Ashton
I couldn’t just stay there and let the thoughts of Ryder with that woman consume my mind. I must have grown quiet because I saw the looks the others shared. I told them I needed to check on Cassie. A convenient excuse to let me take flight.
I made small talk with Bonnie who insisted on walking with me and just thanked her and rushed inside as quickly as possible. Flo looked surprised to see me back so soon and raised her finger to her lips. My heart tightened as I saw Cassie sleeping soundly, tucked up in a blanket on the couch.
I whispered my thanks and as soon as Flo left I gathered the little bundle in my arms and carried her to bed.
Then I lay down beside her and held her close as I tried to battle the tears threatening to spill. This is too hard. I know I have feelings for Ryder but I can’t act on them. He’s all man and I’m no woman of the world. That was obvious when I saw the type of woman who normally warms his bed. I need to build myself up into a strong, confident woman to stand any chance of keeping his interest. He will soon get fed up with a broken wreck of a girl who folds under the slightest pressure. I’m not ready to live this life but I’m going to make damn sure I try re-build myself because the thought of leaving is killing me inside.
I must lie there for about thirty minutes before I hear footsteps. Quickly, I close my eyes and feign sleep as the door pushes open and I sense the man himself watching us. I’m not ready to deal with him, especially after he has been with another woman. I would smell her scent and it would destroy me inside. No, from now on this arrangement will be strictly business as it was always meant to be. Cassie is my number one priority and I won’t let her father inside my head or my heart.
He must stand watching us for a good five minutes before he leaves as silently as he came. I feel a huge wave of relief as I still my hammering heart. I know I won’t be able to avoid him but every hour I can will make me stronger. It’s thoughts of Ryder that rock me to sleep and the steady breathing of his daughter that comforts my soul.
By the time I wake up and dress, Cassie gets up and I help her into her clothes. Once we’re ready, we head downstairs and I see Ryder watching us approach. He’s sitting at the table with a coffee in front of him, as Cassie races over.
“Daddy, daddy, Ashton had a sleepover in my room. It’s just like in the movies.”
My heart hammers as he smiles with love at his daughter and swings her onto his lap, kissing her head lovingly.
“That’s nice, darlin’.”
He swings his gaze towards me and I see the questions in his eyes. I smile and move towards the coffee pot. “Would you like another?”
He shakes his head and I feel him watching me as I set about preparing breakfast. Luckily, Cassie chatters excitedly, which disguises the awkward atmosphere between us.
As soon as we’ve eaten I spring up hastily and start clearing the dishes. Once again, Cassie talks nonstop and it gives me time to plaster a blank look on my face, disguising my extremely turbulent mind.
Ryder says with interest, “What are your plans today?”
I smile and look over at Cassie. “We need to go and get her uniform for school. It’s only a few days away and we have a lot to organize.”
He looks thoughtful.
“I’ll drive you to town. Just give me a couple of hours to sort things out here.”
Shaking my head, I smile bravely. “It’s fine, I’ve got this. We’re having a mommy; daughter day and no boys are allowed.”
I try to ignore the hurt expression in his eyes as Cassie shrieks excitedly. “Mommy, can I ride up front with you?”
Laughing, I shake my head and try to look stern. “Absolutely not, young lady. The safest place for you is in the back where all little Princesses ride.”
She giggles and jumps up and down with excitement and Ryder laughs. “Go and play for a bit, honey. I want a word with mommy.”
My stomach lurches as I see the purpose in his eyes. As Cassie runs from the room, he turns to face me and I feel his eyes boring deep inside me.
“You’re mad at me.”
Just a simple statement but loaded with unspoken questions. I shrug.
“I have no right to be mad at you. We made a deal and you owe me nothing.”
I swallow hard as he moves closer and try to focus on anything but the need in me that he brings out. Standing in front of me he tilts my face to his. “Nothing happened last night. I sent Bella away and she won’t be back.”
I feel my legs shake as his scent fills my senses. His touch is melting every resolve I set in place and it takes all my strength to move away.
“That’s your business. You need a mom for Cassie and I need protection. Remember the deal. You have whores who will satisfy your more basic needs and I’m just a trophy to be paraded in front of your men when the need arises.”
I fight back the tears that threaten to spill as he says gently. “Is that what you think? That I want someone to parade around in front of my men. You couldn’t be more wrong.”
I look down and he says gently. “Look at me, Ashton.”
Looking up, I almost step back as I see the need in his eyes. Usually so guarded and now plain to see. The man in front of me is as damaged as the rest of us. I catch my breath as he shakes his head sadly.
“You should know that I’ve never let a woman into my life. They’ve only ever served a sexual need for me and nothing else. I was never around long enough to form a meaningful relationship and the savage life of a SEAL hardened my heart as well as my mind. When Cassie came along part of my soul melted and I began to feel. The love I have for my daughter has no end and no limits. I thought she was everything I would ever need and everything I have done has been for her well-being. When you walked into the den something stirred in the lost part of my soul that I never knew existed.”
I hold my breath as I see the intensity in his expression.
“You were so fragile, so broken and yet so brave. You were an Angel passing through the fires of Hell and it hit me hard. There was no doubt in my mind and no hesitation. You were here for me and every path we followed in our lives was destined to bring us both here—together. Yes, we have a business arrangement but only to protect you. If I had my way, I would have shown you what love should be. Not the hard, brutal way you’ve been abused. I want to care for you and love you, not because of any business deal but because of what I feel inside. I know you feel it too, Ashton because I see it in your eyes.”
I almost can’t breathe as his words hit home. Tears form behind my eyes and I see my future in front of me. He reaches out and takes my hand and raises it to his lips.
He kisses my hand as if it’s the most precious thing on earth and I am lost forever. Who is this man standing before me? Gone is the hard, cocky biker who takes what he wants with no regard. In his place is a sweet and kind man who has love in his heart. This man is far more powerful than the soldier he hides behind. This man is everything I have ever wanted.
I gulp as the tears fall. He looks concerned and I laugh softly.
“I’m sorry. You’ve taken me by surprise. I’m not used to men being nice to me. All my life I’ve been a commodity. A bargaining chip and a prize to protect. You won’t want a woman like me. I’m weak and foolish and made a bad situation worse. The only man who has ever loved me, sold me - twice. He did it to protect me even though it killed him inside. I need to find the true Ashton now. I need to build her up and make her strong. I have never been loved by a man for anything other than what I can give him. You say you’re different; how can you be? You saw a package wrapped up and presented to you to tempt you to open it. When you do, it may be empty inside. I want to be more than just the wrapping. I want to be loved for the person I am inside and not the object of desire I have been so far. Yes, we are married but we know nothing about each other. How can we build a solid foundation on shaky ground?”
Turning away, I fight back the tears. Then I feel a strong hand on my shoulder and turn into his protective arms. Ryder holds me close and wraps his arms around me and folds me into his chest. He drops a light kiss on the top of my head and whispers, “We have a lifetime to discover the people within. If it takes that long I will wait because now I’ve found you I want to give you the world. Take your time, darlin’, because it starts now. Your life here is not as a trophy wife but my soulmate. I knew it as soon as you walked towards me. If it takes you longer, then I will wait.”
I’m not sure how long we stand together but it feels familiar, comforting and 100% as it’s meant to be. Finally, I feel as if I’ve found the place I belong.