off the list for being an asshole?”
“I took you off the list because I thought your response was a loud and clear hell no,” she said. “But . . . Logan. Seriously?” She edged a tiny bit closer, questions filling her mind even as her heart thudded away. “What changed your mind?”
“I’ve been thinking about it.” He snorted and added wryly, “Haven’t been able to think of much else, really.”
She gaped at him, stunned speechless.
He reached forward, cautious, tentative, and took her hand in his. His skin felt a little rough, and so warm, as his huge hand wrapped around hers. “I can’t tell you how flattered I am that you want me to . . . well, I was going to say be the father of your child, but that’s not it, really. That you want any of my DNA in your child. That you think that highly of anything I have to offer.”
“I do,” she whispered.
“Still?”
“Still.”
He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back as they looked into each other’s eyes. “You’ll be an amazing mother, Tess,” he said. “I have no doubt of that. You deserve to have the baby you want so much . . . and any child will be so incredibly lucky to have you for his or her mom.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. “Oh, Logan. Thank you for saying that.”
“I mean it. I really do, or I wouldn’t be here. Also . . .” He caressed the back of her hand with the calloused pad of his thumb. The gentle intimacy of the gesture fired sparks in her as he continued. “I have to admit that the more I thought about everything you presented, the more it made sense. I mean . . . you think my physical and mental traits are ones you’d like in your child? That’s amazing to me.” Something like awe lit his eyes.
“But then there’s the other part: I don’t want kids.” His voice was firmer now. “I made that pretty clear. And you know what? That does work to your advantage. Because you don’t want a partner, or a guy who wants to be an active part of your child’s life. You’re not asking me to be a father, you’re not asking anything of me except to just . . . contribute, and then leave you and the child alone. Which is pretty much the only way I’d agree to it, because I don’t want that responsibility. So all that makes me a dream candidate, doesn’t it? I’m the right guy to ask.”
Her breath caught and tears slid down her cheeks. “Yes. Yes, all of those things were considerations in my decision.”
“Okay.” He reached up and brushed her tears away with gentle fingers, gazing at her with kindness and acceptance. Something inside her melted and overflowed with warmth. “So. What do you need from me? Testing, I guess?”
Still stunned, she stared for a few more seconds, then blinked, sniffed hard, and nodded. “Umm, yeah. Yes. I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow at one o’clock. Any chance you’d be free to come with me? I guess they could tell us what we need to do, test you there, start everything . . .” Her voice trailed off as her eyes locked on his face. “Are you sure about this, Logan? Really sure?”
“Yes.” He took both of her hands in his and met her gaze without flinching, without hesitation. Something passed between them, electric and warm and pure. “I want you to have the child you want. I’ll do . . . well, my part.” He grinned. “Awkward.”
They laughed together. Her heart felt light, her soul free. She couldn’t believe it. Her whole world had just changed . . . She was going to have her baby. He was going to help make her biggest, most important dream come true. Overwhelmed, she jumped up from her chair and flung herself at him, hugging tight. He rose as he hugged her back, bringing them both to standing. They held each other as she whispered against his ear, “Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.”
* * *
Logan held Tess close. The moment was so powerful, so charged with emotion, it made his heart beat harder and his head spin. Her gratitude, joy, and relief were tangible, moving him more than he could grasp.
He ran a hand over the long curtain of her hair, down her back and up again as she whispered fervent thanks against his ear. The catch in her voice, the raw feeling . . . so many feelings. God, she made him feel, both emotionally and physically. He savored the feel of holding her. The feel of her body against his had his blood pulsing, skin heating. She was softness and warmth and beauty, intoxicating . . . He could drown in her. But all he said was, “You’re welcome.”
After a minute, he pulled back to look into her face. Her beautiful features seemed imbued with light. Had he done that? Before it went further, he said, “There’s a few things I need to go over, though. I, uh . . . have a few questions. And, actually, a request of my own.”
She blinked, then snapped right into action mode. He so admired her focus, her sharp edge. Must’ve been partly the awesomeness that was her, and partly having to keep up with an overbearing father and three powerful brothers. “Let’s go into the living room and get comfortable, then. Sounds like this talk is about to get even more interesting.”