Chapter 19

Gavin

“To the women in our lives who fuck with our hearts but make them better at the same time.” Max lifted his cup into the air, then took a long sip of his beer. His eyes were already glassy, but I knew that had nothing to do with the fact that he was drinking. The guy was in a hell of a lotta pain—the heart-aching kind.

Collin and I were sitting across from him at O’Paddy’s, trying to help him through the shittiest time of his life. Lia had moved to Springfield, and he’d just gotten home from dropping her off. Seeing him like this, so torn up inside, left me questioning my own thoughts more than ever: Is the pain of being in love worth it?

I’d been back to work for almost three weeks now, and as much as I wanted to be fucking ecstatic about it, I wasn’t. Instead, I was a mess, constantly worried about Kenna. Contemplating the offer she’d put on the table before we left my house that night.

She’d let me keep the baby.

And in the end, she would likely walk away.

On our way home that night, we had barely spoken a word—other than me telling her that this wasn’t over before she got out of the car. That we had months to figure things out. She’d smiled sadly at me, grabbed her dishes, and told me she’d call me soon.

That was twenty-two days ago. Twenty-one days without a phone call. Twenty-one days of her avoiding me. And it fucking sucked.

“It’s not forever, Max.” Collin rubbed his hand over his chin. “Don’t play it off like it is. Lia’d kill you if she knew you were here feeling sorry for yourself.”

The fact that Collin had accepted his sister and Max’s relationship wasn’t surprising, even though he’d not been happy about finding them in bed together. Max might have been the biggest playboy to ever hit Carinthia, but he was also a good person who’d do anything for the people he loved. And it was more than obvious that he loved Lia Montgomery.

“No. Not forever. I wouldn’t let that happen. And I get why she had to do it. That’s not the problem.” Max sighed. “I just didn’t expect for it to hurt this bad.”

I leaned forward on my elbows, hating that I couldn’t fully be there for him when my mind was spinning with its own shit storm. Still, I had to say something. “You’re going to visit her next weekend, right?” He nodded. “And when you can’t make it home to her, she can come back here?” He nodded again, shoulders slumping.

I leaned back in my seat, unable to sit still. I was antsier than usual, my skin crawling. O’Paddy’s was packed for a Sunday night, not to mention loud as fuck. Any other night, I would’ve gone home, but I had to get over my shit and stick it out. For Max. “Like Collin said, it’s not forever.”

“But it’s still fucking torture.” He groaned, then took another drink.

“She needs this to prove to herself that she’s over all that shit that happened to her in college. That she can handle herself.” Collin jammed his finger in the air at Max. “So don’t be the type of ass that holds her down.”

Lia had been attacked at a frat party in college, the night before we were to be shipped off to boot camp. Of all the people to find her, it’d been Max, and none of us had ever—would ever—be able to forget that time in our lives.

“I know that better than either of you guys.” Max’s lip curled in annoyance. “And that’s not me, and you know it, Colly.” He scrubbed his fists against his temples. “All I’m saying is it hurts.”

“Like someone ripped your heart out?” I frowned, stirring the ice in my water.

“No, it’s worse. More like someone beat me upside the head with a fucking mallet, then dumped my heart in a pile of lava while it was still attached to my body.”

I grinned, trying not to laugh at the analogy. When Max felt something, he felt it hard.

Collin didn’t fight his reaction like I did. “You”—he slapped the table with his palm and leaned back, hooting toward the light—“are a big, fucking baby.”

“Fuck you all.” Maxwell stood, ready to move, but Collin grabbed his wrist.

“Whoa, whoa. Calm down.” Collin laughed, earning another glare from Max. “Sorry. It’s just weird seeing you torn up like this.” He sobered and shook his head. “And to know it’s over my little sister makes it even weirder. But we’re here for you.” Collin looked at me.

I nodded. “He’s right. You’re a whole lotta messed up right now, Max. And honestly, it’s pretty fucking cool to see you so…so in love and shit. We’re just not used to it, is all.”

I cleared my throat as both of my best friends shot their gazes in my direction.

“What?” I frowned down at the table, not liking the sudden attention.

It’s true. Most of the time I sat back and took shit in, rarely saying what was on my mind. But things had changed for me over the course of the last few months. More so in the last few weeks.

Clearing my throat again, I continued. “You and Lia have been into each other for years. It’s just taken you a while to both finally realize it.”

“Wow.” Max’s grin was slow, knowing, and pretty damn frustrating. “You sure you’re not referring to yourself there, Gav?” Like always, he’d flipped his sob story off himself and onto me. I knew it was his way of diverting the bad shit, but I wasn’t in the mood.

“The hell’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“I didn’t realize it before. But I do now.” Collin leaned back in his seat and grinned. “You’re the reason Kenna’s been coming over more.”

“Again, what the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“First, I thought nothing of it, until two nights ago when I found McKenna cuddled on my couch with Beaner reading books.”

I rubbed my sweaty hands on my shorts, eyes narrowed in confusion.

“The woman was crying and emotional. Said it was the book’s fault.”

Damn her. If Kenna wasn’t so stubborn, this could all be different. She and I could be happy, together, we could even raise the baby together. I mean, we didn’t have to get married. We could just…co-parent while exploring where this thing went between us.

“She good now?” I asked, voice cracking.

Collin smirked. “Just about as good as any pregnant woman can be.”

I lowered my face to my hands and groaned. “Shit.” He knew.

“Pregnant?” Max screeched like a damn owl, then slapped the table. I lifted my head to glare at him. “You got her pregnant? Stuck a bat in her cave? Joined the pudding club?”

“Shut the fu—”

“Sure did.” Collin set his elbows on the table, smirking. “Then he blew her off.”

“I…what?” I blinked, trying to process what Collin had just said.

“Now that’s low for you, Gavvy.” Max shook his head.

“I thought so too.” Collin frowned at me.

“That’s not true. She’s…” I leaned back, arms over my chest. The room spun as I gritted my teeth. The ache of my nails digging into my palms didn’t help. “She told me I could keep it. Raise the baby on my own. That she didn’t think she was ready to be a mom yet.” Why was she twisting this all around?

The table grew quiet. Neither of my buddies was ever known to just shut up. Which is how I knew I’d shocked them.

Collin was the first to speak. “You wanna know what I think?”

“What?” I frowned.

“I think she loves you. Or she’s falling for you, at least. She’s just been burned in the past.”

I froze, hand tight around my water glass.

Collin continued. “I also think you’d do anything to have a family, unlike her. She obviously knows this and cares about you enough that she’d be willing to give up on her own happiness just to make you happy.”

I shut my eyes and sucked in a breath. How the fuck had I not seen that before?

“For the record.” Max was suddenly at my side, his hand on my shoulder. “You’d make one hell of a good father.”

But without the love of a woman by my side, how could I truly be a good father?