MY EYELIDS ARE HEAVY, weighted down, and it’s a struggle to open them. There’s something wrong, or at least something not right.
It’s not just my eyes; every part of me is a struggle to move.
Heavy.
Tired.
Pain.
I manage to groan, which makes the sound of footsteps to echo in my ears.
“Everly?” Niko’s voice calls to me, but I can only groan.
“Baby, can you hear me?”
“N . . .” I swallow hard, my throat dry. I manage to work my eyes open enough to see him. “Niko?”
His head dips, his forehead pressing against mine as he expels a hard breath. The angle is odd and only adds to my confusion.
“Sss goin’ on?” I say, and even I can hear that my words are slurred.
“You fell down the stairs.”
My eyes widen, and I take a long blink. “Baby?”
“The placenta detached. They had to get her out.”
I stare at him, my brow slowly furrowing. “H-her?”
His lips pull up, and he swipes the hair back from my face.
“Seems there was an oops.”
“Oops?” I’m so confused. He’s just not making any sense.
“Siobhan said that it happens from time to time, though usually the other way around. Sometimes what they think is a penis, ends up being the umbilical cord blocking the vagina. Her words, not mine,” he says, and I can tell by his tone and the look on his face that he’s still yet to come to terms with the mix-up.
“How long?” I ask, not even sure what I’m referring to, but with every moment my head clears more and more.
“You’ve been out for three days.” He tangles his fingers in my hair. “You scared me, baby.”
All I can do is stare at him. If it were the other way around, I know I’d have been scared shitless myself, so I understand. It’s the same way I felt when Cam got hurt, and I didn’t know if he was okay and wasn’t sure if Niko had also been injured when they were on the job.
Something I know I have to deal with as we go in the future. His career will always scare me.
“We don’t have any girl’s names,” I say, changing the subject. My brain feels slow, still working through what is going on.
“I’ve got a list going.”
“You do?”
He takes my hand in his and kisses my palm. “It got bad, Everly. You’ve had two blood transfusions. For a few hours, all I had was her, so I focused on her and tried not to freak out about the possibility of losing you.”
“How is she?” I ask, suddenly acutely aware that my body is empty.
“Tiny, but perfect,” he says with a smile. “Very tiny.”
“Very tiny?”
“Four pounds, eleven ounces. She’s strong. They kept her in the NICU for a few days just to make sure. Her bilirubin levels were high, so they kept her under a light to help bring it down. Jaundice,” he says, and I feel completely lost at the information he’s throwing at me. Not understanding any of it, but in awe that he does.
“It’s going to be fine, baby. All is good. From what I was told, it’s not at all uncommon. Trust me, she’s perfect. Your mom is in with her now. They have to give her formula for now.”
“I want to breastfeed,” I say as my hand moves to my now empty stomach. I’d gotten used to the baby inside me, and suddenly, he . . . she’s gone. In what was a literal blink of the eye for me, but days for Niko.
“I know, and you’ll be able to, but not until the meds and shit are out of your system. She’s doing fine on the formula, but they said you could pump to keep the milk supply coming, then when you’re ready, you can try,” he says, and all I want to do is cry.
I’ve missed the first few days of my daughter’s life. I have no idea what she looks like, who she looks like. Tate stole that from me. How I could ever have been with that man for two years and not have seen that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing makes me feel horrible about myself.
“Hey,” Niko says and turns my head toward his concerned face. “It’s going to be okay, Ev. It’s over. He’s not going to bother you again. You, me, and our daughter will be fine. We have many firsts to celebrate in our future.”
“I know, but this is all my fault. If I had listened to you, Cam, and my dad about Tate, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Maybe we could have stopped him before it got to him in the house like a deranged stalker. Maybe—”
“No, Everly. This is not your fault. It’s his. He is the one that wouldn’t take no for an answer. How were you supposed to know that he would go to the lengths he did? There’s something not right upstairs, baby, and there is no way that you could have known he would do what he did. None of us did. Trust me, though, we all know now, and it’s being taken care of,” he says, his tone turning angry.
“I don’t understand.”
Niko slides his hand down my arm and picks my hand up, kissing the back of it. That’s when I notice my other arm is heavy and glance down to find my arm is in a cast.
“Tate broke in again. You called me.” His brow scrunches. “He was talking about taking you somewhere. At the time, I had no idea what was going on, but he claims that he bought a house for you, him, and the baby to live in. Told the police that he was there to surprise you, but that when you were walking down the stairs, you slipped and fell.” Niko blows out a breath through clenched teeth. “I know he’s full of shit about how it happened; he wasn’t giving you a choice but to go with him. I heard you tell him to leave, Ev. I heard everything. Scared the shit out of me. I tried to get to you, but . . .”
The memories circle in my mind, and I know I’m not going to forget this for a very long time. “I forgot to turn the alarm on. I-I fell asleep, and I didn’t set the alarm. When I woke up, he was sitting on the end of the bed and I just, I tried to get away,” I say, trying to think of everything that happened. “He . . . he grabbed me.” I can see it, like watching a movie. “I managed to wrench my arm from his grip, but we were at the top of the stairs.”
Niko swallows. “I’ll never forget seeing you at the bottom of those stairs. I thought you were both gone.”
“Where is Tate now?”
“The police took him. He left you there but apparently came back to your house right after the ambulance brought you here. For now, he’s locked up. They’re trying to throw everything they can at him. Breaking and entering is one and because you were home at the time he’ll get more time. That is just one of the charges, though. They plan to charge him with attempted kidnapping since he tried to force you against your will to leave your home. They’ll need a statement from you, but not today.”
“I don’t have to see him, do I?”
He shakes his head. “Probably not until the trial. I honestly don’t see them letting him go with all that they have on him right now, and from what your brother told me, they have been working with the DA to see what else they can stick him with. He’ll likely go away for a while, so don’t think about him right now, baby. The detective on this case took my statement the morning after you were brought in. That, along with the recording on my phone, and I’m sure he’s done. He can lie all he wants, but I heard him, have proof, and now that you’re awake, you can tell them your side, but not until you’ve rested more. He’s not going anywhere.”
All I can do is nod. I know he didn’t push me. I fell. That was an accident, but he scared me. He wasn’t giving me a choice but to go with him even though I asked him to leave, so I have no sympathy for him right now. He broke in again. I’ll tell the police the truth, but I agree that he needs to answer for what he did. I wouldn’t have fallen had he not broken in.
For now, I just want to see my daughter and spend my time thinking about our future. Mine, Niko’s, and the baby girl we didn’t know was coming.
“What are we going to do with all the boy stuff?” I ask.
A soft chuckle comes from Niko. “Oh, my sweet woman. Have a little faith in me,” he says and chuckles. “Well, okay. I’m lying. It has nothing to do with me. It’s all your mom and my cousin. Your mom already has her social circle on it, with Siobhan helping. Don’t think we need to worry about that, but I know one thing they can’t do for us.”
“What’s that?”
“Name our daughter.” He smiles. I think for a minute about what he just said, and it hits me.
“I think I have one.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I know we were thinking of Nikolas for a boy. I’d like to keep that still.”
“Umm, Ev. As much as I’d love to name our child after me, I don’t think Nikolas is gender neutral,” he says, and I laugh.
“Not Nikolas. Nicole.”
He thinks for a minute before replying. “You want to name our daughter Nicole?”
“Not exactly. I was thinking about something you just said a minute ago, and that made me think of the perfect name for her.” His puzzled look is almost too funny, but I decide not to drag this out before he calls the nurse to medicate me due to my not making sense to him.
“Faith.”
“Faith?”
“Yes. Faith Nicole Callahan. I want to name our daughter Faith because that is precisely what we have in each other. What we need to always have in each other and our family. Mine, yours, and our own. Nicole is after you. Or at least it’s as close to your name as I can come up with. What do you think?”
“I think it’s beautiful, just like her. Just like her mother. I love it, and I love you, baby.” He leans down and kisses my lips. If it were any other time, I’d be on cloud nine after a kiss from Niko, but right now all I can think about is meeting our daughter.
“Can I see her?”
“Of course. Let me go find out how to make that happen. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He kisses my head this time and then takes off out of my hospital room.
“Faith Nicole Callahan. I can’t wait to meet you, baby girl,” I say out loud.
She may not have entered the world as we planned or be the boy we thought we were having, but I love her just the same, and I’m not going to feel complete until I have her in my arms. Her and her daddy.