I spent the weekend exactly as Gavin prescribed.

I took a walk in the park. I read two novels. I ate cotton candy. I bought fluffy socks. I pampered myself with bubble baths. 

I also wore my vibrator out while imagining Gavin over and under me. I came so hard each time my ears were practically ringing.

Of course, I felt guilty.

I was a sinner to think lewd and dirty things about my boss. But the guilt wasn’t strong enough to get me to stop. I’d moved from admiring Gavin to straight-up wanting him as a woman wanted a man.

But even though my lust was sinful, I was a consummate professional. I’d leave before putting Gavin in a position where his reputation was compromised.

Which meant I’d behave. No lingering glances, no flushed cheeks, no pretending my erotic fantasies had a chance in hell of ever happening.

When Monday came I was at the office bright and early. I nodded to the few people I saw, but the closer I got to my desk the harder my heart started beating.

Despite my inappropriate crush, I knew better than to think Gavin thought the same way about me as I thought about him.

He couldn’t.

Gavin Hawthorne was talented, powerful, wealthy, and gorgeous. He probably had a line of supermodels, actresses, and socialites waiting to take their place on his arm and in his bed.

Gavin wouldn’t waste time on empty basket case like myself. What else could you call someone who took his words like those from my master?

He was just trying to keep from having to deal with the unpleasant and onerous task of having to replace me on short notice.

I didn’t blame him or mistake the reason.

Still, my girlish heart didn’t seem to understand that. She wanted to believe she wasn’t the only one affected.

Maybe me too—despite my vows of perfect chastity and comportment.

I wasn’t surprised to see Gavin already in his office. I’d yet to beat him here first. I set my bag down on my desk and hung up my coat. My palms were clammy but I didn’t bother to wait until I felt more even-keeled.

I approached Gavin’s door with a pleasant smile. “Hello. Is there anything I can get you?”

He didn’t look up from his screen. “No.”

I didn’t react, but I was surprised. Gavin wasn’t always big on words but I couldn’t mistake the curtness of his tone. It bordered on harsh.

“All right then. I’ll be at my desk if you need anything.”

Gavin didn’t move his gaze from his screen. He didn’t even grunt to acknowledge what I’d just said. He simply continued as if I wasn’t there.

My heartbeat sped up and not for happy reasons. He was freezing me out. I didn’t have to guess why.

While I spent my weekend in ridiculous bliss, he’d obviously spent his regretting the kindness and mercy he’d shown by not having me thrown out on my ass.

My stomach clenched. Nervous, I sped through all the possibilities for his new-found contempt. We’d parted on good terms so what could’ve changed?

Shit.

What if he’d found more errors in my work after I left? I wanted to clutch my hands together. That was my tell from the time I was young when I knew I was in trouble. My father would take one look at me and instantly knew I was quelled before he’d yell one syllable.

You’re not a little girl anymore. You’re a grown woman. If there was something wrong with your work then Gavin would’ve said something. He didn’t. Don’t freak out.

Easier said than done.

Especially when I was convinced that Gavin had discovered the real me and realized I wasn’t phenomenal or even competent. I was terrified he’d see I was a fake and worthy only of derision.

Or worse—pity.

Poor little rich girl who can’t make real connections with anyone because of her messed-up family life.

I returned to my desk. The promise of the day tasted like ash. I wasn’t sure how I managed to do it, but like always in the face of extreme disappointment, I continued on as if nothing was wrong.

It was the Brookstone way. False to the very end as long as the appearance was perfect.

Gavin barely spoke ten words to me all day. He avoided looking at me every time he walked by my desk. I was a plant in his work space. There but not worthy of being noticed.

I hated it every second of it.

My tummy continued to feel knotted and my appetite was non-existent. I forced myself to eat normally. I interacted with the staff as I always did. I spoke to Gavin when necessary, approaching his door with a confident gait even when I trembled on the inside.

I smiled like always. I acted as if nothing was wrong, as if I didn’t notice Gavin’s complete detachment of my existence.

God, it was painful. Brutal even for someone of my sensitive nature.

This went on all day Monday. It continued on Tuesday. It deepened on Wednesday. By the time Thursday rolled around I’d barely had any sleep and felt like I was a barely-functioning automaton.

My makeup compensated for the dark circles under my eyes. My berry lipstick brought desperately needed color to my face. Although my hair and clothes were flawless as usual, they only served to make me feel like a mannequin for all the attention Gavin paid me.

Perfect and empty. Abandoned. Part of the scenery.

I didn’t understand why I’d gone from being someone Gavin thought was phenomenal to someone who was the antithesis of it, but it was obvious to everyone I was on the outs with my boss.

Our coworkers didn’t say a word where I could hear them, but I caught a sympathetic eye more than once. I cringed with embarrassment every time it happened.

Not on the outside, of course. Never that.

If only I hadn’t made that mistake on Friday then none of this would’ve happened. If only I hadn’t been such a fuck-up then everything would be going swimmingly this week.

But no. I had to get an over-inflated sense of self and ruin everything.

No wonder my father didn’t believe in praise. I let myself believe in Gavin’s praise and look what happened.

I wouldn’t make that mistake again.

The workday felt longer than normal, but eventually the floor emptied out by the time it was 7:00 pm. I quadruple-checked all my work for the evening, having already done that with my earlier tasks, and sent them off to the appropriate staff, including Gavin.

I was about to gather my things and head out when I stopped abruptly. What was I doing?

Running away. Duh. And you’ll keep running if you know what’s good for you.

This couldn’t continue.

I’d already let things go too far by being passive. Passivity was only helping myself. I was Gavin’s PA and I wasn’t doing my best by avoiding him in this manner.

What would Caroline do?

Well, Caroline probably wouldn’t have let herself crush on her boss for starters. Other than that, she’d probably talk to Gavin and see if there was anything she could do for him.

I stood up and stalked to his office door before I could talk myself out of my plan. As usual, Gavin was seated at his desk, attention focused solely on his computer screen. Every detail was as perfectly fresh as it was this morning with the exception of his jaw. Whiskers darkened the strong lines. He looked incredibly male and incredibly intimidating. 

The effect was doing nothing for my inappropriate feelings. Unbidden, thoughts of Gavin kissing and scraping the tender skin of my inner thighs singed my imagination.

“Gavin?” My voice came out harder than I wanted it to.

He didn’t look up from his screen. He clearly heard me which meant he obviously didn’t want to answer. Fine. I didn’t need him to talk. I just needed him to listen.

“Gavin, I’d like to talk to you about this week.”

His broad shoulders stiffened beneath the charcoal dress shirt. He still didn’t look away from the screen but there was no doubt I had his complete attention.

I lost a bit of confidence now that the moment was upon me. I reminded myself to be courteous, helpful, and gentle in the way I imagined Caroline was. Although I’d only spoken to her once on the phone, her angelic tone radiated sweetness and kindness.

She was a perfect PA and I needed to follow her lead.

“What has been the issue with you this week in regards to my performance?”