She’s the Woman (Steel)
“Can I confess something?” Emily says.
“What?”
“I only went back that night because of my dad.”
“You mean the night at the carnival?” I ask, my brow furrowed.
“He kept going on at me not hurting his reputation, so I went to you to get back at him.”
I shake my head. That’s just her excuse, she would’ve come to me anyway. I could tell by the way her thigh relaxed under my hand the first time I touched her. Her body needed me.
“You’ve to stop doing things because of other people and start doing things for you.”
“It turned out well, didn’t it?”
“If that’s what it took to get you in my arms. I’m not used to girls not falling into them all by themselves, but I guess you’re a true good girl.”
“According to my daddy I am because he raised me right.”
“And what’s he going to do when he meets me?”
“I haven’t thought about it.”
“You’re not planning to keep me a secret, are you? Because I’d hate for you to be embarrassed of me.”
Papa Smurf’s words are rambling through my head now. The outside world doesn’t approve of us, just because we’re carnies. The prejudices against us run deep.
“No, I’m not. But I have to figure out how to ease them into the idea of a boyfriend. I haven’t even had a serious boyfriend since Connor and I broke up just after graduating high school.”
“So you don’t care that I’m a carny?”
“I thought you left the carnival.”
“Only because of you, but it will never leave my blood.”
“That makes sense since it’s all you’ve ever known.”
“I told you before, it’s who I am.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure my parents are going to love you. How could they not?”
“And what about that brunette friend of yours? Is she going to put her snarl away when she sees me again?”
Somehow all these issues didn’t enter into my mind when I was focused on finding Emily. Now here they are, smacking me in the face. But I’m not leaving her, no matter what her family and friends think.
“I don’t care about any of her snarls. I don’t care about what anyone in the town thinks, and my parents are going to have to learn to live with it. All I want is you, and that includes the carny part.”
I knew Emily wasn’t like other people.
Stroking her hair, I grip around the base of her neck and kiss her before pulling away to examine her face. Our eyes lock in a steady gaze, and I start feeling more naked than I already am.
In order to break eye contact, I roll onto my back. Emily might have jumped all over my monster cock, but I don’t know if she’s ready to know more about me. Hell, I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready.
The trouble is, she’s so far from the other side of the tracks as me, I don’t even understand what her life is like. There’s no way she’d be able to understand mine.
Emily cares so damn much about what her family thinks of her, and she lets them influence every bit of her life, am I really going to win out over them? There’s no doubt in my mind they’ll do everything they can to pull her away from me, I just hope the magnetism between us is stronger than them.
I’m prepared to give up everything I am for her. Will she do the same?
“What’s going to happen when your parents don’t approve of me? Because they won’t, you realize. No father with a reputation to uphold would ever stand by while a carny fucks his daughter senseless.”
“Hmm. Maybe it’s better if you find a job here first, before I introduce you? Then you won’t be a carny.”
“Goldie, I am a carny. Once you’ve been one, people look at you like you’re contaminated for the rest of your life.”
“So we won’t tell them.”
“And the tattoos? How will they go over?”
Emily’s eyes run over my naked body, lingering on each of my tattoos before getting stuck on the one on my neck.
“The neck one might be an issue for them. They’ll think it means you’re an ex-con or a gangster or something.”
“Well, I ain’t no gangster.”
“You’re not an ex-con are you?”
“Not exactly.”
“So they’ll just have to learn to accept it.”
“It’s going to be that easy, is it?” No fucking chance.
“Like it or not, they’re going to have to accept it.”
“As long as you can handle their reaction.”
“All these months I’ve been dreaming about you, but I didn’t even know what was under your t-shirt, let alone your pants.” Emily says, changing the topic. She pushes herself against me. “Now I finally know.”
“I didn’t think it was possible to fantasize about someone wearing clothes.”
“Oh it is, believe me.”
“I’m going to guess the Steel in your dreams was nothing like the reality.”
“You could say that.”
“And how did the real thing compare to your dreams?” I ask, flashing my biggest smile.
“Are you kidding me?”
“So tell me, what did you dream about?”
“Every night I’d etch the lines of your face in my head, so I’d never forget a single thing about the way you look. I’d remember the feel of your strength as you pulled me close and kissed me. Mostly I thought about your lips, you know, down there.” She shifts her eyes down her body before continuing, her breathing rapid. “I’d close my eyes and touch myself, pretending my fingers were your big, thick ones when they broke into me.”
“We’re going to have to stop talking about this, because I know you’re sore, but if you keep it up, that ain’t gonna matter to me.”
Emily closes her eyes and pauses a moment before saying with a smile, “I’ll tell you another time.”
“Smart move.”
The next several hours flew faster than loose change out of The Zipper. Emily left to go home around nine.
I’m lying awake on the first queen-size bed I’ve slept in in my life, thinking back over the day with Emily and about how keeping up my search for her was the best decision I ever made.
* * *
I’ve been at the Motel 6 for a month. It’s costing me forty bucks a night, which is almost what I make in a day at the carnival. Good thing I’ve been socking money away all these years, but this isn’t how I’d pictured spending it.
It’s been easy to pick up lots of odd cash jobs for people needing an extra set of strong arms, but I’m still figuring out what to do about something permanent. How am I going to manage finding a decent permanent job for cash under the table?
Emily and I already have plans to get our own apartment when I find one. But she’s still keeping me a secret. She’s still worried at how her parents are going to react to me. Figures it’s better if she can first introduce me after I have a job so at least they won’t be able to complain about her dating an unemployed guy.
Except I’m only unemployed because of her. I’ve held the same job for ten whole years, doesn’t that count for something with these people?
The carnival season is starting up, and I need some indication from her before I go and quit the only life I’ve ever known for good.
So now we’re in a catch-22, one she probably isn’t even aware of.
There’s no fucking doubt in my mind that we’re meant to be together, but how am I ever going to overcome the problem with her family when she won’t even introduce me in the first place?
Somehow all my anger and frustration flies out the window whenever Emily comes to see me every day, and I’ve never brought it up to her.
You’d think we’d have run out of things to talk about by now, but every day I talk to her for hours. Until our talking turns into her leaving scratch marks down my back.