Twenty-one

Jake kept an arm around Randy’s shoulders as he led her into the new horse barn. “You haven’t even been in here since it was built,” he told her. “I was afraid it would bring back bad memories from the night of the fire.” He stopped and looked down at her. “Do you want to see it?”

I see what’s in your eyes, Randy thought. Stay out of your own bad memories, Jake. “Yes,” she answered, not really sure of her emotions. She remembered the fire, remembered the horrible orange glow of it against the night sky, remembered seeing the shadow of a man run across her veranda and thinking it was one of the ranch hands…until Brad Buckley and those with him burst in from both the back and the front of the house. She remembered fighting them, remembered Ben and her grandsons trying to stop them, only to get beaten off.

She stopped at the entrance. “I think one of the worst memories is of how the boys tried so hard to stop those men…seeing them hit the boys…seeing the awful, helpless look in the boys’ eyes. I felt so sorry for them.”

“That’s why we let them come and help us rescue you. It helped them feel better about the whole thing.” Jake paused and pulled her close. “They saw me do some pretty awful things that day. I’ve talked with them about it.” He crushed her even closer. “Damn it, Randy, I don’t want them to end up like me. I hope they understand that. Everything is different now. A man can’t deal his own justice anymore.”

Randy hugged him around the middle, being careful of his wounded side. “Jake, they were raised entirely different from you. They know love and they know the Christian faith and they know right from wrong. They’ll be fine.” She leaned back and looked up at him. “And I’m glad you’re putting that money into Lloyd and Evie’s accounts, and some to Ben; but you do deserve it, Jake. How many men survive what you have survived in your lifetime? You’ve come so far. Everyone has forgiven you—even the law has forgiven you. You just need to forgive yourself.”

He shook his head. “Think what you want. I just can’t quite accept any of it. An ex-outlaw accepting a reward for bringing down men no different than he was just doesn’t seem right.” He led her farther inside the barn, where Rodriguez was raking out a stall. “Amigo,” Jake called to him. “Can you go do something else for a while?”

Rodriguez set the rake aside. “Sí, señor.” He smiled and nodded to Randy. “Señora, it is good to see you out here. It is a beautiful barn, no?”

Randy looked up at the two-story-high rafters, lofts running along both sides of the barn, everything held by huge pine beams. The building was at least twice the size of the one that had burned. “Yes, it is!” She looked up at Jake. “How many stalls are there?”

“Twelve on each side,” Jake told her. “We keep only the best riding and cutting horses in here, but we have some stalls to fill yet after losing so many horses in the fire. Lloyd will be looking to buy more when he drives the cattle to Denver.”

Rodriguez nodded to them and left, and Randy looked up at Jake again. “Jake, you aren’t going to Denver, are you? I think you should wait a year.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going.” He led her past his own horse’s stall, and Outlaw whinnied and tossed his head. Jake reached out and petted the horse’s neck. “You’re glad to see Randy in here too, aren’t you, Outlaw?”

The horse nodded and shuddered.

Randy smiled and stroked the big animal’s black mane. “Seems like every animal around here is called Outlaw.”

“Thanks to the kids,” Jake told her. “I know that damn rooster in the henhouse sure earned the name.”

They laughed, and Jake took her arm and led her to another stall, one that had a name engraved on the gate. pepper.

“We figured we should commemorate Pepper in the new barn, so we had his name engraved on this stall. We’ll never use it for a horse. We put Pepper’s saddle, bedroll, and gear in the stall.”

“Oh, Jake!” Randy put a hand to her mouth. “Poor Pepper! He was such a loyal hand.”

“Yes, he was. I kept trying to go in and get him, but the fire was just too hot and burned too fast.” He turned away for a moment, sighing deeply. “Jesus, Randy, we should have known. We should have known.”

“You couldn’t have. When you hear your best horses whinnying in terror because they’re being burned alive, how can you think of anything else but trying to save them?” She touched his back. “It’s all right, Jake. We worked things out last night, and I’ve made up my mind that it’s over and I have to move on, just like Evie had to do. She told me once that part of the reason she managed to do that was for Brian. She had the best husband a woman could ask for, and he was so patient with her for so long. She realized she was punishing her own husband in a way, for something he didn’t even do. She was letting those awful men destroy something beautiful, and Brian didn’t deserve that. I thought about that after we talked, back in Boulder, and I realized I was doing the same thing to you. Our relationship was never so strained. I was missing how it used to be, just like you were. And last night…you have no idea what that meant to me.”

Jake turned around and pulled her close again, running his hands into her hair, which she’d left long this morning. For him? She knew he liked her hair down. “It wasn’t exactly a sacrifice on my part, Mrs. Harkner.”

She laughed lightly and kissed his chest.

He pulled lightly at her hair so she had to look up at him. “My God, Randy, do I dare believe I have you back? Two or three days ago, you couldn’t have joked about that.”

“I know. But when you actually listened to me and understood…” She felt the blood coming into her cheeks then. How ridiculous was it to feel embarrassed in front of the man she’d been intimate with for over thirty years? She laughed and put her face against his chest. “My God, Jake, it was like being with you for the first time. And at the moment, I am totally embarrassed.”

He kissed her hair. “Why? This is Jake—your husband—remember? And last night was beautiful. And everything we do is up to you, understand? I love you for the incredible woman you are, and I love making love to that woman. That’s all I need or will ever need from you.” He grasped her face and leaned down to kiss her gently. “You’re the air I breathe, Randy Harkner. These last few months have been the loneliest I’ve ever experienced, even though I was with you night and day. I never want it to be like that between us again.”

Randy searched his dark eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jake.”

He put fingers to her lips. “Don’t say that. Just stay with me this way. We’ll take it a day at a time, and whenever you need something I don’t seem to understand, you tell me, all right?”

“You have to promise to do the same.”

Jake grinned. “I don’t generally leave any doubt about what I need or want.”

Randy laughed. “I have to agree with you there.”

“Yeah? Then what if I told you I’d like to take you up in the loft and make love to you the old-fashioned way?”

“I’d say no, because those Pinkerton men are still here and we really should go visit with them.”

Jake frowned. “Boring. I like my idea better. I’ve never felt closer to you.” He nuzzled her neck. “And I’ve learned something new and sexy about you.”

“Jake Harkner, we are not going into that loft. You will have to save that for tonight. Right now, we are going back to the house.” She ducked from under his arms, but Jake caught her and held her gaze as he gently gripped her.

“You really okay now?” he asked her. “Tell the truth. That’s what you always ask of me, Randy.”

She put a hand over his. “I’m really okay.”

“And who do you belong to?”

“Jake Harkner.”

“Has anyone else ever touched you?”

“Just my first husband, and that was thirty-four years ago, before he went off to war never to return. And we were kids. Then along came Jake Harkner, who saved me from dying and who has loved me better than any man on earth could love me. There will never be another Jake Harkner in my life.”

Jake searched her eyes. “Remember that when a bad memory tries to destroy what we have, Randy. Open your eyes and look at me and remember I’m the one touching you. Don’t slip away from me again, baby.”

“I won’t.” Randy studied him in a shaft of sunlight. “As long as I have you and as long as you understand, I can handle it.”

He smiled sadly. “Nobody understands better than me what it’s like to battle bad memories, so you talk to me when you need to talk about it. You’ve always told me that, so I’m telling you the same thing.”

Randy’s eyes teared. “All I have to do is open my eyes and see you, and it all goes away.” She came closer again and leaned up to capture his mouth with her own. “You’re a beautiful man, and the best lover a woman could ask for.”

Jake grinned. “This isn’t the way to talk me out of throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you up to that loft, Mrs. Harkner.”

Randy ducked away again. “We have company, Mr. Harkner.” She backed away. “We will finish this tonight.”

Jake folded his arms. “Save your energy.”

Randy laughed lightly and hurried out. Jake watched after her as he lit a cigarette. He had his wife back, all right, and seemingly better than ever. He thought he knew everything about her…had her all figured out. He took a deep drag on the cigarette. “Women,” he mused, shaking his head before following her out of the barn.