I walked into the back and stopped when I looked toward the supply area. Briggs would be missed. He was a good kid who never gave himself enough credit. I understood the pressures were too much. I had my own I had to deal with, but he would’ve made a great man if he’d given himself half a chance.

I shook my head and continued to head into the center. I needed to check on a few things that he would’ve done and pick up some things for April. After seeing what she did the day before, she needed to stay home. I wouldn’t let her come in to work.

Hank was in the hall talking to a counselor who looked as if he was having a hard time dealing with it. Hank had his hand on his shoulder, squeezing and shaking it slightly. Carey had been the one to mentor Briggs during his stay and after when we hired him on. It was understandable that he’d be upset about it.

Hank pulled him in for a hug and patted his back. I didn’t mean to intrude on the moment, but I needed to walk through the door they were blocking to get to the duties Briggs could no longer do. I hung back by the door to give them space.

Carey nodded when he pulled away and then he noticed me. “I’m sorry I let you down, Tim.”

I walked toward them. “You didn’t let me down. I spent just as much time with him as you did. We all missed it.” I glanced at Hank and back to Carey. “None of us should beat ourselves up. We need to use this as a learning tool and be vigilante so it doesn’t happen again.”

I walked around Carey as I slapped his back and Hank stopped me. “Tim, wait a second.”

I stopped and resisted the urge to sigh. I didn’t want to wait a second for him. Even a second was too long. I slipped my hands into my pockets and turned around. Carey nodded to both of us and left. I raised my eyebrows to Hank. I didn’t have all day.

“How’s April? I’ve been slammed here with sessions between clients and staff. I’ve called in a few favors and asked some friends to come meet with the staff. We can’t let this, no matter how sad and devastating it is, affect the progress the others are making.”

I nodded. “That’s understandable and I appreciate you pulling your resources. I’ll discuss it with April, but I’m positive she’ll agree to compensate your friends.”

“I’m sure she would, but I didn’t ask for that. These are my friends and they understand the need in this tragedy. No one is asking to be compensated.”

“I thought that was why you were telling me.”

“No, I asked you how April is doing. The rest was an explanation for why I haven’t called her myself.”

“She knows you have your hands full here. She’s talked about it.” I took my hands out of my pockets and crossed my arms. “She’s worried that you’re taking care of everyone else, but no one is taking care of you.”

He smiled, but it was a tired smile. It was as if all he needed to know was that she thought about him. It made me sick. I wanted to leave, but I had questions of my own. It was best to ask while we were alone.

“How did things go with Nathaniel? Was it difficult getting him to leave?”

“Not at all. The cops took care of that. As much as I had hoped Nathaniel was turning a new leaf, I knew it was an act to get through the program. He wasn’t here because he wanted to be.”

“I got that feeling from him, too. Until he wants to do it on his own and not for the people who are begging him to get clean, he’ll never be free of it.”

“How is April doing? I’m not surprised she isn’t here today, but I did hope she’d show.”

“I think it’s best she stay home. Finding him like that yesterday has really upset her. She said she can’t get it out of her mind.”

He nodded. “I’ll call her as soon as I can.”

“I’ve got it. I came in to take care of a few things Briggs normally did and grab a few things for April, but there’s no need to call her. I’ve got it under control.”

“We’ve already filled in for Briggs’ duties. Everyone chipped in and helped. They wanted to honor their friend. His duties will be covered until we start the difficult task of hiring someone else.” He looked at me for a moment before responding further. “I’m sure you think you do have control, but she’s my friend, so I will call her. I don’t need your permission.”

I squeezed my crossed arms trying to calm down. It didn’t work. “I think I have everything under control?” I dropped my arms and pointed one thumb at myself. “I’m the only one in control of anything here.”

He looked down my body and back up. “You think this is controlled? Your back is straight, your fists are clenched, and your jaw is set. Nothing about that screams control.” He got closer. “Just know I’m watching you. I know everything you’re doing and what you’ve done. You may be using this as some way to weasel yourself back into her personal life, but she’ll come running back to me the moment you scare her again.”

“Scare her?” I shook my head. “You don’t know the first thing that’s happened between us. And, even if she did tell you, that’s only her side. There are two sides to every story. You should ask me for my side before passing judgment on me, asshole.”

“Yes, you’re right. I should’ve, but you’re not a very, how shall I put this, open person. You don’t invite people in. But, since you’re offering to answer a question.”

“I’m not offering.”

“Didn’t you just now? So, you’re not an open person who would entertain a question or two to set the record straight? I’m really confused. I understand how April feels now.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s simple. You say one thing and do another. You’re contradictory in everything you do. And, you’re the asshole.”

“Fine, motherfucker.” I got into his face. “You get one question. Make it a good one.”

“All I need is one. Emerson Bishop. What do you feel when I say her name?”

It was all I could do to not slam him against the wall. He shouldn’t have known that name. He shouldn’t have known anything about her. Why did April tell him the most painful part of our lives? What else had she shared with him?

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“You don’t know shit.” I backed away from him.

“You’re wondering how I know or why I know.” He nodded and pointed to his head when I looked at him. “I get into people’s heads. It’s my job.”

“You’re not in mine.”

“Yours is a tougher nut to crack, but you still give clues away. So, are you going to answer the question?”

“Are you?”

“Sure. Just as soon as you do. I will tell you that I didn’t learn about it from April. No matter how much you’ve betrayed her, she would never betray you.”

“I don’t have time for this fucking conversation. I don’t give a shit what you know or how you know it. It’s none of your business. The only thing I’m interested in right now is making sure things are settled here so April can rest today. She needs a day of comfort and pampering after seeing Briggs that way yesterday.”

He shook his head as he backed up. “I’m sure you think you gave her a lot of comfort last night, but don’t confuse orgasms with support.”

I grabbed his jacket and pushed him to the wall as I got into his face. “I would kick your ass so hard right now, but those people beyond that door need your help and I do think about others. Once things get back to normal around here, watch out. I won’t be so quick to let you walk.”

* * *

I tried to calm my breathing all the way back to April’s, but it didn’t work. I was still furious. I had to try to at least act calm around her. She didn’t need to deal with my attitude.

I grabbed the bags in the trunk, allowing one more deep breath, and walked up to her door. I was trying to balance the bags to open the door and she opened it for me. “I saw you pull in. Let me help.”

“I’ve got it. Just hold the door.”

She stepped to the side and held the door open. “What did you buy?”

I put the bags on the table and bent down to kiss her, but she turned her cheek. That wasn’t the kiss I wanted. I focused on the bags. “I wasn’t sure if you’d feel like cooking, so I got us some simple things to make, but I picked up takeout for lunch.”

“You got us?”

I glanced at her as I unloaded the bags. “Yes, I thought we might need some things.”

“I’m only staying home for today. I’m going back tomorrow.”

“Okay, but we probably won’t feel like cooking tomorrow, either.”

She took a deep breath and looked away.

“I guess I’m confused here. I thought we were going to spend some time together.”

She closed her eyes and licked her lips, but there was nothing sexual about it. It was as if she was trying to stall until she could find the right words.

“Look, last night was amazing and I appreciate not being alone, but—”

“Not being alone?” I put the container down that had her lunch. “All I was last night was a warm body?”

“Don’t say it like that.”

I put my hands on my hips and looked up. “Un-fucking-believable.”

“Tim, a lot has happened between us to just jump back into this.”

“Yeah, like Emerson Bishop.” I crossed my arms and looked at her. “Or Hank.”

“I’m sorry.”

I swung my hand and knocked a dining room chair over causing her to jump. “What do you want from me, April?” I could no longer contain my rage and yelled. “What do you want?”

“I’m sorry, Tim. It hasn’t been the best between us for a long time and I can’t just forget everything because we fucked last night. It doesn’t work that way. We need to talk. We need to see if we can really even start to salvage anything. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be willing to try, but I will not put myself in a position to get hurt by you again.”

“Hurt by me? You act as if I was the only one who hurt anyone. We both hurt each other in this.”

She didn’t answer.

I scoffed and let out a humorless laugh. “So, this is it. I thought after last night . . .” I put my hands on my head and didn’t finish.

“It’s been nothing but a war with you. There was a time I would’ve jumped back into your arms if you so much as looked at me right. You haven’t looked at me like that for a long time.”

“You used to look at me differently, too.”

“You’re right. I did. That’s when I wanted babies and the white picket fence with you.”

“Wanted?” I looked at her and crossed my arms. “What do you want now?”

“Peace.”