Chapter 20

McKenna

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been home early from work. Maybe when I first started out as a nurse? Either way, I was exhausted—beyond belief—and in no way ready to deal with my new roommate: my little sister.

My apartment door clicked shut behind me. I kicked off my shoes, moaning in relief as I stretched out my feet. After setting my keys on the counter in the kitchen, I made my way into the living room, finding her on my sofa. I could almost bet she’d been there all day.

“Hey. Got off a little early tonight. Thought maybe you’d want to go grab some pizza or something.”

“No thank you. I’m not hungry.”

Even with my new aversion to all things greasy, I’d do anything to get Hanna out of my house for at least an hour. But the fact that she wasn’t in the mood for her favorite food? It left me feeling as helpless as ever.

I sat down on the couch and lifted her feet onto my thighs. She winced but managed a smile, still in loads of pain from her broken ribs. She’d already been here a few weeks, yet she looked no better than the day I’d picked her up at the airport—the day after Gavin’s and my night together at the cabin. The bruises on her face were fading from black and blue to yellow, but she was far from healed. Inside or out.

“You feeling okay today?” I asked.

“I’m fine.” She smiled shyly, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Hanna was incredibly sweet. The word kind should have been her middle name. It’s one of the reasons why I loved her dearly. Yet at the same time, I knew how weak she was, how skittish she’d become too. I blamed it not only on her stupid, abusive ex, but also on my mother for not seeing the signs.

“Have you heard from him?” I asked, praying she wasn’t stupid enough to try to get in contact with the guy.

She shook her head and stared down at the book she was reading. “No. Since Mom took my phone before I got on the plane, he doesn’t know where I am.”

“Okay. I’ll run and get you a new phone tomorrow and put you on my plan.”

“Thanks.” She met my gaze but quickly looked away, as though holding eye contact with me would land her in the hospital again.

I knew she was safe here, away from the trouble she’d face at home. But I was still worried about her. Her first and only boyfriend had been messing with her head for a long while before he started messing with her body. Nobody had known, not even her father or my mother, and especially not me. My guilt over not keeping in touch with her over the past year had doubled. So when my mother asked me to let Hanna stay with me for a month or so, until things calmed down at home, I had no choice but to agree.

The timing couldn’t have been worse. But at least having her there distracted me from my own problems for a little while.

“Have you eaten anything today?” I asked.

She shook her head.

I sighed, feet aching as I stood. “I’ll make us some sandwiches.”

A nod—that’s all I got.

Defeat accompanied exhaustion as I stood and headed toward the kitchen. My shoulders sagged with the weight of the evening, and my heart was in my throat with the thought of my sister so broken.

It was odd to make food for another person when most of my life I’d done stuff on my own—for myself. Which was another reason the thought of keeping this baby freaked me out. No doubt I could do it if I had to. Be a mom, care and love for something. Yet the thought of not being any good at it was the main reason I didn’t want to commit to being a mother.

But Gavin was a good man. And though he might have been a little broken and inexperienced when it came to kids, I had no doubt that he’d be an excellent father.

I handed Hanna her PB&J, then sat down on the couch. She managed to sit up, her breathing labored as she moved. I didn’t offer to help her, not when she’d inevitably push me away. From what I’d relearned about my sister, she was as stubborn as she was closed off. Still, she never complained about the pain. Never did she mention needing anything to help with it. But I managed to give it to her in my own way, silently placing her pain medication on her plate as I’d just done.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as she lifted the pills to her lips and drank them down with a glass of milk. The more she ate and drank, the more alive she became. I stared down at her wrists, then her arms, followed by her legs. She was tinier than I remembered, almost malnourished. Brittle, even. All I wanted to do was make her happy and care for her. Give life to her lifeless eyes, her lifeless way of living most of all.

“Will you be up to getting out this weekend?” I asked, hopeful she’d say yes. If she didn’t, there’s no way I’d go where Addie had begged me to. A rugby game, the first seven-on-seven tournament of the season. I wasn’t a huge fan of the sport, but I might have had another reason for wanting to attend. Gavin, to be more precise.

I knew I was being stupid in avoiding him. We did need to talk—a lot, actually. He could also meet my sister. I knew I shouldn’t use her as an excuse for why I hadn’t called him, but I’d never claimed to be a good girl.

“Maybe.”

That wasn’t a no. I’d take it.

“Okay. It’s just to a rugby game, nothing big.”

She looked at me in surprise. “You like rugby?”

I shrugged and took a bite of my sandwich. “I like rugby players.”

A grin took over her lips, a hint of the old sister coming through. At fifteen, she’d been more boy crazy than I was at eighteen.

“Plus, I want you to meet Addie.” And Gavin too, but that wasn’t going to be mentioned outright until I could tell her exactly why. She talked to my mother almost every day. I could hear her in the bathroom or outside on my deck. The lady had Hanna under her lock and key, even all these states away. For the first time in my life, I was thankful the woman had sent me away, because if she hadn’t, I could’ve been in Hanna’s shoes.

“Okay. I’ll go.”

My eyes widened. “Really?”

She nodded, never lifting her gaze from her plate. Dark-brown hair covered her face and hung down to the middle of her back. It was thin and straight and always combed, something I expected had been ingrained in her from a young age.

“We can go shopping Friday afternoon. I have a four-day weekend. You don’t have any shorts, and it’s supposed to be really hot on Saturday.”

“I don’t wear shorts.”

I frowned. “Why not?”

“My legs…” She cleared her throat. “They’re too skinny. Mom told me I looked better with pants.”

“That bitch,” I grumbled, leaning back on the couch.

“She was just—”

“Hey.” I touched her arm, lightly so as not to scare her. “I think you have great legs. And if you want to wear shorts, you should totally do it.” I’d buy her shorts and a tank, maybe even some dresses. If she didn’t want to wear them now, so be it, but I wasn’t about to let my mother tear her down.

“Thanks, Kenna,” she whispered, and I’m pretty sure she was crying when she said it. But I didn’t call her out on it. Instead, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and hugged her close, thankful she didn’t flinch like she usually did.

We relaxed against the couch a while later, bellies full of comfort food as a black-and-white Western played in the background.

This was the family I’d never had growing up, and there was no way I’d let it go now.

* * *

Gavin

I scooped up Chloe and pulled her onto my lap, willing her to stop crying. She’d fallen, gotten carpet burn from what I could tell, and other than putting a Band-Aid on the barely there mark, I was struggling to find ways to calm her.

She was almost sixteen months, and bouncing her in my arms didn’t work anymore. Walking the carpet with her wasn’t an option either, when she’d just cry and squirm to get down. I knew I was screwed when not even her favorite bunny on the TV could do the job.

Addie had gone to get her hair cut. Collin was out getting groceries. And Max was taking a nap—too many drinks out the night before. And because I felt bad about not babysitting more lately, I’d agreed to do it, thanking God it was only for a half hour.

“Hey, Beaner, it’s okay. You’re okay.” I rubbed her back and her boo-boo, then cringed when she cried louder. “Don’t cry, baby girl, please.” I stood with her and walked us to the kitchen. In the back of the freezer was the leftover ice cream from when McKenna was here.

Not thinking twice, I pulled it out and yanked off the cover. There was a layer of ice on top—no doubt the shit was freezer burned—but one look at it and Chloe stopped crying, already reaching for it.

“This make you feel better?”

She bounced up and down in my arms, still hiccupping from her sobs. Regardless of the tears on her face, she waved her little arms excitedly in the air at the misshapen carton.

I chuckled, hitching her up higher on my waist. “You are some… Shit.”

She stuck her casted arm into the tub before I could stop her. Her big, blue eyes wide, she looked at me while bringing a thumb full of the old, coffee-flavored stuff to her mouth.

“Bite?” she asked, offering me some from her fingers.

I shook my head and chuckled to myself. “Your daddy’s gonna kill me.”

But she’d stopped crying. And fuck, that’s all that mattered to me.

Footsteps sounded from behind. I looked over my shoulder, finding Max. He rubbed his eyes, then let his arms fall to his sides.

“Jesus, what’s wrong?” He glared at me, face going soft when he stared at Beaner.

“She fell. Scraped her knee.” I shrugged, praying he wouldn’t look in the carton. No doubt he’d be on my ass like Collin would about feeding her caffeinated ice cream that was at least a couple months old.

He glanced at his cell phone and frowned, obviously distracted. “Shit. Lee-Lee called when I was sleeping.”

“She called me too,” Collin grumbled as he walked into the kitchen. He slapped a couple of bags on the counter, then reached for Chloe. Luckily, I’d wiped her off, hiding the evidence back in the freezer. He frowned at her leg. “What happened?”

I opened my mouth to say what happened, only for Chloe to say, “Boo-boo.”

Collin leaned over and kissed the mark, something I hadn’t even thought of. “All better, baby girl.”

Her pretty face began to glow, and I wanted to smack myself in the head for forgetting the kiss thing. That’d been the key all along, damn it.

Max leaned against the fridge, watching Beaner but talking to us. “I’m leaving Saturday night. After the game, I’m gonna take some time off. Go stay with her.”

I frowned. “With Lia?”

“Yeah.”

“What about your job?” Collin asked, folding his arms.

“I can’t fucking take it. I’ll go there, stay during the week, then drive home on the weekends for my gigs I’ve got set up.” Max had opened his own catering business, earning a lot of customer interest. Cooking was basically his life now. Other than Lia.

Max walked toward Chloe and poked her stomach. She giggled and leaned forward into her dad’s arms, curls falling over her cheeks.

“For how long?” I propped my elbows against the counter, studying his dark face. He looked like shit. I could relate.

“Does it matter?” He looked back and forth between Collin and me, red eyes narrowing. “I can’t stand the thought of being apart when all I want is to be with her.”

It made sense now—the power of his emotions, the meaning behind them. It’s something I hadn’t understood until McKenna came along. If you wanted someone, you needed to be with them. Still, I’d miss the hell out of this guy.

“Besides, me going with her, staying there, would be the perfect time for us to get to know each other better.”

“You already know each other.” I tapped my fingers along my arm.

Max rubbed the back of his neck. “Not in all the ways I’d like to.”

“Ah, hell. I’m done.” Collin rammed into Max as he walked out of the room, but called over his shoulder once more to say, “Just don’t make me an uncle yet. Already gotta deal with Gavin bringing a kid into this world. I only have enough guidance for one right now.”

I followed Collin, watching as he set Chloe on the floor. “I don’t need guidance. I can handle myself.”

“Yeah?” Collin laughed as he turned to face me. “Then why are you here and not with Kenna?”

“Because she doesn’t want me.” Anger had my hands balling into fists. “Plus, I’m not a huge asshole like you who can’t take no for an answer.”

Collin shrugged, not denying it.

Max, on the other hand, sat on the chair, kicking his feet out, relaxed now that the conversation was directed at me again. “And you believe that?” he asked.

“Believe what?”

He frowned. “That she doesn’t want you.”

“I do. She’s been pushing me away for weeks.” It hurt, admitting it out loud. And though she told me at my river house that she liked me, that obviously wasn’t enough to try to explore things further between us before the baby arrived.

Chloe moved to the couch and started jumping on the cushions, giggling loudly. I moved to grab her. The last thing I wanted was another broken arm. She pushed me away and did it again. I gave up after three times and wound up sitting on the couch next to her, my arm out to keep her from falling onto the floor.

“You’d be a good dad.” Collin pointed at my arm, then Chloe, then me.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t want to be a mom.”

Max cleared his throat and leaned forward onto his knees. “My mom didn’t want to be a mom at eighteen. Almost gave me up for adoption. Ended up changing her mind and told me constantly I was the best mistake she’d ever made.”

My lips pursed. Chloe jumped onto her butt and started bouncing that way. “That doesn’t mean Kenna would do the same. She didn’t even want kids.” I knew why that was: her issues with her family and her fear of turning into her parents. But her parents didn’t define her. Nobody did but her.

Chloe flapped her arms, squealing at the top of her lungs. She jumped off the couch and started to run around the coffee table. “La, la, la, la,” she sang on a loop. It put the hugest fucking smile on my face, even with the conversation looming around us.

I stood to keep an eye on her—make sure she didn’t run into the corners of the table. Yeah, I’d put that edging stuff on when she’d first started to walk, but that didn’t mean she might not fall now. It’s why I’d told Collin and Max to leave it on.

“Avvy,” she screeched, the chase all a game. Damn, this kid was quick.

I picked up speed, chasing her into the dining room. She ran under the table and landed on her back, kicking her feet in the air until she started lashing out at the legs of the chairs next.

Ignoring his daughter’s behavior, Collin kept talking over her screeches. “You want this baby, right?”

Sweat ran down between my shoulders as I reached for Chloe. She jerked back and giggled louder.

“Yeah, I do. I want it a lot.”

As scary as it was to admit, I knew there wasn’t another answer. I may not be the best candidate for the job, but I’d love that child to death. And after what I’d been through, I didn’t take that emotion lightly. Especially when it came to something that was going to be my flesh and blood.

No doubt McKenna would be the same way if she let herself. Maybe she just needed me to prove that to her. It wasn’t like I had much to lose by trying—she’d walk away in the end anyway. No matter what she decided for herself, though, I knew this baby would be with me.

“Then there you go.” Max stood up and fumbled his way into the dining room, pulling back the chairs. Beaner squealed louder but didn’t go to Max when he reached for her.

“Then tell her the truth. Tell her how you feel. Go from there. One big take it or leave it gesture,” Collin finished.

My answer was a grunt as I struggled to grab Chloe’s ankle, a thought racing through my head at the same time.

I had a messed-up mind, but did that mean I wouldn’t know how to raise a baby? Or even love it? No. If anything, it meant I’d probably try harder at everything, just to make sure I didn’t screw it all up. Would it be hard? Fuck yeah, no doubt in my mind. But with the support system I had around me with my friends, I knew this was one choice I wouldn’t hide from.

“Beaner, what is your issue?” Collin groaned, just missing her as she darted to the corner under a bench by the wall.

“It’s like she’s hyped up on something.” Max snorted. “Kind of wish I was there with her.” He cringed, rubbing at his temples.

I froze when I finally realized what was wrong with her. “Fuck.”

“Fuck!” Chloe repeated, pointing at me.

I looked at Collin, who glared at me, a knowing look in his squinted eyes.

Goddamn ice cream.