I got up before April and hit the gym in the hotel. I couldn’t sleep much with her in the next bed over. I was grateful for that separate bed. I would’ve had to have slept in the bathtub if we only had one bed.

I pushed the incline on the treadmill and ran harder. I may have fucked up our relationship, but I wouldn’t fuck up her and Hank’s. She deserved to be happy even if that wasn’t with me. In fact, she would be happier if I was out of the picture completely. I couldn’t remind her of what we lost if I was never around.

Maybe I was the only one who lost. I couldn’t move on, but she did. I pushed the treadmill to go faster. The more I thought about her sleeping with Hank the more pissed off I became. I hit the button again. I needed to run from her and the thoughts in my head.

Brody put his arm around my waist and gripped my arm as I flew off the treadmill. “I knew you were going to do that!” He stood me up on my own and shook me. “You shouldn’t need a spotter for the treadmill. What are you doing? Trying to kill yourself?” He hit the Stop button on the treadmill, causing it to slow down and decline. He was mad.

“When you told me to meet you down here, I didn’t know it was to find your ass sprawled out on the floor.” He turned me around and pushed me. “Let’s go hit the bags because God knows I want to punch the fuck out of you right now.”

He picked up the gloves and tossed them to me. “Come on. If you’ve got frustration to get out, this is how you do it.” He held the bag and looked at me around it. “Hit whatever you’re pissed at until you’re not pissed or you can’t hit anymore.”

He held the bag and encouraged me through several hits. I hit the bag harder when Hank’s face popped into my mind or the million things that destroyed April and me. I hit the bag when I remembered the night in the hospital with my mom and then thought of Emerson Bishop. I hit the bag when my father told me to get lost when I went looking for him to tell him Mom died and then again when I tried to obey her last wish.

And, I hit the bag when I realized I would be alone for the rest of my life while everyone around me went home to a warm bed every night. They didn’t know how lonely the life of taking care of everyone was. They didn’t know how heavy the life of holding everyone’s burdens was. They just kept packing them on me.

I could’ve handled anything as long as I had April by my side, but she left me. She was right to leave even though she swore she never would. I pushed her away when Brody kidnapped Laney Mosley. I pushed her away when he got shot and needed my constant care. I pushed her away when he left me back home alone to carry the burden of the business we started and the family that fell apart. I pushed her away before she could do it to me. I couldn’t be left again.

In the end, it was all my fault. I was the one who lost sight of how much in love we were. I couldn’t feel it. I could only feel despair after every hit I took like the bag I just pummeled. Each time something else happened, it stacked up and blocked the love she was trying to give me. She couldn’t keep up with it no matter how hard she tried. She couldn’t clear it away fast enough to get her love to me. I started picturing my face on the bag and hit it harder.

I dropped to my knees and heaved air in and out of my lungs. It burned. It burned a hole through my soul to feel what he had made me feel with that bag. I hated him for it. I hated me for what I’d done to my own life.

I tried to take the gloves off, but my arms were like jelly. Brody knelt down and picked up one glove. He was quiet as he unfastened it from my wrist but spoke when he pulled the first glove off. “I’m only helping you with your gloves. Any other clothing you want off is all you. Take a shower in your clothes for all I care.”

“I fucked up, Brody.”

He hesitated before he took the second one off. “Last night?”

“Every night.” I looked up to his eyes and didn’t care that mine were watering. I refused to cry, but it didn’t mean I didn’t feel it. “How do I fix it?”

He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll help you.”

* * *

Brody and I took too long at the gym. April and Maggie had already met up for breakfast by the time we got back. I had the hotel room to myself, but I didn’t want it. I wanted to talk to April. It didn’t have to be about anything more than the weather. I just wanted to be near her.

It would have to wait a little while longer. We were back at Lila’s wondering if our father would ever come out of his room. I couldn’t have cared less, but I knew Brody wanted to tell him he was expecting his first child. I wasn’t sure why that was important to him, but it was.

When we walked in, Kennedy was afraid to go near Brody again. Everyone except for April thought I was nuts when I tapped Brody’s shoulders. Kennedy knew what I was doing, though. I could see the wheels turning in that brain of hers to calculate her risk if she approached him. She wanted on those shoulders and she wanted to climb him to get there.

We all took the seats we had before with Lila taking Dad’s. “I can’t promise he’ll come out today, but I’d still like it if you stayed.”

Brody was quick to reassure her. “You know we want to get to know you and your family just as much as we wanted to reconnect with Dad. I’m sorry it seemed like we were only here for Dad before, but I can’t tell you how much it means to Tim and me that you want to be part of our lives.”

“I’ve never wanted to be away from you guys. After Mom died, I just had to get away. I couldn’t be near that house. Too much had happened. I was afraid to move away, though. I didn’t know anyone outside our family, really.

“Then Dad called me and told me he would move with me. Wherever I wanted to go, he would go with me and help me start a new life. I didn’t realize it before it was too late that he was taking me away from the old life completely.”

“No one is blaming you.” Brody sat forward and put his elbows on his knees. “You were a kid. We all were.”

Lila looked at me. “You’re not saying much. Are you always this quiet?”

“Usually.”

April scoffed next to me. “That’s the truth.” She blushed when everyone looked at her. “Uh, I’m just going to go to the bathroom. Excuse me.”

Everyone was quiet as she got up and walked out of the room. At least she waited until April was out of earshot, but Maggie ripped into me. “What is your problem, Tim? You act as if you want her, and when she opens up to you, quite literally, you leave her. Quit being a dick and love her or let her go.”

“Apparently, you had quite the chat at breakfast.” I put my ankle up on my knee and straightened my pant leg. “As if it’s any of your business, if anything happens between April and me again, it will be when she’s free to do so. I won’t have her regret anything.”

“What would she have regretted?”

“I won’t have her cheat even if it’s with me.”

Maggie shook her head. “Who is she cheating on?”

“Hank.”

Brody sat up and turned his body to face her to try to block me. It didn’t work. I could still see the side of her face. “I’ve already told him that April and Hank aren’t dating, but he doesn’t believe me.”

She narrowed her eyes as if he was mouthing something to her that she couldn’t get at first. When she did get it, she smiled before she looked at me. Brody sat back with his own look of amusement.

“What is so funny?”

“Yeah,” Lila agreed with me. At least she didn’t get it, either. “What’s all this about and who is Hank?”

April walked back in just as Lila asked. “Hank is the greatest. He’s the lead therapist at the center. Brody and Tim never thought we needed one, but the counselors we hired weren’t enough to do the job. We needed someone who was more trained to read people and their emotions. He was a Godsend.”

I set my jaw and looked to the ceiling. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

She looked at me as if I were crazy. “Did those two get into a fist fight last week? No, they did not. Did they shake hands and wish each other well before Gavin left? Yes, I believe they did.” She looked back to Lila. “Our incident reports have dramatically reduced since he’s been there. He’s teaching the other counselors what he knows, so it’s benefiting the whole team.”

“Yeah, he’s just Mr. Perfect.”

April sat back and crossed her arms. “That’s Dr. Perfect to you.”

Brody stood up and motioned for April to stand. “Come over here and sit with Maggie. I think you two need to be separated for a minute.”

He took a step forward but didn’t move another muscle when Kennedy latched onto his leg. He froze and looked at me. I smiled. April elbowed me for enjoying Brody’s panic.

Lila’s daughter tried to climb him, but she couldn’t get a grip on anything and she wasn’t strong enough to pull herself up with his jeans. She held her hands up. “Up, up.”

Brody glanced to Lila and she nodded her permission to pick her up. He did, but once she was at his chest, she slapped her hands on his face and put her nose to his. “Don’t move.”

Brody stood in place just as she asked and only moved if he thought she was going to fall. She climbed the rest of the way up his chest and flung one leg over his shoulder. She allowed him to help her get the other leg over the other shoulder. She reached up and touched the ceiling.

“I’m touching the roof, Mommy! I’m touching the roof!”

“Okay, baby, let’s leave the roof for when you get lots and lots older, but it’s exciting to touch the ceiling, huh?”

“Yeah, the ceiwing.” She couldn’t quite say the word, but she was thrilled she was touching it.

Once the shock wore off that she actually got close to him, Brody looked happy. He’d be good with a kid. I looked to Maggie who was watching me. She knew too much. It made me wonder what Brody knew, too.

I looked at the doorway behind Maggie and saw our old man standing there watching Brody play with his granddaughter. He showed that kid more love in the few minutes I’d seen them together than he ever showed us the entire time I grew up. If he so much as made a move to stop their fun, I was going to take him back to his room myself.

He smiled when he walked in. Lila and I shared a look. She saw it, too. We put our attention back on Dad when he walked up and tugged on Kennedy’s foot. “Look how high you are up there. Wow.”

“I know Gampa. It’s the bestest. I wanna touch the roof in my room!”

“Oh, I’m sure Brody will be able to reach that with no problem. Let’s see if he can.” He led them out of the room.

Brody looked a little nervous to be leaving the room alone, so Maggie got up and followed him. It left Lila, April, and me alone. She turned her attention to us. “Well, that was unexpected.”

“I hope it means he’s coming around.” April moved her leg over when my leg accidently brushed hers when I put my foot back down.

Lila noticed. “So, you two used to be an item, but you’re not anymore?”

“Lila.” I gave her a warning.

April didn’t mind putting our business out there. “Oh, we used to be engaged.”

“Used to be.” Lila looked at me and back to April. “But you still work together and you came here to support him. Why aren’t you together anymore? I mean, I may be friendly with a couple of my exes, but I never would stay working with them or support them to this extent. I thought you two were just having a rough patch.”

“There was a rough patch, but we called it quits.”

I bounced my knee. “I’m not the one who called it quits.”

April turned and looked at me. “No, you’re just the one who said you hated me. I took the hint from there.” She got up and went to look for the others who left.

I narrowed my eyes as I sat forward and rubbed my face. “I never said I hated her.”

“Well, if you want any chance at winning her back, you’d better figure out why she thinks you did.” Lila got up and patted my back before she followed the laughter from the other room.