She wasn’t feeling so lioness-y four days later when the first bout of morning sickness struck.
Her alarm went off at five as usual, but there was no way she could stomach her customary green tea. It smelled different, somehow. She settled for water, but it made her queasy and came right back up. By the time she’d finished her yoga practice, she was feeling weak and had a sick sort of headache.
She made some hot buttered toast and had a crazy urge for hot chocolate once her stomach settled. When she got downstairs to the café, she prepared a mug of it for herself and took it into the kitchen.
“Hey, are you okay? You’re looking a little pale today.”
Willow looked up at Em and tried a smile. “Just feeling a bit off. Must be a … oh, something I ate.” Wow, this lying thing was becoming a little too easy. It sat with her about as well as the idea of food.
“We’ve got the new woman in today at eight for training. I won’t be able to spend as much time out back. Are you okay handling most of the kitchen?”
Willow preferred that to dealing with customers this morning, particularly if her stomach acted up again. “I’ll be fine. What do you need first?”
“Eggs. The breakfast biscuits are starting to get really popular. We open in twenty, so if we could have some made up in advance I can put them in the warmer along with the Canadian bacon.”
Eggs. Simple enough. While Em took biscuits and muffins out of the oven, Willow cracked two dozen eggs into a bowl and whipped them with a whisk while the griddle heated. The trouble started when she poured the beaten eggs into the Teflon rings. The smell made her stomach turn again, and she swallowed against the extra saliva in her mouth.
She soldiered through four different times, putting the finished circles in a warming tray and sliding it into the unit behind the counter. A knock came to the back door, and her bread supplier dropped off the day’s supply of rolls, wraps, and loaves. Her hot chocolate was long gone, but she was feeling a bit better, so she took thirty seconds to grab a Greek yogurt from the fridge. Calcium and protein, she reminded herself. She couldn’t let a little morning sickness put her off her normal eating habits.
She baked through the morning. Cookies, brownies, banana muffins, apple turnovers … she thought of Connor and Ronan as she sprinkled the tops with coarse sugar. More eggs—the smell wasn’t so bad this time—and then sliced free-range chicken and grass-fed beef for the lunchtime sandwich crowd. For some reason the red meat appealed, and she put on a beef barley soup for lunch and then a Harvest Vegetable, thick with carrots and zucchini and a rich tomato broth. Bile rose in her throat as the beef browned in the stockpot, but by the time she’d added the other ingredients and tasted it, she was ravenous. At ten-thirty in the morning she sat down for a brief break and inhaled a bowl of soup.
This was her new life, wasn’t it? Work, caring for herself, thinking about being a mother. The foot traffic in the café was brisk, and she heard the happy greetings and chatter from the front. For the first time, the sound didn’t bring her pleasure. Instead she realized that any plans for expansion would be on hold. She couldn’t afford the money or the time to make it a reality right now.
She was disappointed, but not resentful. She wouldn’t ever be resentful toward this baby.
By two-thirty she was exhausted. The lunch rush was over, and she dragged her butt through the kitchen, washing dishes and working on supper prep. Emily would only be working until three, and then a shift change would happen and one of the full-timers would take over. The staff would be balanced out by one of their high school students. Normally Willow took a break this time of day, in order to avoid working fourteen or more hours. But not today. Training new staff was time-consuming, and she couldn’t possibly impose on Emily further.
Besides, it wasn’t as if she had any social life.
By the time she started slicing vegetables, she knew she’d been on her feet too long. She sat on a stool at the counter instead, giving her feet a break, and sliced some extra carrots and cucumbers to munch on. The cucumbers especially were crisp and fresh.
“You look pooped. Boss working you extra hard?”
She looked up. Hannah stood in the doorway to the kitchen, her teasing words belied by her solemn expression. “Hey, Han. Come on in and pull up a seat. I’m cutting vegetables.”
“I can see that.” Hannah stepped into the kitchen, pulled up a stool, and perched at the edge of the stainless steel work table. “Sweetie, what’s going on? I talked to Laurel. She said she hasn’t seen you for practically weeks. Ethan’s snapping at everyone … whatever went wrong, you have to know that we’re your friends. You can talk to us.”
Willow’s eyes watered, and she couldn’t blame it on the onions since they were still on the table, waiting to be chopped. “Oh Hannah. I’ve screwed everything up. Or rather … we have. It’s such a mess.”
“You fell in love with him, didn’t you?”
She looked up at Hannah. “And are you going to go running back to Ethan and tell him what I say?”
Hannah frowned. “Admittedly, there’s a conflict of interest here. And I do want to see both of you happy. But I will not run back to Ethan if you don’t want me to. Truth is, I think you guys need to talk it out. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
A lump formed in Willow’s throat and she looked away, and gave her head a tiny shake.
“I did fall for him. I might even … love him. We were just getting closer when it all went wrong. And now…”
She halted. She didn’t know if Ethan had told anyone in the family or not. They’d certainly never discussed when to tell people.
“Now what?” Hannah reached over and put her hand on Willow’s. The cucumbers sat forgotten on the cutting board. “Why did it go wrong?”
It wasn’t as if it could remain a secret forever.
Hannah pressed on. “Is it about Lisa? Is that it? Because I know for a fact that he cares for you. He was so happy. Happier than we’ve seen him for a long while, that’s for sure. And then a few weeks ago he started snapping at everyone.”
Willow wasn’t quite sure how to begin, so she eased into the topic. “You know how we talked about expanding the café? That you thought you’d like to go in on it with me? I can’t do that now, Han. The timing is wrong.” She realized that she’d just mimicked Ethan’s words to her about the pregnancy. “The truth is, I’m pregnant.”
Hannah stared at her. A full-on, open-mouthed, wide-eyed stare.
“Pregnant.”
“You’re the first person I’ve told. I found out about a week ago.”
“Does Ethan know?”
“He knows.”
“Crap on a cracker.”
Willow choked out a laugh despite herself. Thank God for Hannah. “I was shocked, too.”
“You and Ethan … having a baby. This is just … wow.”
“Apparently we are very fertile people.” She kept her voice low and glanced at the door every few seconds, not wanting staff to overhear. “It was a new aspect to our relationship. And this is really weird, talking to you about having sex with your brother.”
It was Hannah’s turn to laugh. “I grew up with those boys. Hardly anything fazes me. Let me guess, it was the week the kids were away.”
Willow’s cheeks heated. “How did you know?”
“I ran into Ethan one morning, sneaking out of your apartment. I was taking out the trash from the office and there he was, doing the walk of shame.” A sad smile lit her face. “I was worried for him, but happy, too. Happy he was moving on with someone as lovely as you.”
Willow didn’t feel so lovely, but it touched her that Hannah seemed to think so. “It was the next night,” she admitted. “We were stupid. We got caught up and forgot … you know.”
“Oops.”
“That wasn’t exactly what he said. He’s not happy about it, Hannah. I can’t go into what happened. I hope that’s okay. It’s between Ethan and me. But I told him and he’s never called or stopped in or … or … asked how I am.”
“Ethan’s not the kind of man to not take this seriously.”
“I know that.” She did, deep down. “But he’s hurt, and he’s angry, and it’s going to take some time for him to come to terms with it.”
“You could try talking to him.”
She could. But she wasn’t ready for that, either. She bit down on her lip, picked up the knife, and started slicing the cucumbers again.
“It’s complicated, Hannah. I’m sure we’ll get around to it. But I have to be honest. It hurts to see him right now. I had to face a lot of things from my past that I didn’t want to, just so I could be free to love him. To have it end like this … I’m hurting, too.” The back of her nose stung, like it did when she plucked an eyebrow hair and hit a nerve. “I miss him. I miss the boys. I … I don’t want to be alone.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Hannah got off her stool and went to Willow, putting her arms around her. “You’re not alone. Maybe you both do just need some time to sort through some stuff. But trust me. When the chips are down, my big brother will be there for you. Promise. Because if he’s not I’ll give him an atomic wedgie.”
Willow laughed, and Hannah reached into her bag for a tissue. “Here. Blow your nose. Sanitize your hands before you cut into any more of that produce. Don’t worry about the expansion; we’ll figure something out. This is my specialty, remember.”
“I’ve signed a lease, remember?”
“Which you don’t have to pay for until the first of November. That gives me time to think of something. You are not alone, honey. Ethan’ll come around, and even if he doesn’t, I’m here for you. Laurel and Aiden will be here for you, and so will a lot of other people in this town. Know what else? You’re going to be an amazing mother. So chin up.”
“I love you, Hannah.”
“Love you too, kiddo. By the way, talk to Laurel. She’s going to be thrilled that your babies are only going to be weeks apart.” Hannah rolled her eyes. “Good God. Ethan was a busy boy, wasn’t he? You could hardly stand each other the night Laurel made her announcement.”
Willow smiled and dabbed at her eyes. “That’s what you know. We kissed that night.”
“Sneaky thing.” Hannah dropped a sisterly kiss on Willow’s cheek. “I’m going to check on you every day, you know. Make sure you’re eating and feeling okay. Get used to it.”
“I will.”
“And don’t overdo it.”
“Yes, Boss.”
Hannah winked. “Okay. I have to blast off. Hang in there, sweetie.”
“Thank you, Hannah.”
“Anytime.”
Hannah’s visit had cost Willow about twenty good minutes of prep time, but it had been exactly what she needed to get through the day. She wasn’t alone. She had friends, and support, and a home where she belonged.
The only piece of the puzzle that was missing was Ethan. Unfortunately, Willow was starting to realize that the final piece was the one that made the rest of the puzzle make sense. Hannah hadn’t called her on it, but Willow had used the word “love.” She did love him. She thought maybe she had from the moment on the first night when he’d cradled a sleeping Ronan on his lap and managed to eat birthday cake with his free hand. Or maybe it was the night he’d offered Laurel his baby things …
She put her hand to her mouth. Oh God. Baby things … he’d never expected to need them again.
But he would. She just needed to give him time to get used to the news. Maybe he’d never love her the way she’d wanted him to, but he wasn’t the kind of man to turn his back on his child. In all the confusion and hurt, she’d lost sight of that. Perhaps he had, too. But it wouldn’t last forever.
And he would never need to know how much she cared about him. And maybe someday it wouldn’t hurt quite so much.