Fourteen

Charli

 

I’m not scheduled to work the following day, so Keagan and I decide to spend the afternoon shopping. There are still things we need for the apartment, and I talk him into going to the thrift store.

However, it’s difficult to concentrate on actual shopping when my mind is thoroughly distracted over the kiss I’d shared with Devlin. As expected, it’d been nearly impossible to sleep last night, and I’ll likely need a quick nap when we get back. I’m already dragging, but we need more kitchenware, and I want to buy a few things to bring some color to the apartment. All that white is driving me nuts.

Keagan patiently pushes the cart as we walk around the large store, but my mind continues to wander away from the present.

Kissing had never sounded appealing to me, especially after the kiss that’d been forced upon me behind the school building back in ninth grade. One of the football players had caught me hiding from some bullies, and since no one else was around, he’d taken it upon himself to see if a deaf girl kissed differently than the ‘normal’ girls. His words, not mine. He’d shoved his tongue down my throat, pinning me to the wall as I’d struggled. Finally, I’d had to bite his tongue. That bite had caused him and his friends to torment me for weeks until I’d been transferred to a new foster home in a different school district.

Devlin’s kiss hadn’t been anything like the experience I’d suffered. The idea of having someone else’s tongue in my mouth had always sounded unpleasant—until last night. Turns out, kissing is enjoyable. Amazingly enjoyable. And to think that I get to experience it again the next time I see Devlin…

I draw in a deep breath and try to think logically. This isn’t some fairytale with a happy ending. Devlin and I are about as opposite from each other as two people can get. I’ve heard the term that ‘opposites attract’ and it looks like that’s the case with us. That doesn’t mean we’re going to date and someday be in a happy, loving relationship. I don’t think Devlin’s that type of guy, and I know his lifestyle would never be healthy for me. I want to be free to make my own decisions, and Devlin wouldn’t be able to prevent himself from trying to take control. Not that a man like him would want to settle down with me anyway. And that’s not a putdown against my deafness, I’m referring to the fact that I’m eighteen, and I’m just not comfortable with his lifestyle.

For now, there’s an attraction there, one that he wants to explore. That’s all there is to it, and it’s not worth overanalyzing anything at this point. I’ve done some thinking—a lot of thinking—and I might just want to explore our sexual attraction, too. It’s not like I’ve been saving my virginity for marriage. I’ve never envisioned marriage in my future unless it’s many years down the road. I just figured when the right man came along and if it felt natural, then I would make the decision at that point.

It’s ironic, really. A few weeks ago, I couldn’t stand Devlin, and now I’m considering getting to know him as a friend…and something more. If he had come at me hard last night, making moves I wasn’t comfortable with, this situation would have ended promptly. Yet, he’d been incredibly respectful towards me. It’s strange how things work out sometimes.

I blink when Keagan steps in front of me, nearly causing me to collide with the cart he’d been pushing. He frowns at me with a hint of exasperation, signing, Are we shopping or just walking in circles?

I sheepishly sign, Shopping. Sorry.

A little old lady pushing a cart glares as she tries to shuffle around us since Keagan’s blocking the aisle. He quickly adjusts the cart and then turns on me, giving me a long look. We’re grabbing lunch after this, and you’re going to tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours, he signs.

It’d be nice to bounce my thoughts off him, and I nod in agreement. We can talk about Devlin later, so I concentrate on why we’re at the store. I brighten when I see we’ve stopped near the kitchenware aisle. I want plates, colorful plates. And glasses—plastic ones with multi-colors. Anything other than white.

We spend an hour in the store, and afterwards, we find a nice eatery and settle into a booth, carefully situating our bags beneath the table. Once we’ve placed our orders, and the waitress has set our drinks on the table and retrieved the menus, she bustles away.

Are you going to tell me what really happened last night with Devlin Kade? Keagan signs, his eyes fixed on mine with expectation.

We’d talked only briefly last night, but I hadn’t told him anything other than I’d had dinner with Devlin.

I take a sip of my soda before responding. He kissed me, I sign, aware of a few people watching us with interest. I try to block them out since I’m accustomed to drawing attention with my ASL, but somewhere deep inside, it bothers me that there’s always a reminder that I’m different than most.

Keagan doesn’t look surprised that Devlin had kissed me, but I am taken aback by the unease that crosses his handsome face. Instead of replying, he reaches for his soda and takes a drink, obviously stalling.

I look at him with puzzlement and sign, What’s wrong?

He sets down the glass, giving a half-shrug. Nothing. I knew he had some sort of personal interest in you, but I didn’t think he’d act on it.

I cock my head. Does it bother you that he did?

He eyes me. Is this going to stay between just you and me?

Absolutely, I sign.

He nods and signs, I don’t think he’s good for you.

I don’t think so, either.

His eyebrows shoot upwards in response to my honesty, and he sits back in his chair. Then what are you going to do?

I shrug. Get to know him. That’s all he’s asking at this point.

Emotion shifts across his face before he responds. Is that what you want? To get to know him? he signs.

Truthfully, yes. I didn’t like him in the beginning, but I think I’m beginning to understand why he’s the way that he is, I explain but don’t bother going into detail.

Keagan looks doubtful.

I release a sigh. I’m not naïve, Keagan. I know what type of man he is.

His eyes betray that he’s worried. You’re going to get hurt.

I look at him with amusement. I don’t plan on giving him my heart. I reach for my soda and take another sip as I wait for him to respond.

Keagan shakes his head. Doesn’t mean he won’t take it.

His reply brings a frown to my face. I know I’m playing with fire when it comes to Devlin, but I don’t think he’s the kind of man a woman could easily fall in love with anyway. I’m thinking if I fall into anything with him, it’s going to be lust. Just because I’m contemplating getting to know the man—quite possibly intimately, it doesn’t mean I’m going to fall for him. Sex doesn’t equal love. Considering how many one-night stands happen all over the world, sex can be enjoyed without emotional ties.

The waitress returns with our order, and I’m distracted as she sets my plate in front of me. I’m always hungry, so I’m more than ready to dig in. I think I’m even beginning to gain some weight, which is good. I was way too skinny when I was living off the streets.

Keagan and I halt our conversation and concentrate on our food until I feel the need to slow down. I wipe my hands and then sign, Show me pictures of Lance.

Keagan wipes his mouth with a napkin and pulls his phone from his pocket. He’s quiet when it pertains to Lance. He’s not the type to talk about himself or his relationship unless I’m the one to bring it up. At first, I’d thought maybe Lance was a touchy topic, but I’ve learned that Keagan will readily talk about Lance, his expression always turning enamored. The man is in love, he just doesn’t shove it in everyone’s faces.

He hands me his phone, and I study the picture of the handsome man with dark hair and hazel eyes. He’s smiling sheepishly, and his eyes are crinkling in the corners. There’s just something about him that radiates warmth. I swipe the screen, and a new picture takes its place. This one is of Keagan and Lance, and it’s a selfie taken on the street somewhere in the city. Lance’s head is resting on Keagan’s shoulder, and both men look content and happy.

Curious to see more, I swipe across the screen and blink, my eyebrows lifting. Whoa. Lance is reclined in bed with a sheet resting low on his stomach, showing off his bare—and ripped chest. His expression is one of sexual yearning as he holds the camera above him.

I glance at Keagan and mouth, Wow.

He looks at me questioningly and takes the phone so he can see what had drawn my reaction. His eyes widen, and I see him mutter fuck before he fumbles with the phone and shoves it back in his pocket. A hint of red appears on his cheeks.

It’s difficult to restrain my laughter. Keagan’s blushing! When his eyes lift to mine I sign, I am really putting a dent in your sex life, aren’t I?

He smiles, humor lighting his eyes. We make time.

I would too if I were you, I sign, giving him a lascivious grin.

He shakes his head. Okay, enough about Lance. He picks up his fork.

I’d like to meet him, I sign.

A look of surprise crosses his face as he sets the fork back down. You would?

You don’t need to keep your job separated from your personal life. If Lance is anything like you, I won’t mind if he’s at the apartment from time to time.

He appears to think it over. He doesn’t work tonight. We could go out if you want, he offers.

I brighten at the thought. I would love to, I sign.

Devlin and I haven’t spoken today, and I have a feeling he’s trying to give me space so I can think without feeling pressured. In a way, I’m disappointed, but I also appreciate collecting my thoughts without the distraction.