“You’re a goddamn idiot.”
Ethan frowned and pointed at the stairs. “I just put the boys down and they’re probably not asleep yet. Watch your language.”
Why on earth was Hannah barging into his house at eight o’clock at night? He’d bet twenty bucks it had to do with Willow. Just what he needed. He already thought about her every damned day. She was across town running her business and carrying his baby and he had no idea what the hell to do about it.
If the boys didn’t have big ears, he’d do a little cursing himself.
Hannah lifted her brows and he could practically hear the sarcastic “really” in her head. “Don’t look at me like that,” he groused. “And if you’re here to stick your nose in my business, you can turn right around and go back out the door.”
“Ooooh. Look at you, being all tough.”
He made a dismissive sound and turned his back on her. “Baby sisters are the bane of my existence.”
“Oh, I doubt that. Right now I’m guessing there’s a blonde across town that’s causing you fits.”
“Stay out of it, Han,” he warned, his voice low. “It’s complicated.”
“Having a baby usually is.”
He gaped at her. How did she know? He couldn’t imagine Willow telling anyone yet, but he could be wrong. And Hannah was quick to pick up on a situation.
“She’s tired and scared, Ethan. What are you going to do about that?”
He frowned and opened a cupboard, reaching for a bottle on the top shelf. “I think I need a drink for this conversation.”
“This is nothing compared to what Mom will say when she finds out. Accidents happen, we all know that. But you guys need to work it out.”
He loved his family, but they did have a terrible tendency to stick their noses in. He poured a few fingers of whiskey into a glass, mentally said screw the ice, and downed it in two gulps.
“It’s not your business, Hannah. You might as well go home. We’ll fix this on our own.”
“Right. Both of you stubborn. Both of you hurting. She loves you, do you know that?”
“Did she tell you that?” Was that hope blossoming in his chest? No, impossible. He wasn’t that gullible, was he?
“Not in so many words.”
“Right.” That sounded more like it.
“But she hinted at it. A lot. And if I weren’t your sister I think she might have opened up more. But I don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see what’s right in front of my face.”
“She lied to me, Hannah. Did she tell you that? She told me that…” He hesitated. How much detail did he want to get into? And yet … Hannah was here because she loved him. Her harsh greeting aside, he knew that ultimately she wanted him to be happy. He hadn’t breathed a word about the baby to a soul. Maybe he could use another perspective.
“She told you what?” Hannah asked.
He met his sister’s gaze. “Do you want a drink?”
“Stop avoiding the issue. And no, I don’t want a drink.”
Instead he took a seat at the kitchen table, taking the whiskey bottle with him. “When we realized we’d forgotten to use protection, I suggested a morning-after pill. Willow led me to believe she was going to get it. She didn’t.”
“Maybe she just changed her mind.”
“She never intended to. I won’t go into why—it’s a long story, and it’s hers to tell. God, Hannah. I’ve got the boys to consider. Willow and I … we were just getting started. It wasn’t that long ago that we started acting on our attraction for each other. It’s a huge leap from that to bringing a baby into the world. To parenting.”
“So you’re what? Sitting here pouting? Thinking that if you avoid the situation it’ll go away? That’s not like you, Ethan. You face things. You deal with them. And you care for her. You need to do right by them both.”
“You mean marry her?” He laughed and poured another liberal helping of whiskey. “This isn’t the fifties, Hannah. Maybe I’ll want to get married again someday, but that day’s a long way off.” Ache surrounded his heart as he looked at his sister. “You know what it was like when I lost Lisa. I don’t ever want to go through that again. What’s the point in loving someone if you’re just going to lose them?”
“Bullshit.” She stared him down. “Do you know how lucky you are to have had two really great women love you? You didn’t have a choice with Lisa. She got sick and maybe it shouldn’t have happened but she died, Ethan. She didn’t leave you. Now you’ve got a choice—a chance at happiness—and you’re deliberately pushing her away. Willow’s having your baby, Ethan. And she’s sitting over there thinking that you don’t care about her. Why? Because she didn’t take a stupid pill? You’re going to let something trivial like that stand in your way?”
“I don’t want another baby!” He blurted it out, then let out a long breath. “Do you understand that, Hannah? I have the boys and I love them so much, but being a single dad is a crazy amount of work and worry. She knew it. It would have been so simple. It’s not trivial. Not to me. Maybe you don’t understand. You’ve never been in love this way. But that thing you call trivial broke my trust.”
Hannah didn’t even blink at his harsh words, but he instantly felt bad for speaking them. Hannah took enough grief for being unmarried from their parents. She didn’t need it from him, too.
“Willow’d be a great mother to them, too, if you gave her a chance.”
It scared him that she was right. Willow had taken to the boys right away, and them to her. She was gentle and kind and firm. “We dated maybe a month. Isn’t it a little soon for that?”
“What does time have to do with anything? You can know a person for years and not really know them. And someone else you can see across a room and know they’re going to change your life.” She raised one eyebrow. “Or so I’m told.”
He deserved that. “She’s going to have a baby. Do you really think she wants to be saddled with two rambunctious boys, too?”
“Why don’t you ask her?”
He turned away. What if Willow said no? She was so independent, and no matter what Hannah said, he doubted she was in love with him. She hadn’t said anything of the sort when she’d come to tell him. She hadn’t even hinted at wanting them to try to be a family together. It wasn’t just him. He was a package deal.
And yet she’d dated him, knowing his situation.
Hannah stood. “You think about it. You think about a good woman who cares for you, who is carrying your baby, who loves your boys, and how you’re sitting here and she’s sitting over there because you’re scared and need to be right more than you need to be happy.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair, Ethan. You of all people know that. That’s why you need to grab at happiness while you can.”
He stared at his sister for a few minutes. Hannah was particularly passionate about this, and he wondered why. She was interfering at the best of times, but tonight she was truly put out with him and he wasn’t quite sure where she was coming from. He’d had the same feeling when Willow had shown up here over a week ago. Damn, he’d never understand women. It’s like they said one thing and then really meant something else.
“You sit and stew if you like. I didn’t think I’d be able to change your mind, but you should at least talk to her, Ethan. You can’t go on this way. Avoiding reality isn’t going to change it.”
“I know,” he admitted. “It’s just such a mess I don’t know where to start.”
“You could try being honest with yourself about your feelings.”
She went over to him then and put a hand on his shoulder. “You are one of the best men I know,” she murmured. “But sometimes you do need a loving kick in the ass.”
“Go on,” he grumbled.
She left, and he sat in the kitchen still, nursing the last few swallows of alcohol. Being honest with himself wasn’t the problem. He already knew what he felt, and that was what scared him the most. He knew what he wanted, and that terrified him, too.
No one that he knew had lost a spouse. They didn’t know what it was like. And asking him to forget the hell he’d been through was like asking a songbird to forget how to sing. It was a part of him.
Willow was a part of him, too, whether she knew it or not. And now she carried his child. Someday soon he was going to have to figure out how he was going to deal with that.
But that day wasn’t today.
Not yet.
He finished the drink, put the glass in the dishwasher, signed Connor’s agenda, and went to bed.
Alone.