Twenty-eight

Charli

 

I can sense him watching me before I even open my eyes. Either I’m just that in sync with him, or he’s becoming predictable. My guess is the latter, because it seems like no matter what we’re doing, he’s always watching me.

When I lift my eyelashes, I find him sitting in bed, his back against the headboard. His eyes are troubled as he stares down at me.

Something’s wrong.

My eyes remain on his as I carefully sit up, pulling the sheet around my breasts as my hair tumbles around my bare shoulders. I wait for him to tell me what’s on his mind.

He rubs his hand over his scruffy cheek, and he pulls together a smile for me, but it’s tainted by whatever is going on inside his head.

I reach over and touch his arm. “What’s going on?”

His eyes move away from mine to focus across the room, and he looks to be struggling with his emotions.

Okay, whatever it is, it’s bad. I need him to be honest with me, so I shift on the bed and straddle his lap. It’s not a graceful move since the sheet is twisted between us, but I manage to get the job done.

His eyes have swung to mine with surprise, and his hands automatically settle on my hips to keep me in place.

I put my hand on his chest, directly in the middle of his sternum and wait, my expression telling him that I’m not going anywhere. The feel of his warm, smooth skin beneath my fingertips brings me peace even as a dark cloud hovers over us. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. Together. These past few days of living with him have been eye opening in many ways, some good, and some are a bit of a struggle. Either way, I’m learning that I want to be in this for the long haul. I want this to work.

His hand closes over mine on his chest, and I feel him sigh. “I messed up, Charli.”

I look at him questioningly.

His thumb begins to rub slow circles across the skin of my hand, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’ve always been careful with all that I do. It’s like second nature to be methodical and know where the weak spots are, to rectify them before a mistake can become reality. It’s how I’ve stayed alive and out of prison for this long.”

I nod to let him know that I understand what he’s telling me.

Something twists in his gaze. “Then you came along and changed everything. My priorities began to shift, and all I could think about was you. I wanted you in my life whether you wanted to be or not. I manipulated you, and then I began to realize what was missing in my life. For the first time, I began to see someone as more than an object, more than someone that’s meant to follow my orders. I saw you.”

A soft smile curves my lips. “So far, I like where this is going,” I say slowly.

Shadows flicker in his gaze. “I thought I was doing everything right, Charli.”

My smile fades. “What went…wrong?”

His expression drops, and he looks like someone’s gutted him. “The fire wasn’t an accident. A bomb was planted in the apartment above yours,” he tells me.

I blink. A bomb? I look at him with confusion.

“So far, the investigation hasn’t unearthed anything that points to the young couple having any enemies.” He looks at me with a wealth of regret in his gray eyes. “I’m a target, Charli. I have many enemies. Though I was careful with you, I wasn’t careful enough, and I slipped up when I lost my focus. Word is out that you mean something to me. You’ve become a target…because of me.”

I stare at his guilt-stricken face. I’m a target? As in someone wants to hurt me?

Devlin grimly nods as he reads the questions in my eyes. “You’re the only way to truly hurt me,” he confirms.

“I…see,” I say, my mouth going dry.

His face contorts with visible anguish. “There’s only two options for us now,” he says, determined to continue the conversation.

I swallow and wait to see what those options are.

“You can jump ship now, there’s still time. You could start a new life somewhere else, maybe even out of the country. I could never have contact with you again, but you’d be safe and free from the constrictions of my life.”

My hand drops from his chest as I recoil. Leave him? Leave this life we’re building? I love New York. I love my job. Pain pierces my chest at the very thought.

I remain on his lap, clutching the sheet as I process the predicament we’ve both found ourselves in. When my eyes lift to his, he looks sad. I hold up a trembling hand, showing him two fingers. I want to know the second option.

“The second option is to accept my protection and this life. If you stay, I’ll never let anything happen to you, I swear it. I’ll take a bullet for you before I’d ever allow a single hair on your body to be harmed. But if you stay, the life you want, it’s not going to happen, Charli. You would have guards, and you wouldn’t be able to run off whenever you want. We’d still do what we could to make our life together as close to what you want as possible, but you’ll never have that unhindered independence that you want so badly.”

The pain in my chest has dulled to a steady throb.

Devlin reaches for me, touching my face with a gentle hand. “I won’t ask you to give up the things you want. If you want to leave, I’ll make it happen.”

As I stare into his eyes, I can see how much he means it. Even if it kills him, he’ll set me free if that’s what I want. My heart feels as if it’s being torn, and my eyes fill with tears. I don’t want to start a life somewhere else, but I don’t want to be trapped in Devlin’s lifestyle, either.

Devlin’s thumb catches a tear drop that trickles down my cheek, and he brings it to his lips.

“I need to think,” I say thickly.

He nods with somber eyes. “I figured as much. Take as much time as you need.”

I nod and climb off his lap; my earlier happiness has completely vanished. As I ease towards the edge of the bed, I take the sheet with me.

When I glance back at Devlin, he’s still sitting there, naked. His eyes are composed as he begins to shut down emotionally. “Would you like me to prepare the guest room so you have privacy?” he asks.

“I think that would be…wise,” I say stiltedly. I can’t think when he’s around, and this is something that needs my full attention. Whatever I decide, it affects the rest of my life. It’s a decision that can’t be taken lightly.

He nods in agreement, and then I slip into the bathroom to take a shower.

As I stand beneath the spray, my tears mingle with the water. I was just coming to terms with spending my life with Devlin, but I hadn’t understood the risks until he’d just laid them out to me. I don’t think he’d deliberately kept me in the dark, because he’s clearly torn up over me being in danger. I think the reality of what we were doing, and the possible consequences, have blindsided him. Now, we have no choice but to deal with it.

That’s the problem.

Do I want to deal with it or run?

There’s much to think about, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to make such a difficult choice. I also don’t have much time to dwell over it, because my shift at the library begins in less than an hour.

Today, there will be no argument. I’ll allow Devlin’s driver to take me, because I don’t have it in me to battle Devlin over something that seems so trivial now.