“Love! Where are you?”

“I’m in here!”

I gripped the pencil between my teeth, staring at the hundreds of lines of code, trying to find the misplaced semicolon or bracket that apparently kept my program from compiling cleanly.

I’m going to find you, you little fucker, and when I do…

Gavin opened my office door after giving it a perfunctory knock. “Hello, my sweetest love.”

“Hello, my most wonderful man of all men. You’re home…early…” My voice trailed off as my instincts geared up to tell me I was close to the offending mistake.

Focused as I was on the computer screen, I nearly missed Gavin’s frown. “Paige, have you moved since this morning?”

“Huh…once. Maybe twice. I’m almost done…really…”

Gavin shook his head and strode over to me. Picking me up, he ignored my protests.

“Love, if you won’t take care of yourself then you leave me no choice but to do it for you.”

“Hey! I don’t tear you away from work.”

“No, you don’t. Maybe you should try it one day.”

“Would it work?”

“Pick me up and find out.”

I couldn’t stay irritated with him, especially when it was obvious he was in such a good mood.

Linking my arms around his neck, I kicked my feet lightly. “So where are you taking me?”

“Watch and see.”

Gavin carried me down the hall, through the main living space, and down another hall containing guest rooms and other never-used spaces. He stopped in front of a door festooned with a big red bow and ribbons.

“What did you do, Gavin?”

He grinned, appearing as excited and mischievous as any little boy. “Why don’t you open the door and find out?”

Intrigued by what lay behind the bow, I waited until he set me down and then slowly opened the door and turned on the light.

What greeted me made my hands fly up in the air to cover my mouth.

The room was bare except for walls of bookshelves and display cases. All of which were empty, but the magnificence of what they’d be was undeniable.

I was almost too afraid to ask, just in case I completely misunderstood the gesture.

“Is this…is this…”

“For you? Yes, it is.”

Gavin grabbed me by the hand and showed me around. The room was easily three times as large as the one in my apartment. It was large enough for there to be four wide display cases right in the middle.

It was glorious.

I wanted to dance up and down the aisles. My brain itched to plan the best ways to display my collections. Looking over to the far wall, I saw a perfect spot to put my desk and bank of monitors.

But I didn’t do any of that. Instead, I grasped my hand, bending it at the wrist in a nervous gesture.

“Why?”

“Because I know how much your room means to you and I wanted you to know it means that much to me too.”

“Really?” My bashful smile changed to enthusiastic when I realized Gavin was completely serious. This wonderful room actually belonged to me. For real. “How did you do it without me knowing?”

“Are you kidding? Once you get in your zone it’s impossible to distract you. And to think you accused me of working too hard.” Gavin shook his head. “The movers got the other furniture out and the new stuff put in today.”

“Today? Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.” Gavin linked his arms around my waist. “So do you mean it? You really like it?”

“I love it!”

“You do?”

“Yes! I love it more than anything I’ve ever loved before!”

Gavin lifted me until I wrapped my legs around his lean waist. “Surely not more than anything you’ve ever loved before?”

My smile faded. A lump grew in my throat. Of course, I didn’t love it more than anything. I didn’t love it more than him, but I didn’t feel confident enough to say that.

Tongue-tied, I watched as his teasing grin turned into a frown.

“Paige? Is something wrong?”

“No. It’s perfect.”

“Not quite.” Gavin bumped my head with his. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Um, I…um…”

God, did I have the courage to say it out loud? What if I was completely misreading him and then confessed my love only to find myself out on my ass?

Gavin could have anyone’s love and he didn’t want it before. Why ever would he want mine now?

“All right, love. I get it.”

Panic exploded, pushing all feelings of self-preservation away. “No! You don’t!”

“I do.” Gavin put me down before placing his hands on either side of my face. “Here I am wanting to hear words I haven’t even said myself. I love you.”

They were just three words.

Three little words I’d never remembered hearing in my life. Ever.

I was afraid of those three words because how would I be able to move on when the inevitable end came without hearing them again from this man?

Tears flooded my eyes. I couldn’t control my noisy sobs even though I pressed two hands to my face.

Gavin pulled me to his wide chest, comforting me and not saying a word until I was coherent enough to hear them.

“Love, oh my sweet love. Don’t cry. Being loved by me won’t all be bad. I promise.”

He sounded so serious that a choked giggle came out in the midst of my crying. “Being loved by you would be wonderful, Gavin.”

“Then why all the tears?”

I wiped my face with my arms, not wanting him to see my face as I warbled, “Why would you ever love me?”

“Paige. Look at me.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Paige.”

His warning tone didn’t allow for disobedience. Sniffling and knowing I looked a mess, I managed to meet his eyes.

“You ask why would I ever love you? I love you because you’re you, Paige.”

My shoulders slumped. Then the person he loved wasn’t really me. It was the woman I pretended to be when I was with him.

Someone whole. Not broken and ugly because of it.

Gavin brushed his fingers along my jaw. “Just being with you makes me happy, love. You make me feel like I belong somewhere, that who I am is good enough. And you’re so sweet, Paige. So damned sweet. You think about others all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so caring, so selfless.”

“Gavin, I’m not…I’m not as selfless as you think.”

“No? I don’t believe that.”

Of course he wouldn’t. I lied to him too damn well.

“I try to be good to you, Gavin, but don’t put me on a pedestal. You’ll regret it.”

“Regret it?” He picked me up. “I want you on a pedestal, love, because that’s where you belong. You mean everything to me. From the first moment I saw you until now. Nothing can change my love for you.”  

How could my heart feel so full and broken at the same time?

Gavin frowned at me and said sweetly, “Love, you’re crushing my spirit here. Can’t you love me back just a little?”

My heart erupted and nothing was ever the same again.

“Love you a little? I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else in the world!”

I clapped my hands over my mouth, cursing myself to a thousand hells for admitting my secret. I’d lied so much already—why did I have to be honest this time?

Because I love him. I want him to know, even if it’s just this one time. Can’t I have that? Just this once?

Gavin set me down. “Do you mean that, little love? Honestly?”

“I do,” I whimpered pitifully.

An enigmatic light brightened his eyes like amber. “You have no idea how much I love hearing you say those two words.” He took my hands and brought them to his lips. “I love you, Paige, and you love me. We’ve made a beautiful life here together, haven’t we?”

I swallowed past the growing lump in my throat. Was I so twisted that I couldn’t help but hurt when someone tried to love me?

“Yes, we have. I’ve never been happier than living here with you.”

“I don’t want that to change, love.”

“You want to keep me?”

Gavin cupped my face. “Keep you? Yes, I want to keep you! I want to keep you today, tomorrow, and all the years after.”

I still didn’t get it. Were these normal love words couples passed between them? What was I supposed to say?

“Paige, I made this room for you to ask you to stay.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Gavin, not yet. Not as long as you want me here.”

A look of chagrin passed across his handsome features. “Love, haven’t you been listening to me? I don’t ever want to be separated from you.” He slipped an arm around my waist while fishing out an ebony box from his pocket. “Marry me, Paige. Marry me and be happy with me forever.”

Staring at the exquisite emerald cut diamond, I would’ve fallen down if he wasn’t holding me up.

I couldn’t marry him. Never in a million years.

Neither Patrick nor Melissa would ever let that happen. And even if I could somehow keep it a secret from those two, Gavin would expect to meet them. How would I dodge and evade that simple and reasonable request?

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

I knew better than anyone that happiness came with a steep price. I could have Gavin forever but by taking him as mine I’d end up losing him forever.

Turning him down would hurt for only a little bit. Accepting him as my husband would create an ugly scar to last a lifetime.

“So what will it be, love? Will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Gavin Hawthorne?”

I knew what I would say.  

My heart thudded in my chest and static seemed to fill my ears. The next words would tear everything apart. Once said I’d never be able to come back from them.

This moment would be the one to define me in Gavin’s eyes. And there’d be nothing I could say to ever justify such a grave injury.

From this moment on I’d truly deserve everything I got. I couldn’t blame my father or my shitty upbringing.

There was only one person to blame. Me.

“Yes.”