“Paige, pack your bags.”

I looked up from my computer screen with a smile.

“What for?”

“I’ve got a meeting in New Orleans and you’re coming with me.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.” Gavin stretched his arms. “It’s good to be the boss sometimes, isn’t it?”

“Very good, Mr. Hawthorne. Especially since I get to go on a trip.”

He stuck his tongue out and grinned. “Brat.”

“Only for you.”

I loved how open and relaxed he’d become around me. Gavin hardly seemed like the composed, intense man I met just a few short weeks before. He laughed more often than not and I’d quickly come to understand how much he loved to tease me.

I’d never had as much fun in my entire life as I’d had with Gavin in just the last week.

We were extremely careful to keep our burgeoning relationship out of the office. Professional courtesy dictated our interactions. Although he was friendlier, Gavin still went through periods where he barely spoke to me.

However, I understood his moods much better now.

Gavin resided in his head more often than not. His reaction to any problem was to digest it and work through the parameters in silence. What I’d taken as irritation was extreme focus.

His silence could be a protective shield but it could also be a haven. I loved being invited into that sacred space. I often counted the minutes until I was curled by his side and safe within the silent currents of Gavin’s thoughts.

On the surface, our working relationship stayed the same. I was an efficient little pack animal, tireless and devoted. I never kissed him even when alone in the elevator. I didn’t brush my hand against his. I didn’t do so much as wink at him. I also didn’t grab his butt even though I was so tempted because damn! Gavin looked so good in dress pants.

After work was a different story.

Gavin and I spent every night together since our first. We left the building together, heading out to one fabulous restaurant or another before returning to home. Sometimes it was my apartment. Other times his.

We made love of course. Many, many times.

Gavin taught me so much about pleasure and how to extend it for both of us. It was a truly exceptional education and I never minded getting extra tutoring.

But we also did other things that didn’t involve getting naked or even partially naked.

We talked, watched movies together, and played card games. I learned Gavin was an incredibly patient man in all ways. He didn’t seem to mind teaching me how to play Poker, Blackjack, and even the child’s game of War.

He also never asked me why I didn’t know them either. I appreciated that more than anything.

My father thought games were a waste of time. He believed it would rot my brain and considering how stupid I was, I didn’t need to kill off the few brain cells I had left.

I’d never had to play cards in my interactions with people before now so I never bothered to learn. It was nice to simply do something for its own sake. Not to fit in so I didn’t raise flags about my abnormality. Just for fun.

I suspected he let me win more rounds than I deserved but I was okay with that. It was another example of how good a man Gavin was. He didn’t let petty things like ego influence how he treated me.

He seemed to take as much pleasure in being with me as I did in being with him.

This last week with Gavin was truly the happiest time of my life. Going on a trip with him to New Orleans was simply the cherry on top.

“We can leave tonight and be there in time for dinner. Sounds good?”

“Sounds wonderful. How many nights should I pack for?”

A naughty grin teased his mouth. “I’d say you should keep it light to non-existent for the night.”

I primly turned my head, making sure he could see the anticipation in my gaze. “And how many days?”

“Not including tonight—we’ll be there for two days.”

“Very good. I can be ready in half an hour once I get home.”

“That’s all the time you need?”

“Why? Is that too long?”

Gavin shook his head with a wry crinkle of his mouth. “Not at all.”

I pretended that I wasn’t affected by his reaction. I wasn’t upset with Gavin. Nothing like that. It was just another reminder that I misstepped.

The image I’d constructed here at Axis 3 was that of a woman who required at least two hours to decide what she was going to take and then the careful packing of her selections plus the backups along with the shoes and accessories.

Happiness dulled the edges if you were a liar. I couldn’t afford to be sloppy.

“When should we leave work?”

He consulted his watch. “In about twenty minutes.”

“Okay. I’ll be ready.”

“Great.”

I dropped my smile as soon as he was out of sight. If I wanted to keep this bit of happiness for as long as possible then I had to be more careful. There was the woman I created for Gavin and then there was the real me.

Those two versions could never fully occupy the same space.

***

Gavin picked me up at my place, stowing my three suitcases in the trunk in place of his driver. He held my hand the whole way during the ride to the airport. His excitement was infectious. I found myself eager to see the Crescent City with Gavin as my tour guide.

“You’ve never been, Paige?”

“No, I haven’t. But I always wanted to go. Everything I’ve ever seen makes it seem so exotic and beautiful.”

“It is. There’s dangerous parts of town you don’t want to find yourself in, but the city’s beauty outweighs the risk of living there.”

“How many times have you gone?”

“I lived there for a few years.”

“Really? When?”

“A long time ago when I was a kid.” Gavin’s smile dimmed before returning. “Tomorrow morning I’ll take you to get beignets. You’ll love them.”

“I can’t wait.”

Leaning my head against his strong shoulder, I discovered another puzzle piece in the history of Gavin Hawthorne. I was positive his years in New Orleans had been spent with Melissa. It wasn’t just the ghost of sadness I caught lurking behind his smile.

Seeing it fit into a fragment of a memory I had. A fight between my father and Gavin’s mother.

“You’d still be in that piece of shit apartment if it wasn’t for me.”

“Maybe, but at least I’d be happy.”

“And you’re not happy here? You’d rather live in fucking New Orleans, is that it? If you can’t appreciate this life I’ve given you then go! I’m not stopping you.”

Strange that Gavin still had fond memories of the place where he lived with his mother considering how she left him. Then again, I knew that for all Melissa’s flaws she had a kind and caring heart.

Maybe Gavin remembered it too.

In a way, I envied his memories. I didn’t have any of my mother. I’d been taken from her when I was less than a week old. Patrick and Melissa were all I knew. Sometimes I wondered if Aricela Winters thought about me or if I was just part of a forgotten life.

Don’t be sad. It’s in the past and that’s where it has to stay.

We drove straight to the private jet hangar when we got to the airport. Gavin kept my hand in his as we got out of the limo. He still kept it when we climbed up the steps to the sleek jet.

“Good evening, Mr. Hawthorne,” a lovely leggy blonde greeted from inside the cabin.

“Good evening, Mara.”

I noticed her lingering gaze on my lover. I didn’t care for it. In fact, I hated it.

The only thing I hated worse was how much it reminded me of everything I didn’t want to be.

Jealous. Insecure. Spiteful.

Behave. You care about Gavin. You don’t own him.

Bolstered by that reminder, I returned the blonde’s greeting warmly.  Once we were seated in the fine leather chairs, the stewardess inquired, “Will you have your usual, sir?”

Gavin turned to me. “What would you like to drink, Paige?”

“Water would be fine.”

“Water for Ms. Winters and the usual for me.”

She returned with practiced efficiency. A water for me and a lemon-lime soda for Gavin. We sat in companionable silence until she left us alone in the cabin.

“She’s married. Ten years.”

Startled, I turned to him. “What?”

Gavin shrugged. “I’m just saying. That’s all.”

“Do you think I’m jealous?”

“I’m just pointing out that you don’t have to be.”

A dull flush heated my face. “I wasn’t jealous.”

“If you say so, love.”

“I do say so. I say it again.”

I mimicked outrage even though I lied through my teeth.

Gavin took a sip of his beverage while looking straight ahead. “I’m bringing it up to save us both the trouble of a fight later.”

I didn’t know what to say. He reached over and buckled me in. His stare went back to avoiding mine. This was reminiscent of our second week.

The ground shifted under my feet. Gavin was upset with me. Disappointed even.

My stomach twisted in a knot. How to fix this?

“I wasn’t angry, Gavin. I wouldn’t have picked a fight with you over this.”

Rather never. I’d never pick a fight with you because I wouldn’t dare be angry with someone so kind and good. You care about me even though I don’t deserve your politeness much less your kindness.

“But you were jealous.”

Bewildered, I couldn’t think of the proper words fast enough.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because you were being fake.”

How did he know? What gave it away? How could I make sure it didn’t happen again?

“I wasn’t…I mean…what did I do to make you think that?”

“I saw the look you gave her. That’s not fair, Paige.”

“To who? To her?”

“To me. I told you before. I don’t cheat. I’m not the kind of man who’d sleep with an employee.” He clenched his jaw. “Or I wasn’t until now.”

Oh no. There it was. A corruption of his moral code. He’d done it for me and how much longer before he blamed me for that?

Withdrawing inside myself, I kept my arms at my side and looked straight ahead. The hurt pulsed angrily, but it remained buried behind the shell.

“Paige?”

I didn’t reply. Gavin shifted in his seat and stared straight ahead as well.

What started as a promising trip devolved into a punishment.

I wasn’t sure how long we stayed separated by our thoughts. I’d always hated flying in private jets because there was no room for distance and privacy. Funny how I thought it would be different this time.

I’d just had my first fight with Gavin since we started dating. While it wasn’t nearly as loud or violent as the ones I’d seen growing up, somehow it hurt worse. I’d just learned in this instant that pain didn’t always come from yelling and hitting.

Gavin’s disappointment burned me because I knew I deserved it. I didn’t have the right to be possessive of him. But how quick he was to establish that boundary!

What did you expect? You were warned Gavin doesn’t do love.

I’d respect it and never forget the warning.

But damn it hurt. Badly.

I’d bury the pain like a grain of sand. Maybe one day it could turn into something better, a pearl of wisdom to join the others I’d created in the darkness of my suffering.

As of now though? It just hurt.

Losing track of time, I didn’t know how long we were in the air when I suddenly felt Gavin’s hand rest over mine. He gave it a squeeze. Returning from my mind’s safe space, I joined him and met his steady gaze.

“I’m sorry.”

I blinked a few times, disoriented by the two words.

“For what?”

“For jumping all over you.”

The corner of my mouth lifted in a faint smile. “You call that jumping all over me?” I didn’t mean for the words to be an innuendo but Gavin took as such.

“Why don’t I show you tonight?”

“I’m up for that.”

I’d play along because this was safer. Let him think I was a sex kitten, ready to purr at the slightest touch. Better that than Gavin knowing how much his disappointment and judgment hurt me.

When will I learn? I’m not allowed to have feelings, remember? They belong to me and cannot be shared with anyone. Ever.

Even so I wished that Gavin hadn’t gotten angry with me. Unable to shake off my sadness, I knew I couldn’t be selfish enough to seek comfort from the same person I offended.

I also wished I hadn’t expected something different from Gavin. He was, after all, a man. Men expected and demanded full dominion over their world. Woe unto anyone who offended them.

The way he turned on me so quickly shouldn’t have been a surprise. Although he did apologize. That had to count for something.

But this was a lesson I learned the hard way.

Sensitive creature that I was, I counted on the fact I’d remember it every time I was with him. It was the only way I knew how to survive this harsh world.

No mistakes. Learn after the first time. Don’t allow anyone the opportunity to hurt you again.

Gavin lifted my hand to his mouth. He kissed it once.

“I really am sorry for being so short with you. Can you stop the silent treatment now?”

The vulnerability he showed with that request took me aback. Didn’t he realize he’d just given me a weapon?

“I wasn’t trying to give you the silent treatment. I just thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”

He fingers reached out and caressed my jaw. “Then can I ask something from you?”

Gavin didn’t charge forward with his request. He waited until I slowly nodded my head.

“Please don’t shut me out like that. If you’re angry with me then let me know. Don’t turn to ice. I don’t like it. I’d rather you yell at me than ignore me.”

Dear God he didn’t know what he asked. Silence was much more welcomed than a verbal explosion.

“I’ll do better, Gavin.” Leaning closer, I lightly kissed his cheek.

He smiled, eyes dancing with happiness.

I’d do anything to keep him looking at me just the way he was right now. But how long before the weight of everything unsaid crushed me completely?