Story Telling
Julianna is fidgeting so much, she’s causing my seat to shake, and she hasn’t spoken a word since we boarded the plane. I think carefully about what to say to calm her down as I watch her out of the corner of my eye. I still can’t believe she asked me to come with her to deal with Christopher, and I don’t want to do or say anything that will make her regret that decision or keep her from asking me for help in the future.
Not that she really needs me. She’s a lot stronger than she thinks. That prick is refusing to give her a divorce, but she’s not backing down. You could’ve blown me over with a feather when she told me she was going to confront him face-to-face and wasn’t leaving until he signed the damn divorce papers.
“It’s going to be okay, you can handle this.”
Julianna’s leg stops bouncing as she turns her attention to me. “Oh, I’m not worried about Christopher,” she says. “I have a lot of other stuff on my mind.”
“Does it have anything to do with Ashland Martin? I heard she’s waived her right to a trial by jury as part of a plea bargain with the district attorney.”
Julianna’s entire body seems to stiffen at the mention of Ashland—the young woman who brutally murdered the man who raped Julianna. Her eyes gloss over with tears, and I mentally kick myself for bringing up the subject as she shakes her head.
“I mean, I suppose she’s always in the back of my mind. I wish so badly there was a way for me to help her. Logically, I know what Jim did to her isn’t my fault, but the guilt still weighs heavily on me.”
“What if I said I might have a way we can help her?”
As soon as the details about Ashland’s case started leaking, I knew I wanted to write her story. It’s like it was speaking to me, beckoning me to it. I know telling her side of the story won’t change anything for her, but maybe it could help other young women who have experienced the same things. I don’t think people understand how common sexual assault and abuse are. In my case, I felt so alone. As a young, naïve girl, I was so confused. It truly felt like I was to blame for the things that happened to me. Ashland’s story could help other women realize they’re not alone, then perhaps they won’t have to end up like her.
Julianna’s brow furrows. “How?”
“I’d like to tell her story. I’ve been thinking, and I could try to talk to her—get the real story and not the one the media is pushing. But I wanted to get your approval first. It’s important to me that I have your blessing before I talk to my editor about doing a piece on her.”
“Why would you need my blessing for that?”
“Well…” I pause and chew at my bottom lip, wishing again I’d kept my damn mouth shut. “It might be helpful if we can prove a pattern of behavior.”
She sighs, her eyes closing briefly before meeting my gaze again. “So, you’re saying you want to tell my story too?”
“It’s only a suggestion. I don’t have to use your name. I’m sure—”
“No,” Julianna says, holding her hand up as she shakes her head. “It’s okay. I think I’m ready. I’m tired of hiding from what happened to me. I can’t go back and change anything that happened to either of us, but I can do something to set it right now.”
“Are you sure?” She nods and gives me a reassuring smile. “You know I’m incredibly proud of you, right?”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t go getting all mushy on me, I need my tough as nails sister today.”
“Don’t worry, she’s right here and ready to kick some rich boy ass. So, are you going to tell me what it is that’s bothering you then?”
She sighs. “It’s Eric.”
The mention of Eric makes me think of Steven, and I feel heat rise on my cheeks. Not that it takes much for my mind to drift to him, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since meeting his grandmother the other day. It’s like my mind keeps playing everything she said on a loop. Especially all the stuff about how he belongs with me instead of Cat. I want my best friend to be happy but I can’t say I haven’t been wishing Gram’s words were my reality. But Steven doesn’t belong with me. He’s the type of person people run to for shelter, and I’m the storm. Even after everything he went through as a child, he’s the most kind and caring person I know. He wears his open heart on his sleeve and I’d let my pain make me closed off and bitter.
“I thought things were going really well for the two of you.”
“They are. Or they were. He’s been a little distant lately, and it feels like something is off.”
“That reminds me, Steven did get a strange call from him the other day. His face got all serious then he left the room, and when I asked him what it was about he said, ‘nothing’.”
Her lips spread across her face into a Cheshire Cat smile. “Well, what I want to know is why you’re spending so much time with Steven. From what I understand, the two of you have grown quite close.”
“Who on earth did you hear that from?”
“Eric. He said he thinks…well, he thinks maybe he might have feelings for you and you for him. Do you have feelings for Steven?”
“You do realize Cat is my best friend, right? She’s like a sister to me, and he’s her boyfriend.”
“I know, but that’s not what I asked.”
“You should already know what you’re insinuating isn’t possible.”
“Anything is possible when it comes to love. We don’t always get to choose the direction our hearts lead us in. My only comment on the matter would be that the two of you tell Cat the truth before it’s too late.”
“Nothing is going on between us. We’re only friends. There isn’t anything to…” my words trail off as I realize we have been keeping something from Cat. Possibly a couple somethings. The fact that I never told Cat about how I’d really met Steven has been weighing on me a little more heavily since he took me to the Red Rose. Perhaps that’s because my feelings for him have become even more distorted. “Actually, there is something I want to tell you, but you have to promise you won’t tell Cat or even Lizzy.”
If Julianna is willing to share her secrets with me, I should be willing to do the same. This may not be the secret I should be sharing, but a crowded airplane is hardly the place for that conversation. It’s a step in the right direction, though.
“I would never share something you didn’t want me to, though I can’t promise I won’t insist you tell her yourself.”
I roll my eyes, then shrug. “Fair enough. So, the thing is, I met Steven before he and Cat started dating.”
Julianna’s eyes go wide, her mouth hanging open for a few moments before she speaks. “So, you’ve already slept with Steven.”
I scoff. “No…but it wasn’t from the lack of trying. He wanted me to go out on an actual date with him, though. So, I ran. The next time I saw him, he was dating Cat.”
“Why didn’t you tell her then?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “It was over, there wasn’t much to tell. And she was happy. I didn’t want to ruin that for her.”
“And what of your happiness?”
“What of it? My happiness wasn’t dependent upon Steven. I’d already given him up. He should be with someone like Cat, not me.”
“I’m not so certain of that. Have you ever considered the possibility that fate brought him into Cat’s life for you? You yourself said you’d pushed him away when he wanted to get to know you, so the two of you never would have become close. It’s the fact that he’s with Cat that’s allowed you to let your guard down with Steven.”
My head shakes in protest, though I’m allowing my mind to consider what she’s said. There’s no question, if Steven hadn’t started dating Cat, he wouldn’t be in my life now. I wouldn’t feel the fondness for him that I do. I wouldn’t consider him to be one of my dearest friends, like it or not. And I can’t deny that I’ve considered what it might be like to be more than his friend. But I could never accept a happiness built from the ruins of my best friend’s heart.
“No. Everything is as it should be.”
It’s late when my cellphone rings, and I’m surprised to see Lori’s name on the screen. Last I heard, she was going with her sister to Pennsylvania to deal with her asshole ex-husband. Information I hated keeping from Eric, but I’d kept his secret from Lori, and it was only fair. Sitting up straighter on the couch, I reach for the remote to turn off the television, and my stomach knots with worry as I slide my thumb across the screen to answer her call.
“Lori, is everything okay?”
She scoffs. “You’re such a worrier. I’m fine, I just…it’s been a long day and I—oh, fuck it, can you open your damn door?”
“My door?”
Before I know it, I’m on my feet and heading over to the front door. When I look through the peephole, she’s standing there flipping me the bird. Snickering, I unlock the door and open it for her as I hang up the phone. She doesn’t wait for me to invite her in as she pushes past me, heading toward my kitchen without so much as a hello.
When I join her in the kitchen, she’s looking through my cabinets.
“What are you doing?” I muse.
She stops, turning to look at me for the first time since she walked through the door, and I can see the weariness in her eyes. “Don’t you have anything to drink around here?”
“There’s some whiskey in the cabinet above the refrigerator,” I tell her, planting myself on the doorframe as I cross my arms. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
She nods as she pulls down my bottle of Makers Mark. Holding up a finger with one hand, she pulls out a glass with the other then pours some for herself. She makes a cheering gesture toward me with the tumbler before slamming it back then placing it on the counter as she swallows.
As if she needs something to support her, she places both hands down flat on the counter, then leans into them before meeting my gaze. “I needed someone to talk to, and this is where I ended up. Don’t go making a big deal about it, or I’m leaving.”
I attempt to suppress my smile as I tug at my ear, and she narrows her eyes in warning. Holding my hands up in surrender, I walk over to the bar and take a seat.
“All right. What do you need to talk about?”
She pushes herself away from the island and begins to pace. “I’ve decided to pitch this potentially huge story to my editor, and I’m freaking out about it a little.”
“That doesn’t sound like you, what’s the story about?”
“Not what, who. Ashland Martin.” She pauses to gauge my reaction before I have a chance to hide the surprise on my face, and she scowls as she begins to tread the floor again.
Ms. Martin is a hot topic at the station right now. Apparently, the murder she committed had been brutal, and a lot of people aren’t happy she’s gotten off so lightly.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I work to smooth my features. “Ashland Martin? As in the woman who confessed to murdering Jim Engels?”
She comes to a stop in front of me, her hip popping out to the side as her hand lands on it. “That would be the one.”
“That’s a high-profile case. A lot of people are ready to lynch that woman. Are you sure—”
“He raped my sister,” she blurts.
Lori’s head hangs as she wraps her arms around herself, and my blood runs cold as I think of someone hurting Julianna in that way. I can’t help wondering if Eric knows what happened to her. Then I thank God the man is already dead, certain Eric would try to kill the guy himself when he found out.
“Well, shit…when did she tell you this? Is that why you were so upset the other night?”
She nods, but doesn’t meet my gaze. I feel sick as her words from that morning ring back in my mind. “I never thought she’d suffer the same painful experiences I have.” She’d been about to confide in me before my grandmother showed up. Was she planning to tell me she’d been raped too? Fuck. Is she here to open up to me now?
I slide the tumbler Lori had used over to where I’m sitting, then reach for the whiskey and fill the glass. “Did you tell her you’re planning to write a story about this girl?”
She nods again, and I shoot back the amber colored liquor before filling the glass again.
“And you’re sure she’s okay with it?”
She lifts her head, swiping the glass from me and drinking its contents. As she hands it back to me empty, her eyes meet mine and she nods her head. “She even gave me permission to tell her story, says she’s ready—that she’s tired of hiding.”
All my muscles tighten as I shake my head, filling the glass yet again. “I don’t know, Lori.” I slam back another shot, and my stomach churns in protest as I place the tumbler back on the counter. “People are going to come after her. They’ll call her names and accuse her of lying. Are you sure you want to put her through that?”
“No.” Her voice is so soft, it’s nearly a whisper, and I swear I see her chin quiver slightly before she clears her throat. “But we can’t keep letting men like Jim win because we’re afraid. We can’t let them continue to have that power over us.”
Her head falls, and she begins pacing again, but I reach out and grab ahold of her hand to keep her still. Her back straightens, her gaze landing on my hand holding hers before meeting mine.
“The man you mention before, the one you cared for and trusted, did he do something like that to you too, Lori?”
She nods, her throat bobbing and a single tear rolling down her face. “I was in high school, so young and stupid,” she begins, pulling out of my hold and casting her eyes down. Sighing, she reaches out to trace the rim of the glass with her finger. “He was a thirty-something-year-old man. It never dawned on me he could be thinking of me in a sexual manner. He seemed kind, and he was well revered by everyone who knew him. So, when he took an interest in me under the pretense that he wanted to help me with my writing, I didn’t think anything of it. I was so thrilled by his attention, I never saw what was coming until it was too late.” She releases a long breath, as if relieved to say the words out loud, while my lungs have stopped working altogether. “I’ve never told anyone that before.”
My mind reels from her confession. Though I may finally have an explanation as to why Lori had such an aversion to dating—why she has such a hard time trusting men—there was still so much left unanswered. I want to know who this man is, and how I can find him. But more importantly, I want to ask her why she had chosen to tell me, why now. Instead, I sit silent and frozen, thankful she’s not looking at me.
“He got away with what he did to me because I felt ashamed. The same way Jim got away with what he did to Julianna. Now, this poor woman is being crucified while Jim’s being portrayed in the media as some sort of victim. It’s total bullshit, and I can’t sit back and do nothing knowing the truth.”
When her eyes finally meet mine again, they’re wet with tears, and I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms, but I stay rooted, trying to figure out the right things to say.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I can certainly understand why you’ve been drawn to Ashland’s story, but it’s not your responsibility to make things right. You know people won’t only attack your sister, they’ll attack you for telling her story. It won’t be hard to figure out she’s your sister and—”
“Stop trying to protect me. I’m already well acquainted with the ugliness of the world. Try to understand I need to do this. I need to help make sure that bastard is accountable for his sins. Not only for Julianna’s sake, but for myself and any other woman out there who feels like they don’t have a voice.”
As her tears begin to fall freely, I come to my feet. Giving into my desire to hold her, I wrap my arms around her, my chest swelling with warmth when she returns my embrace. I allow us both a moment to enjoy each other’s comforts before kissing the top of her head and leaning back to meet her gaze.
“I’ll stop trying to safeguard you all the time, and support you any way I can,” I vow.