Fifty-three

Another week passed.

Nothing.

Late August moved into mid-September.

Nothing.

Peter drank some of the coffee Randy had just poured for him. He watched her stack some dishes and pump water into the kitchen sink.

Busy. Always busy. She was constantly cleaning or cooking or trimming her roses or sewing or reading to Tricia and Sadie Mae. He knew it was all a facade—stay busy, don’t think about the very real possibility that Jake Harkner was never coming back. Don’t allow herself to believe that for one minute, or she’d fall apart and never recover.

Ben left for chores, and Peter decided to take this rare moment alone with her to settle what needed settling. “Randy, sit down, will you?”

She stopped what she was doing and just stood at the sink a moment. “You’re leaving.”

“Honey, I have to. I have a wife and a lot of work waiting for me in Chicago. Jeff has to go too. His wife could deliver at any time, and he’s praying he’s not already too late. We’ve done all we can possibly do to find out…what happened.”

“To find out if Jake is really dead,” she said rather coldly.

Peter sighed and rose. He walked up to her and grasped her arm, turning her. “Randy, look at me.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Your eyes will tell me the truth, and I don’t want to hear it.”

“My darling Randy, I am not going to make you admit Jake isn’t coming back. I just want you to prepare yourself…to face the fact that Jeff and I and most everyone else believe the worst, but I’m not saying you have to give up hope. Please look at me.”

Randy finally looked up at him. He studied the gray-green eyes that had always fascinated him. Her exotic eyes were part of her beauty. He had no doubt they were part of the reason Jake had fallen for her. A man could get lost in those eyes. “Please tell me you’ll write, and that you’ll send for me or come to me in Chicago if you truly need me. I’ll go crazy with worry over you.”

“Peter, I have a whole great big family to fall back on.”

He shook his head. “That’s not the same, and you know it. Randy. I have big shoulders. You can cry on my shoulder any time you need to.”

Randy put a hand on his chest. “You have a wife, Peter.”

“And she knows all about our friendship—and that’s what it is. God knows when I was still single I longed for much more, but I knew better than to consider such a thing. Even so, I intend to remain a damn good friend, and I will always care about you. There is no changing that, and Treena knows it. And if you reach a point where it might help you get over this, you come to Chicago. Treena will welcome you with open arms, and Lord knows she can take you to all the best places a woman would want to see—the best shopping, stage performances, museums, you name it.”

Randy shook her head. “You truly are my best friend, Peter Brown, but it wouldn’t do any good for me to leave this place that Jake and I love so. I could go away for a year, but when I came home, all the familiar things around me would just hit me even harder. Leaving won’t change anything, Peter. It won’t take away the memories. It won’t heal the hurt. Only time can do that, and I’m not sure what’s left of my lifetime will be long enough.”

He put a hand to the side of her face. “Then promise me you will take the comfort of your children and grandchildren and remember they need you. And not for my sake, but for Jake’s, because he’d want that. He’d want you to eat right and take care of yourself. Promise me you will do that, if not for me, then for Jake, whether he ever comes back or not.”

Randy grasped his hand and kissed his palm. “I promise.” She withered a little, leaning forward to put her head on his shoulder. “Jake Harkner is the toughest, most resilient man I’ve ever known, and that’s why I cling to the hope he’s still alive. God knows what he’s suffering right now, but one thing I’m sure of is that he’ll do anything it takes to get home…to the J&L…to his children and grandchildren…and to me. He’ll do everything in his power to keep his promise that he’d come back. That’s all that keeps me going.”

Peter wrapped her in his arms. “And how long will you cling to that hope before facing the truth?”

Her eyes teared. “As long as necessary…until I know I can handle the worst. Right now, I can’t. And I feel him with me, Peter. I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel him with me. And I actually think he wouldn’t mind you holding me.”

Peter grinned. “I’m not so sure about that, although he did tell me once, when I took you away for that surgery, that you needed holding. I think the permission he gave me was only for then. If he walked in here right now, it might be a whole different story.”

Randy smiled through her tears. “Maybe. You know Jake.”

“Oh, my dear, I know him all too well.” He rocked her in his arms. “And I want him to come back as badly as you do, because I know what this is doing to you, and your happiness is all that matters to me. If I thought for one minute that wild ex-outlaw ever once abused you, things might be different. But I know he’s never treated you with anything but adoration. Anyone can see it in his eyes, and sometimes the look in those eyes can be pretty intimidating, but never when he looks at you.”

Randy straightened and kissed his cheek. “Peter, you are a good friend, and I’m so glad you came when you did. God meant for you to be here for me. Having you to talk to has helped me so much. And thank you for the invitation to come to Chicago, but I wouldn’t fit in there. As sweet and accommodating as I know Treena would be, I would still feel out of place. I’ve lived out here in the Wild West too long to feel comfortable in a big city. And it wouldn’t be fair to Treena, no matter how accepting she might be.” She pulled away but kept hold of his hand. “I’m sure she misses you terribly. You go home to her, Peter. I promise I’ll be all right. And I promise to write and tell you every single thing that’s happening. But I can’t promise I’ll ever accept that Jake isn’t coming home.”

But he hasn’t written or sent any kind of message. Surely if he was still alive he’d let you know. Peter couldn’t bring himself to say the words she didn’t want to hear. If he was alive but hadn’t written, he could be wounded so badly he would never recover, or maybe he was rotting away in prison. “Then I can only pray very, very hard that I’ll get a letter telling me Jake came home,” he told her, squeezing her hand reassuringly. “I have always wanted to hate the man but never could. I wouldn’t have minded landing a fist into him a time or two, but God knows what I’d get in return would have put me in the hospital.”

Randy smiled and shook her head. “No. He’d probably just get up and say he deserved it. Jake is very fond of you. He respects you, and he appreciates the things you’ve done for him and this family.”

Peter studied her lovingly. “No man could have fallen into better luck, considering his condition when he met you, than Jake Harkner did. You’re a fine woman, Randy Harkner. Be proud of what you did for that man, and for the kind of mother and grandmother you are. If I had ever enjoyed the privilege of loving you as a wife, I would have considered it a great honor. But I know that even if Jake is no longer alive, it wouldn’t matter. You will remain married to a memory and unable to love any other man that way. But I feel damn lucky to have been able to remain your friend. You remember that I’m here for you. Don’t ever, ever hesitate to ask me for anything you need, understand?”

A tear slipped down Randy’s cheek. “I do. And if things had worked out differently, I would have considered it an honor to be your wife. But that never once entered my mind, Peter. I couldn’t let it. Since I was twenty years old, only one man has consumed my heart and soul, and if he never comes back, that won’t change. Thank you for being so good to me…to all of us. You and my son-in-law Brian are two of the finest, most patient, most genteel men I have ever known. You’re both honorable and truly good men.” She let go of his hand. “You’d better go now. Come to supper tonight, will you? You and Jeff both.”

“We will. And I think it’s best we leave plenty early tomorrow.”

Randy wiped at tears with a shaking hand. “Yes. Take some of my homemade biscuits with you. And do give Treena my love.”

Peter struggled against his urge to cry. God, how he loved her! Yet there was nothing he wanted more now than to learn Jake Harkner was still alive…that he’d come home. As much as he loved this woman he could never have, he loved the thought of her true happiness even more, and there was only one thing that would give her that. He sighed deeply and turned, squeezing her hand once more before letting go. He walked to the door and hesitated. “This isn’t goodbye, Randy. I hate goodbyes. I want to always stay in touch and maybe bring Treena out here again. She loved that last visit. Would that be all right?”

“Of course it would.”

“I mean…even if Jake doesn’t make it back?”

Randy wiped at more tears. “Yes. Even if he doesn’t make it back. He would want that. He’s never quite gotten over Treena calling him magnificent. We joke about it… I mean, we used to joke about it often. The men ribbed him something awful about that.”

Peter grinned and nodded, then turned away again. “God bless you, Randy Harkner.”

“And God bless you, Peter Brown.”

He walked out. He could hear her crying, but he didn’t dare go back inside. Damned if he didn’t feel someone watching…someone big and tall and strong and intimidating and possessive. No one would ever touch Jake Harkner’s woman. He owned her, even in death.