Felicity
For two days, I live in a world of darkness. I am moved from car to boat, from boat to plane, from plane to car, and finally from car into an elevator which descends deep into the earth. The elevator lurches as it goes farther and farther down.
Mr. Black has left me in the hands of his goons, but he ordered them not to touch me. And if I’ve learnt one thing over two days of listening to his men talk, it’s that they all fear Mr. Black. I’ve heard them say he can kill a man with the nod of his head. Judging by the ease with which he transported me from France to here—wherever here is—I believe them.
When the bag is pulled from my head, I squint against the light. It’s only a bulb which hangs from a loose wire, but to my eyes it’s an explosion. After a time, my sight begins to adjust. The bag has only been lifted over these past days to shovel food and water down my throat. Even when going to the toilet, it was with one of Mr. Black’s men propping me up. I blink twice, my eyes watering, and look around the room.
There isn’t much to see. A small rectangle of a cell with a thin-mattress bed, a sink, and a toilet. The air is thick and musty. I feel like I’m underground, like the entire weight of the ceiling could come crashing down at any moment. The cell door is made of solid metal, with a tiny slit at head-height and a trap door in the bottom, presumably for pushing food in.
I go to the slit and look out. One of Mr. Black’s goons stands outside. His face is much the same as the others, squashed and inscrutable, his arms huge. A scar runs from his neck up his chin and onto his lip. I wince as I imagine what could’ve caused such a mark.
“Hello,” I say.
He stares at the wall, not registering that I’ve spoken.
“Excuse me!”
Nothing.
“I’m talking to you!”
I might as well be shouting at a brick wall.
I retreat into the cell, flopping onto the bed.
Cogs within cogs turn in my mind.
I try to straighten my thoughts, but it’s difficult. My chest aches, but that has nothing to do with the way Mr. Black or his men have treated me. My chest aches when I think of Roma. Like it or not, I was falling for him. Falling hard. I slept and I dreamt of his eyes, his stern face, his handsome good looks, his capability, his strength, the security he seemingly gave me. I think of the sex and even now, despite everything, my body longs for the touch of his. I try to kill it. He betrayed you. The record is stuck in my mind and the words have no effect. He betrayed you! I know he deserves no excuses, and yet I try and find justification.
It’s his work. It’s who he is. Maybe he came onto the yacht with one intention and left with another. Maybe the smiles and the touching and the closeness and the sex are not meaningless. Maybe the love you felt blossoming inside of you was, truly, blossoming inside of him, too.
But even if that’s true, I can’t bring myself to let it go. Circumstances or not, the fact remains that the only reason he bought me on that wretched yacht was so he could kill my father. My father. The only parent I’ve ever truly known. A man who wants to do good in the world. The man who’s shown me so much love over the years. Dammit . . . my father!
Roma, I think. Who are you? Did you feel anything, ever? Or was it all a lie?
I can’t know, not here, and it’s killing me. I force it aside. I can’t ignore the heartache, but I can focus on other things.
Like how the hell I’m going to get out of here, for one.
When it comes to that, I have nothing. At no point during the journey did I feel like there was a weakness in Mr. Black’s organization. I was handled carefully, but impersonally, the same way men would handle an expensive antique. Nobody showed me any sign that they pitied me, would want to help me. Perhaps I could kick the door down, with enough effort. I laugh grimly. Even if that was true, then what? That big brute out there isn’t exactly going to step aside and let me prance out of here.
I stand up, feeling restless. I want something to happen, something which would give me a chance to do something, anything. I hate feeling powerless. I didn’t even feel this powerless on the yacht. Terrified, sure, but not powerless. On the yacht, at least I had hope in the form of the stolen kitchen knife. At least I could tell myself: I’ll kill anybody who tries to touch me. Mr. Black’s men are a far cry from the clumsy, drugged-up, drunken Russians on the yacht. I haven’t heard any of these men slur their words. I haven’t sensed any lack of control in them.
I pace up and down, wringing my hands. I can’t stop thinking about Dad and Roma. I imagine Dad rushing to meet me in a crowded place, a shopping mall, perhaps. Or wherever they decide to put me. Maybe they’ll drug me and leave me on a bench, call up Dad pretending to be a concerned onlooker. Hello, Mr. Fellows, I think I have spotted your daughter. And then . . . What? A bullet? A knife? Will it still be Roma who does it? I want to tell myself that no, Roma would never do that, not after everything we’ve shared. But he’s worked for Mr. Black longer than he’s known me. I can’t know where his true allegiance lies.
I won’t let them use me as bait, I think, my breathing getting quicker as I pace, pace, pace, doing laps around the tiny cell. I’ll sacrifice myself if it comes to that.
I must pace for a long time, because after a while, I hear voices outside my cell.
“Time for a shift change already, eh?”
I creep to the slit in the door and peek out. The big brute has his back turned to me, talking to another guard. The new guard looks different to the others. He is thin, almost as thin as Mr. Black, and young. Whereas the others are all in their mid-thirties, maybe even early forties, this man looks younger than me. He has a freckled face and a small, tight smile. His clothes fit baggily on him. His eyes are red and soft. His hair is ginger, a red darker and more stained than mine.
“Yes,” the man mutters, his voice as soft as his face.
“Alright, don’t let this one give you any trouble.” The brute nods toward the cell, at me. “I’m off to find a hole.” I duck low and wait as his footsteps echo down the hallway.
When I look back through the gap, I see that the man now stands alone in the hallway. He faces the wall, just as the big scarred man did, but his face isn’t as impassive. It’s obvious just by looking at him that he is either new or unsuited to his job. He glances across at me, swallows nervously, and then turns back to the wall.
Okay, I think, remember the yacht. Remember what those men liked. They don’t like a feisty woman, a woman in-control, a woman with a personality. They like a vessel into which they can pour their hopes and dreams and lust and all the rest of their warped self-images.
I force my voice to be sweet. Sickly sweet, the sweet of a hooker attending to a high-class client.
“Oh, hello,” I say, as though surprised. “You’re new.”
He stares ahead, but he’s not a brick wall, not like the others. A tiny twitch at the corner of his lips tells me he’s listening, intrigued, even.
“You’re certainly more handsome than the other man.” I giggle, the fakest giggle that’s ever escaped the lips of womankind.
But he doesn’t seem to hear the fakeness. He swivels his gaze to me, jaw tight, clamped shut. He looks at my face for a few seconds through the slit. I plaster a wide smile to my face, willing my cheeks to go red.
“You shouldn’t talk to me,” he says after a pause. “I’m not supposed to talk to you.”
“Oh, what’s a little chatting? How long’s your shift?”
He swallows again. His Adam’s apple is that of a skinny child’s, jutting like a rock from his neck. “Seven hours,” he says. “It’s five in the morning. I have the morning shift.”
“That’s unlucky!” I cry. I sound exactly how I want to sound. A male fantasy. What men who have never truly known the affection of a woman dream it sounds like. A flirty cheerleader.
He allows a small smile to touch his lips. “Well . . .” He shrugs. “Uncle was kind enough to give me work, you know. So . . .”
“Uncle?”
“Uncle Black.” The man nods.
Uncle Black . . . Mr. Black . . . Ah, that explains it. Mr. Black hires toughened killers, men immune to this sort of thing, men, in fact, who would rather bust into the cell and force themselves on me than have me talk with them. If there’s a weak link in the agency, it’s this man, standing on the other side of my prison.
“What’s your name?” I ask.
“Daniel,” he says. “My name is Daniel.”
“There’s no harm in just chatting, is there, Daniel? I’m so bored.”
“At least you can sit down in there,” Daniel says. “Think what it’s like standing up for seven hours straight without even a book to read.”
“It must be awful,” I say. “Just awful.”
“It is,” he says, nodding seriously. He truly believes that standing guard is the same as being guarded, I realize. He must be young.
“Sorry, Daniel, but . . .” I giggle again, hating the sound but seeing that it’s working. “Oh, never mind.”
He turns toward me without realizing what he’s done, leaving his space on the wall. “No, what were you going to say?” He smiles and his cheeks go rosy. “You were going to say something.”
“Oh, it doesn’t matter.” My heart is pounding now, in my ears, in my palms, in my feet. It’s working, I think.
He walks close to the cell, so close that the smell of his over-applied cologne drifts through the slit and attacks my nose. It is thick and almost makes me gag. I fight back the urge.
“Oh, okay, you’ve twisted my arm.” I roll my eyes, fluttering my eyelids. “I was just going to ask if you worked out, because you look like you do.”
He grins from ear to ear. “A little,” he says. “I started going to the gym last month, three times a week. Free weights, but I do the exercise bike and the running machine as well.” He looks at me eagerly. “Can you really tell?”
“Look at those arms,” I say. “Of course I can tell.”
We meet eyes for a few second.
Then I crane my neck back so that he can see it through the slit, a sliver of skin. I trail my fingers along my neck. “Can I tell you something else?” I whisper.
“Uh, yeah.” He nods.
“I haven’t had a good man for such a long time.”
“What do you mean?”
“They’ve all be so fat and old. I’ve been waiting for a strong young man . . .” I arch my eyebrow at him, wondering if I’ve made it too obvious. Can he really be that foolish? I glance at the gun on his hip and hope so.
“Really?” He takes another step forward. “Oh, wow. And you . . .”
I look him straight in the eyes now, my face a veil of lust and flirting. “And I want you to come in here and fuck me. Hard.”
He swallows for a third time and I think: I’ve got him.