Blinking away the tears so Nixon doesn’t see me cry, I’m grateful when there is a knock on my door. Getting up and out of these close confines, his arm touching my back as he has it resting on my chair, I head to the foyer.

I’m glad to see not only the guys, but Macey too. I can definitely use her advice right about now.

Luke and Guy carry in an arsenal of food and liquor as Macey and I exchange a hug. “What’s the matter?” she asks me, knowing right away that something is up.

“Nothing. I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I was just talking to Conner and lost the connection.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” she says and pulls me into a tight embrace. “Guy told me about your ex. So that’s him?”

“Yup,” I tell her right as she is introduced to him. Turning away from them, I begin stocking everything in the fridge, and Luke brushes up against me. Peeking in the fridge, “Did you make me a cake?” he asks and I push him away, laughing as he almost falls backwards. Nixon’s eyes are on us and Luke cracks us two beers. “Was everything cool with him?” he asks me as we each take a sip.

“Yeah,” I tell him, looking into his brown eyes. He pulls me into a hug, and I realize the closeness with Luke does nothing to me compared to the way the closeness with Nixon always brought my insides alive. “Thanks for having this here,” he says and takes two more beers over to Guy and Nixon. The men all settle out on my patio, and Macey and I prep the food to cook.

“So, what are you feeling about working with your ex?”

“Hah!” I laugh out far too loudly. “Uhh, it’s the most awkward thing ever. I told him I want him to put in for a transfer, so hopefully I don’t have to deal with him that much longer.”

Macey smiles at me, obviously lost for words and takes the plate of meat outside for Guy to put on the grill. I wash my hands and as I look up, Nixon is watching me. He grins and comes in, finishing his beer as he walks, his lips wrapped so tightly around the end of the bottle. Reaching around me, he throws it away in the trashcan. I tense from him touching me again. He’s close to me, my body backed up against the countertop. I try not to look at him, or smell him for that matter, as he opens a few cabinets and peeks inside, snooping around. Pulling myself out of my clouded daydream, I tell him, “Sure, just make yourself right at home.” He smirks at me and grabs another beer from the fridge. When he closes the door and goes to respond to me, the picture of him, Conner, and I catches his eye. He takes it off the fridge, studying it, and then looks at my chest before asking, “Did you get tit implants?”

“Oh my God, Nixon, what kind of question is that!?”

“Would you calm down? It’s a legitimate question.”

“What is it with you and my body today?”

“Nothing, it’s you…you look good…really good, that’s all.”

“Well, thanks. ‘Cause you look like shit! You should really hit the gym,” I tell him and breeze past him with a tray of appetizers that I take outside. He follows behind me and I sit in his chair before he can, but he’s not fazed as he sits on the arm.

“For real?”

“What? This is my chair.”

“No, it’s not. It’s mine.”

“Okay, you two,” Guy chimes in, “Could you try and not fight?”

“Hey…at least they are talking,” Macey adds and I notice Luke looking down, peeling the label from his beer.

“Yeah, we are talking. So Nixon, did you tell them that you are putting in for a transfer?”

“What? Why? You just started, man,” Guy asks and Luke looks at me. I give him a wink. Clearly he’s not the biggest fan of Nixon, and I can’t blame him—I’m not either.

“I didn’t say I was going to put in for a transfer, I said I’d talk to Mack the next time I saw him. But that doesn’t mean I’m transferring.”

“Seriously, that’s how you’re going to play this? You told me a little while ago that you would transfer.”

“No, you heard what you wanted to. My exact words were, ‘I’ll talk to Mack.’”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I’m not doing anything. You’re the one who’s got the issues with me because I did you a favor.”

* * *

The table keeps getting blurrier as I hold the tiny white ping pong ball in my hand. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it into one of the cups or not, but as I bounce it on the wood and it goes in again, I find satisfaction knowing that Nixon is going to have to drink another cup of beer because of me. The final round is down to the two of us. He now has three cups left in front of him and I have six. Macey is sleeping on Guy’s chest on my couch, and Luke is reheating himself something to eat in the kitchen. It’s amazing what the power of alcohol does to make you be able to tolerate time with someone you loathe.

“You know you can give up now,” I tease him.

“No, fuck that. You give up.”

“No way!”

We continue to shoot back and forth, both of us relentless, neither of us backing down, and he hits a few of my cups, while I only make it in one more of his. Luke comes over to me with a plate of food that I eyeball, and he sticks something from it in my mouth. Looking over at Nixon as I take it from his fingers, I can tell he tenses.

Oh my God, he’s fucking jealous.

I smile, chewing, and he shoots his ball, missing my cups. “Give me another bite?” I ask Luke and he sticks a chip covered in dip into my mouth, and as I chew it, I look Nixon in the eye, surprised to see him tense the way he does each time Luke feeds me. I shoot my ball, landing it right in his cup.

“You fucker,” he sneers at me and I wink at him as Luke continues to share his food.

“Let me try some of that,” I tell him, not even sure why I’m trying to make Nixon jealous—maybe so I can hurt him, like he’s done to me. He shoves more food in my direction. Clearly we are all drunk, and I hear the ball hit the table then bounce and hit the floor. I look at it roll away and ask him, “You sure you don’t want to quit?”

He shakes his head, keeping his eyes locked on mine, and I aim for his last cup focusing hard on it, but I miss.

“Hey, Luke, could you grab me another beer, bro?” Nixon asks him, and he nods, walking off. I glance back as he tosses his plate in the trash, then realize Nixon only wanted Luke away from me. He’s got beer right in front of him to drink; he doesn’t need more.

“You wanna forfeit before I shoot this?” I ask again, giving him one last chance.

“What’s in it for me?”

“Nothing!”

“Then I don’t wanna forfeit shit.” He leans over, bracing his weight on the table, his forearms flexing as his body hovers over the cups. He has such an amazing body, and my mind flashes back to him naked and his cock. Luke walks up to him, handing him a beer as I struggle to get my head straight. He takes the beer right as I throw the ball, unfortunately missing.

With a grin from ear to ear, Nixon unleashes a bunch of lucky shots on my remaining cups. My throat burns from all the beer, and I look over at him speechless. Luke gives him a high five, like he’s on his side, and I flip them off. When did these two become all buddy-buddy? Macey wakes from the sound of the two guys’ hands slapping together and asks, “What time is it?”

I look at the clock, squinting my eyes, but it doesn’t help. I can’t read it. “It’s one thirty,” Nixon tells her and Macey asks Luke, “Are you ready to get going, birthday boy?”

“Sure,” he says, looking at me. I can see he doesn’t want to go; he wants to stay. But I’m in no shape for entertaining—I’m too drunk—and with Nixon being back, the feelings I was having for Luke…are fading away. This is all so confusing. I should ask Luke to stay, it’s his birthday after all. My mind is telling me to go with Luke, to give him a chance and see where things would go. He wouldn’t hurt me, that much I know. He is the right choice, the safe choice. But my heart is pulling me in the other direction. Even if I get dragged through the depths of hell, it’s telling me it’ll all be worth it in the end. That’s how strong the bond that Nixon and I shared was.

Luke hugs me for far too long, and as I hold him back, waiting for the spark, that attraction, it doesn’t come and I can see the disappointment in his eye. The three of them leave and I figure Nixon will do the same, but he doesn’t. He’s staring at me as he shuts my door then asks me, “So what, you like him?”

“Who?” I question him, stalling knowing he means Luke, but not sure if I should tell him or not.

“Luke. You like him, or what? He’s clearly into you. I can see he wants to fuck your tight pussy.”

“Oh my God!” I yell at him, my words slurred from so much alcohol. But his words have me clenching my thighs. As much as I don’t want to admit it…they do. I should totally tell him that Luke and I fucked…it would hurt him. But, it won’t help anything, and that’s not the kind of person I am. No matter how bad Nixon hurt me, I won’t stoop to his level. “No way, he’s my friend, end of story.”

“Then, what am I?” he asks, stepping a little too close for my comfort. My face flushes, the control he used to have over me is trying to scratch its way to the surface.

“You’re the asshole who broke my heart.”

“That’s it? That’s all I am?”

“Nixon, I can think of a lot of other words to call you, but I’m exhausted.”

All of a sudden he swoops me off my feet and I gawk at him, wanting to fight him to put me down, but his hands on me feel so good, just the way they used to and I fuckin’ miss it. My body is cradled against his hard chest. Jesus, he got big. “What the fuck are you doing?” I ask while he carries me into my bedroom.

“I’m taking you to bed.”

“No! Let me down.”

“Would you shut the fuck up and stop being such a nag for once? I’m not going to do shit to you.”

I didn’t expect him to respond like that. What am I supposed to say back to him? As my body sways from the motions, he tenderly lays me on top of my bed.

Taking a seat on the edge next to me, he looks down at me. His blue eyes glimmering in the low light of my room. My eyes are heavy as deep blinks take over and I quickly lose focus on him. But I can still feel his hand as he runs his fingers through my hair, the same way he used to. It was my favorite. I hold on to the feeling and cognizance for as long as I can, relishing in his touch again. But my body drifts off to sleep, and as I slip from the awareness of reality he says something…