Forty

Sometime in the night they made love again, gently, desperately, adoringly, deeply. But all too soon, morning brought reality. Jake was up first, after kissing Randy and handing her a peppermint stick.

“Oh, Jake! I don’t want it to be morning.”

“Thank you for last night. I hurt you, didn’t I?”

“It’s all right. I wanted it that way.” She rolled onto her back. “I want to always remember.”

He put the peppermint stick into her hand. “Do you know how beautiful you are in the morning?”

“Oh my goodness, after what we did last night, I must be a complete mess.”

He kissed her eyes. “A mess with big, gray-green eyes and long, golden hair.” He squeezed her hand around the peppermint stick. “Lay this on the stand beside the bed. I want to see it still there when I get back. I’m okay, Randy. I know what I have to do when I get to Brownsville, and after that, I’ll get that girl out of Mexico.”

Randy took the candy and leaned up to kiss him. “Jake, what will you do? I’m scared for you.”

He got up from the bed. “I have to do this on my own.” He walked into the washroom. “You rest right there while I clean up. I have to hurry up and get downstairs before any of the kids get here. If I know Evie and Lloyd, they’ll be up early, wanting to see me off, and every kid on this ranch will come with them. I have guns lying on the kitchen table, and I need to load some of them.”

He went into the washroom and closed the door. Randy sat up, kissing the peppermint stick and laying it on the night stand. It would be like all the times he’d ridden into danger when he was a marshal, only this time, Lloyd wouldn’t be with him, and he would be so far, far away.

Everything went fast after that. Too fast. Jake washed and dressed and Randy hurried behind. She brushed her shoulder-length hair and pinned it back at the sides, then hurriedly dressed, leaving off most of her petticoats. She chose a yellow-checkered dress because Jake loved the color and loved the neckline. It was a simple dress but fit well. He loved dresses that showed off her shape.

Be strong, Randy, she told herself. Be strong for him so it won’t be so hard for him to leave. She hurried down the stairs and put a kettle of coffee on the coal cooking stove and lit a fire under it. She didn’t want to look, but she had to. She’d deliberately avoided seeing what she didn’t want to see when she first came down the stairs, keeping herself busy with the coffee and setting out some bread.

Finally, she had no choice. Already her husband was strapping on his famous .44s. He wore denim pants, the blue shirt she loved, and a brown leather vest, looking both incredibly handsome and incredibly dangerous at the same time.

He shoved another handgun into the back of his gun belt. Every loop in that belt had a cartridge in it. Another belt of cartridges lay on the kitchen table. He would take that along and likely wear it over his shoulder when he reached Mexico. A repeating rifle and a shotgun lay on the kitchen table. He packed more cartridges and some shotgun slugs into a saddlebag and set everything, including a duffel bag of clothes, near the door. Then he took his black Stetson down from where it hung on the wall and set it with his gear.

“Tricia and Sadie Mae will be afraid of you, looking like you do right now,” Randy told him. “They’ve never seen you quite so decked out with guns, and they’ve certainly never seen your dark side.”

“They won’t be afraid. They know their grandpa.”

Someone knocked. “Mother, are you decent?”

Randy looked at Jake and smiled. “Am I?”

He walked up to her and leaned down to plant a long kiss on her mouth. “No. You’re the most indecent woman I’ve ever known.”

“You did that to me. I used to be decent.”

He kissed her once more and went to the door, opening it to see Evie, Brian, Little Jake, and Sadie Mae standing there, Evie holding the baby. Her eyes widened.

“Daddy, you look mean and angry, just like you used to look before leaving on another mission back in Oklahoma. You’d better smile for Sadie Mae, or she might run away.”

Sadie Mae stood there, staring. “Are you Grampa?”

Jake smiled sadly, reaching down and picking her up in his arms. “Yes, I’m Grampa.” He looked past Evie to see Katie and Lloyd coming with Stephen, Ben, Tricia, and Donavan. Gretta and Sam walked behind them. He turned with Sadie Mae still in his arms. “Here comes the gang,” he told Randy. He turned and handed Sadie Mae to Brian. “Take good care of my girls,” he told his son-in-law. “The little ones and the big one standing beside you.”

Brian moved an arm around Evie. “You bet I will.” He held Jake’s gaze. “You just make sure you make it back here, Jake. I’m not sure how I’ll handle this woman if her father doesn’t come back home. You’re the light of her life. You remember that.”

Jake looked past them at Lloyd, whose eyes betrayed his devastation. They all came inside, Katie looking radiant.

Jake leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Katie, I swear you’re more beautiful when you’re carrying than when you’re not. Trouble is, I can hardly remember when you weren’t carrying.” He cast Lloyd a chiding look as most of the others laughed at the remark. “If you weren’t so damn busy making babies, you’d be able to go with me.”

“Well, that’s what she gets for being so beautiful.”

More laughter…all nervous…all thinking the same thing. Was this the last time they would see their father and grandfather alive?

“For someone who’s trying to get away from his outlaw past, you sure look like one right now,” Lloyd told Jake. “You going to war?”

Jake limped a little as he walked back to the table. “Could be.”

“That hip giving you problems again?” Lloyd asked.

“Off and on.”

“Too much activity last night?”

Jake grinned as he took a cigarette from a tin on the table. “Possibly.”

“Don’t you say another word,” Randy warned. She set a basket of warm biscuits on the table. Evie had brought them from home. “Sit down and eat something, Jake. And you shouldn’t be riding a horse at all today. You’re obviously in pain. You didn’t seem to be sore earlier this morning.”

“I try to hide it, but right now I can’t.” Jake took a long drag on the cigarette and did not sit down. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll go away again. And just give me coffee.”

“You have a long ride ahead of you, Jake Harkner,” Randy scolded. “Eat something.”

Jake kept the cigarette between his lips as he grabbed a biscuit and coffee and walked over to the fireplace. Little Jake followed.

“Mom told me what you’re doin’, Grampa. You could take me and Ben and Stephen with you. We know how to use guns now, and we helped you get Grandma back last winter.”

Jake set the biscuit and cup of coffee on the fireplace mantel and took the cigarette from his lips. He put a hand on Little Jake’s shoulder. “Little Jake, I am grateful for your offer, and by God, I don’t doubt all three of you would be a big help. But this is something I have to do alone, for reasons no one in this room understands. And I’ll feel a whole lot better knowing you three are right here watching after your grandmother, Evie, and Katie while I’m gone, especially the times when Lloyd and the men have to leave for other things. I know the ladies and your little sister and Sadie Mae and the babies will be in good hands.”

Little Jake straightened, puffing out his chest a little. Jake scrutinized him closer. He was growing fast, and the boy was exceedingly handsome. He’d be a lady-killer someday. “Little Jake, I believe you’ll soon be so big we’ll have to stop calling you Little Jake. You’re clear up past my elbow. I swear you’ve grown a good three inches just since last winter.”

“Sure I have! I’m gonna be tall like you and Uncle Lloyd!”

Jake reached over and drank some coffee. “I think you will be.” He glanced at Gretta as she walked closer, looking him over.

“If I didn’t know you, you’d scare the hell out of me right now. I’m thinking maybe you really can take on all those men down there.” She shook her head, lowering her voice. “If you weren’t so happily married, by God, I’d give you a hell of a send-off.”

Jake grinned. “My wife already did, which is why my hip is giving me a time this morning.”

Gretta let out a bawdy laugh. “You’re something else, Jake Harkner. A person is damn lucky when they can call you a friend.” She sobered then, her eyes tearing. “I don’t know what to say, except if God listens to somebody like me, you’ll be okay, because I’ll be praying for you. And something tells me he does listen to that beautiful daughter of yours.”

Jake drank some more coffee and took his cigarette from where he’d left it on the fireplace mantel. “I’m sure He does, Gretta.”

Gretta wiped at a tear. “Damn it! I don’t usually cry so damn easy.”

Jake reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “I’ll get your daughter back or die trying, Gretta. That’s a promise.”

Gretta moved her arms around his middle for a quick hug. “Don’t talk about dying, Jake. Just get my Annie out of there.”

Jake hugged her in return, then left her and limped over to the door, where his rifle and shotgun sat propped. “I’m going to get Cole,” he announced. “There’s no time to waste.”

“Jake, give us a little more time!” Randy chided. “We should all eat something first.”

Jake shook his head. “It’s hard enough leaving all of you. There’s no sense dragging this out.”

He put on his Stetson and picked up the long guns and his duffel, then grabbed a sheepskin-lined corduroy jacket from a nearby coat stand and walked outside.

“Damn him,” Lloyd swore under his breath. He hurried out, and the whole family followed as Rodriguez helped Jake tie everything onto Outlaw. The horse and packhorse were ready to go, and Cole was already mounted and waiting. He nodded to Jake. “I’m ready if you are, boss.”

“Daddy, you promised to wait and let me pray first,” Evie told him.

Jake shoved the shotgun and rifle into leather straps on Outlaw. “You’ve done enough praying for me, Evie. I imagine the Good Lord is getting tired of hearing it. He’s probably up there somewhere shaking His head and telling you to give it up, because there is no hope for your father.”

“Daddy!”

Jake turned, taking the cigarette from his mouth and stepping it out. He sighed and walked up to his daughter, wrapping her in his arms. “A man couldn’t be more blessed with children than I am with you and Lloyd, Evie. I’m sorry when I get like this. It’s just how I am.”

Evie leaned up and kissed his cheek. “You let all the kids hug you before you go. They deserve that much. And maybe it will remind you of all the reasons you have to come back home.”

Jake pressed his hands to either side of her face and kissed her forehead. “You have no idea how many times I’ve thanked God for that husband of yours, Evie.” He glanced at Brian and reached out to shake his hand. “It’s a good feeling to know my daughter is so loved, Brian. Not many men could handle what you’ve been through. And thanks for Little Jake and Sadie Mae and my sweet baby girl, Esther.”

There came a round of hugs from every last one of them, Ben looking devastated for fear the man he’d called Father for the last five years wouldn’t make it back home.

“You’re the man of the house now, Ben. I know you’re up for it.”

Ben struggled to hide his tears. “I’ll take good care of Mom.”

“I know you will.” Jake looked at Lloyd. “And so will this guy.”

“Pa, this is killing me,” Lloyd protested. “I don’t feel good about any of it. I should be with you.”

“You should be right here with a great big family that needs you.” Father and son embraced. “After last summer, I just thank God you’re even alive,” Jake told him. “You’ve had my back long enough, Lloyd. This one’s on me, and don’t you feel bad about it. No man could be more proud of his son than I am of you.”

Randy came last. He pulled her into his arms and held her close while the rest of them held hands. Evie reached out for Gretta. Surprised, Gretta took her hand. Jake kept holding Randy, rocking her in his arms while Evie prayed.

“Heavenly Father, we don’t always understand Your choices, but we believe everything happens by Your will and Your will alone. So please keep my father and Cole safe, and let them bring Gretta’s daughter back unharmed. Bless my father in whatever he might face from his past, and please help him understand that his ability with his guns is a blessing, not a curse. Help him understand that what he has is a gift from You, and that he is Your instrument—sometimes Your Avenging Angel—and that’s okay.”

Randy broke down and wept.

“We are all leaving Him in Your hands,” Evie continued. “Whatever happens is Your decision, Lord. But we hope Your plans are to bring Jake Harkner back home, with Cole and Annie in tow. You’ve brought him through things no man should suffer and most wouldn’t survive. We beg You to do so again. Amen.”

Randy clung to Jake, not wanting to let go.

“Baby, the sooner I go, the sooner I’ll be back.” Jake kissed her hair and grasped her arms, gently pulling them from around him. “Look up here, woman.”

Tears ran down her cheeks as Randy met his gaze.

“Of all the reasons to come back, you’re the most important one, understand?” Jake told her. “You keep that peppermint stick right where you put it. We’ll damn well need it when I get back. And don’t forget the pillow.”

Randy couldn’t speak.

Jake leaned down and kissed her hair, her eyes, her lips, her tears. He turned to Rodriguez. “Did you pack everything I told you to pack?”

“Sí, amigo. And your daughter, she gave me a Bible to give to the girl if you find her. She say it will comfort the girl and help her to trust you.”

Jake glanced at Evie, who just smiled and nodded. Only Evie would have thought to give Annie a Bible. It was a good idea. He nodded a thanks to his daughter before turning back to Rodriguez.

“¿Te recordaré de las cosas que le pedi a Gretta que te diera?”

“Sí, jefe, estan empacadas,” Rodriguez replied, assuring Jake everything was properly packed and nothing left out.

“Gracias, amigo.” Jake walked up to Outlaw and grimaced as he mounted up.

Cole took the reins to the packhorse and turned his horse, walking the horse slowly as he left and waited for Jake to catch up.

“One of you take Annie straight to Loretta,” Gretta told him. “Her full name and address are packed with the clothes I gave you. I don’t want that girl to know anything about me.”

Jake nodded. “I understand, but your daughter ought to know how much she’s loved by her real mother.”

Gretta shook her head. “It’s better this way. Just bring her home, Jake.” She met his gaze. “God go with you.”

Jake adjusted his hat. “That’s up to Him. It’s your daughter who needs His blessings, not me.”

Outlaw snorted and tossed his head, a big, strong, black horse that seemed made just for a man like Jake Harkner. The horse turned nervously in a circle. Jake scanned his family. He would never get over the fact that they all came from his blood. How could that be possible?

He looked at Randy. She’d made it all possible. “Lo nuestro será eterno, Randy… Esta tierra es eterno… Tu y yo estaremos unidos eternamente. Tu eres mi vida, mi querida esposa.”

He turned Outlaw and kicked the horse into a gentle lope.

Randy watched him ride off, as she’d done too many times before. “Que Dios te acompane, mi amor,” she whispered. She’d learned enough of the beautiful words of love he’d taught her to know how to tell him God be with you, my beloved. She turned and hurried into the house. She couldn’t watch him disappear over the distant rise. She made right for his chair, which was where she knew she’d sleep with his pillow until he returned. She couldn’t bear lying alone in their big bed upstairs. She curled up into the chair and studied the family picture above the fireplace. There sat Jake, in the center of it all, surrounded by his beautiful children and grandchildren. There was the man she’d met all those years ago in a supply store—bearded, angry, wild, dangerous, notorious…a wanted man who never once in his life had known love. She thought about his remark to Lloyd, the one that worried her most of all. In a way, I’ve always been alone.

It was then she noticed it on the fireplace mantel…a half-finished cup of coffee…and his uneaten biscuit.