I sat in April’s parking lot too afraid to go up. She didn’t even know I was out there. I could’ve turned the car around and gone home, and she wouldn’t have been the wiser. I would know. I would know that I reached out for my happiness and turned away from it again.

I looked in the rearview mirror. She wasn’t going to be happy to see the black eye I got from Brody. He was getting too close to Laney Mosley. He was getting in way over his head, and I was afraid how things were going to turn out. Her father wasn’t going to allow her to stay with him forever no matter what he thought he wanted.

I closed my eyes and put my head on the steering wheel. I felt alive when I was with April and felt hollow and dead without her. I needed to feel alive again, but it wasn’t fair to keep stringing her along. I couldn’t help it, though. I needed her.

It was late so she was probably already in bed. She could go back to sleep. I just needed to be with her. Sleep sounded good. I wondered if I could sleep if she was next to me. Maybe that was what I was missing.

I rang her bell and put my forehead on the door. I’d stay out in the hallway all night if I needed to. I needed to be near her. The door opened and I fell forward a little. She was in her pajamas.

“Have you been drinking?”

“No, I was leaning on the door. I didn’t hear you unlock it.”

She pulled my hand to get me into her apartment and shut the door. “What happened to your face?” She reached up to touch me, but I sidestepped her and locked her door.

“I saw Brody tonight.”

“Let’s get some ice on that.” She tried to pull me to the kitchen, but I pulled her to the bedroom instead.

I leaned down and kissed her after shutting her bedroom door. “I need to be with you tonight. I don’t care what we do. I just need to be next to you.”

She placed her hands on my chest and unbuttoned my shirt. “If you’re staying the night, then I need all of you. I love what your lips, tongue, and fingers can do, but,” she slid her hand into my jeans after she unfastened them, “I need you to not hold back anymore.”

She took me out of my pants and stroked me until I was hard. “I don’t care what’s going on outside this door. In here, you’re with me a hundred percent or you’re out.” She stroked me a few more times. “Can you do that?”

I nodded.

She bent down on her knees and sucked me in. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. It was a view I’d never tire of as I looked down and watched her lips around me as she bobbed her head. She’d look up to see if she was doing it right, but she needed no direction from me. She was perfect.

I pulled her up and kissed her. I needed to have her and couldn’t wait. Her pajamas were nothing to my impatient fingers as I stripped her bare. I took her breasts into my hands as soon as her top was off and squeezed. She moaned as she pushed my pants down farther.

Stepping out of my shoes and pulling my pants and underwear off were proving to be too much as I continued to kiss her. We fell over onto the bed. I loved hearing her laugh.

I sat up to kick the jeans off and get them out of the way. She sat up to get a condom out of the nightstand as I removed my socks. I didn’t like the thought of a stash in her nightstand. “What are you doing with those?”

“I bought these a few weeks ago. I kind of thought we were going to need them sooner than we did.” She ran her hand up and down my dick before putting the condom on.

I motioned for her to lie down and got on top of her. “I wanted to make sure I was right for you before we took this step.”

She caressed my face and looked into my eyes. “You are right for me. This is right for me. It’s about time you realized it.”

She kissed me and spread her legs. Her hand gripped my dick and led me to her. I looked into her eyes once more before I moved forward. I had to be sure I could be what she wanted me to be. At that moment, I wanted nothing else but to be the man she thought I could be for her.

I pressed forward, entering her for the first time. I kissed her neck as she tilted her head back and gasped. I shifted my hips and began thrusting into her. She felt so good, as if we were a perfect fit. I’d regretted waiting so long to feel her.

She placed her hands on my ass and squeezed. “Oh, yes.” Her hips moved with mine as she continued to hold my ass. I sped up when she dug her nails in.

I watched her breasts bounce as I hovered above her and thrust. She caught me watching and brought her hands up to pinch and tug on her nipples. I fucked her harder.

“Yes, faster.” She moaned and tilted her head back. I kissed her neck before kissing her lips. She wrapped her hand around the back of my neck and kissed me harder. “I need this. I need you. Don’t stop.”

“I need you, too.”

She pressed on my shoulder and I rolled over to follow her lead, letting her straddle me. I grabbed her hips and continued to thrust up while she got into position. Once her legs were under her, she bounced.

I let go of her hips and moved my hands to her breasts, running my thumbs over her nipples. She placed her hands on my ribs and leaned forward as she went faster. “Oh, God.”

I slid one hand down her belly and rubbed her clit with my thumb. She moved faster. “Please, don’t stop. Fuck.” Her eyes were closed as she was enjoying the sensations.

I thrust my hips up again, causing her to sit up straighter and lean back, placing her hands on my thighs. I put my hands on her hips and fucked her as hard as I could underneath her. She moved one hand in front to take over rubbing her clit.

“Shit.” The sight before me was almost too much. I flipped her onto her back and thrust harder. “Keep rubbing your clit. I want to watch.”

She spread her lips and rubbed her clit harder. “Oh, keep fucking me. Don’t stop.” Her hips moved in time with mine. “I’m so close.”

Her legs shook and her back arched. “Oh, God. Oh, yes. Yes!”

Her body shook as the orgasm took over. I thrust through until I knew she was satisfied and changed it to quick, short bursts to find my own release. It didn’t take long.

I tilted my head back and groaned. She squeezed my ass and encouraged me to keep going. “Oh, shit.” I squeezed my eyes. “Oh, fuck.” When I could breathe again, I moved my hips to feel her a few strokes more and lay on top of her.

She wrapped her arms around my body and kissed my shoulder. “Stay with me.” She kissed me again. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

I lifted myself up on my elbows and looked at her. “You don’t have to be.” I kissed her. “Neither of us has to be.”

* * *

“I thought you were coming over last night.” April walked into my office.

Since we’d made love, there weren’t many nights I didn’t stay with her. I wasn’t able to go over the night before, though. “I’m sorry. Brody needed help.”

“Oh, well, I sent you a few messages.”

I lifted the phone in my hand. “I just saw them.”

“You always have your phone with you. Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine. I didn’t want to be disturbed.” I tossed the phone to the desk.

“I’m sorry. Did you just say I disturb you?”

I closed my eyes and blew out a breath. “No, that isn’t what I meant. Look,” I opened my eyes, “there are things going on and I needed to focus on that.”

“You could’ve messaged back that you were with Brody.”

“I told you I didn’t want to be disturbed. I didn’t have the phone on. What’s so hard to understand about that?”

“I won’t bother you again.” She turned and walked out, slamming the door behind her.

I sat back and looked up to the ceiling. All I was doing lately was pissing people off. Brody needed me to babysit while he followed Laney’s fiancé around trying to get him to break it off. I hadn’t even made it home except to shower and change before work. I was exhausted.

I looked at the door and back to the pile on my desk. I pulled the pile closer and thumbed through it. I could hear April slamming things on the other side of the door. I closed my eyes and hoped I apologized better than I tried to explain why I didn’t see her messages.

I opened the door and saw her typing away on the computer. Her leg bounced under the desk and I smiled. She always bounced when she was upset or angry. It was selfish of me to continue a relationship when I had no idea what was going to happen to the center or to me once the truth came out about Brody and Laney. I had a feeling it was coming quick.

“Are you going to stand there and stare at me all day, or did you want something?”

“I would love to do nothing but stare at you all day.” I walked next to her and tried to turn her chair toward me, but she grabbed her desk and stopped me. I got down on my knees. “I’m sorry, April. I’m being pulled in so many different ways, and the way I want to go isn’t always the way I’m allowed to go.”

She looked at me but didn’t turn her chair. “That’s the thing, Tim. I keep telling you that only you can decide what is best for you. Not Brody. Not me. If you don’t want to help Brody, then don’t. If you don’t want to be with me, then don’t. Don’t be with either of us out of guilt.”

“I’m not with you out of guilt. You’re the only one I want to be with.”

She held my face. “You are not responsible for Brody’s actions. You’ve helped him get and stay clean. You’ve done so much more for him than he’s ever thought of doing for you. You can’t do everything for him.

“Whatever it is that he’s going through, he needs to go through this alone. You need to start your life regardless if it’s with me or someone else. You need to be your own man.”

I put my forehead to hers. “It isn’t that simple. I wish I could tell you.”

“You can tell me. You can tell me anything.”

I turned her chair and wrapped my arms around her waist. “I promise. You’ll find out soon.” No matter how much I wanted to keep the truth from her, it was going to come out soon. I hoped she heard it from me first.