Chapter Twenty-Six
Logan stood in the cafeteria of the hospital, choking down one of the worst chocolate chip cookies he’d ever had. He hated this place. The antiseptic smell, the fluorescent lights, the air of despondency that seemed to pervade every corridor . . . He hated hospitals in general. Nothing good ever happened here.
His mom’s fever hadn’t lowered yet. The doctor said it was typical, but they hadn’t found the exact cause yet. Her white blood cell count was high, she was on antibiotics . . . It was a waiting game. At least she hadn’t had a seizure, and wasn’t in pain or out of it. She was woozy, but clear of mind.
He’d taken her to the hospital the night before, gotten her admitted, and stayed with her for a few hours before they asked him to leave for the night. He’d gone home and called Tess, to no avail. Clearly, his attempts at pushing her away had finally stuck. Miserable about that, he’d barely slept, then gone back to the hospital first thing in the morning and stayed with his mom all day, watching those cooking shows she liked so much. Truth was, he liked them too.
He glanced at the clock on the wall. Half past one. This was the first time he’d left her room. She’d insisted he go take a walk, get some fresh air, which he’d begrudgingly done . . . It was spring outside. Hints of white and green in the trees, birdsong, flowers poking their heads out . . . signs of life. Signs of life while his mom was dying. Signs of life, like the baby growing inside Tess that he’d never get to know. He’d signed away all his rights, and she was hurt and angry, not talking to him. The world was cruel sometimes. He hated the world today.
He’d gone back to the cafeteria to grab something sweet. Sugar would help. But the cookies tasted like sawdust. He was spoiled; he wanted Pistelli’s cookies, dammit.
So he left the hospital. They’d text him immediately if they needed him, and his mom seemed to be holding steady. Being away for less than an hour wouldn’t be a problem. He drove into downtown, got a pound of mixed cookies from Pistelli’s, then headed back to the hospital. Surely some decent cookies would not only cheer him up, but his mom too.
When he pushed open the door of his mom’s room, he almost dropped the box. Tess was sitting at his mother’s bedside. He blinked, gaping at her in disbelief.
Her big blue eyes locked with his. “Hi,” she whispered as she got to her feet.
“Hey.” She was there. Shock clobbered him. He didn’t take his eyes off hers, but managed to put the box of cookies on the tiny table.
Annmarie looked from one to the other, then said to her son, “I was wondering where you went. Are those Pistelli’s cookies?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He still stared at Tess as if in a trance.
“Good boy. I’ll enjoy those.” Annmarie sighed. “Know what? I’m in the way here, but I can’t go anywhere. Why don’t you two go out in the hallway and talk?”
Logan tentatively held out a hand to Tess. She went to him without hesitation and slipped her hand into his. His heart expanded at the feel of her soft, warm skin as he closed his fingers around hers. They went out to the hallway, and as soon as the door closed behind them, she turned to hold him tight.
His arms banded around her, his eyes closed as his head dropped down to rest on top of hers, and his whole body relaxed for the first time in weeks.
“I’m so goddamn glad you’re here,” he whispered roughly against her ear.
Her fingers sorted through his hair, along his neck, his back. “I’m here, honey, I’m here,” she whispered back. “I fell asleep early last night, I didn’t get your voice mail until this morning. Once I heard it, I couldn’t get here fast enough. I asked Charles to let me use the Harrison Enterprises jet . . . It was the quickest way.”
His arms tightened around her, pressing her even closer. “Thank you for that.”
“I love you,” she said, her voice breaking. She pulled back to look into his eyes. He saw her tears, saw the raw emotions there . . . and it both broke him and saved him at the same time. “I love you, Logan. So much. I’m here for you, if you’ll let me be.”
“Oh, I’ll let you. I love you too,” he said. He reached up to hold her face with gentle hands, stroking her skin as if she were the most precious thing on earth. “I should’ve told you that a long time ago.”
She stared at him, her mouth a little O of shock, apparently as surprised by his words as he’d been at seeing her.
“I have so much to tell you,” he said. “We need to talk . . . There are so many things . . .”
“We will,” she assured him. “Not right now. But we will. I’ll be here for a few days. It’s okay.”
“No, this part can’t wait. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I hurt you. I was . . .” He sighed heavily. “I was messed up. But I’m clear now. I love you, I want you, I need you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Tess.” He brushed her hair back with both hands, then held her shoulders and looked right into her eyes. “I want us to be together. Really together. Not because of a deal, not because you’re pregnant, but because you’re my best friend and I’m crazy in love with you and I don’t ever want to let you go again. I want to make this work somehow. Do you think we can do that?”
“Yes.” Tears rolled down her face as she smiled at him. “Because I feel the same exact way about you, about all of that. Every wonderful word you said.”
He sealed his lips to hers, kissing her passionately. She responded in a heartbeat, kissing him back with so much warmth and affection, it melted the last of the ice that had encased his heart for years.
“I love you so much, Tess,” he said. “I’m completely, hopelessly in love with you. From the moment you got on that plane, I’ve missed you so much it actually hurt sometimes.”
“Same here,” she whispered, lifting her fingers to play in his beard. “I missed you every day. I’ve been lost without you.”
“Christ, we’ve both been so dumb.” He smiled. “It’s so damn good to see you.”
“You too.” She caressed his skin, traced the lines of his face with her fingertips, her eyes following every movement.
“How’s the baby?” he asked, locking his arms around her waist as he gazed down at her. “You’re not even showing yet. You feeling all right?”
“I’m fine, and the baby’s fine,” she said. She paused, swallowing hard. Then she looked right into his eyes and said cautiously, “Our baby is fine.”
He stopped and stared. “Your baby. I signed my rights away. I respect your wishes, Tess. I’m not trying to—”
“Do you love me?” she asked.
“More than you can imagine,” he said.
“Do you want to be with me?”
“More than I can express.”
“Well . . . you got me pregnant. You are the father. So . . . if you do want us to be together . . . we would be a family.” She looked directly into his eyes. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’ve changed my mind, Logan. About raising the baby alone. That is . . . if I can raise this baby with you. As a couple. For us to be, like you said, really together.”
“Jesus,” he breathed. “Seriously? Are you sure?”
“It’s the only way I’d change my mind on this. Because I want to be with you.” She blinked a few times, and he realized she was nervous about putting it out there, that she thought he might still reject her.
“I want to be with you,” he said. “I meant that.”
“Well, the thing is . . . I’m pregnant. You didn’t want kids. So . . . by any chance, has that changed? Because if not . . . I’d understand, but we’d need to come to some kind of understanding. I’m not asking you to be a father if you don’t want to be one.”
He stared at her, trying to formulate the right words. “I . . . Tess . . .”
“We’ve danced around too much,” she said. “Both of us trying to do the right thing for the other, not saying what we really feel . . . Enough of that. Look where it got us. So just say it. Tell me exactly what you want. Right now. Please.”
“I want it all,” he blurted out. “I didn’t want those things before—a relationship, kids—that’s true. I was afraid, I admit it. But when I fell in love with you, it all changed. I changed. I want everything now, because I want it all with you.” He took a shuddery breath, but didn’t break their gaze. The light in her eyes and tremulous smile on her face encouraged him to go for it. “I want to be with you, I want to marry you, I want us to raise this baby together, I want to have a family with you . . . I want all of it. But you said you wanted to do this on your own, Tess. You don’t want a partner, or a husband, or a father figure for the baby. I didn’t tell you I’d changed my mind about everything because I was respecting what you said you wanted.”
“Like you, I thought I knew what I wanted. And like you, when I fell in love with you, it changed my perspective. It changed everything.” She wiped her tears away, sniffled, and kissed him. “I want all of that too, everything you said. Everything, with you.”
They stared at each other for a long beat, smiles slowly blooming.
“We found each other,” she whispered. “We’re perfect together. We’re the Dream Team, right?”
“I didn’t have dreams anymore,” he whispered back. “But you’re my dream come true. In every way.”
Again her eyes welled. “I did have dreams. But you surpassed them all, and then some.” She smiled and kissed him softly. “Don’t you ever let me go again.”
“Not for anything in the world,” he vowed, pulling her closer.
“Okay. Then let’s do this.” She kissed him again. “Together, we can have it all.”
He gave her a gentle squeeze and murmured against her lips, “We already do.”