A Tearful Reunion
As anyone who has ever lost someone, not to death but to the cold reality of life, to time and circumstance, the long awaited reunion could be a strange, awkward thing, full of undefined, undecided emotion.
Amanda blinked hard. Her hand circled around a mug of hot tea, still unable to believe that she was really sitting there, across from her mother. It felt like a dream, a little unreal, foggy, like at any second she’d wake up and realize that none of this was truly happening and her deepest desires had just manifested themselves once again in her unguarded moments of sleep.
The urge to pinch herself was so great she barely restrained her hand from moving to her arm to grab up a little flesh and twist. She knew it was real. The heat seeping through her fingers, the scent of her Joan Rath’s lilac perfume, her shining green eyes and flaxen hair, so like her own, the red cardigan and the pair of high waisted, old fashioned jeans, the matching red socks and gold chain at her mother’s throat… it was all real.
“So…” Amanda tried to speak, but the false start left her breathless. Words eluded her. What could one really say after four years?
Her mother, as she had her entire life, was there, so very quick to save her. The older, almost identical set of emerald orbs never left Amanda’s face. “I’m glad Jason called me. It was late. He said you were sleeping.”
“What- what exactly did he say?” She wished desperately that she’d had time to ask that question herself. After Jason let her mother into the cabin, he’d taken off outside, obviously to give them privacy, but Amanda wished he was there beside her at the table even if it wasn’t truly his place.
Her mother smiled gently. She was still as beautiful as ever. The passing of time hadn’t left a single gray hair at her temple or another line on her face. She was still trim and fit, as tall and lithe as a woman half her age. Amanda could only hope for a quarter of her mother’s grace and beauty as she aged.
“He told me that you’d left Phil. That you’d found love where it was least expected and that you are now going to be a mother yourself. He said you wanted nothing more in the world than for me to be here during this time. Or at least know that the line of communication was open. He said he wanted his son to have a grandmother and it has to be me given that he himself has no one left.”
No one left. Amanda always assumed, for some reason, that Jason’s parents were dead. She’d never dared ask as it, along with the rest of his past, was something that was off limits. She was surprised he’d divulged so much to her mother. No one left could mean he’s estranged. They don’t have to be dead.
“Yes,” Amanda whispered, aware her mother was waiting for a response. “I left Phil. I finally saw what you and everyone else had warned me about.” She dared raise her eyes to her mother’s face again. The gentle expression there, free from judgment or harsh condemnation nearly melted her heart. She blinked back the hot sting of tears and cleared her throat loudly. “I- I was alone. Looking for a job so I could support myself after I left. I didn’t think I could come back home…”
Joan’s hand trembled on the table top. Her eyes filled with tears. She didn’t bother to blink them away. “I’m not proud of the part I’ve caused in this,” she admitted on a near sob. “Oh, Amanda, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you. I’ve wanted to call, picked up the phone so many times, but I thought you wouldn’t forgive me. I thought you hated me for what I said. As your mother, I should never have uttered those words. They were spoken in anger and as soon as I said them I regretted them. I’ve regretted them for over four years.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Amanda choked out, scalding tears starting down her own cheeks. “I’ve lain awake so many nights, thinking about you. You’re my mom. It was only ever just us. I missed my partner in crime. You were always my inspiration. Every time I picked up a paint brush, every time I did anything at all, I thought about you.”
“I gave birth to you. You were and always will be my baby. All I could do was hope that you were well, that you were loved, and that one day this moment would come, where I could tell you how sorry I was for being harsh, for being proud, for being a coward.”
“I was just as afraid. I was just as proud and stubborn. Mothers and daughters never have it easy do they?”
Her mother offered a watery smile. “No. It’s a good thing that you’re having a boy.”
Amanda laughed softly. Once the giggle came out of her throat it was like the floodgates opened up and she was laughing and crying all at once. She shoved back her chair at the same time her mother scraped hers back. They rose together, wrapped their arms around each other and held on tight.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Amanda said raggedly. “So glad.”
“Me too, honey, me too.” Her mother pulled away. She reached out and wiped the tears from Amanda’s cheek. “Don’t be angry with your man. He seems like a good one. I’m glad that you found happiness. It was all I ever wanted.”
“I’m not angry. I was just shocked. If he hadn’t called I probably never would have done it. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I picked up my phone, I thought about you all the time, especially since I found out I was pregnant. I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know what was worse. My pride or my fear that you wouldn’t want me. At least if I didn’t know I could still assume you did, that one day we would be happy, like we were before. That one day I could come home or you would be here. I couldn’t give up on that dream and it was like if I called you and you wanted nothing to do with me, I would have shattered.”
“I know. That’s a good way to put it. I felt the exact same way, I just could never really put into words what it was exactly that I felt. Now that you say that, I know that’s it. The fear that you wouldn’t forgive me.”
Amanda smiled gently and her mother’s own face reflected her happiness and joy. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m so glad. We have to use this, to make a promise that nothing like this will ever happen again. We have to love each other more and appreciate each other more now that we know what it’s like to not have each other there.”
The love and pride shining in Joan’s eyes was unmistakable. “My daughter is all grown up. A woman now, a wise, beautiful, intelligent, talented woman.”
A rush of heat flooded Amanda’s cheeks. “That’s very kind of you to say.”
“I mean it. I really do. I know that this Jason, the man you’ve chosen, is a good man. I didn’t trust your judgment years ago and I’m sorry. Your life is your own and I’ll leave you free to decide how to live it.”
“I want you here, mom. Can you stay for a couple days?”
Her mother’s eyes sparkled. “Yes. I planned on it. Now, I think you should sit down. What I’m going to tell you is going to sound shocking and unbelievable. I couldn’t believe it myself when Jason gave me directions.”
“What?” Amanda let her mother lead her back to her chair. She sunk down slowly, staring up in wonderment. “What do you mean?”
Her mother swallowed audibly. “I never believed in fate or destiny or any of that nonsense until I got here this morning and saw for myself that it was real. That the directions weren’t just same by mistake.”
Amanda’s hands were taken and held firmly in both of her mother’s. She stared raptly at those hands, hands that had taught her almost everything she knew. Taught her to paint, encouraged her to keep going, corrected her mistakes. Those hands had picked her up as a child, comforted her, cared for her, ushered her into womanhood. And they were here now, at last.
“What do you mean destiny?”
“I mean, you’ve been here before, Amanda. Both of us. When you were just a couple years old. This cabin used to be a vacation rental.”
“No…” Amanda sat dazed, sure her mother was mistaken.
“Yes,” Joan whispered. She squeezed Amanda’s hands. “You’ve been here before. I guess that all along, you were meant to find your way back. You were meant to be here.”