You’re Right
My thoughts were so full of Ashland when my phone rang, the words flowing so easily, I’d almost ignored the call from Julianna. If it hadn’t been for the late hour and my constant worrying, I probably would have. Of all the reasons I might have imagined the purpose of her call, this was not on the list.
“You did what?” Placing my laptop down next to me, I shoot to my feet and begin pacing in front of my couch. “Are you screwing with me? Please tell me you’re joking.”
Julianna giggles, and I hear Eric saying I told you so in the back ground.
“It’s not a big deal, we didn’t want to wait. I promise, I’ll let you throw me a big party when we get back, if you want.”
A party? Does she honestly think I’m upset about a party? If anything, I’m relieved I don’t have to wear another stupid dress and socialize with people I don’t like. But I’ve been cut out of another important moment of my sister’s life, and that hurts.
“When you get back? What does that mean?”
She sighs, the way she does when she thinks I’m being over the top. “We’re on our honeymoon, obviously. We did just get married.”
Halting mid step, my grip tightens on the phone as I pull it away from my face. My eyes narrow at it as if she’ll be able to see my angry glare, and for a moment, I contemplate hanging up on her before bringing it back to my ear. “So, you had time to plan your honeymoon, but you couldn’t even tell me you were getting married? And what is it with everyone wanting to get fucking married these days? Has everyone gone mad?”
My mind wanders to Steven. I’ve been keeping him iced out since Lizzy’s wedding two weeks ago, so I have no clue if or when his proposal to Cat is coming.
“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would act this way.”
My jaw ticks as I begin to stride again, my temper begging to be let free, but I reign it in. Julianna is happy, and in the end, that’s all that matters.
“Fine,” I relent. “Where are you going and when will you be back?”
“We’re going to drive all over the states, heading in whatever direction the wind blows us. We don’t have anything specific planned except getting lots of great photographs of everything we see.”
“There will be lots of love making too, Lori!” Eric calls in the background.
“You two are disgusting. I’m hanging up now. But…congratulations. I love you, and I’m glad you’re happy. I’m pissed you didn’t tell me, but at least I didn’t have to wear another bridesmaid dress.”
“Look at you, seeing the positive. I like this side of you. And I love you too, sis. Good luck on your writing. Bye.”
She disconnects the call, and I immediately dial Cat’s number. Steven isn’t the only one I’ve been avoiding. Though I’ve kept myself too busy with work and my book as an excuse, I’ve honestly been unsure how to act around Cat—worried I might let something slip. But I need to vent. I need my best friend.
She picks up after the first ring, gasping out a hello through her laughter. There’s only one person who makes her laugh that way. Steven. My insides twist with jealousy, making it hard to ignore.
“My baby sister got married. Again. And she didn’t tell me until after the fact. Why does she keep doing this to me?”
“She did! Oh my gosh!” I hear Steven’s deep voice in the background, and my heart begins beating a little faster. “Julianna and Eric got married,” Cat tells Steven. She gasps after Steven responds. “You knew he was going to propose and didn’t tell me?”
My nostrils flare with irritation as I growl. Of course, he knew. Apparently, Eric and Steven decided to play follow the leader with Brenden. I want to be furious with Steven for not telling me, but I’ve been the one ignoring his calls, never giving him a chance to tell me. Not that it matters, I was already livid with him.
When Lizzy told me Steven was planning to ask Cat to marry him, I was shocked. My friendship with Steven has grown this year, and he never even hinted he was thinking of proposing to Cat. Then when I found out he wanted to tell Cat what happened between us, I was angry. That isn’t only his secret to tell. He isn’t the only one who would suffer the consequences of it being revealed.
If it hadn’t been for Levi stopping me, I might have said and done some things that night I would regret. Turns out, he’s not such a bad kid. Annoying and clueless, but he’s got a good heart like his brother. He stayed by my side all night and even took me home. Everyone made assumptions about what happened between Levi and I after we left, and I’ve done nothing to correct them. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I’d never sleep with Levi.
My hold on the phone is strangling as I listen to Cat and Steven playfully banter back and forth, the loud groan I let out interrupting them.
“Sorry,” Cat says, followed by another giggle.
“Yeah…I’m going to go, but tomorrow you’re mine.” Steven should be spending the day with his grandmother tomorrow, which means I can have my best friend to myself.
“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow morning and we’ll make plans. Goodnight.”
Before I have a chance to respond, Steven calls out, “Goodnight, Lori.”
My chest tightens, my skin buzzing as my breath catches. I miss him. So much. Too much. But I merely disconnect the call because I just can’t deal.
Cat paces in front of me for the third time as if searching for something, though it’s clear she doesn’t even know what she’s doing. She’s been a wreck since she got a call from her childhood friend Caroline this morning.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you today? I can always take my grandmother to the store tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll understand.”
“Thank you, but no. It’s going to be a long, grueling day. You should go be with your grandmother. Besides, I don’t know how appropriate it is to bring the guy your dating to…” her words trail off and her eyes swell up with tears as she shakes her head, unwilling or unable to finish her sentence. Caroline’s father isn’t expected to make it through the day, and she’s asked Cat to come for support and to say her goodbyes. Cat doesn’t handle these types of things very well. She cried when the old woman who lived up the road from her died last month, and she’d never even met the woman. I don’t know how she’s going to survive watching someone she’s loved and cared for take their last breath.
I pull her into my arms and squeeze them around her as I kiss the top of her head. She sniffles as she leans back and meets my gaze.
“Oh no, Lori…I was supposed to meet up with her today. I feel like we haven’t gotten to spend much time together lately and she’s upset about Julianna.” She lets out a sigh as she closes her eyes.
“Hey,” I say, taking her face in my hands. When she opens her eyes again, I continue. “Don’t worry about Lori, I’ll go meet up with her.”
Cat’s forehead creases as she bites her bottom lip, looking about as unsure as I feel. Things between Lori and I have been strained since Lizzy’s wedding—since she heard I was planning to ask Cat to marry me and she left with Levi. I’m not entirely sure how she will react to me showing up in Cat’s place, but it’s a good opportunity to clear the air. Besides, Gram has been bugging me about seeing Lori again. This will kill two birds with one stone.
“Are you sure? Lori’s been extremely moody the past couple weeks.”
“It will be fine, promise.” My words don’t hold much conviction, but Cat nods in agreement anyway.
Lori tries to slam the door in my face, but I stick my foot out to keep it from closing. She’d gone from worried to annoyed in a flash after I explained why I’m here.
She narrows her eyes at me, and I shoot her a bright smile.
“I’m getting pretty sick of Cat sending you in her place. It’s offensive and absurd. She should have told me herself she couldn’t come today. I’m not a child, and I have plenty of things to fill up my time.”
“Maybe I merely wanted to spend some time with my friend,” I offer. She rolls her eyes, but I can see her hard exterior softening. “Besides…” I hitch my thumb over my shoulder toward the truck where Gram is waiting. I’d been smart enough to pick her up before showing up here, knowing Lori might not be thrilled to see me, but she wouldn’t turn Gram away too. Lori looks over my shoulder, her eyes a little wider when they land on me again. “Gram has been asking to see you, and I’ve already told her you would be joining us today. You wouldn’t want to let my grandmother down, would you?”
“That’s low,” she grits out. “I won’t forget this. Payback will be a bitch.”
I shrug with a smile on my face, not even trying to hide my amusement.
Three hours later, we’re in my truck on the way back to Lori’s after dropping my grandmother back home, and she’s doing her best to pretend I don’t exist. She’d been cordial while we were out with Gram, but she isn’t even trying to hide her animosity toward me now. I know Lori isn’t the type of person you should push when they’re angry, but I’ve missed talking to her these past couple weeks. I want things back to the way they were, and I think we both have some things to get off our chests.
“So…how’s the book coming along?”
From the corner of my eye, I see her head slowly turn my way. When we come to a stop at a four way, I glance over, and she sneers, cutting her eyes at me. “Marriage? Are you fucking serious?”
“See!” I say, pointing and wagging my finger at her as I shake my head. “I knew that was bothering you. Is that really such a crazy notion? I mean, what’s the point if things aren’t leading down that path?”
She moans, swatting my hand away. “Do you even fucking hear yourself? You’re talking about committing to someone for the rest of your life because it’s expected. Like it’s this thing you need to check off your list.”
I place both hands back on the wheel, my hold a little tighter than necessary as I turn my attention to the road and pull forward.
“Not everyone is terrified of the idea of living a life with someone. Some of us like the thought of growing old with someone. And for your information, it’s not something I need to do. Getting married is something I want to do.”
“Gross. Grow up. You think a piece of paper from the government makes your relationship special? It doesn’t mean shit. It doesn’t guarantee your happily ever after.”
“If marrying someone doesn’t mean anything, then why are you so worked up over it?”
She cackles sarcastically. “Fuck you. I’m not worked up. I’m concerned for my friend.”
My eyes cut over to her, my jaw ticking, though I’m more hurt than angry. I thought I was her friend too. I don’t understand why she’s so opposed to the idea of Cat marrying me. Does she not think I’m good enough?
“You’re worried for Cat? Why, because marrying me would be such a horrible thing?”
She scoffs, shaking her head. “Who says my concern is for Cat? You’re chasing a fairytale that isn’t real, and you’re both going to end up hurt.”
Once I’m in her driveway, I throw the truck into park, then turn to face her. Her features are bunched on her face, as if she’s daring me to challenge her further. I let go of the steering wheel and run a hand through my hair as I consider my response.
“A fairytale, huh?” I sneer. “So, what’s real? Going home with someone you barely know and have no feelings for?”
A look of hurt crosses her features, her cheeks turning pink as her shoulders fall. “Yeah! It is!” She unbuckles her seatbelt, throwing it off. Her chest moves with animation as she glares at me with glossy eyes, making me feel like a total asshole. “It’s honest and upfront. I’m using them and they’re using me, like every relationship, except without all the pretending.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I relent, throwing my hands up in surrender. “Maybe I’m chasing an impossible dream, but at least I still dream. You’ve given up. All your time is spent running and hiding from everyone, and that makes you a coward.”
She jerks slightly, as if I struck her, her eyelashes fluttering as her stare falls to her lap. Nodding, she reaches for the handle on the door, pulling the latch and pushing it open. With a deep breath, she meets my gaze again and clears her throat. “You’re right.”
She turns and hurries out of the truck. “Lori, wait! I’m—”
The passenger door slams, and I hang my head in defeat. I’d managed to make things worse instead of better.