I leaned on the doorway and watched Tim a few steps up with Kennedy in his face. He was so good with kids. I hoped he allowed himself to have a family one day even though I may not get to be a part of it. He could be so happy if he allowed himself to be.

He smiled after she jumped off his lap and ran upstairs to tell her dad about her new plan and to ask him to protect her if something went wrong. I loved seeing him smile when he thought no one was looking, but I needed to talk to him before anyone came looking for us.

I stepped into the foyer. “You know he’s going to kill you for that.”

Tim shrugged and leaned back onto the stairs. “He’ll be too happy she stops running from him to think about who gave her the idea.”

I walked over and sat next to him. I couldn’t come out and ask him how he was doing. I needed to let him tell me on his own. “Wow, huh? I didn’t expect that information.”

“It’s true.” He looked at me. “When Mom died and I had to go through all of her things, I found out then. I never told anyone. I read every page of her diaries. She admits to screwing up, but what that bastard didn’t say was he left her for a week. He got scared and left.”

“You could’ve told me.”

“I knew why he hated Brody, but it still didn’t answer why he hated me or loved Lila.”

I placed my hand on his knee. “You know why he fought with you. You stood up for Brody. Lila was too young to know what to do. She tried to please both of your parents.”

“That’s true. I was always getting in the way of their fights. I guess I never said anything because I felt guilty for going through them.”

“Brody knows you went through them. You sent copies to him when she talked about him.”

“Yeah, but he was too focused on his own issues to really piece it together. I’m sure if he stopped and thought about it, he’d want to know what the rest of the diaries said.”

“I wish you would’ve told me when we talked about your dad.” Maybe we weren’t as close as I thought we were.

“Look, it was Brody’s business. My mom had a weak moment when she thought Dad left. She was human. As far as everything else went with Brody and Dad, it wasn’t my business to tell. It didn’t mean anything.”

I turned to him and placed my hand on his chest to lean in and speak softer. I didn’t want anyone to overhear me. “Yes, it did. I would’ve been able to tell you that each time you chose Brody, you chose the guy your mom slept with. That’s what your dad thought. It’s all connected.”

He blinked his eyes a couple of times as if he never thought about that before. He probably didn’t. He would’ve approached his father in a much different way.

I moved to sit up and he grabbed my hand and held it to him. “You’re right. If I should’ve told anyone, it was you.”

Brody and Maggie walked in from the living room. Brody looked drained. “Dad needs some time.”

“Yeah.” Tim stood and let go of my hand. “I think we all do.”

* * *

Maggie and I went to walk around the mall while Brody and Tim stayed back at the restaurant with the games on TV. It was good to have a moment with Maggie that wasn’t on the phone.

“You two looked pretty comfy together on the stairs when we came out.” She nudged me with her shoulder.

“I’m glad you talked me into coming, but nothing is going to happen. I helped him process some information and that’s it.”

“Do you think they’ll be able to process it? I mean, I haven’t lived with this as long as they have, but it was one scenario I never thought of. I don’t think Brody ever thought his mom had an affair.”

“I think once they realize it’s more about their parents than them, they’ll be just fine. Whether or not they’ll be able to repair anything with their father remains to be seen. He’s kind of an asshole. I think it’s great they have Lila back.”

“She is wonderful. You should hear Brody talk to her on the phone.” Maggie laughed and shook her head. “He’s trying to cram so much in for the lost time. I told him to slow down. I think Lila gets it, though.”

“I haven’t spoken to her much. Other than today, I haven’t really talked to her at all.”

“You acted as if you’d met before.”

“Oh, we met.” I turned into the baby store. I knew she couldn’t resist the tiny clothes. “Do you think you’ll find out what you’re having before, or are you going to be surprised?”

“Nice dodge. We’ll find out. I want to get it squared away and I’d rather not do the neutral decorating thing.” She turned me to her. “Now, how did you meet?”

“I told you already. I thought she had slept with Timmy the night before.”

She laughed. “Oh, I forgot about that. You still sound jealous.” She walked to another rack.

“I’m not jealous. He can sleep with whomever he wants to just as long as they don’t come around the center.”

Maggie smiled. “It’s just going to be the two of you in that room all night tonight. You’re the only one who’s going to be in his bed.”

“No, I’m not going to be in his bed. I’m going to be in my own bed.”

“You’ll at least be able to talk. Are you going to try to talk to him?”

We walked back out of the store without buying anything. I thought for sure she was going to lose her train of thought and get onto a different subject. She didn’t. “I don’t know, Maggie. If I try to talk to him and it sets him off, I’ll be stuck in that room all night. I don’t want to get into a fight I can’t get out of.”

She stopped me from walking the direction I was going and pulled me down the hallway where the restrooms were. “Has he done something to you? Since when are you afraid of being alone in a room with him?”

I looked away. “He hasn’t done anything.”

“I don’t buy it. Room with me. We’ll make Brody and Tim share yours.”

I put my hand on her arm and squeezed. “Thank you, but no. You and Brody shouldn’t be separated any more than you have been over this. We’ll be fine.”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

I crossed my arms and looked down. “I don’t know who I’m going to get in that room tonight, but I know he won’t hurt me. He’s pushed the envelope a little lately, but he always pulls back before anything bad happens.”

“You’re not making me feel any better about this.”

“I promise I’ll be fine. If it gets too heated, I’ll pound on the wall. You have the room right next to us. If we argue, you’ll probably hear it.”

“That’s true.” She wrapped her arms around me. “Please tell me if he hurts you. I know what Brody was like when he went off. I know how scary it is.”

I hugged her back. I was sure she did get a taste of it when they first started out, but Brody was a lot calmer than Tim. Tim hadn’t started to mellow out until recently. I wasn’t convinced he wasn’t going to come out swinging again.

* * *

We made it back to the hotel room a lot later than Maggie or I wanted to. Brody and Tim kept watching the games an hour after the mall closed. It wasn’t until Maggie whispered something into Brody’s ear that he wanted to leave, too.

It didn’t look like either of them had really paid attention to the games. They looked lost in thought and in their own worlds. I was grateful for whatever Maggie said to get us back to the hotel, but I was even more grateful that I couldn’t hear them doing whatever it was she most likely promised him to get him to leave. I smiled as I looked through my bag.

Tim caught me. “Care to share?”

I grabbed the hair tie I was looking for and put my hair up. I blushed that I got caught thinking about sex, but I ignored the embarrassment I felt and told the truth. “I was just grateful the walls were thick.” I nodded toward the wall with Maggie and Brody on the other side of it.

He tilted his head and nodded once he got it. “In that case, you and me both.”

I finished putting my hair up and looked at him just as he took his shirt off. I licked my lips. It was going to be harder to stay in that room with him than I thought. He unfastened his belt, and I looked away. We’d gotten undressed in front of each other hundreds of times, but it seemed as if I’d never seen him naked before. I had to get out of there before he completely undressed.

“I’m taking a shower.” I didn’t wait for a response.

I walked into the bathroom and leaned on the door after I shut and locked it. It was going to be a long night if I kept thinking about his body between those sheets. It’d been too long since I had sex and he was the best I’d ever had. How did someone sleep across the room from that without going insane?

I undressed and turned the water on. I purposely left it a little cool, but it didn’t matter. The thoughts of him in that bed with next to nothing on weren’t going away. I turned the hot water on a little more. I picked up soap and ran my hands over my body. I slowed when I ran them over my breasts and my mind went to him kissing them.

I tried to calm my breathing, but it was no use. I ran one hand down my belly like he would’ve if he were behind me. I shook my head and turned into the water. I needed to rinse and get some sleep. I only meant to wash the dirt off to get into my pajamas.

The thought of him in his pajamas closed my eyes again. I pictured him lying on top of the bed in nothing but his underwear. What I wouldn’t give to go out there and take them off with my teeth.

I let out a moan when my fingers ran over my clit. I wondered what kind of mood he was in. Would he let me take them off and suck him into my mouth when I was finished or would he be too impatient and get on top of me before I finished my task? I wasn’t sure which one I wanted.

I slid my other finger into my mouth and sucked as I rubbed my clit. I wanted to suck him. He’d ravage me when I was done, so I’d get the best of both worlds. I moved my fingers faster. I took the hand I had up to my mouth and moved it to the wall to brace myself. My legs were shaking. I needed him.

“Oh, don’t stop.” I imagined him behind me with his arm around the front, moving it as fast as he could.

I imagined him whispering like he used to. “You want this orgasm, don’t you?”

I nodded.

“You want me to give it to you?”

I nodded again.

“Only good girls get to orgasm. Are you a good girl?”

I nodded and felt behind me. He wasn’t there, but I kept going. I moved my hand as fast as I could, and even though I couldn’t jerk him off like good girls did, I still felt the buildup of that orgasm as if he were right there.

I brought my empty hand up to pinch my nipples as he would’ve and felt the familiar pull to my clit. “Oh, God. Yes. Yes!” I fell forward and braced myself against the wall as the orgasm hit. I moved my hand faster. I didn’t want it to stop. “Fuck.”

I placed both hands on the wall as I tried to catch my breath and stop my legs from shaking. I wasn’t sure how I was going to walk out of there as if nothing happened. I had to, though. He couldn’t know I was just masturbating to him.

I reached down and turned the water off. After I dried off, I looked around for my clothes. All I had were the clothes I’d worn that day in a pile on the floor. I was in too much of a hurry to get into the shower that I forgot to grab my pajamas. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. If he were out there undressed, I was going to be in serious trouble.

I wrapped the towel around my body and hung on as I opened the door. I wanted to peek out, but I couldn’t see anything. I opened it a little wider and realized his chest was blocking my view. I opened the door and stepped back, hanging on to the towel tighter. “What are you doing?”

He knocked on the door with his knuckle. “Interior walls and doors aren’t as thick as the ones between the rooms.” He smirked as he looked down my body. “Did you have a good shower?” He bent down and spoke low. “If you aren’t finished, I’ll wait through another round.”

I could feel my cheeks warm at the thought of him listening by the door. Even though he could clearly see I was, I wasn’t going to act as if I had been embarrassed. I pushed past him to my bag that should’ve been with me in the bathroom.

“I don’t need another round. Everything finished just as I like it.”

“Well, congratulations.” He patted my ass as I walked by.

I screamed and almost lost the towel. He laughed while I pulled it back up. He wasn’t going to laugh at me. I dropped the towel and raised my eyebrow when he stopped laughing. The only thing I wore when I looked through my bag for my pajamas was a smirk.

He thought he could get the best of me, but I knew the game. As long as he only thought he was getting to me, I won. But the moment I let him show he was getting to me, he won. I was going to win from there on out. He wasn’t playing me anymore.

I felt him stand behind me and my breathing increased. I willed him to step closer. I couldn’t make the first move. I needed him to do it. He was so close. I could feel the heat from his body against my cooling skin. I craved his heat.

He leaned down to my ear. “I bet I can guess what you thought of in there. I bet I can tell you exactly how you got yourself off.” He leaned so close his lips were at my ear when he whispered, “Want me to prove it?”

I nodded. I couldn’t help it. He was so close I could almost feel his chest against my back. My belly jumped when his hand slid over it. He chuckled as he slid his other hand under my arm and cupped my breast. I closed my eyes. What was I doing?

He kissed my neck and I leaned into him. Just before his hand slid lower, my phone rang with Hank’s ringtone. Tim stayed motionless as if he was just about to get caught. The second time it rang he slid his hands off me and stepped back. “I’m sorry.” He went to the bathroom and shut the door before I could respond.

I didn’t answer Hank’s call. I turned the phone off and got into my bed alone. It was the same thing I’d done every night since I left him, but it felt even lonelier with Tim in the same room.

The blankets were some of the softest and most comforting blankets I’d ever felt, but I never got warm again that night after he stepped away from me. I wondered if I’d ever get warm again.