No. This couldn’t be happening.

I reached out and touched his arm. “I’m sorry, but is something bothering you?”

I already understood I was the cause. I just didn’t know the crime.

“No. Of course, not.”

He wasn’t telling the truth. I had no right to be disappointed considering everything I was doing, but Gavin was better than that.

Than me.

Something was the matter and I had to find out.

“Tell me what’s wrong. Was it the wine? Did you not like the cheese? I didn’t know what kind you like, but I can get a different type. It’s no problem.”

My anxiety skyrocketed the longer he stood there in silence. I hated it. At least with my father, I knew where he stood. I didn’t have to dangle like this, lost and alone as I tried to solve the problem of my incompetence.

When Gavin still wouldn’t answer me, I let go of his arm and took a step back. I didn’t know how to fix this but I would.

I’d learn from tonight and then I’d make sure I didn’t do it again. Preparation was everything and tonight emphasized why I put so much effort into it. Left naturally I always fucked it up.

My conversational skills failed me. That had to be the crux of my failure. I compounded my error by not verifying the right kind of wine Gavin liked. And the appetizers were obviously wrong.

It wasn’t too late. I could fix this.

Shouldn’t there be another way to be with people? Is it always your fault? Can’t it just be someone else’s fault?

Maybe, but that wasn’t my path. I didn’t know how to be any other way.

Taking initiative, I promised with a fake sunny disposition, “I’ll have something suitable ready for you in just a few minutes.” I whirled away from him only to come to an awkward stop when Gavin’s hand wrapped around my wrist.

“Paige, stop. You don’t have to do that.”

My mind fixated on the problem. I wouldn’t be swayed from correction. It was the only route to peace. The only way to make this anxiety subside.

“It’s not a problem. Truly.” I pulled my arm and tried to get free.

“Will you stop?” Gavin’s frustration cut through my low-grade panic.

I froze in place. “I’m sorry.”

“You think everything is your fault. I promise you it’s not. Don’t be sorry and don’t apologize.”

“Sorry.” I bit my lip, understanding my instinctual response was only making things worse.

Gavin sighed and groaned as if he was in tremendous pain. “You’re killing me, Paige.”

I didn’t say anything, afraid to interrupt and make things worse.

Worse? How could they possibly get worse?

“Everything was fine. The wine, the grapes, and yes, even the cheese.”

“Then why won’t you look at me? Why do you seem so perturbed?”

My vulnerability was out there in the open. No shell to hide behind.

Gavin’s mouth curled into a somber frown. “Have you looked at yourself in that dress?”

Oh no. How could things possible get worse? Just like this.

Did he think it was too much? Too tight? I should’ve gone with something conservative. My hair? I should’ve put it up instead of letting it hang all the way down my back.

Humiliated by the hot rush of tears, I blinked them back furiously. Of course, I got it wrong. I’d make the rookie mistake of confusing sexy with classy.  Why would Gavin want to be seen with someone who was clearly inferior to the well-dressed socialites he’d dated?

I may have been born to the wealth, but I’d been isolated and living on an island with a different view in regards to fashion and exposed skin. It was no wonder I kept miscalculating.

In the quest to create a new version of me, I outed myself as a fraud. I didn’t understand the nuances of male desire. I’d tried to please him and ended up getting the opposite reaction.

Shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal, I tossed out, “Okay. Whatever we’re going to do is not tight-dress-friendly. No problem. I can change into something else. It’ll only take a couple of minutes. If you’d just wait in the living room I’ll be done in a sec.”

If only my outside matched my inside.

God, I hated how much of a sniveling, cringing, insecure creature I was! Why couldn’t I get anything right? Why couldn’t I be normal?

“It won’t matter.”

Of course, it wouldn’t. The damage was done.

“I see.”

My fingers linked together, palms cold and damp. Was this the part where he excused himself and we pretended tonight never happened?

You know it’s for the best anyways.

I did. So why did I feel so crushed? 

“You don’t. I’m afraid to look at you because you’re so damned beautiful. And then you bring me here to your bedroom and all I want to do is kiss you, but I can’t.”

Wait. He thought I was beautiful?

The shackles of my disappointment loosened.

“Why can’t you kiss me?”

Gavin placed me square in the sight of his laser-focused gaze. What I saw there took my breath away.

“Because I want to prove to you I’m capable of being someone different from the difficult man you work for.”

“But I like the man I work for.”

Gavin gave his head a wry shake. “You’re not at the office now. You don’t have to flatter me.”

“When do I ever flatter you, Gavin?”

He opened his mouth and then sighed, “Fair enough. You don’t. So don’t start now.”

“I’m not trying to flatter you. I really do like you.”

“Even when I’m rude?” He raised one brow skeptically.

Biting my lip, I looked up towards the ceiling. “Well, not that part by itself. But I do like the whole of you.”

“Why?”

“I like you because you’re like me.”

That was what I would’ve liked to have said. His pain and the distance born from it reminded me of my own. If I was bolder I would’ve wrapped my arms around him and stroked his dark hair.

A different set of words rolled off my tongue instead.

“I like your commitment in whatever you undertake. Nothing distracts you from your goal.”

“Like a good hunting dog.”

“I like your conscientiousness with others. You care how your actions affect those around you and you try your best to balance your needs with theirs.”

“A polite toddler.”

I opened my mouth to argue when I saw the tiny mischievous grin.

“Something like that.”

Gavin pulled me to him and hugged me. “Paige, I’ve really borked this one again, haven’t I? I just can’t seem to get it right. Can you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Yes, I do.”

He cupped the back of my head. “You’re not real, are you?”

Looking up at him, I felt the blood drain from my face.

“I…I don’t…”

Gavin leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose. “Let’s start over, love?”

Relief shot through me, overcoming the giddiness from Gavin kissing any part of me.

“Oh, okay.”

Ignorant to the fear slicking my thoughts, he smiled and kissed my nose again.

“Hello. My name is Gavin Hawthorne. What’s yours?”

Starting over wasn’t really possible when you started back with a lie.

I didn’t want to say it. Not now when there was a chance for something sweeter.

Instead, I arched up on my tiptoes and kissed Gavin full on the lips.