Chapter 21

McKenna

The weather was crazy warm for early June. Ninety degrees, with humidity levels through the roof. I wore a pair of shorts and a tank that flowed over my swelling abdomen, but even that was doing little to help me stay cool. I might have been only ten or so weeks along, but my stomach was already showing a tiny bulge beneath the baggy clothes I wore.

Sitting next to me on the sidelines of the grassy rugby pitch was my sister—knees pulled to her chest and a look of awe on her face. I smiled at her when she glanced my way. She smiled back. Hanna looked better today than she had all week, and I wanted to say it was our shopping trip that had done her good, but I knew better. She was seeing the world outside our mother’s lair—and away from the dangers of her ex-boyfriend—for the first time in months. Maybe even longer than that.

It was kind of miraculous, the strides she’d made since she’d arrived.

I wished I could say the same about myself.

I blinked and focused on my best friend. Addie sat to my right, her hands over her mouth as she hollered at the guys on the field—more at Collin than anyone else.

Despite her cheery voice, her brown eyes had dark circles beneath them. I could tell the week had taken its toll on her. The loss of her mother, completely breaking ties with her father for good… She did at least seem to be able to breathe a little easier. I attributed that to the fact that she’d been able to make peace with her mom before she passed. Knowing that eased my guilt over not being there for her the way I should have been the past few weeks. Plus, she had her fiancé now, and I’m pretty sure he’d been taking better care of her than I ever could.

“Get ’em, baby!” she screamed, clapping fast as Collin ran down the field and touched the ball to the ground. His hands shot up in the air, and he ran around the goalpost, scoring the first try of the match. According to Addie, there were two more matches to go, but I could barely sit through one. This sport bored me to tears…though the scenery—the male thighs, more so—was definitely nice.

“This is kind of intense.” Hanna’s brown eyes were bright as she watched the guys run. “You were right about the players though.” She giggled, then nudged my shoulder with her own. It was the first time I’d glimpsed the girl I remembered since she’d arrived.

I reached down and squeezed her fingers. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

She looked down at our interlocked hands and grinned. “Me too.”

“Are you ladies up for going out tonight? Collin’s parents are watching Chloe, so he and I are free to do whatever.” Addie tucked her arm through mine and snuggled close, smelling like sunscreen.

I started to shake my head no, but Hanna jumped in, surprising me. “Go where?”

“The after-party. Since it’s a home game and we’re hosting the tournament, we’ll head to O’Paddy’s after it’s all said and done here.”

“O’Paddy’s is the team’s bar,” I clarified. “But we don’t have to go. I’m fine with just hanging out with you at home.”

Hanna smiled shyly, and one of her dimples appeared. “I’ll be okay if you want to go out tonight, Kens.”

“You should come too,” Addie jumped in.

My sister shook her head. “No thanks. I don’t really do bars.”

“Oh. Well, we can do something just us ladies.” Addie brushed her long hair away from her face and scrunched up her nose. “We don’t need to hang out with the guys to have fun.”

I looked at my sister, secretly praying she’d say yes. I needed her to stay with me, but I’d missed spending time with Addie.

“Where would we go?” Hanna twisted the string around the waist of her dress with a finger.

“Hmm, let’s see.” Addie paused. “We can have dinner and then go to the drive-in, watch a late movie and whatnot.”

Addie’s eagerness was infectious, and I couldn’t help but grin.

“That sounds fun.” Hanna nodded.

I pumped my fist at her acceptance. “Yay! I want you two to get to know each other better.” I pulled them both close to my neck, hugging tightly. “My two favorite girls with me. What more could a woman ask for?” Besides daily orgasms and a non-pregnant belly, that is.

Addie laughed and pressed her palm to my stomach over my loose-fitting tee. “Well, since I’m totally going to need a drinking partner now that Kenna here got herself knocked up, I am happy to have us together too.”

The air around me shifted, my breath catching in my throat at the same time.

Hanna was the first to pull away from our group hug, yet I caught her stare as it narrowed quickly down at Addie’s hand. “Yeah, definitely.”

I shut my eyes.

Crap. More than anything, I’d wanted to tell her. But with everything that had been happening over the last month, I couldn’t find a good time to bring it up. Not to mention I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the possibility of her running to my mom and spilling the beans. I was supposed to be the older sister with her head in the game, her life in gear, her world pieced together, not the unmarried, preggo sister.

A role model, I was not—according to my mother, at least.

Oblivious to the sudden tension, Addie continued, “Do you want to swing by the house and pick me up around seven?”

My throat went dry as I tried to speak, so I nodded instead, pulling my arms out from around Addie’s neck. She kissed my temple and stood, the excitement over a night out evident in her appearance as she marched toward Collin, who stood alongside the pitch.

A good two minutes passed as I waited for Hanna to speak. And when she did, the girl did not disappoint with her question.

“You’re pregnant?”

I cringed, my gaze zooming across the field, instantly landing on Gavin’s back from across the pitch. He was bent over, tying his shoes, but I couldn’t even take the time to appreciate the curve of his ass in those tiny, black shorts.

“Yes.” No point in lying now. “Can you just…not tell Mom, please?”

“I would never,” she whispered so softly, so quickly, that I barely heard the words.

Frowning, I faced her, trying to get a good read on her emotions. But like always, she was blank and empty—a million miles away from the world.

“Are you going to keep it?” she eventually asked.

I shrugged, hating how complicated this all was. “That’s the million-dollar question at the moment.”

She frowned. “Oh.”

“I’m really not motherly material.” I laughed, though nothing about what I’d said was funny. Being a mother meant sacrifice, love, discipline—three things I wasn’t the best at.

“What do you mean by that?” Confusion laced her question.

“Meaning, I wasn’t given the best parental role models growing up, so as a mother, I would be nothing short of disastrous. I’ve never even changed a diaper, for God’s sake.” But you’ve assisted someone in changing a diaper. I scowled at my internal voice, willing it to shut up. Now wasn’t a good time.

Hanna laid her head on my shoulder, surprising me. In turn, I lowered my head on top of hers and blinked away my tears, unsure why I was getting emotional in the first place.

“You’d be a wonderful mother. You take care of me.”

I smiled at her compliment, regardless of the fact that I knew she was wrong. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

She didn’t speak again for a while. I’m not sure what she was thinking, but I knew what I was. Would I be brave enough to just walk away in the end? Hand over this life I helped create to a man who was nothing short of amazing just because I was scared of screwing it up?

“Who’s the father?”

I frowned, wondering if my sister had turned into a mind reader. “You don’t know him.”

“I don’t know anything about you either.” She stood abruptly and brushed her hand down the front of her dress, her mood shifting. Before I could apologize, a commotion exploded from the field ahead.

Standing to see what was going on, I swallowed hard, torn as my gaze flitted from the guys circling someone on the grass to my sister. “Hanna, I’m sorry I didn’t—”

“It’s fine.” She gave me a tight-lipped smile, nothing about it real. “I won’t tell Mom, and as long as you’re happy, I’m happy too.”

But she wasn’t happy. Her eyes were glassy, as if she was on the verge of crying. It hurt my heart terribly, but I didn’t have a clue what to say to her.

With a weary heart, I watched as she made her way to the brick bathrooms. I had every intention of going after her, but a familiar figure caught my eye from the sidelines. More so three figures, with Addie not far behind. Gavin was on one side of Max, while Collin stood on the other. They had him supported by the legs and waist, carrying him to Collin’s truck.

“Damn it,” I mumbled under my breath, dying to find out what was happening, but knowing Hanna would get flustered if I left. So, I waited from a distance, lip pulled between my teeth from nerves as they placed Max in the passenger seat of Collin’s truck.

Words were spoken between the three men. Gavin looked on edge and grumpy, as if he was seconds from kicking someone’s ass. The sight had goose bumps forming on my arms.

Once Max was settled inside, Gavin jogged toward his Suburban but stopped short of getting inside. I held my breath—waiting, wondering, worried—as he dropped his forehead against the window. The urge to comfort him was incredibly strong, my fingers trembling in turn. A hand on his spine is all I would need to do. Gavin wasn’t one for pity, but he thrived on simple touches.

Yet, we hadn’t spoken in almost three weeks.

Regardless, I found my feet moving seconds later, as though I was no longer in control of my body. No force, strong or not, could keep me away when he might need me.

Before I could make my way over completely though, he jerked his head back and turned my way, as though sensing me there.

I froze, waiting for him to see me, even more terrified of what his reaction might be.

But then I saw him smile. That’s also the moment when my heart decided that this man was going to be my man, baby or not.

“McKenna!” he called, jumping over rugby bags, racing around people, nearly frantic, as though time was running out.

Unable to hide my grin, I watched as he ran my way, his body lithe with every movement, yet strong and brave and everything I’d always wanted in my life. Seconds later, he was there in front of me, panting, and my knees…they nearly buckled with relief.

“Hi,” I whispered, breathless myself.

As though knowing the effect he had on me, Gavin shot his arm around my waist in a quick save, our chests suddenly pressed together. Flush.

This man was my real-life superhero.

And my new home.

“McKenna.” Fingers pressed to the base of my chin. He urged my gaze up, then searched my face, suddenly mute.

I nodded, having no idea what was going on in his head. “What happened to Max?” I clutched the front of his shirt, righting myself enough that he no longer had to hold me upright—not that I wanted him to stop.

“Someone from the other team was wearing illegal cleats. Fucked Max’s hand up. Colly’s taking him to the hospital. I’m gonna meet them there.” Gorgeous green eyes held mine as he spoke. This was the controlled version of Gavin I was seeing. The worried friend, the fierce protector, the lover I’d never get enough of.

“Okay. Well, let me know what happens?”

He nodded, eyes glancing back at the outhouse. It was so quick I barely noticed. “Who was that girl with you and Addie?”

“My sister.”

He nodded.

“Remember when I told you I had some family drama?” I winced, hating how that sounded.

“Yeah.”

I cleared my throat. “Well, Hanna had some problems back at home and is staying with me for a few weeks.”

A look of understanding passed through his gaze. “Is that why…”

“Why I haven’t called you?” I cringed.

He nodded, then said, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Being distant that night at my river house. Not…talking. Sometimes, you know, I just can’t.”

“Oh, Gavin…” I said his name like a prayer, willing him to be my savior for all of eternity. My knight in black rugby shorts with a beard that rivaled Jesus’s. “Don’t say ‘sorry’ when you have nothing to apologize for. I was a bitch that night.”

Gavin leaned over and kissed my forehead, staying there while he said, “No. You were scared.” He took a small step back, distancing himself from me. Already, I felt cold without him close.

“Not a good excuse. I told you I suck at this kind of stuff.”

He smiled but didn’t press the issue. “I miss you, Kenna. Every day we’re apart…it kills me.” My eyes welled with tears at his words, and I watched his throat work as he spoke a truth I could never deny. “Can we just, I don’t know, start over or something? See what happens? We have time.”

My heart leaped into my throat. Seven or so months wasn’t long, but details didn’t matter when it came to affairs of the heart, right?

“Really?”

He nodded, taking another step back, adding more space between us. Space I hated it, even knowing why he had to go. “Yes.”

“Okay.” My cheeks ached from smiling, but Gavin’s face stayed serious. He rarely showed emotion, unless we were alone.

“You’re in my dreams at night, Kenna.”

I blinked, losing my smile as I watched him bend over to pick up his abandoned rugby bag. He hitched it up onto his shoulder as he continued. It was then that I saw a tiny quirk of his lips.

“I am?” Drawn to him like always, I found myself moving closer, even as he took another step back.

He nodded again, pieces of his light-brown hair falling over his cheek from out of his rubber band. “You’re also the first thing I think of in the morning when I wake. It’s been that way since that night we first met last November.” His voice grew louder over the surrounding crowd. “And you’re also the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night.”

In spite of the heat, the crowd, and the noise surrounding us, I wanted nothing more than to pull him close to me again. Leap into his arms. Hold him with no end. No second thoughts, just Gavin and me together, seeing where this went.

“Go out with me again tonight,” he hollered a little louder, putting more distance between us.

A small shiver rocketed through me, the need to say yes on the tip of my tongue. I held his eyes across the distance a moment longer, seeing an exposed version of this man I’d never seen before. But I couldn’t say yes…

At least not tonight.

“Can we do tomorrow instead?” I yelled, both hands now cupping my mouth. The commotion of players and spectators, though not too terribly many, still held a high volume in the open field.

His smile grew wider. Then I saw his nod, the excitement in it so young and boyish and—

“McKenna.” I jerked my head back at the sound of Hanna’s voice, the moment over as the soft voice played a sad tune in my ear. “I want to go home now.”

“Are you okay?” I asked, turning to face her. Gravel hit tires and the side of cars as Gavin’s Suburban tore away from the lot.

Nervousness flickered across my sister’s face as she peeked down at the grass. “Yes. Just tired is all.” Tired was her code for I’m done with people for the day.

“Sure, hon. Anything you need.”

We found Addie a minute later. She immediately called off our girls’ night out. Her worry for Max and the guys was the reason. She loved Max and Gavin like brothers. And I could see why. They may have had their crass moments, but their unit as a whole was unbreakable.

As Hanna and I settled into my car and buckled a few minutes later, she broke me out of my thoughts with a question. “The man who you were talking to… Is he the baby’s father?” Her voice was thick with emotion. But I didn’t know what kind.

“Yes.”

A beat passed before she said, “He’s kind of…bushy.”

At that, I laughed, relaxing a little as I pulled us out of the lot. “He hasn’t always been like that. Gavin is just…” Complicated. Broken. A lover. A fighter. A man I could see myself falling for, if I hadn’t already been on the verge. There was no denying he and I were a match in a lot of ways. But was it enough? I wasn’t sure.

“All that facial hair and the man-bun thing he has going on? It’s kind of intense, don’t you think?” She clasped her hands on her lap.

Which is why it fit him so perfectly. “I prefer to think of him as lumber-sexual.”

Her smile pulled up one side of her mouth, giving her a look of ease that I hadn’t seen since she’d arrived. “Try unshaven and motorcycle badass.”

“Motorcycle badass, eh?” I snorted. “That’s pretty accurate, I suppose, except that he drives a huge-ass Suburban and he’s more a big softie than a rough biker.”

A few seconds passed before she spoke up again. “Mom would hate him, you know.”

I shrugged, knowing that already. “Mom hates all men, except for your father and brother. And even with them, she can be a royal bitch.”

“True.” Hanna sighed. “He seems nice though. I’d…like to meet him.”

Nice wasn’t the adjective I’d have used to describe Gavin St. James. It felt too mundane and overused. And while Gavin was a complicated creature, he was also a whole lot more than that. Sweet, charming, the quiet to my loud—a perfect counterpoint to my messed-up self in general. In fact, the longer I thought about it, the more I realized how true that was.

Gavin was the best thing that had ever happened to me.