Stargazer (Steel)
Emily and I stand still, looking at each other through the fence. How fucking long is this fence? If it wasn’t between us now, I pull her to me and hold her in my arms.
I step forward and reach my hands above my head. Grabbing tight, I pull myself up, get a toe-hold and manage to get one leg over the top in one smooth movement.
When I land on the ground beside her, Emily’s eyes are popping wide out of her pretty head.
“That fence was pissing me off,” I say.
Emily bursts out laughing, relaxing her crossed arms to her sides.
When the carnival was in its full, noisy swing, I didn't realize how amazing her laugh sounds. Now that it’s quiet, I want to hear more of it. To let it fill the silence around us.
“You’re like a monkey who’s just escaped from the zoo,” she says.
“Sometimes it feels like I live in a zoo.”
“You live in a carnival, isn’t that pretty much the same thing?”
“Yep. Come on.” I grab her hand and pull her along the fence.
We’re almost at a jog when we reach the carny entrance. Emily halts when she sees it, her feet suddenly seemly stuck in cement. The smile’s gone, and her face is a frozen as her feet.
She’s probably never seen anything like it before. But it’s only a shitload of trailers and a few tents in a field. And some people drinking and smoking weed.
Shit, she really is as innocent as she looks.
“How do you fancy a ride on the Ferris wheel? Just the two of us,” I say, putting my arm around her back to turn her eyes away from the camp. I don’t want her to feel scared.
“Sounds fun. Is it still on?”
“On? Oh, yeah, I have the key.”
“You hop on first, and I’ll get you up there.”
“What about you?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll come join you.”
I guide her into the waiting car and latch the door shut.
“Bon voyage,” I say, tipping a pretend hat.
“What happened to enjoying the carnival with you?”
“Don’t worry, Goldie.”
Taking three big strides, I reach the control panel and turn the Ferris wheel on, but leave the lights off. Don’t want to attract anyone’s attention. When Emily’s car gets near the top, I turn it off.
Damn, I wish I had a couple of beers with me. Instead, I grab the extra fleece we keep by the controls, and tie it around my waist.
With a firm grip on the strut, I start monkeying my way up the wheel. When I reach the top, I notice Emily’s been watching me climb.
“How long did it take for you to learn how to do that?” she asks when I hop into the car.
“Not near as long as it took me to run along the wall of The Gravitron,” I say, crouching with one hand holding the plastic umbrella.
“Shut up! While it’s moving?”
“Of course while it’s moving, how else could I run along a wall? I can dance and do other tricks in it too.”
“I’d have to see it before I believe that.”
“Maybe later, we’ll see. Cold? I brought you a fleece, but it might stink.” I take the fleece from my waist and pass it to her.
“Thanks.” She takes it and, using her fingertips, lays it over her bare legs. Damn, I was enjoying the view of them. They’re crazy long, and I can’t wait to have them wrapped around my waist.
I take the seat beside her and prop my feet up on the seat across from us. I pull her tight against me, my arm slipped around her waist. Emily is tense, her arms crossed over her chest. Is she scared or cold?
“Everything okay?” I pull her closer against me.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Just want to make sure you’re enjoying yourself.”
“Yeah, it’s nice up here when it’s quiet like this. I can even see my house from here.”
“Oh yeah. Where?”
“It’s that one, with the blue spotlights on it.” She points to where the rich houses are. Can’t say I’m surprised. She screams rich person vibe.
“You sure have a nice house.”
“My parents do, I still live at home.” Figures.
“We could see the stars if the plastic umbrella wasn’t in the way,” I say.
“That’d be nice. We could just lie back and look at them, in our little spot away from everyone else.”
“The best place I ever seen stars was in this piss-assed town in the Outer Banks. There were so many stars, the sky looked white.”
“That sounds amazing. I’d love to see something like that”
“Don’t your parents take you on fancy trips or anything?”
“When I was younger they took me to Paris and New York, and often to Orlando. Never anywhere you can see loads of stars. But as soon as my brothers and I got old enough to leave at home, they always vacation by themselves. They now do everything by themselves.”
“What the fuck? They should be using their money to show you the world.”
“You must’ve been all over.”
“Forty-one states so far. We go different places every year, depending on where Papa Smurf gets us a pitch.”
“So you live in a trailer all year?”
“No, I live in a part of a trailer, it’s a bunkhouse.”
“Sounds small.”
“I got a bed and a shower, that’s all I need.” She’s shivering, “You still cold?”
“Freezing.”
Emily leans into me. She’s shaking, but I still don’t know if it’s cold or if she’s scared.
I pull her crossways onto my lap and wrap my arms around her. Emily’s scent fills my nose when I put my head against hers. She smells better than a funnel cake, like roses.
“My parents would freak if they knew where I was right now.” Of course they would, all parents freak when they find out their daughter’s with a carny.
“What about you? Are you freaking?” I want her to relax and stop shaking.
Emily looks at me, her eyes moving all over my face before stopping on my neck.
“This isn’t something I do every day,” Her eyes are still stuck on my neck.
“As long as you’re having fun and enjoying yourself, who cares if you do it every day or not? That doesn’t matter. I hate my days being the same. That’s why I love being in the carnival.”
“You’re not going to tell me why you joined the carnival, are you?”
“Nope.” And I make no apologies about it, either.
Emily still hasn’t moved her eyes from my neck. She’s staring at the tattoo that goes up the right side.
“Something on your mind?”
“What made you get a neck tattoo?”
I shrug, “Same reason I got all my other tattoos.”
She runs her fingers over the tattoos on my arms and says, “You sure have a lot of them.”
“I’ve got lots more than the ones you can see right now.”
“Are you legs covered in them too?”
“Yeah, I got lots on my legs.” I don’t think Emily’s ready to hear where else I have one, I’ll let her discover that one for herself later. “What about you, got any?”
“God, no, my family would freak. But I’ve always wanted a little rose on my hip.”
“So get one, how would they ever know? Just put it under your bikini.”
“You don’t understand, this is a small town. If one person found out, everyone would know. And then my parents would freak.”
“I thought you said you were twenty.”
“I am.”
“So who cares if your parents freak?”