A GROAN CRAWLS UP my throat as I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand. I barely made it to the kitchen sink in time. A few seconds later, and there would be a mess all over my floor.
If I hadn’t been feeling bad the last few days, as well as feeling off the last few weeks, I would blame my stomach issues on the seafood I had at lunch. After washing my hands and rinsing my mouth, I pull down a glass and fill it with water, an itch scratching at my mind.
Halfway through a large gulp flushing the taste away, the scratch breaks through as a chilling idea sets in.
It’s late July, and the last time I can remember having my period was in May when I moved in. Two weeks later Niko and I . . .
The glass slips from my fingers and crashes to the ground, shattering.
I draw in a stunted breath, my hands shaking as I instinctively grab for my phone, the glass forgotten. My fingers are clumsy and fumble the phone as I attempt to unlock it.
Three rings, and Aly’s cheerful voice comes over the line.
“Hey, doll,” Aly says. “How are you?”
“Hi, Aly. Are you busy, or um, what are you doing right now?”
“I just got home, actually. I have a shift at the bar tonight. Why? What’s going on, Ev? You sound funny.”
“I need you. Can you come over?”
There is a pause; then she’s back. “Yeah. I’ll call out and then be there in an hour.”
Every part of me is shaking. What am I going to do if it’s true?
“Can you pick up a pregnancy test on your way?”
“Shit, Ev,” she hisses. “I hope you’ve got some wine because I’m going to need it for this story.”
“I don’t feel so good, Al.”
“Go relax. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I can’t believe I didn’t notice, didn’t remember, but as I think back, unlike the first night, there were no condom wrappers sprinkled in with our clothes. How could I be so reckless and stupid? We. How could we be so stupid? What am I going to do if I’m pregnant?
An hour and five minutes later, Aly and I stare at three pregnancy tests, all with the same response—positive. Three different brands. Positive, two pink lines, and a plus sign. No way they’re all wrong.
I’m pregnant.
Fuck.
What the hell am I going to do?
“How did this happen?” Aly asks. I quirk a brow at her, and she rolls her eyes in response. “I know how it happens, but how did it happen to you? Oh my God! Please tell me there is no chance it’s Tate’s?” Her face pales, and I understand her concern, but I know it’s not Tate’s.
I shake my head. No, there’s only one man responsible.
“Niko. There’s only been Niko. Tate and I haven’t been together like that in months, and I’ve had my period twice since he and I broke up. There’s no way it could be his.” I shudder a little, thinking to myself that would be the only plus to this right now. That it wouldn’t be Tate’s baby.
Oh my God! A baby. The words are wrong and confusing, and I’m at a cross between crying and throwing up . . . again.
“That night we went dancing I was so in the moment and more than a little tipsy . . . You know I don’t usually drink much. I don’t think we even thought about a condom.”
“What about birth control?”
I shake my head. “My prescription ran out, and I just haven’t had time to find a new doctor here. I’m not dating anyone, so it wasn’t even a concern.”
“Not dating anyone, but you’ve been with Niko, Ev. Obviously more than once.”
I give her my no shit look, and she just shakes her head. I’m acutely aware that this is a huge screw-up on my part. Shit. “Sex does not equal dating or any type of relationship.”
“Who said relationship?”
I let out a sigh before I answer her. “He did, but I’m not going there.”
“Everly! You didn’t tell me that!”
“I know, but you’ve been working nonstop. It wasn’t a big deal. I told him that I’m not looking for more than sex.”
“I’d say it is a big deal, and that you got way more than sex, Ev.” She holds up all three pregnancy tests, showing me the results.
“You do know that I pissed on those, right?” She drops them, and I start laughing even though there is nothing funny about this.
“What are you going to do?”
I shake my head. “I have no idea.”
“Have you seen him since then?”
I let out a loud sigh. It’s been almost two months, and after Jake was over, I’ve avoided him at every opportunity, but he is seriously wearing me down. “He called and asked me on a date the day after.”
“And you turned him down? Why?”
“Because it’s Niko Callahan! He’s a manwhore, and I’m not ignorant to that or to the fact that he is too good looking. I’d be stupid to think that he never has women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. I just don’t know if I could ever trust him, not after everything with Tate.”
“That asshole,” she says in regards to the mention of Tate’s name before taking a sip of her wine, and sighs. “Has he tried to reach out to you since?”
“He’s called a couple of times, and texts every few days. I’ve even blown my brother off, afraid that Niko would tag along just to get in front of me. I ran into him once, and he came over after an afternoon of flirting that was diverted by another of the guys from the firehouse.”
“Do you text back?” Aly asks, skipping over all the other information I just unloaded.
“Sometimes.” Well, more than sometimes. In the beginning, no. Lately, yes. So that all evens out to sometimes, right?
She holds her hand out for my cell. “Let me see.”
I hand my phone over and watch as she reads, the ever-changing expressions on her face entertaining.
“Um, Ev, girl . . . you need to give this man a chance.”
“Why? To prove myself, right?”
“Because, and I quote, ‘Stop ignoring me. I want you, and I know you want me. Or are you afraid I’ll make you weak again?’ Weak, again? I can only imagine what that means. Chick, he isn’t walking away. You seem to be the one trying to run, and he is still chasing. You have to put that fucking asshole Tate out of your mind and stop thinking that every guy in the world is going to do to you what he did. It’s just not how all guys are.”
“Maybe.”
“No, babe. Not maybe. You have a kid coming now. You owe it to yourself and this kid to give its father the benefit of the doubt. Stop being so guarded and let some of those walls down. If he fucks up, then I’ll kick his ass and your brother’s. No worries. I’ll even take care of both bodies for you.”
“Hey! How did Cam end up dead and buried in this scenario?”
“Because he’s fucking Cameron, that’s why. I’d bury him just for PC.”
“PC?”
“Political correctness, Ev. Pay attention.” She shakes her head at me, and I’m speechless at the way she manages to throw my brother under the bus at every turn. For a moment I forget about the fact that I’m pregnant, but it doesn’t last long.
“Time to figure out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.”
“Yeah. It’s going to be okay, Ev. I have a good feeling about this. I’m never wrong. Ya know?”
I snort, and we both start laughing.
Aly is the rock I so desperately need right now.
A week later, I’ve avoided the reality inside me and the bottle of wine I desperately want to drown in, though I did order some baby books that are still in their Amazon box sitting by the front door. It’s as if I open them, I’ll have to accept their meaning.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting—the pregnant woman’s bible, along with a few others. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I need all the help I can get.
Nothing in my fridge looks appetizing. Then again, my stomach has been revolting at an increasing rate with each passing day.
I thought it was morning sickness, but apparently, it’s an all-day event, and sometimes night.
After closing the fridge, I move to the pantry and the package of saltines I’ve almost gone through. Just as I’m about to slip a cracker in my mouth, the doorbell goes off, startling me. I try and think if I’m expecting anyone when the ring happens again, then again.
My lips curl up into a smile as I hear the familiar SOS code starting to be played out over my doorbell. I walk to the door and fling it open to find Cameron with his finger still pressing the button.
“Hi.”
“I feel like you’ve been avoiding me, little sis,” Cam says from the other side of the door, wasting no time getting to the reason he is here.
I blink at him. “Avoiding you?” I shake my head, trying to throw him off on just how right he is as I step aside to let him in. “It’s just been busy at work. I have this intern I’ve been helping.”
“But you have time for the royal Payne.”
I roll my eyes. “She’s my best friend.”
“I see where my importance with you lies.”
I shake my head. “Drama queen.”
“Hey, that’s drama king. I want to bang a queen, not be one.”
I begin to laugh, but it quickly changes. A wave of nausea rolls through me, and I blow out a breath and close my eyes, hoping it will pass. My mouth begins to water, and I’m a second from tossing whatever may be left in my stomach, which could just be acid at this point.
“Ev?” Cam asks.
I hold my hand up, then shake my head before turning and running into the powder room. Another close call and my stomach heaves, but all that lands in the toilet is some bile. I can’t seem to keep much down, so I’ve got nothing in my stomach to expel. After a few heaves, my stomach settles down, and I sit back against the cool tile wall and draw my legs up.
“Are you okay?” Cam asks from the door to the bathroom. “If you’re contagious, I love you, but I’m out.” He holds his hands up as he backs away.
I start to laugh, but it quickly morphs into sobs, tears streaming down my face. I’m exhausted, scared, hungry, and out of my depth.
“Ev?” He steps forward and squats in front of me, his hands running up and down my arms. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry,” I say as I try to pull myself together. I don’t know if it’s a combination of hormones and knowing my brother is going to kill Niko, or the all-out scared-to-death feeling of what is growing inside me.
A baby was not in my five-year plan.
Seeing Cam only intensifies my guilt for what I know is a coming storm.
If I tell Niko.
It was my fault, after all. My responsibility. I seduced him that first time and gave us both a taste of something that couldn’t be satisfied in one night.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“Because I’m crying? Jesus, Cameron!”
I shake my head, my lips forming a thin line. Cameron’s blue eyes are scrunched in concern, sending another knife into my heart.
“You should go. You don’t look so good, Ev. It’s more than the tears. You’re white as a sheet.”
“There’s not much they can do for morning sickness,” I say in an unsteady voice.
His expression falls from concern to shock, and he pulls back. “Morning sickness?” He blinks a few times, and I wait for what I said to set in. He stays quiet, and I know I’m just going to have to say the words for him.
I swipe the hair from my face and purse my lips together as I nod. “I’m pregnant.”
“Jesus.”
“Not quite. My name is not even close to Mary, and in my case, there was sex involved.” He ignores my attempt at a lame joke, instead of asking me the question I’ve been dreading since I found out.
“Who is the father?” Cam asks, his words calculated.
I stare at him, unable to tell him what I did with Niko. For him to know about my lie. That I’m the author of the infamous Post-it note.
“Does it matter?” I say almost in reflex. I’m too freaked out to come up with some other response.
“It fucking matters, Ev! It’s Tate, right?”
I don’t deny it, but I don’t exactly say it is Tate’s either. I’m not ready to deal with Cameron knowing about Niko and me hooking up.
“It’s been months, Everly.”
“I’m going to hell,” I say out loud.
“I’m pretty sure we’re past the days where people expect you to be married before getting knocked up, Ev, but I’ll agree with you on that where Tate is concerned. Fuck!”
Cam grinds his teeth and looks away. “Are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t know.” With lots of burning hell flames that will roast me for all eternity.
He blows out a breath; his jaw jutted forward. “This is such a fucking shit storm! How could you let this happen?”
“Don’t yell at me! It’s not like I wanted this to happen! I didn’t plan for this. I didn’t even think this was a possibility in my future. I don’t even think I want kids! I’m not ready to be a mother.”
“Ev . . .”
“I’m scared, Cam, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell Mom and Dad yet, but I needed to tell someone other than Aly, and you’re yelling at me!”
His brow furrows, and his eyes soften. He moves to lean against the wall and slides down next to me. “We’ll figure it out, don’t worry.” He throws his arms around my shoulders and pulls me in. “You’ve got me and Mom and Dad. We’re here for you. Anything you need, okay?”
I lean further into his shoulder and nod. “Don’t say anything to them yet, okay? I’m just not ready.”
“Okay, but soon, Ev. They’ll support whatever you decide. You know they love you.”
“Yeah, but I’m not ready to see the disappointment in their eyes when they find out their daughter got herself knocked up and is currently single.” Cam doesn’t say anything, and I know he knows what I said is true. I’ll deal with them later. For now, I’ve got bigger fish to fry, and that’s figuring out how to tell the baby’s father. The real one.