Roma
Felicity, I think, lying on my back in the cell. Felicity, I’m sorry. Felicity, forgive me. Felicity!
The bruising on my face has lessened over the past few days, but the pain remains. My body aches. I feel like I’ve been dragged across a field of stones. When I open my mouth, my jaw clicks. I haven’t been beaten like that since I was a kid on the streets, before I met Bear. When I think of how they laid into me, I clench my fists and grit my teeth. But after a moment I release both. There’s no point in getting angry. The damage is done. Getting angry would be a rookie mistake, just like punching the tree was, just like letting Felicity get separated from me was.
I think of her, somewhere within this complex. I don’t think Mr. Black will let his men hurt her. He still plans to either use her as bait or release her to her father, bringing him out of hiding. Even if Felicity tells him what’s happened, he still might emerge. Only fear for his daughter’s safety and a determination to stay alive long enough to see her home is keeping him hidden. After that, politics will take over, and a politician who plays the terrified rabbit won’t be a politician for long.
Felicity, it was real. All of it was real.
I want to explain to her that I truly felt for her. When we kissed, the energy was there, the closeness wasn’t a lie. When we made love—and I have no qualms about calling it that now—there was a connection. Despite everything, I wanted her, needed her, just like she wanted and needed me. But now she knows the truth about you, you stupid ass.
I lean up on the bed, my body screaming out against me. My mouth is dry. I stand up, totter for a moment, and then find my bearings and go to the sink. I splash water in my face and look into the cracked mirror. Yellow bruises and pink cuts cover my face. Dried blood clings to my upper lip. I splash more water and rub at the blood. Crimson liquid swirls down the drain. Then I gulp as much water as my belly will take and lick my lips, wetting them.
I go to the door and peer through the slit. One of the bastards who laid into me stands outside. Big and chunky like a goddamned animal.
“Round two?” I say cheerily, grinning at him.
The man grunts, but doesn’t turn his head.
“We can go at it one on one, if you want, eh?”
He ignores me. I laugh darkly and return to the bed, sitting on the edge of it, looking down at my cut knuckles.
I keep thinking of the first kiss, the release of it. It felt like we’d been holding in the lust for years, not days. It felt like kissing somebody I’ve wanted to kiss my entire life. Felicity has made me think about myself in a way I never have before. She’s made me reflect on how I feel, a feat I never thought possible. Because, in a way, I have been waiting for Felicity my entire life. I’ve been waiting for a woman I feel close to, really close to, not just rut-and-leave close. I’ve been waiting for a woman I can look in the eye and see love, not just lust; I’ve been waiting for her.
And now you’ve lost her, don’t you get that? You’ve lost.
I sigh, massaging my temples. My head aches from the madness of it all. Who knew a job could turn out like this?
I’m about to lie back on the bed, close my eyes, try and get some sleep, when three sharp raps sound at my door.
“What?” I grunt.
“Mr. Black wants to see you, slugger.” The guard sniggers.
“Come in here and get me, then,” I spit.
“I have canisters of tear gas on my hip,” the guard sighs. “I could throw one in, but Mr. Black says he would prefer if I didn’t.”
“Mr. Black says jump—”
“Yeah, yeah, I ask how high,” he says wearily. “Look, don’t make this difficult.”
“Maybe I want to make it difficult.” I stand up and go to the slit, staring straight into his face. I won’t let them beat on me again, no matter how many of them come at me. I’ll fight like a hound straight from hell.
The guard rolls his eyes, steps back, and takes out a gun. He points it at the door and unlocks it. I step back as the door swings open. He steps into the cell, and behind him stands another man, one I didn’t notice before. He holds an automatic rifle in his hands, looking down the sights.
“Don’t be an idiot,” the first guard says. “Turn around. Hands behind your back.”
The second guard tightens his grip on the rifle.
With a sigh, I turn around and put my hands behind my back. I’ve done this long enough to know when a situation is ripe for going south. Maybe I could snatch the pistol from the first guard’s hands, turn it on him, paint the wall red with his insides. But then the second guard will just kneecap me. A peppering of bullets will shred through my legs and leave me immobilized for months, years, maybe forever.
My only chance now is to wait for opportunity and seize it when it comes.
The guard clamps the cuffs onto my wrists, reaches into his pocket, and pulls a black bag over my head.
Then I’m guided through the facility. I’m pushed into an elevator and guided down a hallway and then shoved through a door.
The black bag is taken from my head. It’s daytime, but the sunlight is overpowered by the glistening of the electric chandeliers overhead, which throw down huge waves of light. The room is carved from marble, the walls and floor white and shining. A small fountain sits in one corner, beside a bookshelf. In the center of the room sits a massive desk, polished to a fine gleam. Mr. Black rises from a throne-like chair and waves me in. Four guards line the walls, all holding high-powered rifles.
Still cuffed, I walk to the desk and maneuver myself into the chair opposite Mr. Black. He wears his customary black suit with his black cufflinks and his eyes are as dark as ever. He drops into his throne and grins at me.
“Roma, Roma, Roma,” he sings. “What are we to do with you, my boy?”
I don’t speak. I learnt a long time ago that when Mr. Black starts speaking, you wait. He’d happily set all four of these guards on me if it came to that. But I’ve known Mr. Black almost as long as I’ve known Bear, and sometimes over the years I’ve gotten the sense that there’s some humanity behind those black sheets of eyes, even if it is just a touch of it.
“You went to France and lost your heart to a girl,” he says, making a tut noise. He looks to the guards and then waves a hand. “Out, please.”
Without a word, all four of them file out. Mr. Black reaches under his desk and places a pistol down. “Just for security, you understand. Even cuffed and beaten, you are a dangerous man.”
He sighs, and then says: “Listen to me, Roma, and listen closely. I value you as a worker. You are, without a doubt, the best killer on my payroll. The only reason those men got you was because you were focused on other things. Namely, Felicity. If they had come on you Stateside, before your head was tossed, you would’ve ended them all. We both know that. Now, let’s get down to business. I am willing to tell everybody—the men, my contacts—that the true reason you disembarked that yacht and went to Bear’s little hideout was to finish him off. You see, you were there under express orders from me. And, look, you carried out your task!” He giggles, a sound that is both childlike and demonlike. “Yes, yes, you jumped off the yacht and you swam all that way because I told you to. You understand . . . I’m still in complete control.”
He stares at me. His face holds little anger, little of anything, but I’ve known him long enough to understand the significance of his words. If I agree now, he’ll bring me back into the agency, if for no other reason than I’ve served him without flinching since I was a teenager. And he’s right. I’m the best man he has. He has mercenaries, but they’re best in warzones, and our business is rarely a warzone. It requires finesse, blending in.
I bite down my pride, my rage, and nod. “You are still in complete control,” I say.
He claps his hands together loudly. “Right!” he exclaims. “Now, this business about the girl.” As he talks, he stands up and walks around the desk. I don’t realize what he’s doing until he’s already done it and my hands are free. He unlocks the handcuffs and drops them on the desk in front of me and walks back around to his chair. Get him! a voice screams. But what would it accomplish? I’d die, Felicity would die. This isn’t my opportunity.
He drops into the chair and drums his fingers on the table. “She’s a very attractive girl, Roma,” he says. He shrugs. “I can understand why you lost your head for a few moments. Let’s put that behind us, too, yes? Let’s return to business.”
Numbly, I nod.
“Great!” Mr. Black claps his hands again. “Because I need you, Roma. With Bear gone, you are the best agent. The best. You have trained hard and you’ve earned your stripes.”
Despite everything, I feel a pride in this. Being the best is a difficult feeling to simply shrug away.
“I want to bring you further into the fold,” Mr. Black says. “I want you to become my second-in-command, eventually. Maybe one day you’ll take over the agency. So, listen. This is your first lesson. The Politics of Murder.” He waves his hand, as though gesturing at a blackboard. “This agency of mine now works exclusively for the Kremlin. The Russians, in short, are the ones who purchased the execution of Ambassador Fellows. His ideas won’t do, not in the least. He wants to crack down on criminal organizations, international criminal organizations. That’s us, Roma. Your pile of money—wherever you squirrel it away—is under threat by this man. He will seize all our assets and have us arrested, perhaps killed. He’s our enemy.”
He looks at me expectantly.
I nod. “Yes, sir,” I say.
His gummy grin spreads across his face. “Roma, you’re back! So, enough funny business? You are my Roma again, yes?”
I nod, but I want to spit in his face. Felicity . . .
“Yes, sir.”
“Good.” He waves me away. “You are free. Well, within the confines of the facility, of course. I trust you, you understand, but it’s safer if you remain here for a time, until all the pieces are in place.”
“I understand,” I mutter.
“Good. Dismissed, soldier.”
“Sir.” I stop at the door, half-turn.
“Yes?”
“Can I see her? Just to say goodbye?”
Mr. Black’s cheeks tremble for less than a second. I see rage rise and fall in his face. He swallows it. He really does need me, I think.
“Of course,” Mr. Black says, smiling.
You stupid bastard. Do you really think seeing her will make me want to let her go?
Don’t you get it yet? I love her.
“Thank you, sir.”
I leave the office.