Chapter 7

Gavin

There was something about the smell of sawdust that made me forget the thoughts running through my head. And today, I needed all the distraction I could get.

McKenna Brewer was like a fly that wouldn’t stop buzzing in my ear. And now that I knew how she felt in my arms, it sucked even more to want someone who didn’t want me back. I guess, in a way, it was a blessing that my doc had told me I needed to get a hobby other than rugby. Had she not, I most likely would’ve been at home, pacing the floors and punching my fists through walls.

During our initial appointment, I’d told my psychiatrist I played intramural rugby.

Her response had been a headshake and a few words about violent sports not being the answer. How I needed something to keep me Zen because my job was stressful enough.

About a month later, I saw an ad in the paper for a land auction. The old shack where my uncle—my dad’s estranged brother—had lived in Arlo by the Mississippi River. The place where my life first started going to shit. It was up for sale.

That day, I told my psychiatrist about what had happened to me as a kid—the whole story, though she already knew the logistics. She’d nodded and asked me how it made me feel to know that the home was there, but my uncle wasn’t. I told her another truth. That I wanted to buy the motherfucking place myself, then gut the insides, leaving just the frame and walls, only to rework it into something good and right. Something I could be proud of and call my own.

That was the day I finally picked my hobby. Also the day I spent my entire savings on a piece of shit run-down shack that’d been haunting me for years.

I didn’t have a damn clue how to fix up a house, but buying it, then demolishing that shed where I’d spent so many nights, made me feel as though I had control again. Not to mention something to work toward. Plus, I took to tools and nails easily. Working with my hands and doing something—other than sitting around feeling sorry for myself until I went back to work—was the final step I needed to find myself.

I walked over to the card table I’d set up in the middle of what used to be the kitchen and spread out the blueprints. Two bedrooms, one bath, a kitchen, a porch, and a living room—perfect for when I needed an escape from the duplex. I didn’t see myself moving far from Collin, Max, Chloe, and Addie anytime soon, but it was nice to have something to fall back on.

The sun had set a while ago. And according to my cell, I’d missed dinner. There were also three missed calls from Max. The guy needed to know where I was every second of every day lately.

I texted him back, saying I was fine, just busy, then turned off my phone and pocketed it.

Yawning, I rubbed my hands over my eyes and reached to switch off the battery-powered lanterns I’d been working under. Then I made my way outside, only to be stopped short by a tiny mew.

“Damn cat.” I muttered under my breath and headed toward the box he liked to hide under just to the right in the grass. I’d left the box there in case it rained and I wasn’t around to let the cat inside.

The tiny orange-and-white thing had taken up shop at my place a few weeks back and couldn’t have been more than two months old—abandoned or lost, I didn’t know. I couldn’t exactly turn him away, being so little, so I’d fed him, let him stay inside when I wasn’t there, and adopted him in a way. Even bought a little bed, some toys, and a litter box for him. The guys would die laughing if they knew I’d taken in a kitten.

I hadn’t seen the cat for a few days and thought maybe he’d gone back to wherever he’d come from.

Guess I was wrong.

He purred and rubbed against my leg when I lifted the box. Unable to stop myself, I picked him up, only to find his front left paw covered in blood. “Shit, buddy. What happened?” Using the flashlight on my cell, I went back inside and grabbed a semi-clean shop towel to wrap around his paw. He hissed at my touch but didn’t try to bite me.

“What am I supposed to do with you now?” I scratched the back of his head, frowning harder when his little blue eyes shut. Christ. I couldn’t leave the kitten alone when he was hurt, and I didn’t have anything here to clean up the blood.

I grabbed the old box and set a work towel inside it. With a gentle hand, I tucked the cat in and didn’t think twice as I put him in my truck. Collin would have a conniption if he knew I was bringing an animal home. But I wasn’t a dick, and the kitten obviously needed help.

Twenty minutes later, I’d barely made it onto my front porch when a voice called my name from next door. “Gavin, hey.”

My shoulders went stiff while my heart picked up its pace. Where the fuck had she come from? Not knowing if I should run and ignore her, or turn and show my face, I stood there and waited for her to continue.

“How are you?” McKenna’s voice was soft, yet scratchy, almost as if she were sick.

Because I couldn’t help myself, I turned to her, trying to keep the box still in my hands. “Fine. You?”

From under the porch light, I took a good, long look at her face. She seemed tired, with pale cheeks and dark circles under her eyes. But that didn’t keep my heart from racing.

She shrugged, then looked at the ground. “I’m okay, I guess.”

My throat burned as I swallowed. She wasn’t okay. But she’d made it clear she didn’t want a relationship with me. That didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends, and didn’t friends check up on one another? “You sure?”

Her head jerked up. Wide eyes met mine in confusion, maybe with a bit of hope too, which was weird as hell. “It’s…been a bad day is all.”

“Hmm.” I nodded, then cleared my burning throat. “So, uh…you got a sec? I could use some help with something.” No, I didn’t need her help. I could deal with this on my own. But she looked so damn sad, and I didn’t like it.

“From me?” She frowned.

“Yeah.” I rubbed my free hand through my hair, then added, “If you have time, that is.”

“What do you need help with?” And just like that, her sadness slipped away. Perky, upbeat Kenna was back.

I was opening my mouth to tell her when the little thing inside the box starting meowing. Her eyes zeroed in on the box. “Is that a cat?”

Nodding, I reached inside and rubbed the top of his head to get him to stop with the noise. Instead, he started scratching at my fingers and meowing louder. “Ouch. Damn it, yes, it’s a cat.” I pulled my hand out and shook off the pain.

“I love kitties!” She clapped and went to peek inside, but I yanked the box back, not wanting her to get scratched or bitten.

“It’s hurt.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Well, we should take him to one of those overnight pet hospitals.”

“No.” I stuck my key into my door lock. “Too expensive.” Especially for a guy who was suspended from work and trying to remodel a house. If I couldn’t get the kitten fixed up on my own tonight, I’d take him to the shelter tomorrow. Let them deal with him.

I shouldered my way in, leaving the door open behind me.

“What are you going to do with him, then?” she asked.

Not answering, I set the box on my table and yanked off my shirt, tossing it onto the arm of my living room couch. I smelled like ass and needed a shower, but first I had a cat emergency to deal with.

“What are you doing?” Kenna’s voice caught from behind me.

I reached into the box for the cat. “My shirt stinks.”

“So, what…you just rip it off like that?”

“What else do you want me to do?” I tucked the little orange tabby to my chest and headed to the bathroom. There, I grabbed a bar of soap and a couple of towels, along with some peroxide and antibiotic cream. I wasn’t a vet; I was an EMT. But injuries were injuries, and this thing needed treatment.

Her feet padded behind me as I headed into the kitchen. “Well, I mean…you just…”

“I just what?” I laid out a big towel on the counter and set the cat on top, holding him still with one hand. When I was sure he wasn’t going to escape, I urged Kenna to stand in front of him while I filled a big bowl with hot water, laid it on the counter, then placed the soap and cream down next to it.

“You just got half naked and started snuggling a kitten. It’s…it’s not right, okay?”

“What?” I glared back at her from over my shoulder. “I’m hot and I stink. What else was I supposed to do?”

She groaned and moved over, the scent of her skin smacking me in the face like an instant reminder. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Friends. Friends. Friends.

“Ugh. You’re such a man.” She elbowed me in the ribs, which ended up being more of a love pat, also causing the neckline of her shirt to fall off one shoulder.

I grunted, then took another step to my left so she could get closer to the cat—and farther away from me.

“What happened to him?” she asked.

I frowned. “Not sure. I found the little guy in my work boot one day when I…” Shit. I couldn’t tell her where I’d been.

“When you what?”

I ran my finger over the cat’s head, trying to find an excuse. “When I was at my ex’s house helping her put up a shed.” It was the only thing close to the truth I could come up with. Technically, my ex was not really an ex, more of a girl I went on a few dates with after we got back from Afghanistan. She lived in the same town as my fixer-upper, but she had no idea about my place. I hadn’t talked to her in six months.

“Oh. I didn’t know you had an ex.”

Something in her voice gave me pause. The tone. The question. “Why would you think that? Because I don’t flaunt women like Max does?”

She reached for the rag and dropped it into the warm water, squeezing the excess liquid out in the sink. “No. I just meant…I didn’t think you dated around.”

I didn’t. Still, there was no reason for Kenna to know anything about my personal life. Not when she wasn’t willing to give me more than occasional companionship. It had taken me nearly six years and two tours of duty to tell Collin and Max the truth about my upbringing—the foster part of it. Not the bad shit. I wasn’t one for talking about my past.

“I’m not from this area originally.” That’s all I could give her. All she deserved. Sharing things with her would be too easy, and I’d grow attached. And getting attached to McKenna Brewer wasn’t something I could do. I had to remember that.

“Oh. Okay. I didn’t mean to pry. Sorry.”

Shrugging, I pulled the rag from her hand and finished wiping the cat’s paw. There was a nasty burr stuck between his toes, and thankfully, once I pulled it free, the cat started moving his paw around again. Still, I wasn’t going to take him back to my place and release him. Not tonight. Staying here with me was the safest option for him.

“I’m a cat person, you know.” McKenna hopped up on my kitchen counter and tugged the hair up off her neck. I watched as she smiled and reached down to rub the cat behind his ears. He purred against her palm and mine.

“I don’t do animals at all. Too messy and expensive,” I said.

“But what about this one?” She reached for him and lifted his body to her face, rubbing her cheek against his fur.

Tugging at my beard, I watched, completely mesmerized by the woman, as always, while she shut her eyes and giggled. Lucky cat.

“I’ll take him back where I found him once I know he’s okay.”

Her blue eyes opened, searching my face. “I think you should keep him.”

My throat clogged at the vision. The cat was rooting through her hair, snuggling on skin I was dying to get my hands on again. “No.”

“But he’s so cute.” The corners of her lips pulled down into a pout.

“Then you take him.”

Annoying thoughts started ransacking my brain as I watched her coo at the animal. McKenna working next to me at my river house, feeding the cat when I couldn’t get to it, feeding me her beautiful body all over my floors when I was feeling needy. Because with her, I’d likely be needy all the fucking time.

I shook my head, ignoring a future that was untouchable and refocusing on the here and now.

“I would, but my landlord is really adamant about pets.” She poked my thigh with her toe. “But your landlord has a tiny minion for a daughter who would absolutely love having a cat. It’s a childhood rite of passage: get an animal to torture and love.” She scrunched up her nose. “Imagine that as the Humane Society slogan.”

I chuckled, her energy contagious.

Her feet were bare, the flip-flops she’d worn now on the floor. Heels banged against the cupboard, reminding me of my heart, which was beating like a monster inside my chest.

“Seriously, St. James. You need to keep this cat. Imagine the number of women you’d score if you had one of these. A dude with a cat is an instant panty-melter.”

I dropped my used supplies into the garbage and used my towels to wipe up the wet mess. Then I leaned against the counter and said, “I don’t need a cat to get some pussy.”

She tossed her head back and laughed—the sound so loud that the cat hissed and jumped off her lap onto the floor. I watched him scurry away, not even worried about where he went. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, the thing had been growing on me for a while. I was kind of glad I’d decided to bring him home with me. But I wouldn’t be telling Kenna that.

“You, dear sir, are funny.” She jumped off the counter with a flop and patted my shoulder. Another shoulder pat.

Still, I couldn’t stop watching her. My eyes followed every move she made. When she bent over to grab her shoes, strands of her hair slipped over her face and the scoop of her shirt hung low, revealing a yellow bra. Pretty, silky, just like her hair.

“So, I take it you’ve got it from here?” she asked.

I blinked, the image locked in my mind. Because I couldn’t speak, I nodded and motioned a hand toward the living room. She smiled with a touch of something soft in her gaze. And before I could pull her back against me and beg her to co-parent this goddamn cat, she was gone from the room and out the front door.

There were no formal goodbyes. No I’ll see you tomorrow or Call me. Just two people in passing, helping when needed.

With my heart in my gut, I went in search of my new roommate. In my bedroom, something as loud as a motor sounded from under the comforter. And there on the pillow next to my spot was the cat.

“You’re a sneaky son of a bitch,” I mumbled under my breath as I headed toward the shower. I’d never admit it aloud, but I was secretly glad I wasn’t alone tonight.