“I seriously cannot believe that you made me watch that movie,” Ivy complains as the credits roll along the screen.

“What do you mean?” I ask, offended that she would even say that.

“Krane, what in the world would make you think that I would like a documentary like that?”

“It’s based on a bestseller,” I argue.

“I don’t care what it is, it sucked,” she states and sits up off of my lap. I don’t like the feeling of not having her close. “Come back.” I pat my legs and she lies back down, picking her messy brown hair up and spanning it over my thighs. I grab the remote and turn the TV off. I need to talk to her about cleaning out the apartment in the city. It’s been eating me up and I have no doubt she can shed some clarity on things.

Running my fingers through her hair, she looks up at me and asks, “What’s the matter?”

“I got a call this morning from the place in New York. The lease is up at the end of the month and they need me to move everything out.”

“Can you sign another lease to give you some time?”

“I could, but the rent is going up almost seven hundred dollars a month and I can barely afford to keep it as it is now, and that’s been with me accepting every fight call that I’ve gotten. If that lets up at all, I’ll lose it.”

“Fuck,” she says.

“I know.”

“So what’s your plan?”

“I don’t know. Thinking about all of our stuff there puts me into a whirlwind of anxiety. I don’t think I can do it, Ivy.”

“Don’t say things like that, Krane. You can do anything. You have to. I’ll help too.”

“I don’t want to put that burden on you.”

“It’s not a burden. Zoë would do it for me in a heartbeat. We both need to live more like her. I’ve been trying, that’s why losing my job hasn’t bothered me so much. Zoë lived believing that everything happens for a reason, and we will be better off if we live that way as well. I’m sure my mom would be happy to come and help too.”

“Ivy, your mom fucking hates me.”

“No, she doesn’t.”

I roll my eyes at her, knowing what’s true. Her mom, Brenda, holds me responsible for Zoë’s death. She might not come out and say it, but she does. I can’t blame her though; if it were my daughter, I’d put the fault on someone else too.

“You can ask her if you want, but I don’t think she’ll come.”

“She will. What are you planning to do with all of her stuff?”

Running my hands over my face, I get a flashback of Zoë in our apartment, painting; she loved it there. It was always her dream to move to the city, and when we did, her life was complete. “I’m not sure.” I shake my head answering and move a little in my seat, but still keep her head on my lap. “I was hoping you could help me decide.”

“What if we hire someone to box everything up and put it in storage?” she asks.

“I thought of that, but it’ll just be a band-aid to the problem. Eventually, I’m going to have to face things.”

Ivy sits up and kneels next to me. I look at the empty indentation in my lap again and she tilts my chin towards her. “We’ll go through her things one at a time, together, just you and I, then my mom can come help, okay?” I’m not sure how she is as strong as she is. I nod, wanting her plan to be as easy as she makes it sound. But know having to actually do it is a whole other thing.

Ivy crawls on top of my lap and wraps me in her arms. I hold her, the closeness settling me, and I wonder how she can calm me the way she does. She makes everything so much better. All of the bad shit is gone and it’s just her and I.

I yawn and it signals that I need to get home. It’s been a long day, after an even longer weekend. “I’m gonna get going.”

“Why?” she asks, confused.

“’Cause it’s late and I am tired as hell. I need to get some sleep.” She nods quickly, like I’ve caught her off guard. “So do you.”

“I know. I just like having you here, that’s all. You can stay the night, if you want.”

I think about her suggestion and don’t know if I can handle sleeping in the same house as her. My cock is already on edge from touching and kissing her. It’ll probably come if she looks in its direction again. “Stay,” she whispers, kissing my neck and along my jaw. Being like this with her is something that I am not used to. And guilt still surges in me, insisting that I must be betraying Zoë with every touch. But Zoë is gone, and Ivy is right –she would want me to find a way to carry her love and our memories with me as I move forward into who I’m meant to be. And I love the feelings Ivy gives me.

God, give me the strength to sleep tonight and not fuck the shit out of her all night long.

“Okay, you talked me into it.” And I’m instantly rewarded with her lips. The affection sends a wake up call to my dick. I battle in my mind to keep it tamed, but as she squirms on top of me, moving her pussy all over me, it’s too late.

I’ve fought my feelings for her for long enough. We are together right now for a reason and clearly nothing can change that. But I also fear doing more than this will ruin our friendship. “Stop,” I plead as she continues to kiss me.

“Why?”

“Because, I—”

“Doing this won’t change things, I promise.” She reads my mind as she looks me in the eye, and as much as my body is telling me to fuck her over and over again, my brain is screaming at me not to. Her warmth on top of me is something that I need right now, but not at the risk of losing her.