Eleven

Constance came into Jake’s room and leaned close to him, speaking softly. “Your son is here, Mr. Harkner. I told him to wait outside because your wife is sleeping. Are you able to walk outside to talk with him?”

Jake moved to the edge of the bed and sat up. “Of course I can,” he answered quietly. “Help me get dressed.” He winced as he took a pair of denim pants from where they lay over a nearby chair. “I can’t quite bend over yet enough to get my feet into these damn things.”

Constance smiled, kneeling down and helping him get his feet into the pants. “I’m still not used to your cussing, Mr. Harkner, but I’m trying.”

“Sorry. The words just fall out of my mouth.” Jake stood up, and Constance pulled the pants up with him. She stepped away as he buttoned them. “I have to tell you that some of my friends are very jealous that I get to care for you,” she told him. “They’ve asked some very personal questions.”

Jake softly laughed. “I don’t think I want to know what they were.”

“I told them I’ve never seen a man your age in such good shape. I’m taking great pleasure in teasing them about that.”

Jake shook his head as he pulled a leather belt through loops on the pants, then faced Constance. “We didn’t get off to a very good start, but that was six days ago, and I was in a lot more pain.” He took a shirt from the back of the chair and pulled it on. “Thanks for all you’ve done, and for looking after my wife.”

“It’s been a pleasure,” Constance answered.

Jake left his shirt open and took a gun from his gun belt, which hung nearby on the bedpost. He shoved the gun into his belt on his right side, away from his still-bandaged wound. “I’ll likely leave tomorrow, Constance. I’ll miss you.”

He walked out, and Constance glanced at Randy, who slept soundly. What have you been through? she wondered. Such a beautiful man physically, and so loving, yet he shot those men the other day without hesitation. How could any man even hope to turn out decent with a past like his? What had Mrs. Harkner seen in him all those years ago?

She began pulling covers off Jake’s bed, figuring she might as well change them. She smiled at the gasps and twitters and giggles from her friends who wanted to know all about Jake. He’s one hell of a man, she’d told them. Hard muscle everywhere, his hair still thick but with just that little bit of white in it, his smile unnerving because it’s so handsome. I envy his wife, but then again, sometimes I don’t.

* * *

Jake gingerly walked outside, where Lloyd and Brian straightened from where they’d been leaning against the railing.

“Pa!” Lloyd walked up and gave his father an embrace. “You’re walking!”

“Hell yes, I’m walking.” Jake slapped his son’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you, Lloyd.”

Lloyd stepped back. “Damn it, Pa, I didn’t know what the hell to expect.” He quickly wiped at an embarrassing tear. “I wish I’d been here for the big shoot-out. It would have been kind of like the old days of riding together.”

“Yeah, well, those old days are behind us, and good riddance.” Jake turned to Brian and gave him a quick embrace. “Brian. Looks like I’ve proven again that this family is enough to keep a doctor busy full-time.”

Brian, wearing a suit like he almost always did, grinned. “Nothing broken? No infection?”

“Not so far.”

“What about that new part in your hair there?” Brian asked, nodding toward the head wound.

“One of them decided I needed to show a little more scalp. The doctor said if he leaves it like it is, some of my hair will grow back.”

“And I suppose Randy is upset that someone spoiled that thick head of hair she loves.”

Jake sobered. “Yeah, well, she’s upset about a lot of things.”

Brian sighed. “I’m sure she is. Right now, all I can say is it’s damn good to see you up and about. Just don’t overdo it, all right? You don’t need to prove how tough you are. That gash on your head tells me how close you came to being dead. About a half inch over and Lloyd would have been shopping for a headstone.”

“Yeah. It knocked me out for a few minutes.” Jake glanced at Lloyd, who stepped up and embraced him once more.

“Damn it, Pa, this shit has to stop.”

“Couldn’t be helped.” Jake squeezed his shoulders before letting go. How many fathers and sons were as close as he and Lloyd were? His son had turned into a hell of a man. “Give me a cigarette, will you?” he asked Lloyd. “I haven’t had much chance to smoke.”

Lloyd took a cigarette from a pack inside his vest while Jake buttoned his shirt.

“It’s your mother that worries me,” Jake told him. “She’s thinner than ever, and this really knocked the life out of her.” He leaned in as Lloyd held a match to the cigarette.

“Seems to me like the life was already knocked out of her before you two came here,” Lloyd answered. He folded his arms and leaned against a porch post. “What a hell of a thing to happen now.” He lit his own cigarette. “She probably thought she’d watched you die, and right after being held hostage, too. That must have brought back bad memories for her.”

Jake took the cigarette from his lips. “I’m glad you waited out here. The doc gave her something, and I want her to sleep. Have you seen Tricia?”

“Sure have. She about choked me to death hugging me with those little arms. She’s stronger than she looks.”

Jake grinned. “All Harkner kids are stronger than they look.”

“Pa, it’s chilly out here,” Lloyd told him. He removed his jacket. “Put this on.”

“I’m okay.”

“Put it on, damn it! Why do you always have to be so stubborn?”

Jake grinned. “Why do you always have to be such a good son?” He turned and put his arms in the sleeves, and Lloyd pulled the jacket up for him.

“How did everything happen, Jake?” Brian asked. “Were you already inside the bank?”

Jake winced a little as he leaned against the wall. “Nine men rode into town like an army. I just happened to be standing nearby, and it was pretty obvious what they were up to.” He filled them in quickly on the rest of the story. “I honestly wasn’t sure I could shoot straight, because I was already wounded, but I had to do something or they would have ridden off with the women. I couldn’t let Randy go through that. She’d rather die.” He looked past Lloyd to see people beginning to gather and stare.

“How are you doing, Mr. Harkner?” a man asked.

“I’ll live. Thank you.”

“Hey, Jake!” Clete Russell hurried up the steps to stand near him. “Good to see you up and about. When they carried you off, we weren’t even sure you were alive.”

“I appreciate your good wishes,” Jake told him, glancing at Lloyd. He could tell his son wasn’t happy about the extra conversations.

“Jake!” someone yelled from the street. “Looks like America might go to war with Spain over Cuba! I’ll bet they could use you!”

“Which country?” Jake joked.

The man laughed. “I guess you’d be running guns to whoever pays the most money.”

“If this was the old days, that’s exactly what I’d do.” Jake grinned and turned toward the door. “Let’s go inside. It’s the only way we’ll get to talk. Doc Snow has some living quarters behind his office, and he’s gone right now.”

“Good idea,” Lloyd answered. “I already had to get rid of a reporter.” He shook his head. “I can just imagine how Jeff reacted to this news. He probably wishes he’d been here.” They walked inside. “I think I’ll call him later.”

Jake put his hand up for them to be quieter. He motioned toward the door behind which Randy lay sleeping.

“You two need to talk alone,” Brian told Lloyd quietly. “I’ll go sit with Randy in case she wakes up. She might be upset to see Jake’s not there.”

Jake asked Constance if they could talk alone in the doctor’s quarters. Brian quietly went to Jake’s room, and Constance led Lloyd and Jake to the back of the building, then inside the doctor’s kitchen. Jake grunted with pain when he tried to sit down, and Lloyd quickly grabbed his arm to help him into the chair.

“Are you really well enough to be doing this?”

“Hell yes. You know how I hate lying around.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not getting any younger, so be careful. I can tell you’re in more pain than you’re letting on.”

“And you’re enjoying every minute of it. You’re always ribbing me about how I deserve my aches and bruises.”

Lloyd sat down near him. “And you know I don’t mean it.” He smoked quietly. “You in any trouble over this? It hasn’t even been a year since Denver.”

“I shot a man’s head off in front of a hundred people then. That’s not quite the same as defending four innocent people against bank robbers.” He took a drag on his cigarette. “No, I’m not in any trouble. The mayor and some of his friends came to see me. They told me they’d make sure that judge in Denver understands what happened. They treated me like a damn hero—want me to be their new sheriff.” He sighed deeply. “Naturally, I told them no. Not only do you still need help at the ranch, but it would kill Randy if I took a lawman’s job again.”

He met Lloyd’s gaze. “I’m worried about her, Lloyd. You know she hasn’t been herself since last winter. This thing the other day—it hit her hard. I don’t know what to do anymore. The doctor gave her some kind of tonic that seems to help a little. I want him to let Brian know what it is, and I want to take some home with us.”

Lloyd leaned back and rubbed at his eyes, taking off his hat and setting it on the table. “I wish I knew what to tell you. She’s my mom, and I love her, but you’re the only one who can help her. You know her better.” He sighed. “I’m proud of you, Pa. There was a time when you wouldn’t have been able to handle something like what happened this past winter. You would have ridden right out of her life, thinking she was better off, but this time, she’s never needed you more. You just have to remember that you didn’t cause those men to do what they did, and with that barn fire, you couldn’t have stopped them from taking her. I think as long as she has you and knows how much you love her, she’ll still get better. It’s just going to take a little more time.”

Jake sighed deeply and took a drag on his cigarette, exhaling as he spoke. “Lloyd, there are times when I want to just ride out into the foothills and scream and smash something. Preferably Brad Buckley’s head. I get that awful rage inside. I have to hide it around her, and I feel like I’ll explode. You know how I am. I fight it constantly. I’m scared one of these days it will come out of me when she’s around, and that would kill her.”

Lloyd set his cigarette in an ashtray and rested his elbows on his knees. “Pa, if you need to take off for a couple of days once we get home, Evie and I can figure something out to make sure Mom’s okay.”

Jake sighed, grimacing again as he shifted in his chair. “We’ll see.”

Lloyd leaned back again, studying his father with bloodshot eyes. “God, I was worried sick about Tricia all the way here, let alone you and Mom. I’d like you to come back with us tomorrow if you think you can handle it. I rented a buggy, and we can take a train back to Brighton to fetch yours. You wouldn’t have to ride a horse any part of the way. And Brian will be with us in case you need a doctor.”

“We’ll go, then. I think we can make it, and home is sounding pretty damn good right now.” Jake took a last drag on his cigarette and put it out in the ashtray. “What would this family do without Brian? The man remains so steadfast and calm. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Evie couldn’t have chosen better. What makes me sick is I wasn’t even around when they met. I was sitting in prison, and you were—”

Lloyd turned away. “Yeah. I’ll never forgive myself for running off and leaving Mom and Evie on their own.”

“You’ve more than made up for that, Lloyd. They would both be lost without you now. Even Evie. You mean the world to her.”

“Well, there’s one person in this family who means more to all of us, and that’s you. Evie and Katie will be so happy to know you’re all right.”

Jake winced as he shifted again. His side was beginning to ache. “I should tell you that before that robbery, I’d been in the Silver Saddle—had a little run-in with Brady Fillmore. He kept goading me about your mother—said she was getting thin and acting strange and that it must be my fault. That I’d put her through too much. I just about lost it, and came close to getting myself thrown back in jail.”

“That man has a way of making you want to clobber him,” Lloyd answered. “If I catch him with one more J&L steer, I’ll hang him.”

“It didn’t help that I’m a mess. He’s goddamn lucky I didn’t kill him. If Randy didn’t need me, I would have. I ran him out of the saloon and told him the same thing you just said. If we catch him rustling any of our cattle again, he’ll die.” He borrowed and lit yet another cigarette, a sign to Lloyd of how stressed he was. The man always chain-smoked when upset.

“Lloyd!”

The men looked up to see Randy, wearing a robe and standing in the doorway. She headed for her son, and Brian followed her into the room. Lloyd stood up and wrapped her in his arms, afraid to hug her too tight for fear she’d break.

“Mom, I wanted you to sleep as long as possible.”

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here! Have you seen Tricia?”

“Of course I have. We didn’t wake you up, did we?”

“No, I woke up on my own. I was so glad to see Brian sitting there!”

Randy pulled away, and Lloyd leaned down and kissed her forehead. “My God, Mom, I never realized how thin you’re getting.”

“Yes, well, your father has been force-feeding me. He’s like a prison warden about it. I swear if I don’t eat, I’ll be put into solitary confinement with nothing but lard for food.” She looked at Jake with a frown. “You’re a mean man, Jake Harkner.”

Jake grinned. “Always have been. You knew that when you married me.”

Randy smoothed back her hair self-consciously. “I must be a sight.”

“A beautiful sight,” Jake told her. “How would you like to go home tomorrow?”

Randy frowned, walking over to him and leaning close to feel his face for fever. “Do you think you’re ready to travel? And what are you doing out of bed and walking around in the first place?”

Jake reached out and toyed with her hair. “I have to get up and around sometime. I hate lying in bed, unless it’s with you. You know that.”

“Jake!” She straightened and folded her arms. “You insist on always embarrassing me, don’t you?”

Jake just grinned.

“I think it’s too soon for you to leave, but I would love to go home,” she told him.

“That bullet was more a flesh wound than anything else,” Jake reminded her. “I’ll be fine. We’ll have Brian with us, and we can take the train part of the way.”

Randy knelt in front of him. “Heaven knows I need to get you out of Boulder before you decide to take that sheriff’s job. I want you home on the J&L with me.”

Jake smiled for her. “Then that’s where we’ll go. And once there, I insist you eat like a pig.”

“I might get fat.”

“I couldn’t care less. And Lloyd thinks we should get out of this place and sleep in our room at the hotel tonight. What do you think?”

“I think it might be too hard on you to have someone extra in your bed.” The three men laughed, and Randy covered her face and put her head on Jake’s knee. “All of you know what I mean!”

Jake winced as he petted her hair again. “We know what you mean, but I’ll heal faster with you beside me. I’ll be fine, Randy.”

Randy raised her head and met his gaze, her eyes tearing. “I thought I was watching you die, Jake. I felt so alone! What would I do without you?”

Lloyd sobered. “Mom, you will always have me. And Evie and Katie and Brian and all the grandkids. You’ll never be alone.”

Randy shook her head. “It’s not the same.” She put her head on Jake’s knee again. “Jake loves me in a special way,” she said in an almost childish way. “He protects me. No one could ever take his place.”

Lloyd met his father’s eyes and saw the pain there. The man was screaming inside with sadness. The woman who had laid her head on his knee was not the proud, strong woman he’d married. The whole family had known heartache and hardship, and Jake had suffered as much or more than any of them, because he blamed himself for all of it. He’d been told a thousand times none of the tragedy was his fault, but he’d never believe that or stop blaming himself.

Jake Harkner always walked that thin line between light and darkness. No one wanted to see how ugly things could get if he fell into that abyss.