As soon as I got into the apartment, I started questioning my decision. I had handed Angel over for nothing more than a name. A name! Would she accept that as a response when I told her the truth? Jesus, I had no idea what Thaddeus would be doing to her, and frankly I didn’t even want to know. My stomach twisted up into a knot, and I knew the only thing that would calm me down would be a solid shot of whisky. Or several. I went to the cupboard, and pulled out the bottle I had stashed in there a few nights before. I swigged straight from the cheap plastic, grimacing as the liquid burned its way down my throat. But it helped, at least a little. I would need to put the whole bottle away before I forgot what he had told me, though, and what I had done to get it.
Raven Merlot. I had always teased her about that name – I told her that it sounded like the name of someone who spent their evenings dancing around poles at a sleazy bar, but she ignored me, shooting me foul looks in response to my flippancy. We had met at some club meeting that I’d somehow snaked my way into thanks to my connections with a few of the members, and we ended up fucking in her car before I took her back to my place that evening. She didn’t leave for a week, and after that, she became the closest thing to a girlfriend that I’d had in years.
I didn’t find out what she did for a long time. She was always careful to dodge the question when I brought it up, and aligned herself with my brand of petty criminality instead of telling me the truth. In fact, it was Thad who broke the news to me. He took me aside, slapped an arm around my shoulder, and asked if I knew what my girlfriend did for a living. She was leaning up against the bar at the other side of the room, in a pair of tight jeans and a sweater, and Thad was being his usual asshole self. I stepped out from under his arm and turned to him. I didn’t work for him, I didn’t owe him any of the niceties that his staff did.
“We don’t really do much talking,” I replied, knowing that it would piss him off that this woman was more into me than him. He was the type to cock his leg up and piss on a chick if he thought it would keep other guys away from her; I, on the other hand, didn’t bother with that. There were enough women with their eyes on me that I’d never needed to be possessive. If some chick was done with me, that was fine; someone else was ready for a turn. He frowned, and spat the words out at my feet in annoyance.
“She does wet works for me,” he replied. “Has for years. She ever tell you about that?”
I didn’t answer, doing my best to keep my face neutral as I assessed the situation. Thad grinned at me triumphantly, and I could tell that he was loving this. He always like to get one over on any of the guys who refused to work for him, and I was one of them. He loved every moment of my conflicted, confused attempt to sort out what to do.
I confronted Raven about it later in the evening. I half–expecting her to deny the whole thing, call me crazy and take me back to her place to fuck the idea out of my head. But she didn’t. We were outside her place, having a cigarette, when I got the words out at last.
She paused, letting an exhale of smoke envelop her face for a moment, as though she was hiding from me. Then, she replied.
“Well, yeah.”
“What the fuck?” I exclaimed, stunned. I had known she was involved in some shady shit, but I had never delved too deep into it – honor amongst thieves, and all that shit.
“It was the only way I could get out of doing…other shit for them,” she sounded agitated. “it’s not a big deal, is it?”
“Uh, yeah,” I replied. “There’s a lot of cons out in the world, and even drugs, but killing people, Raven? Shit…”
I trailed off, and let the words hang in the air between us. I had done a lot of mildly terrible crap over the course of my life, but I could never imagine hurting someone the way that she had. Murder was…shit, that was a whole other level of black hat. I looked at her small hands, and imagined them wrapped around the grip of a gun. The thought was unsettling.
“What was the other shit they wanted you to do?” I asked, frowning, cycling back over her words once my surprise had diminished. She shook her head and waved her hand, and I knew the conversation – and the relationship, such as it was – was over right then and there.
“It’s not important,” she said, her gaze tight on mine as she dared me to challenge her. “I’ll tell you about it some other time.”
She never did, and we split up about two weeks later. I told myself it was for the best. I’d known people who ran with murderers and dirty players, and sooner or later, they ended up deeper than they meant to be. I was happy running low level cons and playing cards. When she kicked my ass out of her bed, I was a little relieved, even if I’d never met anyone else who was quite as wild in bed as she was. We stayed out of each other’s way. I didn’t see her until I returned to Thaddeus’ club, and spotted her watching Angel and I from across the room.
And I’ll admit, it was a shock to see her. The way she looked at the two of us, I could see something in her eyes – it wasn’t quite jealousy, but something else, something more profound than that. The way she eyed me, it wasn’t regret or anger or anything else that you might feel upon seeing an old lover for the first time. That expression was stuck in my mind, and had since I’d last seen her. I needed to figured out exactly what she meant with that look, but I had no way to seek her out and ask her. Well, maybe I could ask about for a hitman and see if she turned up? If she was still working there after all those years, I had to assume she was pretty damn good.
I took another sip of my drink. All this thinking about Raven wasn’t doing much to distract me from the fact that Angel was out there with Thaddeus, probably convinced that I had sold her out and that I didn’t give a flying fuck about her. What would I do when she got back? Tell her the truth, that I had the name of the person who killed her father? And, oh, that person just so happened to be my ex–lover? Yeah, I’m sure that would go very well.
I continued drinking, still standing up, leaning against the counter. My brain was starting to get blurry around the edges, my thoughts running into each other a little but not enough for me to actually forget what I had done today. I had to trust that Angel was a big girl, and could take care of herself. She’d certainly handled me just fine.
Suddenly, I heard a noise at the back end of the apartment, from the bedroom. I carefully placed the bottle down, quiet enough that it wouldn’t alert anyone to my presence. We had already had one break–in here, and I had assumed that we wouldn’t be getting another. Angel had taken that guy down so unequivocally, and no doubt he had reported back to Thaddeus and his crew l that we were not to be fucked with. So what kind of person would they send back here to finish the job? They’d have to be fucking insane.
I didn’t move a muscle, ears pricked. Maybe I was just being paranoid and I hadn’t heard anything. I was already on edge as it was, and it wouldn’t have taken a lot for my overactive imagination to fill in blanks where there were none. But then I heard the unmistakable sound of a pistol cocking, and my heart began to pound in my chest.
Adrenalin lanced through my body. I needed to find some way to arm myself. I looked around, but I couldn’t see much beyond the useless dinner knives bunched up in a cluster on the counter. Those wouldn’t do much good against bullets.
We were both aware of each other at that second, but neither of us moved another muscle. My ears were pricked, but I couldn’t so much make out the sound of someone breathing through there. Whoever they had sent, they weren’t fucking around. This person wanted me dead, and if I hadn’t already been on high alert, they might well have picked me off where I stood.
I made out the sudden sound of fabric rustling, someone moving towards the door. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and peered through the frame, but I couldn’t make anything out. And then, at last, she revealed herself.
Raven stepped out from behind the doorframe at once, and scanned the room. It was as though she wasn’t there looking for me. If she had been, she’d have started shooting as soon as she laid eyes on me, no questions asked, no second chances. But she didn’t. The gun was only half–raised, and she let out a sharp breath of air as though annoyed at what she saw in front of her. And then, after a moment’s pause, she raised the gun and pointed it in my direction.
“Raven–“ I tried to reason with her, but I knew there was no point. She aimed briefly, cocking her head to the side, and steadied her hands for a moment. I took the split–second chance and barreled towards her, head down low, as she let loose the first shot. It sailed over me as I ploughed into her, wrapping my arms around her small waist and bringing her down easily. She was still tiny, and I was able to restrain her without trouble – she pointed the gun up at me once more and let loose another shot, but I knocked her hands to the side, and the bullet whiffed past me. I wrestled the weapon from her hands and clicked out the cartridge, then dumped the gun ten feet away. I grabbed her hands and pushed them over her head. There was a moment, with her pinned beneath me, breathing hard, where my brain got confused. How many times had I held her like this when we were together? But that wasn’t where I was now, and I pushed my thoughts far away from that before my dick got any big ideas.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I demanded, but she slid her eyes away from mine. She was still looking around the room, as though she expected to see someone else. Angel? Surely not. Everyone must have known she was at Thad’s that evening, he’d probably broadcast that to the whole damn—
Before I could linger a second longer on those thoughts, the door clicked open behind me, and I snapped my head around to see who it was. The sight made my stomach drop to the floor.