One long, languorous stretch and Willow felt the welcome soreness that had been absent from her body for so long.
She was naked beneath the cotton sheet, and so was Ethan. She relaxed her muscles and shifted gently to her side, looking over at his still-sleeping form. The sun was barely up, and the pale light touched his face, now rusty with a night’s stubble. She studied the freckles beneath his tan, examined how his eyelashes were a shade darker than his hair, noticed, for the first time, a tiny scar on his forehead.
Ethan had done what he promised. He’d loved her thoroughly, and more than once. The first time had been fragile and tender and overwhelming; an exploration of each other and their wants and likes. She scissored her legs beneath the sheet, remembering how it had felt when he’d slid inside her. It had been unbelievably sexy, but something more, too. It had been frighteningly right. There’d been a moment when he’d looked into her eyes and she’d felt this crazy connection that was exponentially greater than any she’d ever felt before.
Sexually, they were utterly compatible. If there’d been any doubt, the second and third time would have sealed that deal.
As he slept on, she realized what she was feeling was awe. At him. At them. At the kind of man he was—hard worker, good father, amazing lover. Perhaps a little broody at times, but Willow understood a lot of that now.
She rested her head on her elbow. Last night she’d realized something unbelievable. In that moment, just before they’d hit the bedroom, she’d finally understood why she’d never felt free to explore her sexuality. Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them away, wondering how, in all her years of self-examination and acceptance, she hadn’t really got to the truth. It all went back to that junior year of high school, when she’d missed her period and had found out she was pregnant. She’d been so scared to tell her mother, but had thought maybe this time they’d work through something together. Instead she’d been forced to get rid of it. There had been no question of keeping the baby. And Willow had equated that guilt with her sexuality and had never quite felt worthy of sex being an enjoyable part of her life. She didn’t deserve it.
Until last night. Last night it hadn’t mattered anymore.
She shifted her weight, but the slight movement disturbed Ethan. His eyes opened and he lifted a hand, wiping away the grit in the corners.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
He smiled a little. “I’m not used to sleeping with someone else in the bed. I don’t mind the early wake-up.”
“I think it’s after five. Probably closer to six. I have to be downstairs at six-thirty. I’m sorry about that.”
“Well, I won’t say I’m not disappointed,” he said, reaching under the sheet to curl his hand over her hip. He pulled her closer to him, and she felt just how awake he was. “But I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”
“You certainly are,” she teased, and did a little reaching of her own.
“Be careful. You might not make it to work on time.”
“I have an understanding boss.” She stretched again, then lifted her arm over her head, inviting him to partake of her breasts. He took the hint and she sighed with pleasure; and then sighs filled the room for another ten minutes.
“Now that’s a good morning.” Ethan flopped over onto his back and put his arm over his head on the pillow.
“You are a horrible distraction.”
“Thank you.”
She looked over at him, her heart dangerously entangled. “So, no regrets?”
He turned his head to look at her. “About last night? Are you kidding?”
“I don’t usually…”
“Hell, I know that. Me, either.”
“And you didn’t like me at first…”
“You didn’t like me, either. You told me I was in need of serenity.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. You were right. More than that, I had to start living again. I got so caught up with resenting what I’d lost, I forgot to look at what was right in front of me.”
“Yeah, you’re human.” She kept the sheet tucked beneath her armpits and smiled at him. “So we’re good?”
“Of course.”
They were quiet for a moment and then Ethan spoke again. “I don’t want you to feel like there’s any pressure, Willow. Despite what happened last night, we can still take it slow. You know, emotionally.”
Message received: physical intimacy okay, falling in love on the back burner. It was precisely what she wanted. One complication at a time. Living in the present. So why did his statement leave her feeling strangely empty?
“It would be foolish to rush into anything serious,” she agreed, but her smile was a little more forced. “You’ve got the boys to consider. We both have baggage to work through.”
“Right. But damn…” he reached out and ran his fingers up her arm. “I want to see you again. Soon.”
She laughed. “Well, there’s always yoga tonight. Since I missed this morning’s session.”
He winked. “I did notice you are rather bendy.”
She raised an eyebrow. “This is a new side of you. You’re a tease.”
“Only when I’m happy.”
They lay there another few minutes, until Willow knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. “I’ve got to get moving or Emily will quit. She’s already been putting in extra hours.”
“You should make her your manager.”
For the first year and a half, the café had been Willow’s entire life. Sure, she’d made time for Laurel and Hannah now and then, but she’d been putting in mad hours and had yet to take any sort of holiday. Emily was more than capable. The way she’d stepped in during the organizing of the food bank was proof enough of that.
“I’ve considered changing her role, to be honest, but she’s not managing now, so I’ve got to hop in the shower and get going.” She slid out of the bed, slightly self-conscious that she was naked. “Take your time, though. Go back to sleep, use the shower, help yourself to breakfast. Whatever you want.”
He laughed. “I think our roles are usually reversed.”
She looked over her shoulder and grinned. “Yeah, but I’m not your usual girl.”
“You got that right,” he said, and she disappeared into the bathroom.
* * *
Ethan helped himself to the shower, enjoying the fresh scent of Willow’s soap and shampoo that clung to the damp walls. He dressed in his clothes from last night, assessing the wrinkles in his pants and shirt. His tie was still crammed into his pants pocket. He needed to go home and change and then he was going to head to his mom and dad’s to give his father a hand taking down a tree in the backyard. Aiden had the day off as well, and they’d planned it so they could both be there to cut it down safely and then clean up the mess. Better to do it now, than have it fall in the winter during an ice storm or something.
He was whistling a tuneless ditty when he descended the back stairs and headed for his SUV. At least he hadn’t parked on the street. It was early enough no one else was around. The food bank wouldn’t open for another few hours. The scent of fresh baking filled the air, presumably from the café, and his stomach growled. Still, he wouldn’t embarrass Willow by going in for breakfast, doing the walk of shame.
“Oh my shit. You guys finally did it.”
He looked up sharply to find Hannah staring at him from the corner of the building.
“Christ, Hannah.” He ran his hand over his still-wet hair.
“It’s about time you both got laid.”
He scowled. “You do not want to go there. It’s been a hell of a long time for you, too.”
She shrugged, though two dots of color rose on her cheeks. “You don’t know everything.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What are you even doing here so early?”
She pointed at a garbage can at her feet. “My cleaning service of one is on summer holidays this week. I’m on janitor duty.”
“Just my luck,” he muttered.
“So, you and Willow. You’re a thing?”
“Leave it alone, Han. It’s nobody’s business but ours.”
“Sure. Just because you’re my big brother and she’s my friend, means I shouldn’t care about either of you at all.”
He stepped forward and looked his sister dead in the eye. “If you really mean that, you’ll leave this alone and let us handle it ourselves. Willow’s not the kind to want her personal life to be grist for the gossip mill, got it?”
Hannah tsked. “My, my. So protective.”
“I’m not in the mood for your teasing, Hannah.” Truthfully, now that Willow was gone, he was worried about what he’d said to her about taking it slow emotionally. He didn’t want her to think he was only hanging around for sex, but he also didn’t want to rush into anything where hearts were involved. “You don’t need to take it upon yourself to inform the family.”
Hannah’s face softened. “Big brother,” she said quietly, coming forward. “Willow is one in a million. I know she’s had it rough, though she’d never really said why. But she’s beautiful, inside and out. Maybe a little freaky with all her zen stuff, but I love her.”
He laughed a little. Hannah liked her ironman training, but he couldn’t imagine her sitting still through any sort of meditation or have the time for a yoga practice.
“I think you need someone like her,” Hannah continued. “You’ve looked happier lately, like you’re not carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. If she’s the cause of that, I’m glad.”
He didn’t know what to say. He was so used to the family either giving him crap or tiptoeing around him that her honesty was refreshing.
“I’ve surprised you.”
“I shouldn’t be, I suppose.” He put his hand in his pocket, felt his tie. “Pop talked to me a while back, too. I haven’t been ready to move on, Han. I still need to take it in steps.”
Sympathy filled her eyes. “Of course you do. I’m just saying I’m glad that you’ve started taking those steps.”
“I’m going home to change and eat and then I’m heading to Mom and Dad’s with Aiden.”
“The boys are still in Montpelier?”
“Until the holiday Monday. I have to go pick them up that morning.”
She nodded, then turned with her trash can and took it to the dumpster. “You’re a good dad, Ethan. You deserve some happiness for yourself. And the boys love her. At least you don’t have to worry about that.”
She sent him a wink and headed back to her office, but Ethan stood there for a minute, thinking about what she’d just said. It was true; the boys loved Willow. She was good to them, and good for them, with her smiles and gentleness. She’d be a fabulous mother …
But what if the boys got too attached and things didn’t work out? How could they deal with losing another person they cared about? And what about him? He was doing a good job of living in the now, but behind the bubble of happiness was a heavy weight, reminding him of what it felt like to lose the person you loved. Did he want to risk going through that again? Could they just keep it casual for now?
As he started his car, he frowned. “Casual” wasn’t how he’d describe last night. Being with Willow, making love to her … it had blown his mind. Not just physically, but the way they’d been in tune with each other. The moment when their eyes had met, her hair spread out on the pillow and her delicate fingers digging into his shoulders, something had clicked, like a puzzle piece you didn’t expect to fit but did.
It might already be too late for emotional caution.