I ring the doorbell and wait outside of Alexa and Vincent’s house. We’re having dinner tonight and I came prepared with dessert and a bottle of Alexa’s favorite wine. She opens the door and has the biggest smile on her face when she sees me.

“Hey, doll,” she says and wraps me in a big hug.

I walk into their home and notice the smell immediately. Vincent is in the kitchen with his back to us cooking away. “Hey, Vincent,” I say. He turns around and gives me a side hug. He is so brotherly and I love him for that.

“Thank you guys for having me.”

“Of course,” Alexa says. “So tell us what’s new with you.”

I shake my head because the first thing that pops into my mind is Abel. I’m not going to tell them about the BBQ, and I’m sure as hell not telling them about the phone sex. “I’m not here to talk about me. Tell me all about the proposal -- did he get down on one knee, and do you love the ring?”

Her face lights up thinking back on things with Vincent. “Cara, it was perfect, our room was all set up with white rose petals and candles. And yes, you know how he is, of course he got down on one knee.”

I squeal with happiness for my best friend. “Let me see your ring”

She happily shows me the oval cut diamond that I act like I’ve never seen before. “It’s beautiful,” I gush.

“Alright, ladies, let’s eat,” Vincent interrupts us and walks by with a pan of deliciousness.

Both Alexa and I hop up from the kitchen island and go into the dining room.

“So, Cara, have you seen Abel at all lately?” Vincent asks.

I freeze midair with a forkful of food. “Nope. Why do you ask?”

“He has just made it extremely clear lately that he’s interested in you, so I wanted to see how you were handling that battle.”

I laugh and try to think of what to say. “There’s no battle there. I haven’t seen or talked to him in a while. I told you both, I’m over guys like him. I’m not willing to put my heart out there and get it hurt again.”

“Good. I think that's smart of you. Since college, he hasn’t has a steady girlfriend and everything I know about the girls he’s been with since is basically a horror story of a string of hookups that he’s used for sex or whatever else he wanted. Cara, you’re like a sister to me; I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

I smile at Vincent, but on the inside I feel sick. It hurts to hear that Abel only uses women. But it’s all the confirmation I need to know that I’m making the right decision.

“Well, enough about Abel. I want to hear about you two. How is it living together and being engaged? Vincent, have you cracked her bitchy morning attitude yet?”

They look at one another and he drapes his arm over her shoulder. “I’m still working on the whole morning situation. As long as I keep my phone quiet and wake her up with Starbucks, she’s happy.”

I watch my best friend smile from ear to ear. Vincent completes her, he makes her whole, and with him she is truly happy. I’ve never wanted anything more for her than this. She has been through so much hurt and pain in her life; she really deserves her happily ever after. I hope one day I can have mine.

* * *

My fingers fly over the keyboard of my phone as I text Bridgette, Alexa’s spunky little sister. I look at the time and I have ten minutes left of my break before I have to head back to work. She texted me about staying with me after she graduates, and I think it’s a fabulous idea. I’m really excited to have a roommate again and I adore Bridgette, so it’s an ideal situation.

I throw my sandwich wrapper away and run right smack dab into Ben. “Oh my gosh, are you okay?” I ask as coffee spills out the top of his cup and onto his hand.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” he says and licks the coffee off of his skin.

“Listen, I never got a chance to apologize for how my friend acted. Every time I came to talk, you were busy with a patient. I’m really sorry, he had no right to attack you like that. Can you forgive me and I’ll buy you lunch, this time it’ll be my treat?”

He looks at me with a curious expression. “So he’s not your boyfriend?”

“Oh God, no! He’s just a really good friend and can be overprotective.”

“Fine, but you’re not paying. I am.”

I nod my head. “Okay, does Monday work?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.”

I glance at the clock on my phone. “Sorry, I gotta run. See you next week.”

He waves at me and I leave him behind heading back into the ER. Jamie is updating our patient board when I return.

“Alright, girl, I’m back. You can go to lunch,” I say.

“Great, I’m starving. I’ll see you in a bit.”

I smile at her as she walks off. Sitting at my computer, I keep busy checking my e-mail and the status of my orders. Rarely are things this quiet in here, and quite frankly I don’t know if I like the silence. I fill out a few of my charts before I get up to start my rounds.

I walk into room 112 and sitting on the chair next to the bed is a small, elderly woman. She has her head down and looks to be crying. She is tightly gripping the hand of the man lying in the bed. When I look at him I realize his color is gone and he has passed away.

I walk around to her and gently place my hand on her back. She turns to look at me as if she hadn’t noticed I was in the room.

“Hey. Can I get you anything?”

She shakes her head and more tears wash over her eyes. I don’t say anything else; all I can do is just stand there with her. After about ten minutes, I leave her to go and inform all of the proper people. I return to her side with a cup of tea, and she hasn’t moved.

“Here, I brought this for you. It’s important you take care of yourself during a time like this.”

She takes the tea from me. “Thank you, dear,” she says.

“Of course. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“It’s okay, sweetie. Fred and I were together for sixty-five years. I wouldn’t change a day of the time we shared. We knew one day this would happen. This isn’t goodbye; I’ll see him again one day.”

“Wow, sixty-five years. That’s amazing, congratulations.”

“Thank you. Do you have a husband?”

I shake my head.

“Well, why not?”

“I don’t know. I always seem to fall for the wrong guys.”

She smiles at me and sets her tea down. She finally lets go of her husband’s hand and grabs mine. “Don’t worry, dear, it will happen and most likely when you least expect it. Just follow your heart; it’ll never steer you wrong.”

“Thanks for saying that. I hope my day will come.” I continue on my way, so she can spend some time with her husband alone before he is taken away. The rest of my day flies by; things pick up and we do end up getting really busy. Before I know it, I’m debriefing the night crew.

Walking out of the hospital my body feels spent. I’m so tired that I just want to sleep in my car, but I can’t, so I drive home. On the drive, my mind drifts to Abel. I have to admit to myself that I miss him, and I miss him a lot. I find myself wondering why he hasn’t called, but I guess I should be glad he seems to be backing off. It’s better this way, right? After what Vincent told me, I know keeping it platonic is definitely the safest option. Deep down, I repeatedly tell myself that things will not go any further, hoping to control the spiraling feelings inside of me.

The woman tonight told me to follow my heart, and before I know it I’m going against the logic of my mind and doing just that. I pick up my phone and dial Abel’s number. He doesn’t answer. I know I should leave a message, but I don’t.

I pull into the garage and head inside. I can’t wait until Bridgette lives here; coming home every night alone is getting old. I change out of my scrubs and into some pajamas. I really should shower after working all day, but I decide that I’ll do it tomorrow.

I stretch out on the couch and call Abel again. He doesn’t answer, so I call my sister. I haven’t talked to her in what feels like forever. While we talk I tinker around with my iPad and she rambles on about a new guy she’s into and then my battery dies. Shit, I hate cell phones. She was just about to tell me about a date she went on the other night, and then nothing. To add to my annoyance, these stupid phones take at least ten minutes to boot back up. Since I’m feeling lazy and can e-mail her from my iPad, I do and tell her, I’m sorry my phone died. I’ll charge it later or when I head to bed.

Getting comfy on the couch, I flip on the TV to an episode of The Deadliest Catch. As I watch it my eyelids get heavy, and just as I drift off, the doorbell rings causing me to jump. Who the hell is coming here so late? I really wish I had a roommate here during times like this. I look out the peephole. With his head down, I can see it’s Abel. I unlock the door, causing his head jerk up and he looks into my eyes. I can see the worry on his face. He again is covered in soot and looks exhausted.

“Hey, are you okay?” I ask.

“I’m fine. I was worried when you wouldn’t pick up your phone. I’ve been trying to call you for almost an hour.”

I open the door all the way and he walks inside. “I’m sorry. I was on the phone with my sister and then the stupid battery died.”

He is dressed in his cargo pants and Denver Fire t-shirt. It looks like he hasn’t slept for a week. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. We’ve been rotating twenty-hour shifts on a wildfire down south. This is the first time I’ve been back to the city in a week. I can’t wait to shower and eat a good meal, but I wanted to check on you first.”

“Why don’t you shower here and I’ll cook for you?”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I’ll wash your clothes for you if you want.”

“You don’t have to do that. I have a bag in my truck.”

“Perfect. Go get in the shower and I’ll cook. Do you want anything in particular?”

He looks at me with a grin on his face. “Nothing special, kitten. Just food and a lot of it.”

I go into the kitchen and inspect what I have so I can make him a good meal. I realize then I haven’t eaten dinner either. He walks back in with his bag over his shoulder.

“You can use my bathroom; it’s in my room. There are towels under the sink.”

“Thanks,” he says and walks upstairs.

I turn my attention back to the fridge and off of his perfect ass. I decide on making us some Italian subs, and since I have some leftover noodles, I make my version of an antipasto salad.

Just as I cut the sandwiches in half, Abel walks downstairs wearing a clean white t-shirt with his tattoos faintly visible through the fabric and a pair of black shorts.

“Is it okay with you if we eat on the couch?” I ask him.

“Of course. Do you need help with anything?”

“Nope. You sit and relax.”

He flops down on the sofa and I can see the exhaustion on his face. I walk over holding our drinks in my hands and balance the plates on top of the cups. I hand him his and he takes it and then takes mine.

“Are these Italian subs?” he asks.

“Yup, is that okay?”

“Is that okay? These are my all-time favorite. When it’s my turn to cook at the station, I just order Jimmy Johns.”

“Good. Well, I hope you like them.” I cross my legs underneath me and watch Abel as he devours his sandwich. I can barely finish half of mine when his plate is clean.

“Do you want my other half?”

“Sure, if you’re not going to finish it.”

I shake my head and he takes it off of my plate, again devouring it. I finish my antipasto and put my plate on the table in front of us.

“Was it good?” I ask.

“It was the best, way better than Jimmy John’s. Next time I have to cook at the station, you have to come down and make these for the guys. They’ll love them.”

“Okay. I would be happy to.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

He leans over and encloses me in his arms, hugging me tightly to his warm body. “Thank you for the food and the shower.”

“You don’t have to thank me. It’s nice to see you. I’ve missed you.”

He tilts his head to the side and looks from my eyes to my lips. He leans back into the sofa pulling me along with him. I comply and stretch my body along his. Once we’re laid back, he wraps his other arm around me and I rest my cheek on his chest, looking at the colors from his tattoos, as they force their way to the surface through the light fabric. I trace my finger over a heart I can see that says ‘Mom.’ I remember Alexa telling me how Abel and Vincent lost their mom in a tragic car accident about five years ago.

Neither of us speaks and I enjoy the quiet time in his arms. As I rest my hand on his chest, I realize that his nipples are pierced. The pressure from my fingers shows the barbells straining against the fabric. This time, I can’t resist and I lean up lifting his t-shirt so I can see everything that’s underneath.

The detail is exquisite; his tattoos are a beautiful mixture of color and black and gray. Some are pictures while others are script. I can’t stop my hand from touching him. As soon as my fingers press into his hard skin, he freezes. His breathing stops and he is watching my hand.

“Is this okay?” I whisper.

He looks at me letting out the breath he was holding. Nodding his head he reaches up and cups the back of my head. I lean into his touch and let him pull me to him. My face is only inches from his.

“I’m going to kiss you, Cara.”

I don’t speak, I don’t hesitate, instead I move my lips to meet his. The instant our mouths touch, a flame erupts within me. Finally. His lips are soft and warm, a heady combination. He moves them slowly over mine and tightly grips my hair. I moan a little as he sucks on my bottom lip. My hands explore his body, feeling every curve and contour of him. Each bump of his six-pack moves beneath my fingers like ridges of a mountain. I continue exploring him until I get to the waistband of his shorts.

I want to put my hand inside so badly. God, I want him; I need him. I resist and straddle him instead, pressing my body firmly against his. In between my legs his erection is present and large; it makes my mouth go mad. I take over the kiss and am no longer being patient or gentle. I part his lips with my tongue and caress his, really feeling what it’s like to kiss him. It has been so long that we’ve waited for this, and I can’t question him any longer. My mind has insisted it’s wrong, but my heart is screaming this is so right.

His hands are resting on my hips holding my body, and I need more of him. I pull back and look into his eyes. Lying beneath me, his eyelids are heavy. I stare at him as he breathes, taking deep breaths and keeping my body in a vice grip against his.

“Cara, I need you to tell me what you want. I don’t want you to regret any of this.”

“Abel, I want you.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod my head and he flips us over, so I’m now pinned underneath him. He holds his weight off of me, leaning back down to kiss me. This time he is aggressive. He shows no mercy with me and controls the kiss just how he wants it. I slide my hands up his back, under his shirt and rake my fingernails down his back. “Will you take this off?” I ask.

He sits up and removes his t-shirt throwing it across the room. I grab his biceps and pull myself up into him as I remove my shirt. He looks down at my perky breasts and grabs them, feeling and caressing the hardened mounds. He doesn’t waste a second exploring my nipples with his fingers.

“I knew your nipples were pink like your lips. I bet your pussy is just as pink.”

I lift my hips and shimmy down my pants. He helps me take them all the way off, but doesn’t rush what we’re doing. He comes back to kiss me, and boy, does he kiss me. The possession he takes of my mouth is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. His tongue is strong, yet gentle. Everything about him is incredible. His right hand leaves my breast and moves down my rib cage and then across my stomach. Once he reaches my sex, he looks at me with pure lust.

“I need you to tell me what you want.”

“I already told you.”

“Tell me again, Cara. Tell me how much you want me.”

“Please, Abel, I need you. You’re all I think about.”

He dips a finger between my wet pussy lips and stops moving, asking. “How much?”

“Fuck. A lot. Okay? Please don’t make me wait any longer.”

His skilled fingers work magic on my clit, circling and moving in just the right way to make me crazy. Slowly, he glides his finger inside of me and moves it in and out.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so tight. I don’t know if I’ll fit.”

“You’ll fit,” I moan as he slides a second finger inside of me.

“That’s it, stretch for me,” he says. His movements expand my already swollen pussy. With each movement of his hand, I move my hips matching his rhythm. He moves down the couch so he is kneeling between my legs. With his fingers still inside of me, he nestles his mouth around my clit. The feeling of both sensations combined makes me want to come. He pulls his mouth away and watches his fingers move in and out of me.

I lean up on my elbows and look at him as he kisses the inside of my thigh. Pulling his fingers out, he lies back on top of me and looks deep into my eyes.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

I nod my head.

“Do you have any condoms?”

“No! Do you?”

He shakes his head.

“Damn it, Abel! You’re the one with a penis. How do you not have a condom?”

He scratches his head. “I don’t know. I always use them, but when I met you I threw them all out. I thought that we would never get to do this, and I haven’t wanted anybody else. You made it pretty clear that you’d put me in the friend zone.”

“Damn it,” I snap and throw myself back into the couch.

He leans over me and asks, “Are you on birth control?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, then we don’t need one,” he says and kisses my neck. He continues in between kisses, “Plus, I want to feel your pussy without anything separating us.”

I nod my head, because it’s true -- I am on the pill and I want him, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I watch as he stands to remove his shorts. Holy shit, he is right; I don’t know if he will fit inside of me. I sit up to get a better look at him. He moves closer to me and I love that his thighs are tattooed. I don’t waste a second grabbing him and jerking his cock up and down. As a small drop of cum escapes the tip, I lick it up before it drips off.

“Fuck, I didn’t expect that,” he murmurs.

“You have no idea. Watch this.”

I slide his massive cock into my mouth and am pissed that it won’t go all the way down. I don’t have a gag reflex, but his length and my throat just don’t match. I move up and down as far as I can. My eyes are closed and I love every minute of finally being able to do this with him.

“Damn, kitten, you’re about to make me come.”

I stop and look up at him. His brows are creased and he looks exhausted.

“Sit down,” I say and pat the couch next to me.

He does so and I climb on top of him. He reaches between us and guides his dick inside of me as I lower my body onto him. He fits. He’s huge and it’s tight, but fuck, it feels so good. Once he’s buried as far in me as he can go I wrap my arms around his neck.

Facing him, I move up, all the while his hands explore my body helping to lead me. I can’t help but moan and make noises; I’ve never felt anything like this before. Looking into my eyes, he pulls me to him. My lips hit his and we get lost kissing and fucking each other. Abel makes the sexiest noise as we fuck. It’s a low, deep moan and I know he’s enjoying what we’re doing.

I slam my body harder on him, but it’s not enough. I need more; I want to feel all of him.

“Harder,” I demand.

He stops and lifts me off of him. Turning me around he directs me to kneel on the couch. “You like it rough, Cara? Bend over and I’ll give it to you harder.”

I bend over. Now on all fours with him behind me, slowly he fills me, and then pulls back out. He keeps the rhythm steady and I want more. I clench my pussy muscles tightly around him and he stops.

“Don’t do that, or I’ll come, baby.”

“Then fuck me hard, Abel.”

He reaches for my breasts, pulling me up, my back against his chest. I’m still kneeling on the couch and he has my body pressed against his. He begins to move and I wrap my arms around his neck behind me, pulling his mouth to mine. Finally turning away I try not to come. Every move he makes pushes me millimeters away from shattering.

“You like it when I fuck you rough?”

I mumble and cry again, calling his name trying to hold onto my release. “Fuck,” I scream and let go. Abel’s moans turn to grunts as he pounds me so hard he almost lifts me off the couch. Letting go, he comes inside of me and is relentless in his release.

Finally slowing his movements, his mouth finds my body, kissing everywhere he can touch. I run my fingers through his hair, and love that he is letting it grow.

“Fuck, Cara, that was so good.”

“Mhh,” is the only thing I can get out. Abel pulls out of me and I turn to kiss him before heading into the bathroom. When I come out, he is dressed and has his bag on his shoulder.

“Where are you going?” I demand.

“Home. I’m beat, kitten, and I need to sleep.”

I shake my head and open the front door. Damn it, he used me, just like Vincent told me he would. I wave my hand in the direction of outside, so he knows I want him to leave. His mouth is in a thin, straight line as he walks up to me grabbing me by my waist.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just go. Vincent told me you would do this and I was dumb enough to let it happen.”

“Vincent told you I would do what?”

“That you would use me like you have every other woman. Please just leave, Abel. This was a mistake.”

He slams the door and drops his bag to the floor. Stepping closer, he is inches away from my face. His brow is furrowed and I can tell he is pissed.

“What we did tonight was not a mistake. Why would you even say that?”

“Abel, I’m not going to be another girl you can just use. I have needs too and if you can’t give me what I need, then I’ll find someone who can.”

“What else do you want? If you want me to fuck you again, I will.”

I shake my head as tears well up in my eyes, “Please just go.”

He grabs my face and forces me to look into his hazel eyes. I can see genuine concern within them. “I’m not leaving. Tell me what you need. I’ll do anything.”

I feel foolish for saying the words, but I want to sleep in his arms. “Stay the night with me?”

He nods his head and locks the front door. Taking my hand he leads me upstairs and to my bedroom. “Are you sure you want to stay?”

“Yes, Cara, I am.”

He takes his shirt off and I get undressed. I always sleep naked and he has seen all of me, so I’m not embarrassed. I get into bed and lift the covers for him. He seems to hesitate and then slides in. I nestle myself in the crook of his arm and enjoy having him here. I never thought in a million years we would be in this place and now that we finally are, I feel so complete.

"I'm sorry if you thought I was leaving because of you. I haven't stayed with a woman in over a decade. Sex has always been a means to an end; we took our pleasure and parted ways. I don't know how to do this. Honestly, my instinct to leave was out of habit, not because I’m done with you. I’m far from done with you."

"I'm not done with you either, Abel."

He rests his hand on the side of my hip and kisses the top of my head. Neither of us speaks again and I listen as his breathing slows. I look up at his eyes and I can tell he is asleep. I rest my chin on his chest and watch him, sleeping peacefully. I lean up and turn the lamp off on my nightstand kissing his lips one more time. I nestle down, getting comfy in his arms and quickly drift off.