CHAPTER NINETEEN
ERIC
“Harder.”
I do.
“Harder.”
I go harder.
“Fucking harder, man. What is this, kindergartener hour?” Paxton laughs at me. “This is some weak shit.”
“Don’t push it again, Pax. Last time, you had a black eye.”
“Eh.” Paxton shrugs it off. “The girls loved it, so bring it on, old man.”
I channel every floating force of confusion and frustration to my hands. David’s face, Kate’s tits, my landlord refusing to fix the shower for the third time. All of it goes flowing through me and into the bag. Sweat stings and my nose runs, but still I throw punches.
Sometimes, I picture Paxton’s smug face, too.
Finally, I collapse against the bag and throw my gloves to the ground. My lungs seize up and I need the space to walk around and breathe. I don’t need to hear Paxton’s shit, I don’t need to see Geoff cackling like a know-it-all jackass, and I don’t need the rest of the gym to see me currently falling to pieces.
Every night for the last week, I’ve jacked off to pictures of Kate. From the moment I left her apartment, I’ve been insatiable. It’s like being back in college again, jacking off every three seconds because I caught a flash of a girl’s thigh while walking through the dorms.
It’s maddening. I’m an adult. I fuck when I want to fuck, but I always have control. Because of Kate, that control is now slipping.
“Look, you just need to finally admit this shit.”
Paxton jogs to catch up with me near the ring. A pair of women from my office is beating the shit out of each other. It usually cheers me up. Today it doesn’t.
“I’m serious, man. This is unlike you. I get she’s a hot piece of ass, but is she really worth all this bullshit?”
She was worth everything and that’s what makes it maddening. Sex with her feels different, but it’s more than the sex. It’s more than her wit. It’s more than her bangin’ body.
“I’ve fucked my fair share of women in the last several years.” I lean against the ropes for a better look. Evelyn’s nose is bleeding but she doesn’t tap out. Respect. “Picked up a lot of women and never called them again.”
“More than your fair share, I’d say.” Paxton jokes. “You certainly know your way around a vagina.”
“I’ve been with hot women, smart women, models, rich socialites, other attorneys. I’ve fucked good girls, the girl next door, the girl across the street. All ethnicities. I don’t discriminate in the bedroom against damn near anything.”
“As long as they’re hot, far as I could always tell.” Paxton agrees. “Hot comes in a lot of flavors. So what makes her different?”
“I don’t fucking know.” I slam my fist against the top of the ring post. “I’ve been stressing over this shit for ages. I can’t fuck her out of my system.”
“Have you picked up anyone else since you started banging her?”
I shake my head once, definitively. I know what he was going to suggest and I can’t bring myself to do it. I saw the way she looked at me with lipstick on my cheek. That fucked with me for days and I don’t want to go back to it.
“Maybe you should.”
“No.”
“Then you better figure that shit out soon. Fucking her because you hate your client isn’t a good enough reason anymore.” Paxton slaps my back and shoots a two-finger salute.
I don’t have any answers so I hit the showers. Nothing in there, either. All I got is she’s some sort of magical combination of every girl I’ve ever liked… or I’m getting old. And I don’t feel that goddamn old just yet.
The sun beats down on my way to the car and it doesn’t provide any resolution, either. I don’t like a lack of resolution. I like answers. I like something I can win.
Just passed my car, I spy a familiar outline sitting on a bench in the park. My feet make an abrupt turn to her, drawn to her presence without bothering to confirm with the rest of my body.
“All the gin joints in Los Angeles, and here you are.”
“No gin.” Kate is a little stiff but not unfriendly. “What are you doing here?”
“My gym.” I hitch a thumb over my shoulder. “If I’m not at work or the bar, I’m usually here. What are you doing here?”
“My gym.” She mimics my thumb over her shoulder. “If I’m not at work or the bar… you get the idea.”
“You box?”
“Yoga.”
Makes a lot of sense. That woman is bendy as hell in the bedroom. I could turn her into a pretzel if I wanted and she’d still fuck like a queen.
She doesn’t look like royalty today. It’s more than the I-just-worked-out thing she has going. Her fire is dim and I don’t like it.
“You okay?” I keep a careful space between us on the bench, but I nudge her hand with mine. “You look like you need a friend.”
“No.” Kate hasn’t looked at me once since I came to sit. I want to take her by the cheeks and make her.
“Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“You know, they say I’m a great listener.”
“Bullshit.” Her lips quirk upward at the ends. It’s a small victory. “You only like the sound of your own voice.”
“Guilty.” I move in just a touch closer and soften my voice. “Come on, Kate. Something is bothering you and I want to help. Talk to me.”
She cocks an eyebrow at me and the disbelief is heavy. It’s like the woman I bent over her couch has been replaced by someone scorned. It’s only then that I realize she’s probably got a lot on her plate and my dick isn’t helping much.
Tinges of guilt ping at me, reminders that she’s dealing with her livelihood while I was dragging her off to be fucked good and proper. Except it’s clear she has feelings and I’ve witnessed that makes shit more complicated. Normally, that’s exactly the response I want.
Not anymore. Not with her.
“Nobody cares about me.” Her voice is ice. “I’m just someone to be used. For money, connections, sex. No one gives a shit. You don’t give a shit. You’re just like everyone else.”
The weight behind that statement isn’t hidden. I want to argue, to tell her she’s wrong, but she’s not. I’ve spent weeks trying to pound her out of my brain but I’ve still fucked her. I’ve still used her for sex. For some unknown reason, it unsettles me.
“Let me take you to dinner.” I grab her hand and squeeze it. “Tonight.”
“What, like a date?” Kate scoffs.
“I mean, I can fuck you first if you want. But then yes, a date. A real date.”
She finally looks at me, those sad eyes probing me to see if I mean it. Surprises me just as much, but I do. I kiss her hand and watch the red touch her cheeks.
“Okay.” She finally breathes heavily. “I guess that would be okay.”
“Does this mean we’ll fuck first?”
“Is that how you usually date?”
I grin. “Yes. But for you, I’ll make an exception.”